I wanted to share with women in the industry my experience with being a sex worker
I know it's a long winded blog type thingy, but bear with me. I'm wondering if anyone can identify or not. I sent this same letter to a site called . Of course, I never got a response which is typical of anytime I've tried to reach out to someone for help.
Dear Melissa:
I read your website, prostitution education and research. A lot of it seems to hit the nail in the head about the women in this industry. Let me tell you a little about my story. First off, I have bipolar depression that I am now on medication for. I've been on medication for about 3 years now. Before then, I wasn't properly treated for it, so my mood swings and behavior were often times chaotic. I first became a strip dancer at 18 at a local club in New Jersey which was mostly bikini/go-go. Before that, I worked a lot of minimum wage type jobs that I would get fired from within a few weeks mostly from not getting along or dealing with customers in a good way. After my first year of college, I tried to work at a restaurant as a server. I guess I wasn't that motivated to memorize the menu or to learn to balance a tray of food. Looking back at it, I was probably in a depression. As soon as I got fired, I already had it in my mind to go in to the strip club to work. When I first started dancing, I felt wanted, desired and like I was somebody important. I was getting the attention that I so desperately craved, and I was making a lot of money for my age. The problems started when the guys in the clubs would demand more and more to get the same amount of money or tips. At first, it was just dancing in a g-string and bikini top. After awhile, they would want me to "flash" them i.e. give them a peek at my genitals or breasts. For awhile, I wouldn't do it. But too many other girls were doing it, and guys would just flat out not tip me if I didn't play along. There was this problem and many of the guys insisted on being able to touch me and grope me which I wasn't comfortable with. However, like the flashing thing, if I didn't play along, I wouldn't get tipped at all. At a lot of the clubs, the managers and people working there would only hire you according to what you looked like. The blonder you are, the skinnier you are and the more silicone you had in your chest, the more clubs you could work at. I never got breasts implants the entire time I was dancing, but I was always treated like a second class citizen in the club world because of it. I never got tipped as much or got as much attention, so my self-esteem went out the window.
My self-esteem was never high to begin with though. I didn't come from a very loving family. I was physically abused from the time I was around 3 until I was about 15 at the hands of both my parents. My parents divorced when I was 12 which I was kind of relieved about since it was only one of them beating on me now. I ended up in the custody of my father who continued to be abusive and largely absent from my life during my teen years. Somewhere around then was when the sexual abuse started. At first, it was just boys in my classes making fun out of my body and making sexually explicit comments and harassment. Then, when I went away to a sleep away camp, there was all this pressure from other girls at the camp to "fool around" with guys and to go as far as you could with them. I was never even attracted to any of these guys and yet I still feel like I had to kiss them and let them touch me just to get approval from everyone. When I got a bit older, I started hanging around shopping malls with other kids that were unwanted. I started experimenting with drugs, alcohol and sex. I could never find a boyfriend in my school, because I was not popular at all. While at the mall, these older guys (over 18) would hit on me and pick me up. I got picked up by a man who said he was 19 when he was really 23. I never really felt too comfortable with him or in love with him, but I needed to feel wanted or to fit in so bad that I ended up letting him do whatever he wanted sexually. The same thing happened several times with older men who I wasn't really sexually attracted to, but just wanted to feel loved. So already, I was learning to trade sex to get love, approval, acceptance, etc. It kind of sucked. I knew it sucked but it seemed like I had no other choice.
Fast forward back to my stripping, I continued doing it until I was around 26 or so. I joined the military as a way to get out of it and to get some skills for some meaningful work. It was when I was in the military that I got diagnosed with depression. I had a plan to commit suicide. I felt so empty. There were no men pressuring me for sex or forcing me into sex. But at the same time, I felt so alone and empty. I still felt unloved. I wished that some of the guys would take notice of me and take interest in me, but none did. I ended up being put on anti-depressants which put me into a manic episode and made me cycle that much faster mood wise. I was being treated like a soldier and to act like a soldier and that was the problem. I couldn't adjust to it. I was unprepared to live in a world where I wasn't having to give up sex to get something. It's like I didn't know how else to get love or approval without sleeping with someone. I guess I always equated sex with love. Even though none of these guys loved me, because they would always leave the second they got what they wanted.
