Could just use some support. My family found out about my camming.
I live with my mother, and she knows what I do and is 100% ok with it.
My grandpa was approached by his coworker the other day who was like "oh this hot chick blah blah she does shows on skype"
YEAH WELL THE HOT CHICK WAS ME AND THE GUY SHOWED MY GRANDPA MY TUMBLR PAGE. And you know people say "Well they have to admit looking at porn anyways to out you"? Well apparently my grandfather has no problem admitting looking at porn. He calls my mom bawling his eyes out. And my mom plays "dumb" and says she didn't know what I was doing and she'd "talk to me about it".
Then my grandma calls me in hysterics talking about how I could go to jail or get murdered(thanks CNBC for planting these images in everybody head) and saying things like "how could you do this to our family". I'm upset with her reaction the most because I started camming because it was something I could do at home and I'm disabled. This job suits my needs so well. I figured she'd be the one to understand that since she too is disabled.
Like I know the time would come that everyone would find out, but :'( Now they won't talk to me and it's just ugh. I feel bad for my mom because now she IS trying to stick up for me and I feel like it's just causing more tension in the family already than what there was(as the only mixed race child in the family, and that side of the family is already pretty racist, it already causes tension, dont need more, especially not this!)
I don't really know what to do from here. I mean fuck yeah I'm gonna keep camming, theyre not paying my bills, but, as for trying when/if they try to talk to me and just coping with it. I know I still have my mom. Idk. I'm just upset.:ashamed:
Re: Could just use some support. My family found out about my camming.
Sorry to hear about this Vanessa. On the positive side atleast you have your mom who is supportive of your camming decision. As for your grandparents, maybe with time they will be able to understand your decision, but at the end of the day you are grown and it's your life. They should have unconditional love for you. You are not doing something that is hurting anyone or yourself. It just hurts their ego so they give you the guilt trip. They are worried about what people think, but you can't live your life based on making other people happy. It sounds like you are a strong woman and I hope you are able to get through this with your family. Hopefully they can be supportive. We can't pick our family, but we also do not have to be around or involved with people that make us feel anything less than loved and accepted, family or not.
Re: Could just use some support. My family found out about my camming.
so sorry ur going thru this. My Oldest brother found out about me the other day too after googling my name because he knew about
another modeling gig i did. He was supportive and promised not to tell the rest of the family and let them find out on there own. I'm really
sorry, i say just give it time. That's all u really can do and distance yourself if possible and if it's really bad maybe u could move that way
you don't have to run into them.
Re: Could just use some support. My family found out about my camming.
I am sorry about your situation. Not in a 'poor you' type of tone. I think the best thing you can do is talk with your grand parents and remind them that you are still the same person they love. You are more than what you do. They may not accept or understand but at least you can get it off your conscious. Remember that the best day of your life are the ones when you make no apologies or excuses. Your life is your own!
Re: Could just use some support. My family found out about my camming.
Remember that other people are upset and the "guilt trip"/words your grandmother was using on the phone "how could you do this to our family (by camming)" - should really be "*I* find camming really shameful, *I* hope people don't find out. It's so embarrassing to *ME*. What will other people think of *me* because of what she's doing?" - sometimes people who are close to us get tripped up on if what we do is morally acceptable and how it reflects on them - it is an insecurity.
Your grandmother finds camming "shameful" so she is internalizing it and then using you as the outlet for her own embarrassment. Part of it may not be her fault, the media has chosen to paint us still as the "bad/nasty/dirty/deserving-of-jail/rape/death/had-it-coming" etc. - but she has the power to control her emotions/what she believes. You are her grand-daughter. Maybe she's going through the "shocked" stage right now - but if she truly loves you she (and your grandpa and anyone else with an issue) will learn to work past this on their own time.
One of my favorite things to say, (especially the one I love to repeat to my bible-thumping family for all of my "horrible sinful things" I've done in my life) - "If you love me, love ME - you can dislike the things I do, but love me for ME." If people are so hung up on "bad things" that don't directly effect or involve them? Well, then they aren't worth the effort. Family or friend.
Bottom line you are NOT a problem. You are not bad. You have done nothing wrong. You have done nothing to harm or hurt another person. You are not embarrassing. You are not degrading yourself.
Don't ever let them make you believe anything different.
You are a working woman. You are an adult who provides for herself. Runs her own biz. Makes her own money. Be proud of YOU.
Your mom is on your side, even with all of the family tension - that is an awesome mom you have. I don't know how close you two are, but maybe she can offer some good support while your family calms down.
I wish I had something better to say. I hope some of what I said helps. Good for you for not giving up on camming after this, I think this is the hardest thing of working in the sex industry - dealing with acceptance, and it's pretty rough - and shows you who really is there for you, thick and thin.
*HUGS*
Also, that co-worker...I smell a dick. The odds of you being a just a total random are kind of low? Unless your grandpa and this guy always swap porn on a regular basis?
