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Insertion and tight spots. Help?
Hi everyone! I just started over on SM and today is my second day. I love masturbating and I thought having a job as a cam model would be great. However, I've been having some trouble with the way other people think I should masturbate. First of all, I'm 18 years old. I've been having sex for a long time, but I just lost my anal virginity this year. I looooove anal sex with my partner more than anything. He's slow, we use lots and lots of saliva as lubrication, and his dick is... well... dick consistency. I have several silicone dildos as well as anal beads that I play with and would like to use in my shows. I have it listed on my profile that I do anal, so people ask for it frequently.
The problem being is that 1. Guys ask me immediately to shove something in my ass. As soon as we're in private. There's no foreplay, there's no warming up by fucking my pussy, and I have a hard time getting started.
2. Guys never choose anything reasonably sized when it comes to my ass. I show them my small warm up dildos and they give me funny looks. They always want something bigger than I am comfortable with.
3. Once (insert sex toy here) is in my ass, the guy wants me to start thrusting. Not slow thrusting either. Like I'm supposed to just fucking dive right in and fuck my brains out even though it hurts like hell.
4. This may sound yucky, or maybe too familiar, but I get butt stuff (fecal matter) all over my toys when I do the above three things. I try to use the bathroom before I go on cam and not eat too much, but it persists. I've thought about getting an enema system to rectify (heh) this. However, I'm totally broke right now and can't see myself getting one in the near future.
5. It's not sexy to flounder and cry in pain. I often get so frustrated, and my ass usually hurts so badly that I end the private session within the first 5-10 minutes. I don't say good bye. I just turn the cam off and cry.
I need help. Does anyone have good advice for me on what I can do? Has anyone ever had these same problems? Should I keep going with it until my ass gets used to the abuse?
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
Fuck that. I seriously don't understand how men don't get that an ass is not a pussy. Like, they would cringe and cry and at the thought of the same exact thing happening to their asshole, but it's totally ok to demand it of a female?
I can do anal with a partner who knows what they're doing. And, like you said, it takes a lot of warm up. If you cannot fuck your ass right away without any warmup or foreplay or whatever you need, then don't offer it. Either don't list it in your profile, or go at your pace, and if they don't like it and leave, fuck them. Do not destroy your body and cross your comfort levels every day for dumbfucks who don't understand human anatomy. Just because you like something in your personal life doesn't mean you have to offer it on cam.
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
Girl you don't need to worry about this. You are God of your chat room, it is YOUR body. Maybe you can teach them all a lesson or two on how to satisfy a woman.
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
You really don't even have to offer anal at all to make a lot of money, but if you do want to offer it, do it the way you want to. Most of these guys are totally clueless about a woman's body.
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
Or You can 'Fake it till You Make it!' I've been camming for 3 years, offer anal, yet never have actually done it!
camera angles are your best friend! I've never had any anal guys complain. if You really want to do anal, insist that they buy a block session.
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
Or if you want to offer hardcore anal.... with no warm up for you or for the guys then you can warm yourself up off cam.... Maybe put in butt plug before you get on cam.
But really you are in control of our room and you don't have to do anything you don;t want to do... and
I would never hurt myself on cam for a few buck... But I have hard limits of no pain and no humiliation of me
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
Moving this to camming connection! :-)
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
Dont do what they say just because they bark orders. If you do what they say all the time, you will hurt yourself. They watch too much porn and dont know fuck all about anal. Porn stars will wear butt plugs and "train" for the abuse their ass gets on camera, that is totally different then what reality is like when it comes to anal.
Only use small toys meant for anal stimulation. Fuck them if they want a 10 inch dildo in there. Lol.
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
When a custy barks orders at me I just stare at them... on their dime. It's YOUR room, YOUR rules.
I've lost a few privates over it, but the quality of my customers has drastically increased since I've started to demand respect. When I need a little more warm up time I tend to talk while I look into the camera, as I'm getting myself ready. It lets them connect with you and buys you some more time.
I'm also very upfront about needing about five minutes to warm up for anal. They don't have to like it, but dems the breaks. We are not robots with genitals attached.
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
When a custy barks orders at me I just stare at them... on their dime. It's YOUR room, YOUR rules.
I've lost a few privates over it, but the quality of my customers has drastically increased since I've started to demand respect. When I need a little more warm up time I tend to talk while I look into the camera, as I'm getting myself ready. It lets them connect with you and buys you some more time.
I'm also very upfront about needing about five minutes to warm up for anal. They don't have to like it, but dems the breaks. We are not robots with genitals attached.