I met my ex-husband through the military. He had just gotten out, and I got early separation. We moved in together rather quickly. He became verbally and emotionally abusive, and I grew apart from him because of it. It's hard to love someone who pushes you away like that. We ended up getting a 30 day notice in the apartment that we were in, because I complained to the management about the laundry facility being dirty. My ex flat out told me that he wasn't going to put up the money for another apartment and that I would have to come up with the money. I was on social security and had no job. There were no strip clubs in the area, so I went to a massage parlor instead. That was my first official entry into the world of prostitution. My ex had encouraged me to continue to do it. He would always tell me that because a woman had a pussy, she could use it to get whatever she wants. At first, I worked for a pimp who was high on cocaine a good part of the time. She would take more and more of the money I earned by claiming that it was for working fees, advertising, etc. She would claim that she was better than most pimps, because she never forced any of her girls into having sex with her clients. Most of us got by with just giving hjs. This was before the internet. The local cops started to get wind of what was going on, so a lot of ladies left including me.
I moved to Phoenix and that's when it got worse. Phoenix was all run by escort agencies who took out ads in the yellow pages which most escorts who wanted to work on their own couldn't afford. Groups of these guys whether they were involved with the mafia or just had extra cash to launder would be able to afford these yellow page ads and the women would get stuck having to work for them. Mostly, the way it would work is that they would send you on an outcall and tell the guy it was only $150, and you would have to work for tips. So a lot of these guys were expecting sex for $150 and instead would get hit up for more money. Needless to say, it led to a lot of dangerous situations where I had to have a bouncer with me in order to not get attacked by the guy once he realized that he wasn't getting sex without paying a lot more money. Eventually, I ended up trying to go out on my own which was very difficult. I took out ads in the local papers and didn't know how to screen clients, so I ended up a lot of times dealing with guys who didn't want to let me go when my time was up. I dealt with a lot of drug addicts and drunk guys.
Right about then, the internet advertising started to become big, so I was advertising on there as well which was considerably cheaper. It also made it easier for escorts who wanted to be independent to make their own living. And then a website called the erotic review came along. Lots of men began flocking to this site, because they could dictate the price women could charge and the services that they had to provide to get higher ratings. More and more, it became the dominant site that a lot of women how to be on in order to get business. One bad review could cost you a lot of business, because guys now look to this site as the gold standard on who to see. More and more of these review type sites have popped up all over the place. Some are more regionally focused like the one in my area called humaniplex.com. It is a site where women are expected to keep their rates at a minimum. You are rated on levels of 0-5. In order to get to a higher level, you have to have sex with tons of clients. One thing on both sites that is also a dominant force on how much business you get is whether or not you are willing to practice unsafe sex. Guys insist on getting you to give them a blow job without a condom frequently called bbbj. Many guys now want girls to have sex without a condom. The only way to get high scores on your reviews on sites like theeroticreview.com is to practice unsafe or degrading sexual acts like anal sex or having sexual relations with other women even if you're not bisexual.
I can still advertise on sites like backpage, eros and craigslist under massage to get clients. But quite frankly, after 20 years or so of being in some form of the sex industry, I'm burnt out. I'm tired of depending on these men financially and I'm definitely tired of being dependent on them for my self-esteem. The men just come and go. None of them are interested in getting to know me or having a serious relationship with me. None of them have come to "rescue" me from the world of prostitution like you see in movies like Pretty Woman. I feel used up and tired. I dread when the phone rings, because it's just another trick looking for sex on the cheap. Many of them will try to haggle your rates down or ask for explicit sex acts over the phone. I know how to screen thoroughly, so I don't deal with as many dangerous guys or substance abusers. But, even on this level, I can't even get out of bed in the morning knowing that I will have to turn tricks to make a living. Most people at least look forward to some aspect of their job. I've contacted some groups for assistance on trying to leave the business behind, but they are either not in my area or are more focused on street prostitution.
I'm taking accounting classes in college to get my cpa so that I can finally have a job that pays well enough so that I can support myself and leave the sex industry for good. However, I do fear that even if I start work in the regular world again, I will still feel the emptiness and the pain of not feeling loved that I think has drawn me back into the sex trade. Lately, I've been so numb to it all that I hardly feel anything anymore. I don't even know if I can have a healthy relationship with a man where I'm not trading sex just to keep him in my life. I need to get some self-esteem and be able to love myself so that I'm not dependent on men thinking that I'm "hot" and approving of me in order to feel good about myself. I think if I seriously had some good self-esteem, I wouldn't turn to the sex industry no matter how hard the road becomes. I certainly wouldn't turn to the sex industry to get my emotional and financial needs met. It's like the cycle keeps repeating itself. I feel lonely and unloved, I see a client or two, and they leave and I'm back to feeling empty again. As I said earlier though, at this point, I am numb to it all. All I see is another meaningless face coming through the door. I don't remember their names or even faces. They've all become the same to me. I just don't care anymore.
