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Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
Okay, so my boyfriend is a horny guy, he's gorgeous, well-endowed, a certified slut when it comes to how he honestly acts.... And he got mad at me for camming at first, then relaxed about it, but said he wished we could do it together... So we tried... The first time we're on, not even 15 minutes in and someone goes private... His wang is hard, he puts it in, we're fucking, he goes soft.... And this second time we tried, he couldn't get hard at all. He can ALWAYS get it hard. This has NEVER happened before. He's even had sex with me while people watched in real life, but for some reason, camming SERIOUSLY daunts him and I really want to do it WITH him! He says he wants to and it turns him on, but I think he's really nervous or something? I'm not sure. Anyone have any insight on how we can work past this? I can tell his ego is SO HURT but he just says you get on cam alone, I'll go in the other room... Anyone else have this issue?? I'm HONESTLY baffled.
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
TOTALLY NORMAL. Don't pressure him... just go ahead and man the fort alone for now, and don't make a big deal of it. Chances are he will want to try again sometime in the future, or when he's got a few scotches in him or something. If it fails again, just play it off as no big deal AGAIN, and continue going with the flow.
This type of public performance can be extremely nerve wracking for the best of us, and men have an extra hurdle in that their erections are affected very much by psychological factors.
It may take a good number of tries to get to the point where he can perform on cam, and he might NEVER get there. But just always be low-pressure and lighthearted about it --- if you pressure him or hurt his ego in any way over this, it will fuck up other parts of your relationship.
Good luck!!!!!!!!
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
Thank you for this answer. I wasn't sure how to handle it, and I know I was a little surprised and I think I just acted weird cuz he's never had this issue before, so I figure if he just gets more and more used to ME doing it alone, maybe he will understand and get to feeling more comfortable with it. I just thought he was perfect for this cuz he's a fucking machine, I guess maybe he's nervous what other men think of his dick or something? I honestly have NO idea. I compliment him constantly, I will definitely try to be nice and play it off next time instead of asking him if he was okay, LOL. Any other input on how to take him out of the "we're on cam mentality" into the "we're just having sex, its just you and me" mentality.
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
with the combination of you two making this a big deal, fucking in front of strangers and the pressure to make money, this is normal. just relax and dont make a big deal about it. unwind a bit before you two cam.
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
volatileghost
...I guess maybe he's nervous what other men think of his dick or something?
I don't have a dick, so this is just speculation, but I bet it is not actually this. I think that mentally, consciously, he is 100% fine with it --- it's just that his dick, for subconscious reasons that even HE does not understand, will no co-operate.
Have you ever had to give a presentation or a speech that you have totally prepared for and feel 100% comfortable with, and then when you go up there your mouth gets dry ANYWAY? I think it's kinda like that. It's probably aggravating for HIM that this is happening as well, and there is nothing he can do to control it at the moment.
Anyway, he's probably feeling like shit about it already, so in my opinion anything you can do to act totally lighthearted and nonchalant and no-big-deal-y about it is the way to go. I think if he feels pressure or like his ego is bruised, he is at risk of going back to being unsupportive and resentful of you camming in general, and that is the LAST thing you need.
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
This is Cassie partner Alec i thought i would chime in as a man and say this is normal. We have been camming together for a little over 2 years now and it still happens to me some times. There is a couple of rules i try my hardest follow to stay hard. I Do not to read chat while performing because its hard to focus with guys demanding stuff and trolling.Its best to let the girl read chat. Also try not to let him focus to much on the camera and whether or not its a good angle ect.
It best If you can keep his focus directly on you for awhile till he gets used to being on cam And then he can learn to multi task and still keep it hard. Its kinda hard at first for guys because other men are watching them and judge their sex game. We also run a local studio in town and lots of other men have the same problem. Just keep pushing him to get on with you. Eventually he will work past it and make sure hes focusing on you and not the screen...
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
Thank you all so much for the input, especially Alec, it's awesome to get your input, I will definitely try to use this to help our situation and it makes ME feel so much better that this isnt something that's unusual and I think that will put ME at ease in couples chat and I think that will help him be more at ease. I can't say thank you more, cuz I definitely don't want this to be a reason for us to be affected personally, so thank you!!
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
YEP my partner is the same and he never ever has problems unless we on cam together.
Iv just chosen to only do solo shows now as i dont think it helps that im pissed off at him because he cant perform and theres a group full of paying customers! i get soo mad lol
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
Oops sorry bout the double post!
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
Same here! For me, couples shows are more effort than their worth, particularly as he works long hours himself, and I don't tend to cam in the evening/night. We may try again in the winter when he'll be working less. It's a hassle, you have to get the customers turned on, but you also have to keep your guy turned on/happy at the same time. Great advice from Alec there.
Like I tell the guys, my bf fucks me and often but he likes to do it without distractions and demands being made!
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
I can only wish that my man creature would cam with me, so I don't really know from experience. I do wonder though, if you could do some kind of voyeur cam or gold show so that neither of you have to concentrate on the show. Just set a timer so you know you're not going to miss the end of the show and then tell the guys that they're just going to watch you fuck, no input. Then you and your man can just concentrate on each other and having fun. I imagine that once you have a few positive shows under your belt he'll feel better.
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
Isobel, that sounds great! However, getting approved for gold shows has proven to be an issue.
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
Having some experience in this, I would recommend NOT doing gold shows at first. "Voyeur" type shows just weren't being done back then tho, so I don't have experience with that. But what I saw in general was this:
1. The guys are 100x ruder in there and if one guy makes a "he's soft" comment, the rest will chime in and make it worse. 2. You can't end it early if something goes wrong, or you could end it early and lose all your money. 3. If you finish the show, the customers will wait for you to come out of the gold show and back into free chat so they can advertise it to the rest of the guys waiting there. They LOVE to do that. 4. Cheap customers and trolls are attracted to gold shows.
