Re: approach anxiety again
I am the same but I just do it anyway...I dont give myself the time to hesitate. When I walk towards the costumer I try to smile as much as I can and just feel sexy and good about myself while trying to catch his eye, I am there to make money and since my club isn't very busy I know I don't have any time to lose really. I think the key is to just get up as soon as you see someone who is not already busy with another dancer, like a reflex, no thinking or analyzing.
Re: approach anxiety again
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Kisca
"Go talk to him, whats there to lose? He wont remember me tomororw anyway" then try the next one.
true i have to keep reminding myself of that. they hardly come back [most of them] anyway so you do get a chance at a first impression over n over. sometimes its just practice for me. once i can make myself go and sit with 2-3 different tables im normally fine after that... its normally seeing the first custy of the night. sometimes i just say all the wrong things or theres silence. i dont know i think ill just keep drinking, put on my exeggarated accent and keep the conversation to 5 mins and try to bam bam bam talk close dance whatever.
i really need to get over this bullshit coz times i do i do really well. and i could use that right now as my money situation sux
im just gonna put more time into my physical appreance that usually helps me be more confident when it comes to work. i upkeep well but its time for all the extra beauty things like finally colour matching and curling my extensions, doing my nails, eyebrows, face mask etc. i just feel more prepared.
ahh
i really dont wanna work the rest of the week but what fucking choice do i have...
Re: approach anxiety again
^Have a naughty beverage, a red bull or even a water etc-not necessarily for "dutch courage", but because it's relaxing and routine (like having a coffee or tea when you get up). While you are enjoying your drink from the safety of the bar-use this time to size up potential customers and/or try to make eye contact/smile at them from across the room while sipping away. If they return your glace/cheeky grin-they've noticed you, that's half of your work done (you've made that initial contact already-which seems to be the hardest part for you)-so go and sit with and close the sale :). Even if they don't notice you-force yourself to go and sit with someone...if you don't you'll just go and have a cigarette, do your stage set, then have another cigarette and go right back to leaning on the bar (you appear REALLY anti-social or uninterested when you do this lol. You know that you DON'T want to talk to anyone-but don't let it show!)
To ease yourself into the night, choose a victim (preferably someone who is by themselves) and approach them. Treat the first person you talk to, whether they get a dance or not, as your “ice breaker”.
IMO-you seem to work well when you double team it until you warm up-so you could always go that way :).
Re: approach anxiety again
I'll show you my approach anxiety if you show me yours... Hehe.
Dont have much advice since I'm worse than you when it comes to this, but I'm happy to gang up on guys with you. I'm ok if I'm hustling for double shows, even if the other girl isnt there, kinda feel like I can sell someone else a bit better... Must be a moral support thing. Or I'm destined to be a pimp. One or the other...
Re: approach anxiety again
I kind of have this same problem too, but while I'm camming. It's weird! I have no idea what to talk to these people about, so I just sit there and say hi to people who enter the room. Then wait, then say, so, what's going on? Then what?!!! Makes me nervous
Re: approach anxiety again
Haha olive you know me too well! Who's gonna motivate me now you're not here?
And yeah Charlotte I'm the same maybe I'm destined to be a pimp too.
Re: approach anxiety again
Heres a secret a old friend once told me....imaging the guy taking a dump!! Nasty but it works
Re: approach anxiety again
How about this? "Hey you look like you're having the most fun here tonight"
Re: approach anxiety again
Hi anouk.oui: Beating approach avoidance starts BEFORE you enter the club to work. Don't get me wrong, we ALL have it at one time or another, but you can cut the number of times down SIGNIFICANTLY if you get into your Zone before your shift.
It's not just positive thinking, it's setting up a system (you can even call it a launch sequence if that helps) so that you can't be knocked down or intimidated by anyone- clients, other girls, management, or other.
Even better if you have a buddy who holds you accountable for this and you do the same for her. Check in several times and make sure you are both 'ON'.
We have a free download called "In the Superstripper Zone" that you can get by joining our mailing list.
Hope this helps!
Re: approach anxiety again
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Abhilasha
Heres a secret a old friend once told me....imaging the guy taking a dump!! Nasty but it works
F N hilarious..but prolly effective..lol
Re: approach anxiety again
How long have you been dancing
Re: approach anxiety again
^ 3 years. it comes n goes. sometimes im really on and can just go up from guy to different guy and be doing well, other times i stand at the bar terrified. the more i force myself to start talking to someone it just seems to flow and i feel more comfortable going up to others after that, its mostly the matter of crossing over to that first table and having a somewhat positive experience [dance/tip/drink and the guy not being a total ass]...
i seem to get this more on weekends with large crowds coz i dont really know where to start plus bucks parties here are massive, theres like 20 of them, half of them out out having a smoke, some are in a dance, few in the bathroom, a couple disappeared etc.... hard to keep it together
Re: approach anxiety again
^ 3 years. it comes n goes. sometimes im really on and can just go up from guy to different guy and be doing well, other times i stand at the bar terrified. the more i force myself to start talking to someone it just seems to flow and i feel more comfortable going up to others after that, its mostly the matter of crossing over to that first table and having a somewhat positive experience [dance/tip/drink and the guy not being a total ass]...
i seem to get this more on weekends with large crowds coz i dont really know where to start plus bucks parties here are massive, theres like 20 of them, half of them out out having a smoke, some are in a dance, few in the bathroom, a couple disappeared etc.... hard to keep it together
Re: approach anxiety again
I think I'm def burnt out. Good thing I'm temporarily moving home ten going on a mini holiday. Hope that gets my mojo back
Re: approach anxiety again
One thing you have to remember is dancing is a job and talking to men, flirting is all part of the job description. These guys don't go to the strip club to sit alone with their cash and credit cards. Think of dancing as acting. You are not you when you are in the club....you are a sex crazed, wild, passionate, fun girl. I always used to try to spot the guy with the best shoes and fancy watch and would just walk right up to him, smile and say "hi I'm Jessica, and these are boobs. (Shove boobs in face) you're hot and were going to go have a dance! Worked 90% of the time.
