I think our fetish clients have a right to do whatever they want to themselves. I also think it is considerate, though not required, to let us know what's going to take place, especially if they are new to us.
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I think our fetish clients have a right to do whatever they want to themselves. I also think it is considerate, though not required, to let us know what's going to take place, especially if they are new to us.
I know that as a camgirl I open myself up to seeing things the average person never will. That doesn't mean I give up my right to be freaked out about something I see. I can be fairly squeamish. When watching Internet porn with my husband, I'm often like, "Omg! Please get off this page before I lose it!"
I don't think someone is necessarily "sick" or "damaged" because of what fetishes they chose to engage in. But I'd still like a heads up before they show me something that could be considered horrific to the outside world. Maybe some of the guys that surprise us with this stuff do so because they were too embarrassed/shy to tell us first but I have to think that at least some of those guys surprise us like that because they do want to see the shock on our faces. I respect the guys who tell me beforehand, "This is my fetish, do you cater to it?" whether I do it or not more so than the guys who just spring it on me.
Damn!! Send him over to me! I live for shit like this! Hey we women bleed monthly so I'm not fazed! Get him some Always with Wings! lol
To me there is a difference between consensual fetishes, and those who do it for shock value, and those who go above and beyond shock value. In the OP's case, obviously this guy wanted to disturb/traumatize her. If he didnt, he would ask "are you comfortable with this" Most fetishists have a certain amount of respect for consent, and ask this simple question. Those who do it for shock value, do not ask this question and do not care how uncomfortable it can make their viewers feel, if it disturbs or traumatizes them. The lines are often blurred online but there can still be a certain amount of respect and consent. Customers who are "closeted due to marriage, etc" is not an excuse for anyone to cause harm, wether emotionally or physically. It is a valid reason for those who are seeking to fufill their fetishes with another persons consent, but there was no consent in the OP's experience. I am sure if he asked, she would have said she was not intrested, and she never would have been put thru this experience. But, he did not ask and she did not consent..to me, this is wrong, and can definately be damaging. If I was not a domme I could understand feeling totally violated by this. As a domme I do understand there is such a thing as needle fetishes/cbt, but many sites do not allow models or members to take part in violent fetishes of this nature. He was breaking the rules when he drew blood, he is definately in the wrong here. There is always a risk but it could have been prevented had he followed the rules. The rules are in place so we are not pushed into doing or taking part in obscene, illegal, and violent acts depending on the sites. When people blatantly do not follow the rules, and then do not ask for consent, they are going beyond being fetishists and are no longer participating in the fetish communities "unspoken code of conduct", they are now considered predators, becase they know they are could possibly be causing (emotional or physical) harm without consent.
I say a general word like you/them/us...everyone does here but yet you guys think I am speaking for everyone. I am replying to the OP to help her rationalize this in her circumstances. I only have this problem in camming connection, so I will do my best to avoid camming connection. I really was just trying to help. Saying that I am speaking for everyone, is very off topic. I am not here to get into spats, it is not worth it, I came here to help the op and I offered her any advice I could give. I have a great time on these forums and have no problems like this in any other part of the forums, at all so I do not know what gives, but I feel it is not worth my time and energy to get into a forum war about this.
It is like working in a SC, there is a high risk of being touched inappropriately, even with rules/bouncers in place. But it doesn't make it right. You cannot always control others actions. It still doesn't make it right. People who do this type of thing, are called sexual predators. When it happens because a "customer is drunk" for example, it doesnt make it right, nor is it a valid excuse. A dancer in my opinion, is not ASKING for it, nobody wants to be abused in any way shape or form, without consent (please submissives dont say I am generally speaking about you too) under any circumstances. Although she signed up ,for and is aware of the risks involved, it doesnt mean she consented to it, should tolerate it, and it doesn't make it right.
For the record, I never mentioned anything in my reply about myself being traumatized. You, my dear, are now speaking for me. If you want to talk about me speaking for others, then do it yourself...you, my dear, do not realize what "speaking for others" means and/or you, my dear, are a hypocrite.
Please don't ever compare me to Lelly Shlubben again. That is just so wrong on so many levels. You my dear, can do better then that, I know you can. If you hate the woman so much, why do you talk about her on a daily basis. You, my dear, need to get over HER and stop judging her as well. You speak of her judging others and how it is wrong, yet you do it to her and other. You, my dear, are a hypocrite.
