SO Involvement in your Career
We've all read the threads on whether or not to tell your significant other / new boyfriend about the true nature of our Freelance, Modeling and Affiliate jobs but what about down the road do you let your SO become involved on your Career? I'm very heavily involved in the marketing and tech side of my tech-illiterate boyfriend's company and of course expect him to give me a hand (or cock?lol) when I need once but rarely get that courtesy.
Lately, I've had the opportunity to meet 2 couples with highly involved male counter parts and I'm starting to think maybe (at least for me) a non-involved male counter part is best. Though I would still like an occasional hand when it comes to holding a camera now & again.
Since the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, I'd thought I'd ask you Ladies your feelings on the subject.
Re: SO Involvement in your Career
HAH! I was so into your post and I went, "This would be better if it were a poll, I'ma see if I can fix that". Between thinking that and going to edit the post you had already edited your post to make it a poll. Great minds!
That said, I didn't vote because you really gave me something to think about. RP -my man creature- sort of enticed me into dating him by showing me that, since he's a photographer, we could have all kinds of fun, kinky, really nice looking photo shoots together as part of being a couple. The more serious we got as a couple, the more that dropped off. The last time he photographed me when I didn't have to cajole the camera into his hands because I needed help for a project of mine...um...four or five years ago? Occasionally he talks about how he'd like to photograph models again but can't afford it. I tell him he could photograph me for free. He won't even talk about it. Just gives excuses and asks that we talk about something else. It truly, deeply hurts me.
So, of course, when I read your thread, my immediate reaction was, "Fuck yes! All the way! I want him on cam with me, BDSM, stunt cock, face in the film, dick in my ass/pussy/whatever, I don't care I want it all! Help behind the cam?! Fuck yes! Who do I have to sell my hair to to make this happen?!" but you raise a good point. Maybe I just *think* I want him in my business because he's so adamantly against being in my business when I was led to believe he'd be into it. I got a business tease! Maybe he just saw what I didn't think of yet. Perhaps we would be terrible business partners.
When I traveled for modeling I met a lot of girls whose men were in it with them. Sometimes it takes on a bit of a creepy, controlling kinda thing. I can think of two guys who got really almost lifestyle BDSM about controlling their girlfriends, making them into living dolls, that boyfriend's perfect fantasy woman, just citing, "Oh baby this would be best for your career. I'm just looking out for you.". Then again, I can also think of a few couples where the woman was clearly in charge and the same number where they were both looking out for each other as equal partners.
I think full partnership could work if you were both thinking of it as a business started on her image that will grow to include others and diversify out as soon as possible. A friend of mine ended her entire porn career (and that of her production team) because she was growing resentful of the fact that all these people were living off of her image, her work, her pussy. They were supporting her, true, but if she weren't there, they wouldn't have jobs and she didn't think they appreciated her enough. I don't know if RP and I are the kind of people who could make a partnership like that work.
So yes, I still wish he'd tie me up in a video/for photos without me nearly having to resort to emotional blackmail and I would probably shave my head or let him do me in the butt off camera if he would agree to consistently be a stunt cock but I likely don't actually want him involved as much as I think I do. I would totally get sick of his ass if we worked together all day every day. I already feel pressured to turn on the camera at every little thing I do, maybe I don't want sex to be like that too.
So yeah, good thread, sorry for my epic long response. This is really interesting and has given me a lot to think about.
Re: SO Involvement in your Career
My SO has been involved from the get-go with my camming. He directed me to SW after bringing up the conversation of us doing couples camming (now I do mostly solo), and has been by my side every step of the way. I call most of the shots, but it's still really nice to get an opinion about some of my crazy ideas from a male who has my best interests at heart. Having a willing photographer/videographer, editor, and techy on standby definitely doesn't hurt :)
Re: SO Involvement in your Career
I am Head Hoe In Charge so there will be no involvement from my SO. I usually don't even tell guys I'm seeing that I am a webcam model until a long time. I have trust issues with men AND women.
