Managing a Boyfriend and a Business as an Body Rub Girl/Escort
I wanted to get opinions form other women....are any of you able to maintain a boyfriend relationship while doing this kind of work? Do you tell him? If not, how do you explain your income? Thanks in advance!
Re: Managing a Boyfriend and a Business as an Body Rub Girl/Escort
I never told my boyfriend, now my ex and baby daddy. He would have broke up with me and my son would never have been born. If I'd been with someone who I thought would understand, not judge me, I would have been honest. If you meet someone, or are in a relationship now, and they're open minded, you can take the chance. Most men would have issues with it, some may even like what you do (according to some guys I speak to as a PSO, but they are bi sexual, cuckolds and such) Explaining your income, well you'd have to think of some work to explain the steady cash flow. Side note: If you have children, be wary of revealing what you do, one never knows how it can be used against you.
Best of luck!
Re: Managing a Boyfriend and a Business as an Body Rub Girl/Escort
hrmm... you know what, if I only did bodyrubs, I could imagine being able to have a relationship and would def tell my bf about it (once things become serious...I dont tell guys everyting about me when we meet or casually dating) Cant see myself dating someone who would not be able to handle at least that... of my ex's, esp the last 2, they would all be okay with it.
Now escorting...that for me is different. I personally would have a hard time being with someone who can accept that is what I do. There are risks to doing bodyrubs, but I just feel like there are so more to escorting, we are bigger targets to LE and violence. It would not sit well with me to be with someone who can accept and be okay with me facing those risks...on the flip, I would also not be okay with a guy telling me to quit my job. So....no relationships for me right now.
What I say I do just really depends, to explain why Ive been traveling so much, I say that I do personal assistance and sometimes I need to travel for meetings. No one has questioned me on that since I ended up doing personal assistance to both of my ex's when I was with them. But like, Ive always done freelance, and when I was with my last ex...he never actually saw me work. He knew I did cam, but its not like we were ever in a situation where he had to see what I did...or where Id have to prove I did what I say I did.
Only thing is, yeah, that he knew I was a freelance designer, if he knew someone who needed a website, he's refer them to me. So it would have been awkward if I used the godaddy free website builder and as all...tah-dahhh!! :D But still...its easy enough to be selective with what you say until you know for sure hes going to be a part of your life, and then take it from there.
I think, if a guy cant accept this, then thats just the tip... Im drawn to guys who are as open as I am with tolerance and acceptance.
Re: Managing a Boyfriend and a Business as an Body Rub Girl/Escort
I've been with my boyfriend for two years and have always been 100% honest with him about everything I do (I do body rubs only). At first he had some adjustment issued and insecurities and trust issues about it, but we got through it. I think finding a guy like that though who is open-minded and secure enough to accept that his girlfriend does that type of work isn't easy. Before I met my boyfriend I was single for four years and that wasn't for lack of trying. I was a stripper before I did body rubs, and yea, I think the majority of guys aren't comfortable with dating someone in the sex industry or don't take you seriously. One guy actually told me he wouldn't continue dating me if I continued to do body rubs, so that ended. I think until you feel very close to the person maybe you shouldn't reveal the truth about your profession (although that might cause trust issues in the relationship once you do tell him the truth). You could say that you're a massage therapist and that you just do legit massage. But then, once you tell one fib you often have to tell more to cover it up. That's usually what I tell people (that I'm a massage therapist) who ask me what I do, but then it can get awkward if they keep asking me questions about my work or ask me for my business card etc. I had a friend who had an open relationship with her boyfriend about her work doing body rubs, a friend who used to tell her boyfriend that she was a dominatrix but it led to trouble when he sensed that wasn't the truth and they broke up, and a friend who told her boyfriends that she just did topless body rubs with no happy ending (not sure how they bought that).
So, I would say to hold off on disclosing the truth about what you do until you know the person well and feel that they would understand. I think massage therapist is the closest match for me. And unless you are flashing your cash around or living an extravagant lifestyle I wouldn't think you would have to explain your income?
Re: Managing a Boyfriend and a Business as an Body Rub Girl/Escort
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Blondie Heidi
I think until you feel very close to the person maybe you shouldn't reveal the truth about your profession (although that might cause trust issues in the relationship once you do tell him the truth).
I think this may have been brought up before, when it comes to telling a bf what you do. But, if I felt close enough to tell someone something like this, and they decided they cant trust me because I didnt tell them sooner, I would be so angry with myself for misjudging them. I mean, I can see it if you decide to tell them the night before your wedding, but it doesnt make sense to make yourself vulnerable to someone youre not close to yet.
With my ex, we were together for 3 mths before I told him... was so nervous about it, that he already kind of figured it was adult related before I finally spit it out, but his mind was on stripping of escorting...he didnt know what camming was so I had to explain it to him. He said he was glad that I trusted him enough to share that with him...he realized how hard it was for me to do that. Now if he couldnt see that, and decided he cant trust me and got all, what else arent you telling me? lol Tht would have been our last day together, I dont need that.
Humans are complex creatures, and part of developing a connection with someone, be they a romantic or platonic relationship, is learning about them. If I could learn someones entire life story as soon as we meet...ahh, if they told me their whole life story as soon as we meet, Id feel like they have no filter for one, and theres not much to them for two. If someone expected that from me and took it personally / did not trust me because I waited til I was comfortable with them to share something personal, instead of appreciating that he was special enough to me to share something personal with, he and I would so not be a match!!
Re: Managing a Boyfriend and a Business as an Body Rub Girl/Escort
^^^
right, of course. good point. well said Sharpie.
Re: Managing a Boyfriend and a Business as an Body Rub Girl/Escort
I have been dating for 6 months and tested all the theories on 4 different men.
If and when I decide to date again I won't be telling them any time soon.
My girlfriend made a good point. Let the guy see you as a daughter, friend, sister, mother, volunteer etc first. fall in love with you, then work is work and it won't define who you are.
That was the guys issues with me dating and spilling the beans. They either didnt take me seriously or got so turned on it was like work to me. They defined me by the work I did and not for who I really was.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Alexa.Salinger
I wanted to get opinions form other women....are any of you able to maintain a boyfriend relationship while doing this kind of work? Do you tell him? If not, how do you explain your income? Thanks in advance!
Re: Managing a Boyfriend and a Business as an Body Rub Girl/Escort
Although what I do falls into the stripping/camming side of the industry, I feel like a lot of the same principles apply...
Essentially, for me, this is a career, and I don't want to have to feel ashamed or as though I am keeping a secret, so everyone in my life knows (yup, granny and all). That said, I do believe in making sure that he gets to see you as YOU first, rather than just a sex-object, so holding back for a while is worthwhile. And when you consider that much of what we do (esp with escorting and body rubs) is either illegal, or in that grey area of the law, I would have to have a certain amount of trust in someone before I was willing to reveal something that could be held against me in future. And I think that anyone with common sense would understand that, and wouldn't freak out that I hadn't told them right away.
BlkSharpie makes an interesting point about having a partner who is "ok" with taking risks - I agree to a point- I would be a little concerned that a guy didn't really care for me if they weren't even a LITTLE concerned about it. But at the same time, I feel like a guy should express concern, maybe have some conversations about making sure that you are as safe as possible, and then trust your ability to keep yourself safe.
Re: Managing a Boyfriend and a Business as an Body Rub Girl/Escort
I would just be upfront with him, let him know how much my body is worth, and then slowly start charging him for sex
Re: Managing a Boyfriend and a Business as an Body Rub Girl/Escort
Somebody needs to delete Cashbaby...definitely sounds like an asshole male.