You consent to it because it happens on the job. Just like bodily injury or death is common in the construction or criminal justice (officer) fields. Its a job hazard, but its well-known and common. Doesn't make it right, but its practically part of the job description and everyone knows (or should know) that going in. By repeatedly being around something that traumatizes you and self-admittedly is becoming more a more common phenomena, you only hurt yourself and your mental, emotional, and then physical health in the long run to be honest. When one does stuff he/she doesn't like or is uncomfortable with, it hurts no one except themselves.
Except you kinda did say that. And not only in this thread (which I will quote), but in several others. "Recently it has been getting worse, too. Camming has been pretty mild for me the first years but I notice my customers are getting more violent towards me and the subs are becoming more violent towards themselves." If you feel like customers are getting violent to you, and you are implying that it goes beyond your boundaries and it makes you uncomfortable, that is mental and/or emotional trauma.
I have written maybe 3 or 4 posts about her (which are usually replies) out of my umm... 1,337 posts on this account and several hundreds on my old SW account but lol okay.
some PEOPLE ..."God bless your heart" hmmm....ITS SEX INDUSTRY.
I consent to following the rules on the camsite and working in that environment, knowledge of the risks associated. My members also consent to following a certain code of conduct. If people choose to blatantly break the rules that are in place to prevent stuff like this from happening, they are in the wrong. I do not consent to breaking the rules or taking part in activities that break the rules on the sites I am on. It is simple as that. There is no justification, here. Once members who break the rules are reported, the site can then take preventative measures to make the site "safer" for those working on it. Yes, we are the ones who do suffer the consequences here. In this case, the OP feels a bit violated. Instead of saying "it comes with the territory, shrug it off, block," I was simply trying to explain why some members do such things so she can make some sense of it. I am not referring to fetishists, rather predators. There is a big difference here. In my opinion, her customer was a predator. In yours, a fetishist. To each their own. The sites have rules in place to protect performers from this, it doesnt always work but they are in place for a reason. Merely being on a camsite does not mean you consent to any illegal/obscene or violent activities. We could debate and I would love to have a solid debate about predators/fetishists, but that would be very off topic in this post.
I said they were becoming more violent, but I did not say I was traumatized or that I am suffering as you made it out to be. Sure, I have my issues, all of us will face emotional and physical issues in this industry. I have come on the boards to open up about some things (negative/positive/health/emotional issues) in a group of like minded peers. This is what this very community exists for, for support. To throw my past posts about my issues out here on this post, is really out of line. I felt safe here opening up about my experiences in the industry but I do not anymore. It is a shame. In a place where we should all feel comfortable about opening up about such experiences, negative experiences happen every day, this is completely un called for. You can say what you want, but you should possibly not provide "assistance" for something that I personally did not ask you for.
I think that he was either trying to shock you a bit or was just clueless because when he went private and you said you dont have much experience with sub men then he should have asked if you were comfortable with something like that.
Sorry but I have to say this guy prob wanted to get a rise out of you. Custies get on cam themselves because they like the idea of being watched. It turns them on, so in this situation if he really genuinely just liked the feeling of the needles alone then he wouldnt have felt a strong need to do it with the cam on. And he would have mentioned beforehand that he was preparing to do this on cam and ask if this was cool with you, but he didnt because he wanted to see the total shock on your face, it was for a different kind of attention compared to the average custie. Noone sticks needles in their junk cuz it feels good, it goes way deeper than that. Most fetishes do go a lil deeper than just the way it feels, its more psychological than that. .Just like men/women who like to be submissive typically do so because they have to be in control with every other aspect of their life and for once they dont have to be when their being submissive during sex. To me the fact that there had to be blood along with the needles in this guy's show, doesnt seem "normal". To me that screams, I wanna screw with your mind, I wanna scare and upset you.
I cant believe theres hosts who would give in to the whole pedophilia thing. But unfortunately there are hosts desperate enough for money and they'll do it, I for one will never, ever do it, because I can see the bigger picture and its an ugly one. And I think to this day that was the one thing a custie tried to talk to me about and I booted this guy as soon as it came up and was pretty much a bitch to him too. I dont care what anyone says, your naive if you think it wont go further than just talking about it on cam. Do you really think average custies who come see us on cam only get off on cam with us and the fantasies they come up with never get talked about or played out IRL? It may start on cam but for the most part that person will have to take it a step further, and further again....so on and so forth. Sometimes they come to us just to get comfortable with the idea of an act first before they go try it out. Same with rape fetish, sorry but thats another fetish I dont agree with. Rough sex is one thing but rape is another, anything against ones consent is wrong. And custies who degrade or want to humiliate a host just out of nowhere and without discussing first, is bothersome to me.
