How to get your confidence back after it has been absolutely crushed
I am in my final year at university and I've found the university experience so incredibly difficult and unrewarding that my confidence is literally rock bottom. It has affected every area of my life, I have no confidence in my intelligence, the way I look, my personality... everything
Also I've found my peers at university to be so two faced, and my lecturers so unsupportive when I've needed help that I now have an incredibly pessimistic world view. I assume everyone is horrible, I do not trust anyone.
I feel angry and alone and inadeqate and I don't want to live my life feeling this way. How do I get my confidence back after going through a really horrible, negative experience?
Any advise would be appreciated, if anyone has experience of re-building their confidence I would love to hear it.
Re: How to get your confidence back after it has been absolutely crushed
I would too. I feel the same way from a completely different cause, and have been living with it for over 18 years. Good luck Holly.
Re: How to get your confidence back after it has been absolutely crushed
Thanks Shy, I'm sure some of the gals on here will have some great advise. Do you find it affects your money in the club or are you able to put on a confident front at work?
Re: How to get your confidence back after it has been absolutely crushed
I have moved on from dancing, but I always did well at work. I used the lack of confidence, and preyed on the would be predators. I had a long time to develop the feelings that you described, and it left me with a lot of hatred that I was able to use as a substitute for confidence. Two things have helped me: first, I do charity work, in my case for wildlife, and second, find a group of outcasts that you can relate to. They will feel the way that you do and it will help. If you do feel the need to talk, you can always pm me.
Re: How to get your confidence back after it has been absolutely crushed
The Power of Self Confidence, by Brain Tracy.
Re: How to get your confidence back after it has been absolutely crushed
idk for sure but moving to a new place always helped me... I was able to think you can be anyone you want to be because no one knows you so act like how you want to be untill you are... hope I am making sense fake it till u make it lol
Re: How to get your confidence back after it has been absolutely crushed
I can totally relate on feeling academically inadequate to your peers. i attend a school where the classes are very small and almost everyone is in each other's business comparing grades and feeling high & mighty when others fail or don't seem to grasp the material. i keep to myself and admit that i do it because i'm way behind a lot of the students who began the program @ the same time I did (busy with work, don't live near campus, sheer laziness, can't keep up w many teachers) and it does get lonely, being left out of their cliques and study groups, but it allows me to just focus and be happy with MY OWN progress.
just remember that if you're in your final year -- that means you were intelligent enough to get this far. and there are so many people out there who can't manage school @ all. everyone has their own individual learning style and pace, so DO NOT compare yourself to the other students (it is super hard, but it's entirely possible to track your own progress without having to relate it to someone else's). you don't have to be accepted by everyone there... once you graduate you likely will never see them again. and trust.... I bet a number of them feel the exact same way you do -- LOST -- and they just won't let it show. when it comes to finals time however, EVERYONE is stressed out, and so while I usually avoid human contact, I may find myself approaching other people who seem friendly and reviewing notes together. i don't feel obligated to strike up a friendship with them and it does help to retain info when you're relaying it out loud to someone else and vice versa.
i used to DREAD going to school because i didn't feel confident enough to engage in other people's conversations about the lectures, but over time i'm realizing that worrying about them achieves nothing. and really... I'M PASSING THE SAME CLASS, even if it's with a lower grade, hey, passing is passing and that's a success unto itself. you're not going to be there forever. just try and devote as much effort as you can into studying and finishing out -- ambition is more powerful than talent/intelligence. personally, when I fall into a lazy slump and don't study, I feel like shit even if I do pass a test. on the other hand, when I study like a mad man and know I tried my best, I feel GREAT afterward, even if it's the same (or even lower) grade. don't beat yourself up about being WRONG, wrong answers and insufficiency are strong tools in your academic growth.
if your teachers aren't supportive -- BUG THEM. that's what they're being paid for and that's what their job entails -- HELPING YOU. you don't have to have a teacher's pet relationship with them, just know their e-mail and office hours and if you don't understand something, BUG THEM UNTIL YOU DO. they may hate you or love you for it, it doesn't matter, just do it.
i agree w @justadorable that moving to a new place helps -- you can kind of recreate your identity. if that's not possible for you, try reaching out to old friends or family that you've lost touch with -- do something fun that reminds you how there is a reality outside of university. you've got yourself together, you're making progress, and you work in an AWESOME job that allows you flexibility and earning potential that i'm very sure your peers WISH they had. keep your head up. sorry this was long as shit.
Re: How to get your confidence back after it has been absolutely crushed
have you considered getting a tutor?
Re: How to get your confidence back after it has been absolutely crushed
I totally feel the same way. I feel cheated. Like university is the biggest fucking scam. I pissed away 30k to be constantly bitched at and made to feel inadequate. They stopped even being sneaky about it at one point--the faculty--some of the things they say are just so obviously trying to get students down. My program has an over 50% dropout rate. I don't know why it's not obvious to them to just take on less students so they didn't have to rely so hard on a certain amount dropping out every year--oh wait, yes, that is obvious, but then they wouldn't get all the extra cash from all the extra tuitions from accepting more students than they know the program is designed to handle...universities are businesses just like strip clubs. You are just a fee to them and they don't give a fuck about you I've found. You don't go to university to learn, you go to learn how to be the monkey the piece of paper you get at the end of your degree will allow you to be :) I've learned way more on the internet and by reading books and blogs and newspapers and magazines on my own time than I have at school...the exception maybe being in the first year of my program. The only advice I have is to look at the light at the end of the tunnel. You're almost there. Keep going. You can do it :)
I think your confidence will be hugely boosted when you graduate, this was so hard for you, it'll be a great achievement!
Re: How to get your confidence back after it has been absolutely crushed
I'm sad to hear other women have had a similar experience at university. I have to accept that the university really doesn't care about me, I am a fee to them. But on the bright side it's teaching me to be totally self reliant and to toughen up. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to be tough all the time though. I'm currently working on my self confidence and I keep reminding myself that I'm not defined by the grade that I get or my past experiences. Thank you all for your advice.