I'm going to PM you the rest of this post. I think it was too long and detailed. :)
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
Thanks Jess. After reading what everyone's said, I'm beginning to wonder if it's just not for us to do together. I really would hate for our relationship to suffer because of this, and even though *I* know he's 99% hotter and better in bed than most of the men in the room, I think he REALLY feels some pressure because he completely changed his approach even to ME sexually in front of the camera and you know how your boyfriend sometimes acts weird around your parents, or shuts off the part of his personality thats truly unique and is just .... vanilla? That's how he got once I turned the cam on, and he's NEVER been that way to me before, so I could tell he was really out of his element. Maybe I just won't bring up trying again until he does, but I really appreciate everyone's input. I'd hate for a room full of men to berate him, if that did happen though, I'd cancel the show. He means more to me than the money, but I'll ask him if he wants to talk about it tonight and if he doesn't, I'll just tell him we don't have to do it until he's more comfortable with it.
Lucky me, last night after he told me to just go on cam alone, I made $90 showing dude's my feet for a half hour, so that's not too bad, lol.
Thanks everyone for the input. Put it in a little bit more perspective for me, I appreciate that! Just hard to deal with something I've NEVER had to deal with with him before and I don't want to hurt his feelings at all, cuz I could really care less either way lol.
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
every time I've tried working with a guy it's been a nightmare. One was lazy and wanted a cut. One got stage fright which is what it sounds like is happening to your guy, and the other thought this was a big sexual thrill for US he didnt realize it was my job. I'm a solo performer. If you want something done right do it yourself. If you find a guy you can cam with, no problems then I am jealous.
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
Yeah, it is a LITTLE awkward to play my cam girl persona to my boyfriend, cuz I look at him and I'm acting like a little slut and he's staring at me like, who ARE you? LOL. But yeah, I'm starting to think that maybe I'll just have to stick to solo, but damn, our account was the daily pay one and mine isn't, but I HATE to delete it and start over, but i'm thinking I might have to.... dang :( Can I put in my new profile that I USED to be tattooboobs on SM? Or is that not allowed?
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
Look, I threadjacked my own thread, wtf, lol.
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
I don't see why not, you arent promoting another site or stealing any $ from the company but IDK, I'm not on SM yet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
volatileghost
Yeah, it is a LITTLE awkward to play my cam girl persona to my boyfriend, cuz I look at him and I'm acting like a little slut and he's staring at me like, who ARE you? LOL. But yeah, I'm starting to think that maybe I'll just have to stick to solo, but damn, our account was the daily pay one and mine isn't, but I HATE to delete it and start over, but i'm thinking I might have to.... dang :( Can I put in my new profile that I USED to be tattooboobs on SM? Or is that not allowed?
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
This is definitely pretty normal - I am always amazed at guys that can cam a lot - such control over their bodies!!! I can only imagine if I had to actually get wet every time I did a show.....god no!! Thank the lord for lube!
Remember your first show? I'll bet that you were nervous, a little unsure - focusing on the camera angle, the lighting, worrying that the customer might not like you or be mean to you, not really knowing what you should be doing....cam sex/masturbation is not the same as just having sex in private. He's probably feeling the same way, and it has just messed with his plumbing a little!
Maybe you can film some things to get you a little more used to sex-as-work? It'll get you both used to the camera, allow you to figure out angles and what works for you guys, and it'll also let you get some practice being your cam persona in front of him. You can also then practice the whole dirty-talk thing while in character....I think that filming (and filming POV stuff, where you both talk to the camera) should help get you to the point where he can just focus on you and how hot you make him, and not be thinking about all the technicalities of camming.
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
Thank you ManyRoses! I appreciate the input and I love the suggestions (we've made 1 clip before from pov, and he had NO issue with that, haha) so I'm thinking maybe more practice will help relax him. I hate seeing him like that, poorbabe, lol. I do remember my first show though, so I get it. Thank you for the input!!
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
Sadly, when my now ex and I did couples shows the only thing that worked for him was Viagra. But he had a huge complex about his size both on and off camera, so maybe that's why he needed a little bit of a chemical boost.
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
I vaguely mentioned it, but my boyfriend does not have a size complex, he thinks he's effing huge, when in reality, he's only slightly over average, but I compliment him & let him think he's huuuge xD But he IS really short (5'5", he says, I think it's only 5'4", but he gets upset when I challenge this), so I'm not sure if he is just being overall insecure or what, which is possible, but he's an EXTREMELY handsome guy, so I really am not sure what he's freaking out about...
http://i50.tinypic.com/2hp0qgx.jpg
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
Handsome fellow–you make such a cute couple, I bet!
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
Quote:
Originally Posted by
DoodlebugBites
Handsome fellow–you make such a cute couple, I bet!
Thank you, I'd like to think he's the most handsome fellow in the world. :) But obviously, something isn't right, lol!
http://i49.tinypic.com/2ymyfxh.jpg
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Re: Couples Camming ... HES having an issue working UP to the challenge...
Ok not to be weird but you and your boyfriend are both totally hot, volatileghost. Like, damn girl get that!
If I were you I would either be a solo performer only, or just do clips with bf until he gets a lot more comfy. I've watched some couple's gold show and the men are VICIOUS to the the guy, way more than I have ever heard nastiness to a female performer alone (maybe it's jealousy or some male ego thing? Idk). I think if he tends a little bit toward insecure that camming might be too hard for him until he is way comfortable and can ignore all that bullshit? And clips are fucking fun to make!