Sometimes I think its hard for hosts to realize or admit that there are some seriously screwed up custies because money is being spent on them and they dont want to think theyre contributing to something bigger than just a sick fantasy, but to a very damaging behavior on and off cam. I wont be an enabler myself for those behaviors and I really wish the hosts that are would quit. Because honestly most of these guys need serious help before they hurt others.
I also do whatever I can to "protect" myself. I do not sign up for sites that have "no taboos, etc" so my exposure to violent/illegal/obscene acts are reduced. I sign up for sites that have rules in place, and I follow the rules. I play fair. I cannot take the blame for people who choose not to break the rules, and I most certainly not encourage this type of behavior or justify it. All I can do is block/report them. I do my part and block/report anyone who breaks the rules and do my part. These sites, do not moniter their rooms well enough to prevent everything.
If the OP had "I love looking at needle poked bloody penises" on her profile, great, but I doubt she did. We all have our own comfort zones, I do not sign up for sites that are taboo friendly.
Another problem is with models breaking the rules also. If you are on a site with no taboos, you are not breaking any rules, but on a site like SM or IML, there are plenty of models who still break the rules, so customers think it is ok.
lol okay then. So I guess every guy who just watches straight XXX porn is going to cheat on his wife or girlfriend compulsively then? Because most men watch porn. But if what you're saying is true, this also would be true but its not. If a guy could get his fantasy with a girl that's his type in real life and for free, he probably wouldn't be on cam looking for it, or at least not very often.
We offer a relatively harmless service based completely on fantasy.
I'm also a Pro-Domme but mostly work as a CamGirl who SPECIFICALLY does Fetishes.
The customer should have been courteous enough to ask the OP or at least tell her what was going on. I do think that was he was practising could have been potentially dangerous if he was using syringes for CBT. That's just a health concern right there but it's his body...
I get contacted by all sorts of craziness. A lot of verbal humiliation, CBT instruction, cum eating, etc. These guys aren't doing it to get a rise, these are fantasies and fetishes that it's really difficult to live out unless in a cam room. I've even instructed guys on how to give themselves prostate massages.
Fetish and "vanilla" camming are very different and when a fetish guy finds a very vanilla girl...things can go wrong. It's important for girls to list their limits/turn offs and even though some may think scat is common sense...not everyone has common sense. I make sure to note things I will not do on cam to avoid any sort of traumatic experience.
What is nice about fetish camming is the fact guys will pay a lot for it and you get repeat customers. The latter is my bread and butter.
An experience for me that was traumatizing was a guy coming into my room, immediately going VIP and trying to make me submit. When I very much showed I was a Domme and wondered how he failed to read that I reminded him that the only person submitting in that session was him. He then proceeded to call me names out loud and demean me entirely as if he just really wanted to get away with screaming at a Dominant female. I didn't SEE anything traumatizing but I will never forget that experience.
Whoa, what? Wait aren't you a domme? How could a guy overpower you if you're a domme meaning you're always in control of the situation? As a professional domme, why wouldn't you just dismiss disobedient men if they misbehave like every other pro-domme? And why wouldn't you just end the show & block if you were uncomfortable? Interesting.
This "it comes with the territory mindset" is also causing damage to the industry. Sitting in silence, shrugging it off, thinking this way is the exact reason why we dont have as many rights as in other industries.
Those who challenge and speak up about the industry have the capability of changing the industry for the better.
Those who sit in silence and turn the other cheek will only cause harm to it.
Its not shrugging it off. Its knowing that you will be put in those circumstances if you work in this industry. It comes with the territory because its out of your control. The customer is the one that does things, not the girls. And you can't control what someone else is or isn't going to do. Its a fact of life because everyone has free will. Like in my previous example of a construction worker or police officer, injuries and deaths are either accidents or out of their control. It happens, and happens often. Its a job hazard. And there's a reason why sexworkers are paid the amount they are.