So that's my story. I know it is a lot of reading and long-winded, but I don't really have anyone that I can talk to about this. I feel like I've kept this inside for too long. I need to tell someone and hopefully I can get help and support out there somewhere.
Regards,
Cherry L.
Re: I wanted to share with women in the industry my experience with being a sex worke
I'm really really sorry to hear this. Honestly, sorry does not even begin to cover it.
I have to admit though...I don't identify with you, or this BS website, atall. I have heard my fair share of similar stories, don't get me wrong, but I have never actually interacted with anyone or had any experiences with "that end" of the adult industry spectrum.
Yes, it is a SPECTRUM.
A wide one.
I'm sorry you got the end of it that you did, I really am, but not every girl does.
In all honesty (and you may not want to hear this) from a purely psychological perspective I think your predisposition for depression, bipoliarity, etc were set in during your childhood long before you encountered the sex industry. In other words, if it weren't stripping, escorting...then some other thing would have filled that place. If your issue is feeling truly inadequate and you fix that with finding validation through sex, then the sex industry just aided that, but it did not cause that. You could have just as easily interacted with men in an unhealthy way without the aspect of money, or even used drugs. You could have filled your void by becoming a compulsive kleptomaniac or whatever else your teenage friends peer pressured your already emotionally vulnerable mind into.
I'm not at all saying any of this was somehow your fault, I'm just telling you the honest truth based on what you have outlined here: your abusive childhood made you "at risk" for countless unhealthy situations. Chance and coincidence led to your unhealthy situation being involved in very low end, dangerous sex work from the negative end of the sex work spectrum.
My point is this: your story and other stories on that website that seek to "unveil" the ugly side of consensual (non-traffic) sex work are largely from people who have serious psychological issues that were caused them to first be extremely attracted to the sex industry (either because they needed the sexual acceptance, other issues in thier life eliminated most other means of income except sex work so they were desperate for cash, etc etc) and then thier mental health issues were magnified by the realities of the industry. But thats the thing: magnified, not born out of.
This industry requires a lot of discipline and business skills (much like being self employed), responsibility, rejection often based on nothing more than physical apperances, and depending where you are on the SPECTRUM, lots of exposure to pimps, drugs, etc. You suffered in the sex industry just like you probably would have suffered if you were say, an aspiring fashion model.
I'm not trying to beat you up here, I'm telling you this because if you HONESTLY want to see your way out of this you need to place the emphasis of your rebuilding on the root of your problems, not the channels through which your problems manifested themselves, otherwise you'll just replace one channel with another, it happens extremely frequently in mental recovery centers - victims replace drug abuse with hoarding, hoarding with overeating, overeating with excessive excercise, excercise with nymphomania....and never sit down with a therapist and trudge through the really deep stuff, the root of all these manifestations of hurt, anger, and alienation.
I'm sorry the sex industry failed you.
I'm sorry it was part of your downward spiral.
But for me, becoming an adult industry buisnesswoman has been the single most empowering thing I have ever done. I have made every single decision and carried out every action of my own free will. I've made investments that will benefit my entire financial future.
I am not a victim.
No one can ever make me, or you, a victim.
But the truth is no one can give you the green light to start feeling good about yourself. Nobody can hand you acceptance and happiness and love. Even if someone did come along to "rescue" you, if you cannot see love within yourself then guess what: you will never be able to see it within anyone else either. You have to be brave, and be willing to find the love of your life within yourself. You have to be confident enough to love yourself so passionately that you can never let yourself down and you could never, ever, put yourself in a position to hurt yourself.
Because once you can do that, once you have that, no one else can ever take that from you. You become utterly untouchable by bullshit once you accomplish this. You can't walk out on yourself, you can't give up on you, you and yourself are stuck together for life so you better look in the mirror and realize that that is the ONLY person who owes you anything. Its as difficult and as simple as simply waking up everyday and saying "I love you" when you are the only one in your bed.
Talking about how bad the the sex industry is an attempt to heal yourself is about as effective as sweeping dust off the beach. You need to see an unbiased adult therapy professional and you need to stop being afraid of the darker aspects within yourself and instead start nurturing the you that you love.