Re: SO Involvement in your Career
Well I am single right now but I have a couple of guys I'm kinda sorta seeing and the more I think about it, the more I think it really depends on my partner and his qualities. One guy is totally supportive of my camming and is even talking about doing camming WITH me when he drops some pounds. He's even put himself on a diet so that he can look his best if we decide to do couples cam. It's super sweet, and I feel like involving someone like him in my business would be very beneficial because he would take it seriously, stay committed, and bring a lot to the table on all fronts. On the other hand, the other guy I'm talking with is very anti-pornography and in his mind that includes camming. I've actually told him I quit webcamming (which I did, for a couple of months). When and if I decide to tell him I'm back in it, well, that will be difficult enough; the thought of actually involving him in my work makes my skin crawl. I feel like he's the type of guy who would flat out refuse to help me, or would agree but then secretly sabatoge my efforts in order to "save my soul." So for me, I don't think there's any one answer to the question of how involved/uninvolved I'd want my partner to be. Camming is my full time and sole income; I'd have to think long and about the actual individual I'd choose to invite into this, rather than just the concept of whether I'd like to invite my partner to participate in this with me (if that makes any sense).
Re: SO Involvement in your Career
I said no way. Of course it's crossed my mind as to the benefits of having someone to hold the camera or lend a hand (or cock), but I don't want him in my business. I rarely even tell him when I work, and I don't think he even knows what sites I'm on or what my stage name is. It annoys me enough when he tries to read SW over my shoulder... -_- I'll occasionally tell him about how the different sites are run, or how splitcamming works, or how I spent the day working on editing photos and my twitter - just so he feels "let in," but camming is my thing. I don't even really like to talk about my work to non-camgirls; I do not want someone up in my business, trying to offer input on how I should run things or demanding anything off of my success.
My other, slightly less selfish reason, is his own peace of mind. I don't tell him about most things camming-related because sometimes I think it's best for him not to know the BS I put up with or the fetishes that people have. He was shocked when I once told him how many sick-o's on the internet will ask for beastiality. Can't say I wasn't a little surprised myself, but nothing really shocks me anymore in terms of peoples' perversions and how everything can be a fetish. He doesn't really understand that, and I don't know if I want him to. I definitely don't want to be the one to have to introduce him to that world and have to explain it to him.
Re: SO Involvement in your Career
i'm with marina...i am the head ho in charge, hehe. one of my partners likes to take pictures and we've tossed around the idea of doing clips together, but that's the limit of anyone else's involvement. i have trust issues and control issues when it comes to this job. i've had to do a lot of work with my partners to get both of them to understand what my job is like and what effects it has on my life (rather than having glamorous, romanticized ideas about it) and involving them in my work tends to lead to them injecting too many not-so-bright ideas or trying to run things their way...when all they know about the sex industry is from the perspective of an on-again-off-again-not-really-serious custy. it also leads to me feeling objectified by them, and i try to keep the work dynamic out of my relationships as much as possible.
Re: SO Involvement in your Career
Mine is there for support, & he's good. But I ultimately do what I think's best and what I want.
Re: SO Involvement in your Career
My husband takes photos but that's about it. We've tried to work together on some things, like filming clips for C4S, but we can never seem to agree on the "script", camera angles, etc. and always end up arguing. So he's rarely directly involved in my work anymore, but he provides lots of support & watches the kids whenever I need him to, which is more than enough for me.
Re: SO Involvement in your Career
My SO is involved in that if I want him for a clip or show, I tell him, and he's like, "okay." Occasionally he'll ask to do a show with me. He likes what I do (it was his idea in the first place), but he doesn't get too involved, mostly because I'm a bit of a perfectionist. I know how I want things to look, and for the most part, I can take care of things myself. He has no problem helping out with little things here and there (lacing me into a corset, pumping me up before a show if it looks like I need it), especially since he gets to sit and watch while I perform or record. I'm just more technically savvy than he is; it's my hobby, so I'd rather take charge of the technical aspects of the job myself. Nothing against him, and he understands that. ^-^
Re: SO Involvement in your Career
I voted no. We could probably work well together, but his business is totally unrelated and I like that fact.
When I'm with him I can totally get away from this world and relax!! That's a huge plus for me to totally get away from my work. I like earning money but there's more to life than work :)
Re: SO Involvement in your Career
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Re: SO Involvement in your Career
Quote:
Originally Posted by
CourtneyRaine
On the other hand, the other guy I'm talking with is very anti-pornography and in his mind that includes camming. I've actually told him I quit webcamming (which I did, for a couple of months). When and if I decide to tell him I'm back in it, well, that will be difficult enough; the thought of actually involving him in my work makes my skin crawl. I feel like he's the type of guy who would flat out refuse to help me, or would agree but then secretly sabatoge my efforts in order to "save my soul."