It doesn't have much to do with rights. We have rights. You don't have to take, stay in, or finish a session. You don't have to talk to a customer. You can even block a customer. You can report a customer. You don't even have to be a cam girl. Etc etc. Its those who repeatedly allow themselves to engage in things they are not comfortable or hate that do a disservice to an industry because they end up blaming the entire industry for their problems as a subconscious coping mechanism from all the trauma that builds up by doing things past their comfort zone. And for some girls, that comfort zone is even just being exposed to people who likes a fetish they cannot even hear about or see without being traumatized. And in those cases, those girls should not get into or stay in the industry... like if one is easily bothered by things. Like, why would someone want to inflict mental and emotional pain on themselves by subjecting themselves to something that hurts them? Even if its only every once & awhile. Because that's what happens by doing so. That is something I'll never understand.
I've never engaged in something I didn't want to do in the adult industry. As I see now, a lot of girls have and continue to do so, which weirds me out. But knowing that you will come across men who WILL want to do things you won't want to do (but you don't have to) is fact #1, and fact #2 is that you will probably be outed by someone you know whether they say it to your face or not. But I guess even now girls don't want to believe these things, and then post all about how shocked they were when it happens to them. Idk, but I'd personally never work in an industry where I'm not 100% comfortable with any outcome, that I like, and that I'm moderately knowledgeable about or its kind of asking for trouble.
One can easily feel forced in this industry, but we all have free will and can choose to say no. And if one is very uncomfortable with even being put in that position, then for the sake of ones mental emotional and physical health, they should not be in or stay in the industry or the trauma will build up, which eventually leads to resentment & hate.
Now you are not taking responsibility for your own actions. You are merely deluding yourself with this statement. I do see how one could use this statement as a coping mechanism, to justify being in this industry and dealing with the consequences of working in the industry. This statment, is far from the truth, unfortunately and we all know it. We can cause harm to others, and others can cause harm to us, very easily in this industry. It is not harmless.
It is not fantasy in the OP's scenario. If a guy was talking about exploring needles, that is a fantasy. Actually SHOVING needles into your penis, turns that fantasy into a reality. Fantasies become realities when people begin acting them out. Just because he is not in the presence of someone IRL, it doesn't make us any less of a person becasue we are on a camsite. This may be what he thinks, we are merely an image, but we are real people and we deserve common respect and decency. We have a right to say no, but most often predators do not give you the chance to say no or even yes!!! There is no chance to block, to ingore, to walk away, the damage done and so quickly there was and is nothing you could do to prevent it! That is a predator and that is what they do! I completely agree and understand what you have to say in your above post, but many girls do not have the advantage of KNOWING what is in THAT territory, until it is too late and the trauma is done. We are warned, but a warning cannot describe what people are capable of, we cannot predict what people are going to do, which gives predators a never ending supply of "new victims" People do not leave the biz for a variety of reasons and they shouldnt have to because of traumatic situations. They should have a right to a sane and as safe as can possibly be working environment, that is monitered better. Unfortunately the industry is not there yet. In the meantime, people need to excersize common respect and decency toward one another, but Predators on the other hand could care less about this or the damage they cause. Thankfully most of us make enough money to preserve our mental health.
The lines are blurred online but there is a differnce between a customer, pervert, fetishist, and predator.
It is also more then obvious, that these sites do not do their job very well in preventing these scenarios. Models get banned very quicky for breaking the rules, but members are free to do whatever they choose, even if they do break the rules. The site is making money, that is all that matters to them.
@Lola I've had a custie recently who could suck his own cock, it was the first time I'd seen it.
@Laken, I've often wondered about the guys at restaurants, haha. I've even started viewing TV commercials differently, something as mundane as a deodorant commercial for the guys who love armpits, etc. Camming definitely gives a different perspective.
OP, the custie could have been trying to shock you, but I truly believe that is not most custie's intention when they do something like this. It's different for the ones who come into freechat and start spouting crap to get a reaction. It genuinely sounds like the custie was just timid (or even embarrassed) about his fetish. Since he started off by chatting with you first it seems like he would be a more reasonable custie, not always the case, but the majority of the time. He has probably been turned down for it a lot and was just looking to be able to share his fetish w/ a combo of the voyeurism involved in it.
Whenever I have gotten a fetish that I may not understand completely like that, I tell them that I am not experienced in this and ask questions. Many are glad to discuss the topic and explain some of the release they get from it as well as the basics that they know about the subject. I've also been known to discuss any medical implications of a fetish, such as electroplay (which I find facinating and want to try at some point).
I have only had one custie that caught me off guard. He had come into freechat and started out with derogatory and demeaning. I called him on it immediately and he apologized, then explained it was his fetish. I educated him that he should always make it known to the camgirl before he starts that kind of thing as a common courtesy. He ended up taking me exclusive for quite a while and we discussed it further, then satisfied his fetish.
