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How to Handle When Others Confront You...
I recently had an old boss of mine that I was very distant from (he was a manager, but I rarely talked to him) confront me on Facebook after I haven't worked there for about 6 months about camming, saying he heard I was doing "big things"... The only way he would know was if a good friend of mine that recently asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding told some people there, as I wasn't even camming while working there & didn't even let on to her until recently that I was doing it, as she is now stripping. I thought my secret was safe, but obviously not. How should I have gone about handling this? When he originally messaged me, I was intoxicated and I reacted already. I can't react differently, but it seems to be that this is going to happen repeatedly, as damn-near strangers know about it, and she obviously opened her mouth, how should I handle this in the future?
My other question is ... how do I handle HER? She is denying that she ever said anything, however she did admit that he randomly showed up at her club last night & got a lapdance from her & asked her about it... She said she laughed it off, etc. What I'm thinking is she told him to come see her at the club via fb through a conversation about her dancing & it was oh yeah, I'm dancing, btw, Vela is doing "XXX whatever" .... She is denying it completely and is REALLY angry with me for insinuating that she was the one that told.
What should I do with BOTH situations?
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
That really sucks, I'm sorry you are having to go through that. You could do as some would and deny,deny,deny if he has no proof, IE, he hasn't seen you on cam. Or just act like it's no big deal. If it were me I would just laugh it off and act like it didn't bother me that he knew.
The more you act like you don't want anybody to know, the more people he will tell or will use it against you to get something he wants..
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
probably let it go and don't trust her with your personal info again that you don't want getting out. as for the people who ask you, laugh it off, skirt around it, change the subject or just tell them you don't wish to discuss it. idk, thats just how i would handle it
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
That really sucks, I'm sorry you are having to go through that. You could do as some would and deny,deny,deny if he has no proof, IE, he hasn't seen you on cam. Or just act like it's no big deal. If it were me I would just laugh it off and act like it didn't bother me that he knew.
The more you act like you don't want anybody to know, the more people he will tell or will use it against you to get something he wants..
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
Sorry mine posted twice, not sure how that happened. As far as your friend goes, I would be very cautious with telling her anything else. Maybe she didn't mean to tell him but then again, she may have told him just to cause shit. You will never really know.
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
Thanks guys... The deal with him is that I playfully said he should go back home & enjoy his family, but if he liked, he could pay 9.99 a minute and tell me he's sorry and maybe I won't tell his wife he's been at the strip club and propositioning other women on facebook. He didn't answer me. Of course not. But I wouldn't REALLY tell his wife, it was more of a stfu about this kind of thing... I should've just ignored his message completely. Ugh...
As for her, she's always been the kind of girl that I knew I'd rather have as a friend than an enemy, because she can be extremely vicious, and she is very judgemental, very ... what's the word? Her parents are wealthy, she's had a boob job, her parents are hoity-toity and she is very much that way, too. Looks down on other people condescending, entitled, self-absorbed, etc... She talks shit about our other mutual friends, I just always accepted that I'm sure she talked shit about me too, mostly about the way me & other people LOOK, cuz that's her deal... But still, this is out of control, and if she just admitted she let it slip, I wouldn't be nearly as mad as I AM... But I have no proof it was her that did it & it really sucks, cuz even though she has those flaws, I do like her as a friend & we always have a lot of fun when we hang out together, etc. I just don't know what to do with her. I guess I'll just keep a lid on it, and let this whole thing blow over; I don't want to lose her as a friend, I don't want to be excluded from her wedding (I mean shit, she got engaged YESTERDAY), so... I just feel really embarrassed, overall, cuz Lord knows if HE knows.... Well, the entire call center where she & I & he worked knows.
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
Hey just so you dont feel like its only happened to you. Literally just the other night a '"so called friend" of mine reported on Facebook that I was in porn and said ""oh no whats the world coming to", got tons of comments, people "lmao" hahahahah, people i grew up with. Its a small town so everyone i ever knew literally knows. Its seriously fucked up because she was someone i thought i could trust to be a TRUE friend, but shes just a childish immature bitch who needs to hurt people for her satisfaction. U got to move on and literally banish her from ur life, shes not a true anything to you, move on and forget. Love the people who truly mean something to u and who truly will be ur friend no matter what shit u get into.
:) U know what type of women u are, u know ur life she doesnt..she can go fuckk herself :)
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
Are you 100% sure that she told? I'm the type of person that gives people the benefit of the doubt though; maybe he's actually seen you online and claimed someone told him so you wouldn't realize that he was on there looking at you.
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
It is possible, Stephanie, that he could've seen me... I don't have proof that she was the one that told him, but my bf messaged him & said, so did "Laura" tell you this? He just said he wasn't gonna go there. Sounds suspicious that he'd show up at her club, ask her about it, & then turn around and ask me about it.... I personally always give the benefit of the doubt as well. I just haven't been on cam much recently so I'm not sure where he would've seen me, but at the same time... I have no idea what to do. I really just don't want my family finding out.
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
Damn. Sucks when you are found out - sorry to hear that.