I'm glad you've realized that yes, you do need to learn to love yourself. I wish you the best in that, and everything else you set your mind to.
Re: I wanted to share with women in the industry my experience with being a sex worke
prostitution and research wouldn't be a good site to send this to because of their abolonist views to stop sex work all together, they see sex work as the route of evil. its all more beneficial to create your own blog then to send in your stories to an organization that doesn't view what we do as work.
Re: I wanted to share with women in the industry my experience with being a sex worke
The only help and support you can get that will make an impact on your life is to see a psychiatrist. Fix that, and everything else will fall into place. You most likely need medication and weekly therapy sessions - medication alone cannot make an impact on your life, you need therapy to talk things through.
That should be your top priority - sex work won't feel empty when your brain chemistry is working properly. I've always enjoyed my work, but it's definitely easier now that I'm on proper medication and getting regular weekly therapy sessions. Trust me. If you need to talk, please feel free to email me dixievistaATgmailDOTcom
Re: I wanted to share with women in the industry my experience with being a sex worke
Quote:
Originally Posted by
DaniellaOHC
I'm sorry the sex industry failed you.
I'm sorry it was part of your downward spiral.
But for me, becoming an adult industry buisnesswoman has been the single most empowering thing I have ever done. I have made every single decision and carried out every action of my own free will. I've made investments that will benefit my entire financial future.
This is exactly how I feel.
Re: I wanted to share with women in the industry my experience with being a sex worke
I don't really like how prostitution and research trys to twist around the lives of us sex workers, but I do know what it is like to struggle with a mental illness and working in the sex biz since I was 18 years old until 27 and crawling to 28 years old.
its true having the problem support system in place, and a the proper proffessionals does make sorting things out a lot easier. I am free to talk as well
Re: I wanted to share with women in the industry my experience with being a sex worke
I don't really like how prostitution and research trys to twist around the lives of us sex workers, but I do know what it is like to struggle with a mental illness and working in the sex biz since I was 18 years old until 27 and crawling to 28 years old.
its true having the problem support system in place, and a the proper proffessionals does make sorting things out a lot easier. I am free to talk as well
Re: I wanted to share with women in the industry my experience with being a sex worke
if you cannot afford therapy and medications right now, start by taking Omega 3 pills. High quality, and very high in EPA (check the back for how many mg's EPA). You can do this right now, and give it a few days, you'll see results, guaranteed
Re: I wanted to share with women in the industry my experience with being a sex worke
I know it is not directly related but al-anon can be an inexpensive support system. Coming from a dysfunctional family can cause havoc in your adult life. There you can get support and learn coping skills. Your not alone there are many ladies here to listen anytime.
Re: I wanted to share with women in the industry my experience with being a sex worke
^^^^ good point! Al-Anon is great in the meantime - HOWEVER I've gotta say, therapy at it's highest price point is $300/hr, you only need one hour a week, so that's just about one appt really, and that's luxury therapy. You can get a good therapist for around half that, and after shelter and food, medical should be your next priority.
There are usually lots of free resources if you are brave enough to reach out, although I know I only trust my therapist, no way am I going to a public group to talk about all of this, particularly just because men tend to want to take advantage and women are jealous or hateful. All that to say, be careful and again feel free to email me if you want to talk dixievistaATgmailDOTcom
Re: I wanted to share with women in the industry my experience with being a sex worke
I agree - nothing can take the place of a trained professional therapist and please dont take this the wrong way but not all sex workers are able to pull that per appointment for a variety of reasons or they may not have the additional clients to make up the 300.00 expenditure - that said it is really hard to put a price on peace of mind and being able to function day to day - there should be someone in your area that works on a sliding scale - maybe contact your local mental health board - the hardest part is making the decision to make a change and follow through - no one can do that part for you - and yes an open forum can attract a variety of responses - sort through it - take what you need and leave the rest
Re: I wanted to share with women in the industry my experience with being a sex worke
that's true, but note I'm specifying that the top of the line psychiatrist is $300/hr - most are significantly cheaper, like $150/hr, and if you're NOT making that for appts, you need to raise your rate!!
Re: I wanted to share with women in the industry my experience with being a sex worke
I agree - and I was in no way trying to devalue your advice - you are always insightful and willing to help everyone - but some ladies have more of a struggle getting to the top of the food chain of sex work - I don't know her particular situation or income. So I was making an assumption that she was struggling and looking for an alternative solution - I think we are all looking at her best interest and feeling sympathetic to her. And yes it is very very disheartening to see ladies not charging their true worth.