Honestly, if something like the sight of blood makes you squeamish then in that situation I would have turned of the cam, but informed him politely that the sight of blood makes you feel faint and that you are not comfortable fulfilling his need. You could even go a step further and ask him to message him and you may be able to find a model willing to accommodate his need. Many custies will be happy that you at least tried to make him happy and he may even come back to you as a vanilla patron if he also does those types of shows.
OP, just to clarify it wasn't my intention to imply that you were being closed-minded, I was mostly responding to the general discussion. We all have our own limits. Some things that my customers have done/said have given me the heebie-jeebies, too, and I can't always tell if it's their actual fetish, or if they are trying to mess with me. It happens, it's just a part of the job. That's why we get paid so much, lol.
Ugh, I have a lot of problems with this. First of all, I agree that there are indeed some customers with questionable sanity and moral values. Same goes for cam girls and well, most people. That being said, it sounds like you're implying pedophilia and age-play are one and the same, correct (I assume that you are not talking about the act of pedophila)? I would be curious to hear your evidence for this? Do you know anything about age-play? Have you talked to any age-players, heard any of their stories, or any of the "mommies/daddies?" Have you actually had a serious conversation with any of the men (or women...) who are attracted to adult babies, for example? Have you considered that there are plenty of women and cam-girls who enjoy it too? Because as far as I can tell, you're just using a weak slippery-slope argument and making a lot of assumptions. I just don't like it when people make such broad blanket statements.
Would also like to add that age-play is NOT considered to be related to pedophilia by psychologists, and I'm pretty sure they have more credentials then you.
I think that the rape fantasy is rather touchy to talk about, so I won't go into depth. I do think it's important to keep in mind that it's an extremely common fantasy (apparently one article is claiming that it's the third most common fantasy among women. I don't know if this is legit, but I wouldn't be surprised). To say that it is "wrong" as a *fantasy* (and JUST a fantasy) makes people feel guilty, which I doubt is helpful if they understand that it would be wrong to act on and have no desire to actually act on it. I think it would be more constructive to talk about how people can express these feelings in a healthy way, within moral boundaries, and maybe explore why they're feeling that way, rather then trying to make them feel terrible.
I agree that anything against anyone's consent is wrong, but we're talking about consenting adults, right?
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Idk, but I'd personally never work in an industry where I'm not 100% comfortable with any outcome, that I like, and that I'm moderately knowledgeable about or its kind of asking for trouble.
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Then you most certainly should not be working in the industry!! The outcome is not predictable, so you cannot possibly be 100% comfortable with the outcomes all of the time. You are taking this risk every day, as the industry is not predictable at all, nor are the customers! You said so yourself, you cannot predict others actions. I am happy to hear you have not gone beyond your own comfort zone, but some day it may happen, and it may be completely out of your control, even if you try to take all measures to prevent it. If it is out of your control, I certainly hope you do take offense to it and do what you can to fix the trauma. All the knowlege in the world, trying to predict outcomes when they cannot be predicted, cannot stop you from being a victim of crime or predators. Most often victims are people who believe "it cannot happen to them"
It depends on how you view it, BUT
Being on a camsite does NOT mean you are automatically giving your consent to taking part in any illegal, obscene, violent acts; or any acts that may break site rules. Predators also do not give you the opportunity to give consent at all!!
I would think that almost all of us have had something happen while working on cam that fucked with our heads a bit. There have been times where in theory I was okay with something but then when actually in the situation I felt less than stellar about it. When thinking about it afterwards, I just felt icky.
Likewise, I've had times where I freaked out and ended a session but when I thought about it the next day, I realized I totally overreacted.
I don't think any of this means I shouldn't be a camgirl. To say that I'm not effected by anything that happens on cam would be to say that I'm pretty detached and disassociative.
I think what matters is if a person is able to deal with those feelings. I think it's okay to feel a bit traumatized by something that happens on cam (maybe traumatized is a little too hard a word) as long as you are able to get over it and move on afterwards.
I just want to throw out there that I have a lot of rape and age-play fantasies myself. I 100% do not ever want to ACTUALLY be raped, but I have the fantasy all the same and camming that fantasy is actually a safe and nice way to explore it for me without anyone getting hurt. Not everyone with a fantasy is interested in having it happen in real life, that's why the word is FANTASY.