I'm just picturing it as, "LOOK AT THIS HOT CHICK - teehee, it's your grand-daughter and I knew it all along :D." Duuuuuuuuude. Keel him. Slimeball!
Can you get his email? Or his name? We'll e-troll him for you bb. Hell hath no fury like a camgirl.
Re: Could just use some support. My family found out about my camming.
So sorry this happened to you. I told my family what I did because -for some stupid reason- I thought they'd be supportive. They weren't. It's going to be tough for a little while (mine took a year) but you stick to your guns and they will come around. You've got your mom in your corner, which is definitely a plus for you!
Everything that Hayden said is right on, for sure.
It took me a long time of very patiently, very calmly, reiterating facts and my point of view for relatives who were shouting at me and threatening me horribly. There were times when I had to tell relatives I would call the police if they kept threatening me and there were times when I had to say, "I'm not coming home for Christmas if this is the treatment I'll receive there." or "Remember, if you keep doing this, you will drive me out of your life and you will regret this." You're going to have to be the bastion of calm while these waves of fury and shame (your relatives) attack you. I found that not drinking around them, rehearsing my facts, reading sex worker support sites and cutting familial exposure down to comfortable, short blocks of time helped me a lot. You have a support person in your mom whom, if you bring up to speed on everything, can really help you fight.
In my life, eventually people realized they couldn't make me regret my choices or fold under pressure and stop doing this. They started asking real questions then, which were stupid and ignorant, but I answered them truly and patiently. Eventually I'd answered all their questions and now they seem to be okay. Different relatives are different levels of okay, but nobody is calling my house calling me "hoooor of babylonnn!" anymore. :D My sisters actually bought the 40th anniversary edition of Penthouse that I'm in.
It's going to take time and it's going to be hard, really hard, to maintain your composure. You will make it through and we will be here to help.
Re: Could just use some support. My family found out about my camming.
this is tough...
I dont even know where to start,it is so much to be said on this subject, but..just try to stay strong and really come up with a number of reasons that make sense and that you can use to " defend" yourself in front of your family( and not only.....) when confronted about camming.
In other words be mentally prepared and know for sure what you are going to say to them.
Explain to them this is an entertainment biz, that you are safe and smart about it..
Explain to them the good parts that they do not know...
they might never fully understand it and you have to be ok with that...
It sucks but its not the end of the world.
Most of us go through this....
Re: Could just use some support. My family found out about my camming.
Sorry this happened to you but I would have flipped this situation around completely.
Let's just think for a minute that the only way "grandpa" saw you was because he was looking at some "co-worker's" hot chick that he was pulling his cock off to. In other words this guy does this alot and I'm pretty sure they all share the pictures and all pull their cocks. So that's the point I would have brought up. Grandma why is grandpa looking at pictures of women 1/4 his age? Isn't that pedophillia. Yeah that's me, I would have turned it around so bad, no one would sit on grandpa's lap again.
Remember grandma comes from a different time. Hell the corded phone was probably the biggest invention in her day so you can't blame her for her views on this. Realistically if no one's daughter, sister, mother,friend, wife, niece, grand daughter,aunt or cousin ever worked in the adult industry there would be no one at all. Everyone is someone to someone else. So I would try wording it as such. Your grandparents have been around long enough to see a loaf of bread go from costing a shiny nickel to a whole $5.00. They will get that times have changed even if they don't want their own flesh and blood to be apart of such naughty things. Still they are not dead and apparently grandpa enjoys some porn as long as it's someone else's child, mother etc. Since they know, this will better educate them that these women they see as objects have real lives and are loved somewhere in the world. For grandma it will probably be harder because she's probably not the type to feast her eyes on such things. Still I would say to her" If it had been another girl , would grandpa have come home and told you about it". "If not then that tells you the truth of how men view us all".
Still this could have been much worse. Imagine if it was your grandpa that took you private and didn't realize it until after he got off. Or you had to see him naked playing with himself. GROSS ON SO MANY LEVELS.
Still explain to grandma the safety precautions you take. How no one knows where you live, what state you're in etc . Also tell her about the customer's professions from lawyer to doctor to police man ooh my . People get the impression that some guy on a heroin binge is spending the money he stole off of an old woman on cam models. Tell her who really shows up on these sites. If it's good enough for a lawyer and doctor than it's good enough for me to be there too. It may burst some outdated views but this could be good for her to see the world isn't just black and white but many shades of grey/gray.
Educate and Block Your State.
I remember having this 70 year old guy take me private and he got caught with his limp dick out when his daughter walks in. Then later the guy starts talking about his grand daughter a few years younger than me, as if I want to fucking even hear that. It just grossed me out so much. I think he thought it was funny but he was trying to really bring out the age gap.
Re: Could just use some support. My family found out about my camming.