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
OMG I can tell I am too domme because I read the entire post just cringing and seething inside. I tell guys to fuck their ass. I don't take fucking orders and even if I decide listen to a request I fake it and don't ever do too much. Some guys want big toys in the ass...ya okay I will do what the fuck I want sicksad, don't let guys make you feel like you have to do something you don't want to do. Get warmed up, do what you want, use small toys, take your time and only do what YOU want. Guys on SM are so fkn rude though I can see why you are pressured as a newbie. Take their requests into consideration but don't feel fucking obligated. It's not worth the stress you are going through girl.
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
Make sure you're assertive and tell custies that you need to start with the smaller toys and work your way up. I'm sure I've lost a few privates when guys in freechat have asked me to ram my ass with the biggest toy I have if they take me to private and I tell them I'm not going to do that immediately, but I've never had any guys who've actually been in a private with me complain about me not using my hugest toy right off the bat. It also helps them stay in private longer if they are anticipating the big finale :P
Don't be afraid to take control of your room and stay within your personal boundaries!
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
i offer anal but i only offer it in blocks or in privates where a guy has stayed longer than 10 minutes. when guys ask about it in free chat, i always say i need to fuck my pussy first and orgasm so that i can take the anal toy nice and deep - really i'd just like to not be fucking my ass in every private. i don't listen to the faster harder guys when it comes to my ass. as for the poo, enemas are cool and so are condoms for your toys - shit happens. if your insides are not having a particularly good day, don't offer anal that day. you are the master of your own ass.
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
I deal with this with nonstop yakking about omg my little hole is sooooo tiiiiighttttt mmmmmmm baby this is so dirty ahhhhhhh let me stretch it out for you (continued description in agonizing detail), and then go nice and slowww. Generally I can seize the momentum and they eat it up with a spoon, but if they keep barking orders, just fake it.
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
I'd try to fake it if I have no other choice if not just don't offer it if it makes you uncomfortable .in the camming world you have to realize your limits otherwise it can very well take a bad toll on your mind
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
Well it is a little sad that for few money they have so high expectations like anal and stuff and I don't know I think if you take a tiny butt plug from glass it would feel comfortable to do it anytime I personally love glass stuff also in the camera they don't really see if you put all the toy in depends on the position how you keep the camera... try outside of the chat room to see how it looks in the camera I agree maybe you should try to fake it to be easier for you
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
With some of the guys that we have lurking this forum, I hope that none of y'all regulars (the annoyingly picky ones, at least) are reading this thread...lol. Can you imagine? They read this thread, and then the next time they take you private they're demanding you to "Zoom in, bb" so they can see that you're really doing anal.
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
Here's what you do next time some dumbfuck treats your ass like it's in the Anal Olympics.
"Hey *customer* sorry, but I just can't fuck my ass that roughly. If you want a good show, you will have to allow me to give you one without me having to tear the delicate skin in my asshole."
No way should you have to be logging off and crying. You have a mouth- use it to speak up. Say "Hey, I cannot do what you're asking me to, so either let me slow down or we'll have to end the show."
Oh, they give you funny looks when you bust out the warm up toys? Here's what you do- don't even allow them to know that you own anything bigger than that. Then, they can't demand it. Only bring out toys that you are comfortable using. If they don't like how you do things- well that's too damn bad. Your mental health (no to mention your delicate anal tissue, no joke) is far more valuable than some inconsiderate jerk's pay-per-view fantasy. Don't fret about losing this type of customer. You don't want them anyway. You need to dig down and find that inner "fuck you, I'm doin' me", and learn how to say NO. It's seriously okay to do that. What's not okay is that you are logging off in tears, with an injured asshole. That is not even healthy. You teach your customers how to treat you. You do that by treating yourself well. So give yourself a break and stop acquiescing to the demands of clueless, uncouth jerks.
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
KimKlass
Here's what you do next time some dumbfuck treats your ass like it's in the Anal Olympics.
"Hey *customer* sorry, but I just can't fuck my ass that roughly. If you want a good show, you will have to allow me to give you one without me having to tear the delicate skin in my asshole."
No way should you have to be logging off and crying. You have a mouth- use it to speak up. Say "Hey, I cannot do what you're asking me to, so either let me slow down or we'll have to end the show."