The Guy:
I think you actually already dealt with it pretty well. It doesn't sound like he is about to go posting your career everywhere at this point - he just assumed that you were a slut and he thought he'd take a shot. You turned him down, and I would guess that that would be the end of it. If he messages you again, I would block him from your facebook, just so that he isn't constantly bugging you. Sadly, at this point, there is really nothing more you can do about him. He knows, you know he knows. Yes, it is possible that he could "out" you, but there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop him if he decides to, so it isn't worth stressing over. Only two things to worry about - what you can change and what you can't. Fix the first, forget the second. He is definitely in the second category right now.
As for HER:
In the short term, just drop it. If she didn't tell him, you are just going to make her angry by insisting she did. If she DID tell him, then either it was a mistake (and probably won't be repeated, so it's time to move on) or it was intentional. If she intentionally and vindictively told someone, and is now lying about it, continuing to push he isn't going to do a damn thing to stop her - again, it'll just piss her off.
But on a larger scale - well, she just sounds like a lovely human being, doesn't she? I am always INCREDIBLY wary of people who bitch about mutual friends. If they bitch to you, they bitch about you. It's easy to assume that fellow sex workers will be discreet about what you do, but this isn't always the case. In future, if you want to keep her in your life, I would steer clear of mentioning anything that you wouldn't post on a billboard in the center of town.
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
Just block him and forget he exists. As for her, just keep her as an industry friend. I have a lot of people who I just consider industry friends and they don't know details about my personal life or really have access to people in my personal life. I make sure to keep a strong barrier between both worlds. I had a friend who worked on the same site as me at one point and she was showing everyone we knew in real life her profile which of course led them to mine. I liked the girl, sweet girl, but I had to cut her loose. She mean't no malice by it I'm sure, but some people are just dumb and don't think how their actions can affect others.
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
Thanks ManyRoses, great post... And CamBish, I've been "close" friends with this girl before she knew about my camming, so it's hard to separate the two... However, I will keep her at a distance from now on. Thanks to everyone who gave me input.
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
I'm not clear on what he said. Did he literally just say, "I heard you're doing big things now"? I mean, that could have meant anything. He might have been generalizing b/c he didn't know what you were up to and wanted to be complimentary.
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
You're probably jumping to conclusions.....
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
No, because he asked my "friend" specifically about my porn videos (she forwarded met he screenshot of the conversation) and he also confirmed with me later in our conversation he heard I was doing porn.
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
1. More than likely she told many, to juice of gossip for her not to tell. And she isn't your friend.
2. What the fuck is it any of his business. He is no longer your boss. Sounds like he isn't a friend. You owe him no any answers.
What a bunch of busybodies who have nothing better to do in their lives.
Good Luck,
Sam
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
I am a smart ass to smart asses so I am no help but my reply would have been "I'm doing big things and getting paid big bucks to do it" keep them wondering. ...but to kill two birds with one stone 3 way phone call.
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
Regardless of you being drunk, I think your response was a good one. I guess you should probably block him so he can't say anything else if he gets up the courage. But it sounds like you put him in his place. As for your friend, unfortunately that's why I don't tell anyone. I am no longer on speaking terms with anyone who I've told. It always ends badly for me. But I totally understand wanting to hang out with her still. I have some of those friends who are good company, but I hang out with them for entertainment. They're not "real" friends. I don't trust them with personal things, and I assume they will turn around and repeat everything I say. Sucks but it's safer.
Good luck with everything. I hope everyone just leaves you alone about it.
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
Thanks for everyone's input on this matter!
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
#1 rule of thumb - if you are afraid of or have any issues with the thought of being "found out"...... NEVER EVER EVER EVER TELL ANYONE. No one. Period. Not even your best friend since first grade!!!
It baffles me, the models my husband and I have worked with over the years... they always ended up quitting their websites before their contracts were up because they told their "best friend" who swore on their mothers grave they would never tell anyone.... and guess what now the entire graduating class knows!
People love to gossip, and to most people something like this is JUICY gossip. They WILL tell. The only way to prevent it is to simply not tell anyone at all.
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
^^ Yeah, this is true. I told my best friend about it, and shortly thereafter she started dating my brother. They dated for like, a year maybe? I have no idea one way or another whether she told him, but I honestly wouldn't be surprised. They were very close. I wouldn't even blame her if she did, I mean I tell my husband just about everything. I don't talk to either of them very often, so I don't particularly care, but still. Ya never know.
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
I guess it's a lesson learned. I also told her before I was on this website & had other girls to talk to about it... Not only that, but she is interested in doing it as well, which makes me angry at the same time, but again, I have no idea how he found out, she's just the only link. I won't be telling anyone anything anymore.
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
Normally when someone confronts me over something that I didn't want them knowing about I admit to it, let them briefly enjoy the feeling of superiority and smirk, then I elaborate adding something a bit more stupid, and progressively add more ridiculous information until I'm telling a completely dummbass story. I just keep adding ridiculous things until it's obvious that I'm stringing them along with a load of shit and playing games with them. They have no idea at what point I've gone off track or even if anything that has come out of my mouth on that subject had even the slightest shred of truth within it at any point. It's called misinformation. It can be a lot of fun too, especially at the start when they think they have some sort of victory over you and then they begin to realise that you are playing them for a fool. I keep on doing this so in the end they have no idea, feel like idoits, and realise that all they are going to get from me is an endless load of crap.
Has the double whammy of making the informant look stupid too for believeing and repeating something idiotic you have apparently said in jest.
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Re: How to Handle When Others Confront You...
Very useful tool, Emstar!