My parents/brother know about my camming. They don't know exactly what it entails, but they know enough to know they don't want to know anymore. They don't like it, but they also recognize that I'm happy, paying my own bills, working my own schedule, not stressed out, have a little extra $ for travel, etc., etc. But just today my mom expressed concern that maybe someday someone she knows will run up to her and say "guess what your daughter is doing???" I suggested if that were to happen, mom just look right at them, shrug and say "Yeah, so what? She told us about it ages ago. We don't go looking for her on-line, and if you have a problem with it, you don't have to look, either."
When it comes right down to it, if anyone in your family doesn't like what you're doing, they don't have to look. Any reasonable-minded person should be able to agree to disagree on some issues in life, and still remain friendly.
I wish you all the best with sorting out your family drama!
Re: Could just use some support. My family found out about my camming.
Appearently my grandma and grandfather were obsessively looking at my tumblr and cam sites to see if I would post anything, so I had to delete the tumblr and remake. I also blocked their state on my sites which I *shouldve* done a long time ago.
And Hayden I think you're absolute right about his coworker knowing that I was his granddaughter the whole time. My grandpa has pictures of my all around his desk and everything. And I wanna try and get this fuckers info and make sure he never gets a show from any cam girl ever again :D
Thank you guys so much for your advice and support!!! I already have a better outlook on the whole thing than what I did before.
And cherryblossom, I am definitely going to bring that up. It's a very good point. :D
Re: Could just use some support. My family found out about my camming.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Vanessa_Paws
Then my grandma calls me in hysterics talking about how I could go to jail or get murdered and saying things like "how could you do this to our family".
Out of the entire post, THIS part is what bugged me the most. A family member going the "How could you do this to our family?" route is fucking lame. I absolutely cannot stand people who try to make themselves a VICTIM, and make everything be about THEM.
Your grandmom makes it sound like you murdered a family member or something. *facepalm*
I'm sorry that this happened though. :(
Re: Could just use some support. My family found out about my camming.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
TheBrownFox
Out of the entire post, THIS part is what bugged me the most. A family member going the "How could you do this to our family?" route is fucking lame. I absolutely cannot stand people who try to make themselves a VICTIM, and make everything be about THEM.
Your grandmom makes it sound like you murdered a family member or something. *facepalm*
I'm sorry that this happened though. :(
And I actually felt bad for a second like I did something to victimize my family. But then I realized that's bullshit. People always try to play the victim in situations where they aren't, or where there isn't even a victim. ITS BULLSHIT. /rant.
Thank you.
Re: Could just use some support. My family found out about my camming.
I just wanted to show some support and tell you I'm so sorry that happened. You're so lucky to be so confident and you know what right and wrong are!
Re: Could just use some support. My family found out about my camming.
Support from me too:) one of my coworkers(I work security at a hospital) found out I danced and I was petrified of a shitstorm. But luckily he's the type that actually keeps his mouth shut when he promises he will, so I seriously lucked out. Hugs!
Re: Could just use some support. My family found out about my camming.
just wanted to show some love/understanding...i saw on your tumblr that you are native, and i'm also mixed and native (and disabled) and my family is racist and ableist as hell sometimes. it can really complicate shit, especially when it's your elders saying this stuff and you are taught not to show disrespect. i'm glad you are standing up for yourself <3
Re: Could just use some support. My family found out about my camming.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
tinydancer23
just wanted to show some love/understanding...i saw on your tumblr that you are native, and i'm also mixed and native (and disabled) and my family is racist and ableist as hell sometimes. it can really complicate shit, especially when it's your elders saying this stuff and you are taught not to show disrespect. i'm glad you are standing up for yourself <3
Chi Miigwech!! :D (idk what tribe you are but its anishinaabe for thanks so much!!)
And YES being taught to not disrespect my elders when I wanna go off so bad/when I need to stand up for myself is so freaking challenging.
Re: Could just use some support. My family found out about my camming.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Timor
Support from me too:) one of my coworkers(I work security at a hospital) found out I danced and I was petrified of a shitstorm. But luckily he's the type that actually keeps his mouth shut when he promises he will, so I seriously lucked out. Hugs!
*Hugs* You're very lucky!
Again thank you everyone for all your kind words and support. Man idk what I'd do without y'all and this forum sometimes. Seriously. Either go crazy and think I was alone or still charge $1.99 a minute (heheheh thank you Fridays, Hayden, and Drearea)
AND UPDATE: My aunt is trying to get my grandmother to talk to me. I know she will need to decide for herself, but it seems like I have someone else on my corner. Which is awesome.
Re: Could just use some support. My family found out about my camming.
Just gonna throw in my support. Hopefully it can comfort you knowing that we're a group of real, live girls all feeling real feelings of compassion and empathy and we share our victories and help each other through hard times. So here's a biiig e-hug <33