Re: approach anxiety again
I have bad anxiety and usually don't work without a xanax. I know drugs are not always the answer and sobriety is great and all, but for some people with severe anxiety, benzos are the only cure for it (even if the cure IS only temporary). Seriously, I don't pop xanax like it's candy, but I do keep it around in case I have anxiety. I've found that taking 1 to 1.5 mg of xanax before each shift makes it much easier for me to talk to customers and thus increases my earnings. If you have health insurance, I'd advise you to get a prescription. I have blue cross blue shield but hate going to doctors so I usually just buy my xanax off the street and put it in an old prescription bottle.
Re: approach anxiety again
I've seen how you interact on stage, you're very funny and make jokes! That's the perfect icebreaker for approaching. I always emphasise how hot it is on stage, and how much I'm looking forward to a nice drink when I get off the stage. 9/10 a statement like that will land you an invite to a table. I've always been pretty terrible at approaching people, but lately I've decided to go by the old adage of "what's the worst that could happen" - the only thing I need to work on now is finding an excuse to leave!!!
Re: approach anxiety again
i'm really bad with this too! i always, always overthink things and think like, "oh he doesn't look like he has money, doesn't look like he's buying, doesn't look like he'll like me, those other girls are hotter than me, etc etc whatever." i really got in the habit of just remembering that those are my thoughts, not the truth of the situation. like when you think things like that, whatever your reason for not approaching is, imagine it as a thought that's totally seperate from you and isn't actually reality! it takes a while to get used to thinking like this, but once you make it a habit it helps a lot. does that make sense?
Re: approach anxiety again
I read some reviews on our specific club the other day... Biggest complaints I saw were show prices and... girls not approaching customers! I was surprised, but the more "hustle" clubs had better reviews for atmosphere.
Gonna try and remember this on my upcoming shifts.
Re: approach anxiety again
So good to see others with the same issue and to know I'm not alone here. Now if only we could all get over it! I've been dancing for 4 years, and went through a break up from a long, serious relationship earlier this year, and it seems like that break up has totally fucked with my head, my esteem, my mojo, if you will. I've always had a bit of approach avoidance, but now I'm the one standing at the back of the club, glued to the spot all night, to scared to approach anyone, and feeling totally awkward when I do. I was never a strong hustler, but jesus, this is ridiculous, my worst year by far. I'm sure custies can tell I am feeling awkward, and of course, who wants to dance with that girl, right? I'm big on affirmations and self help and positive thinking and all that, but in the moment, my mind goes blank and I forget it all. Any suggestions for getting my A-game back after a break up so I can approach at least a few people a night??
Re: approach anxiety again
I used to have lots of anxiety around the selling part.
Still do. Especially around well dressed and good lookin guys.
Sometimes I'd just go the person that no dancer is goin to. Nice surprise !
I try to find out if the custie likes a dominant or submissive woman. Without asking.
I'm petite and with courage slide myself on the lap of custie and gently wrap my arms around him and ask "What brings you to the sexy part of town today?"
The response ranges widely - coy, indifference, sparkle, sometimes witty, and everything in between.
If I feel encouraged - which happens half the time - I try to find something about him that I can compliment on.
I can lead a conversation or follow - based on my read of the custie. Now sometimes there are several custies who want me at the same time ! Nice problem. He He !
Still fear the selling part. But over time you will have regular custies - where you can focus on entertainment (dance performance). My rent, car, bills are now paid by income from regular custies - I'm so thankful to them.
I still look for new custies - especially on slow nights - but don't have anxiety that I won't be able to make house fee or rent. I still have fear of rejection - tried to work on it - then said dang it - I just have to live with it.
I learn new ways of entertaining by watching other girls (and here)
Don't give up - cuz many other dancers have the same anxiety around the "selling" part of our job - and are doing well.
Re: approach anxiety again
I've been dancing for so long, and I STILL get anxiety at times. I've realized it's more of a pattern. After a round of rejections, I'm done and stop trying, so just THINKING about walking up to a guy becomes such a drag and I get anxious. Truth is, you have to keep telling yourself that you have to try and the worst that could happen is them saying no. That without trying, you're not gonna get anywhere. Also, when I do become discouraged, I use a more casual approach. I make eye contact, or find someone at the bar, and say something like "you look bored..." For some reason, such a simple comment really works for me.
Either they say something like "So do you.." And we start talking. Or I get the reaction I did last night. The guy said "No, not really"... I said "Oh ok, I'll leave then." (Mostly because I was not in the mood). He said no, I could stay! And I ended up making like $60 off of him. Just by saying a simple comment. If that's not motivation enough, I don't know what is.
Re: approach anxiety again
I agree with Nina about the Xanax.