Re: I wanted to share with women in the industry my experience with being a sex worke
Shouldn't you be able to get something through the VA since you were in the service? Even if not there are usually sliding scale mental health practitioners in most towns, and worst case scenario would be the health dept.
Re: I wanted to share with women in the industry my experience with being a sex worke
Quote:
Originally Posted by
DaniellaOHC
I'm really really sorry to hear this. Honestly, sorry does not even begin to cover it.
I have to admit though...I don't identify with you, or this BS website, atall. I have heard my fair share of similar stories, don't get me wrong, but I have never actually interacted with anyone or had any experiences with "that end" of the adult industry spectrum.
Yes, it is a SPECTRUM.
A wide one.
I'm sorry you got the end of it that you did, I really am, but not every girl does.
This industry requires a lot of discipline and business skills (much like being self employed), responsibility, rejection often based on nothing more than physical apperances, and depending where you are on the SPECTRUM, lots of exposure to pimps, drugs, etc. You suffered in the sex industry just like you probably would have suffered if you were say, an aspiring fashion model.
I'm glad you've realized that yes, you do need to learn to love yourself. I wish you the best in that, and everything else you set your mind to.
First I wanna say that I didnt not peruse the website so I have no idea of its tone nor content. Now that I got that out of the way.... While I agree with everything else you said I was hoping you would elaborate more on how you view this "spectrum". I do understand that some of us may look better, charge more, etc.... but how do you, Daniella, specifically determine where you are on this spectrum and where another girl is? I know I'm putting you on the spot so feel free to pm me if you think your answer may offend someone here as that isn't my intention. I just dont want anyone reading getting it twisted like "high end" girls can't or don't experience their fair share of "low end" shit... as someone who has walked in both pairs of shoes can attest. I went straight from the track to a highly established agency. In my experience (i have been in this business for 11 years in january) customers are one and the same as in there a good ones and bad ones, no matter if they come from off of bourbon street, yellowpages, eros etc. But it wasnt until I stepped into that "high end" world of escorting that I was regularly exposed to clients that were drunk, or on drugs, or had the thrilling pleasure of fighting my way out of a hotel room. Thats some pretty low end stuff to be dealing with when I'm in an expensive suite, charging $400 bucks to perform a body rub on a "classy" guy who could probably wipe his ass with $100 bills and never run out of toilet paper. None of my bad experiences (the minority) are to be used as a cautionary tale for anyone else, nor are my good/great experiences (the majority) the standard in which all customers conduct themselves... Lord knows I wish the latter were true, I would be rich!! But for every high end/low end/ midlevel girl who has her battle scars, there is another girl who hasnt experienced a single negative consequence of the business (boy is she lucky!), both women's views are valid and represent our industry quite accurately. We all walk our own path, but any and every woman doing this damn well better know that no matter if a client is a crack addict in a motel or a ceo at the loews if he is of the mindset to victimize a weaker human being then he will try you, mentally, physically, whatever; regardless of how normal he seems, how much personal information you have on him, his socio-economic status, or where you advertise your services and personally consider yourself on this "spectrum". I just wanted to throw that little gem out there for the girls at home who may be considering this industry! We have to acknowledge that while for us it may be the path to bigger dreams, for someone else it is a dead end road. Because in reality it is both. And neither. Just depends on the individual. Which brings me to my next point...
Sexy, your story while sad it is certainly not atypical. Many of us have a rough go of things when we first start out, like any job there is a major learning curve and if you're parents didnt properly equip you to handle things in an emotionally healthy way then you are going to walk a long, hard road as an escort. This job demands emotions (and often nerves) of steel. It demands firm boundaries, strongly held principles and an unwavering belief in yourself. If you do not already have very high self esteem and confidence it WILL eat away at you until you grow that thick skin that you need. I started out in this business on my 16th birthday, I thought I was grown but I was really just a kid. I wasn't equipped emotionally to cope with what I was doing, and being so young just didn't allow me the life experience I needed in order to know how to handle grown men two and three times my age in a way that made me, and them, feel comfortable. I was unhappy and I missed my mother but I couldnt go home and I had to eat and pay bills. As unfortunate as all that might have been, I look back at it as life training. I am a soldier and never a victim. People who go through things have a testimony. People who go through life untested can only draw from the experiences of others like us who earned our stripes. Be responsible with your testimony and take responsibility for any and all parts you played, forgive yourself first because you are most important and then forgive the others. Look at what you have been through as training to prepare you for whatever path God (or your higher power) has set for you. If you believe in a god then pray and ask him or her to show you the way to fulfillment. That is the path to real, unfaltering "self love" that's not emotional or fickle, its a way of living and it doesnt change day to day... If you do not believe in a higher power then a therapist can definitely help you find the tools to cope with the past, forgive yourself and those who have hurt you and move on. You can either pity yourself and be a victim or you can thank God that he protected you through some scary shit and kept you safe up until now. Be the warrior that your life experiences have trained you to be. Lots of love sis, I'm rooting for you. Keep in touch and let me know how you are doing.