IIIII think you should stop seeing that guy. You're having to lie to him about who you are. When he finds out he's going to do his best to make you feel like you're doing something wrong and make you feel guilty for something you shouldn't feel guilty for. Is there really a future with this guy? He's immersed in a world that hates you and you're lying to him to stay with him. Do you want a partner who would refuse to help, sabotage and judge the hell out of you (pun intended) if he knew what you're really doing?
/end threadjack Not passing judgement, stay if you want. Just trying to be a good friend and give you an outsider's perspective.
Re: SO Involvement in your Career
@Isobel, you are so sweet and kind for looking out for me :) I really do appreciate your insight. I am not really "seeing him," seeing him. He was my missionary and he moved back to Utah last month, but he's moving back to my city as a "civilian" next month. So we're kind of sort of talking about getting together when he comes back, but it's nothing definite. Which reminds me, I need to return his call that I missed earlier....
So he is a Mormon, hard-core Mormon, which is why the whole anti-porn thing. He's also a virgin, so he has no clue what he's missing! Not that I want to corrupt him, but for the past two years while he's been on his mission he's had to live this holier-than-thou upright/uptight life, which I know was kind of getting on his nerves. Who knows- maybe if I can introduce him to camming and get him somewhat involved he would look at it differently. But you are right, I don't like to lie about what I do for a living unless I absolutely have to (my apartment complex, my bishop- that's about it). If he can't accept it then there isn't room for him in my life in Any capacity, but I think he doesn't accept it because he doesn't actually Know what camming is. He's never even watched porn. So, in a way I almost want to get him involved because whether or not things work out between us, if he's going to judge an entire industry he should at least know what it consists of before passing judgement, rather than just feeling like "It's bad!" because the Church says so.
I don't think I could ever make him my stunt cock, even if we got married and lived happily ever after, but I'd settle for a level of involvement where I'd be able to tell him about my day at work without him freaking out.
Re: SO Involvement in your Career
I'm a city girl, a devoted ex-Catholic, and pretty liberal in almost every way. My partner is a VERY small town boy, sturdy religious German stock (his mother has statues of Virgin Mary and paintings of Jesus littering her and her husband's bedroom...do your thang,but yikes, that would creep me out!), clean cut and sparkly and his "thing" for the "Suicide Girl type" is the bane of his family's existence... He met me while I did fetish camming, wasn't a huge fan but once he saw how miserable I was in a straight job and how I am so much less stressed now, he is a convert.
Even so, I may swap a couple of the more interesting stories of the day or throw a few balloons at him (leftovers from clips or sessions with balloon fetishists) but I like keeping our work separate. It gives us something to talk about, and it preserves our sexual intimacy for just us, which is important for both of us and vital for me to keep working in the sex industry. He would never ever do anything like video tape sex or take naked photos of me OR him.... he has very high plans for himself and I understand completely. Even if he didn't, I don't do hardcore, he's not submissive at ALL so he couldn't get into me Domming him, and I prefer to keep my business just me, no stunt cocks, no others involved.
We work a lot of the same hours and it's nice to be together after work and just talk briefly about our day and enjoy each other's company. Neither is a fan of dwelling on work when away from it, although I admit I obsess about what I could be doing or working on while off camera, I find his non-involvement with my business keeps me sane and balanced.
I do get envious at times of women who can work with their partners and not have it negatively impact them in any way. I can see it being rewarding. But it's not for me, or us.
Re: SO Involvement in your Career
I'd trust my regular customers with business assistance before getting my current boyfriend to help me.
The only thing he's done recently is... left a crowbar in the middle of the living room, and when I tripped over it, hacked up my toe, bled everywhere and started crying, he asked if I wanted him to get my laptop and webcam to record it, cuz it's probably a fetish.
No, seriously. He's useless. lol
I think having a stunt cock available for certain clips would be helpful - even if it's not really the cock you're after, just someone to ... I dunno, spank you, or someone for you to dominate in a video. I almost feel like it'd be better off to have a close guy friend help with those things, though. Makes it a little more casual. (then again, that sounds kinda weird and I can't even elucidate my reasons for thinking it'd be better).
Re: SO Involvement in your Career
My partner is the one who got me into dressing up and role playing...he makes such a good teacher/boss (has a cane etc and outfits himself) and we've had great fun making role play movie clips and doing role plays on cam. He's also my photographer and we share our stories after work. I ask his advice but I also have friends who have been in the business for some years who I can turn to aswell.
Re: SO Involvement in your Career
My SO shoots all of my content and does a damn good job. :D