Re: I wanted to share with women in the industry my experience with being a sex worke
I guess I should have elaborated. When I mentioned a "spectrum" I meant the overall variations in experiences. It was my impression that "Sexymadness" was not just talking about her experiences (which I have no problem or issue with whatsoever, I hope she finds a place of empathy), she also seemed to be pushing on the ideal that this is the experience all adult entertainers can expect to have.
To say that everyone will most certainly come from abuse and explotation is just as misleading as saying that everyone will live a luxury lifestyle and make oodles of money.
I did not choose this word on mere coincidence.
The word "spectrum" is only used to reiterate the fact that there is a wide varying scale. Spectrum is the opposite of "category", or "type". These words would suggest a firm, well defined group separate from other groups. Items in a spectrum are much more fluid than that.
I'll let Wikipedia define exactly what a spectrum is:
"....is a condition that is not limited to a specific set of values but can vary infinitely within a continuum."
In context of a spectrum of escorting, I'd say that where you find yourself the majority of the time on the "sex work spectrum" can - to a certian degree - be determined by your pricing, your advertising, your incall location....sure. For me to say that I did not suggest that charging $800/hr does not lend itself to an overall diffrent experince than charging $150/hr would be a silly gesture. Sure, it might give the OP a sense of faith in her warped statistics, but it would be incorrect. I came to this thread to be supportive, but not incorrect.
What I feel ultimately defines where you start or end up on the spectrum however, is not prices, or looks, or the level of class and articulation your "persona" exudes. Your place on the spectrum is determined first and foremost by the mental outset you come into the industry with.
Ie, are you going into escorting as part of an abusive romantic relationship? Are you going into escorting from a place of extreme financial distress? Substance addictions?
These things will affect the kind of buisness you conduct and the type of client you attract. In the OP's case, this is particularly unfortunate because these issues that probably affected her most deeply were very much outside of her control.
I am not saying that high end or low end are two mutually exclusive things that never ever interact with one another - that would be organizing sex workers into categories and not unique and varying experincies across a wide spectrum.
The overall point is, that pimps, hagglers, abusive men...though these types generally play by absolutely no rules and generally irritate anyone they wish, they are also lazy creatures...they go for the easy prey. If you are coming from a place of open and obvious fear, desperation, and insecurity mentally and emotionally...they will seek you. They have perfected themselves to even attract you.
Now, who's fault is that? I can't tell you. Way too many variables at play...what I can say however, is that a person who is determined to exploit and abuse is a very sneaky and very difficult person to evade and escape from.
I hope that serves as an adequate explanation, and I am honestly sorry - it never occurred to me that other people may not see the sex industry through the same metaphors I do, and that was pretty silly of me.
But wake&cake, honestly I agree with everything you have said and outlined, I think we are saying the same thing with diffrent terminology.
Re: I wanted to share with women in the industry my experience with being a sex worke
Thanx everyone for all your support. I am on medication already and yes, I get it through the VA. But, right now, I'm hoping this Obamacare goes into effect soon so that I can get regular insurance in order to see psychologists, etc. Every time I need to get care like female exams, breasts exams, x-rays for anything, lab tests, etc., I have to drive all the way up to Long Beach, and I live around Newport Beach, so it's quite a drive. I did get into the escorting industry, at first, out of financial desperation. I was about to get evicted from our apartment and needed to come with a couple of thousand dollars fast. No way I was going to get that in a month trying to get hired as a legal secretary which is what I did before in addition to stripping. Yes, and it because it was out of desperation, like wake and cake said, I did get taken advantage of a few times.