Oh, they give you funny looks when you bust out the warm up toys? Here's what you do- don't even allow them to know that you own anything bigger than that. Then, they can't demand it. Only bring out toys that you are comfortable using. If they don't like how you do things- well that's too damn bad. Your mental health (no to mention your delicate anal tissue, no joke) is far more valuable than some inconsiderate jerk's pay-per-view fantasy. Don't fret about losing this type of customer. You don't want them anyway. You need to dig down and find that inner "fuck you, I'm doin' me", and learn how to say NO. It's seriously okay to do that. What's not okay is that you are logging off in tears, with an injured asshole. That is not even healthy. You teach your customers how to treat you. You do that by treating yourself well. So give yourself a break and stop acquiescing to the demands of clueless, uncouth jerks.
I love you!!! :)
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
I offer no anal, but I think that being assertive about the toys you use for certain actions would work. For example, when someone wants me to use my biggest toy in my pussy, I say "sorry, I use it for oral only"; or, when I am using a thicker dildo and someone wants me to go "harder faster", I switch to a smaller, slimmer one. If you are afraid something would damage your body, just tell them about it. Most guys would listen and let you do it your way; and those who don't care about your safety don't deserve you or any woman at all. Even in extreme sexual activities, safety and consent are crucial; and in a vanilla camming session it is implied. If you are feeling bad about them "having paid for it", you shouldn't. What you are being paid for is sharing the part of your life that is supposed to be private (and all the risks you are exposed to because of it), and keeping their dirty secrets. You are not supposed to do everything and anything they ask for, even if they want you to think so.
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
Going by your post at face value: I personally dont think you should be using smaller toys and building up to larger ones for anal. Both from how much it is hurting you and the hygiene issue you seem confused about how to correct. It sounds as if you shouldnt be doing anal on cam or possibly not camming period until you realize what your boundaries are.
I say this because if youre breaking down in tears repeatedly, in pain, and following each order that comes by - my concern is you may not know how to negotiate your own boundaries. And it is dangerous to engage in sex work with no boundaries and end up with trauma as your compass? Not just "oh that sucked Im never doing that again" but trauma and you sound traumatized? And you being OK takes precedent over becoming increasingly more comfortable with doing anal on cam.
I dont say this flippantly as you said youre broke right now, so Im not sure what youre options are - but Id personally strongly suggest you get backup options and invest time working on those so each private session is one where you feel empowered to say No (either directly or indirectly) if needed. That isnt casual advice but how you described it youre often sobbing, in pain, terrified of customers, and risking medical issues (UTIs from constant fecal matter on your toys)..... camming is probably not the most optimal choice for you at this time.
I wrote this a few days ago and wanted to repost it:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
roast
This is a general comment but Ive lurked on some models this week who seem to be pretty newish to camming and guys run this kind of bullshit all over them --- dont let them do it or youll burn out and theyll jus move onto the next batch of new(ish) performers to drain. Seriously, one forum talks about how you should always check out new models before the 'grizzled' performers (lol) to get more bang for your buck and be able to "relax"..... aka take advantage. But like in this case, many still pay the 'grizzled' performers bc they know which rooms bullshit is tolerated more. Seriously, for some assholes this kind of shit is a strategy. Whenever I sign up for a new site I get a swarm of them. I know you said specifically youve been working for a bit so this isnt directed at you, just people need to not be afraid of customers. It is your business, your rules, your income, your survival and your sustainability. Anyone hindering those things are in the way and are not your regular, friend, fan, etc.
Guys do swarm new models and (try to) run them over - because (some) know or expect new models to be easier to take advantage of. I dread signing up for new sites because there is usually about a month of weeding out the heavy camsite users who are bitter, grumpy, haggling, cheap, unsolicited advice givers, the whole lot. You get that in general no matter what site youre on and how long youre on it - but new models tend to get a higher volume, ime. Being unable or unwilling or afraid to say No is understandable, I dont want to undermine that: camming is very overwhelming once you start from all of the different software that different sites use, what dings mean what, who is actually paying and who isnt, engaging people to eyeing the clock... I mean I thinkit is tough to discuss the whole spectrum of consent/nonconsent when it comes to sex work bc I dont think there are many safe spaces to do that --- so Im not trying to belittle any coercive pressure youre genuinely experiencing to be what they want... but Im concerned youre going to end up super traumatized if youre not already. I also mean physically traumatized - if you just started anal in your private life, rush to do it on cam for guys who may have seen shows with models far more experienced/built different than you.... whose each command you follow... and you allow them to choose the toy you use on yourself.....will most likely result bodily harm?
Camming just isnt for everyone? I dont think it is easy money (like it isnt just compensated personal masturbation) and from your post the gulf between what you expected (masturbating for pleasure) and the reality is a bit acute. I think from perhaps how we all speak of it, it may seem easier or not such a biggie... but many of us have either been doing it awhile, were already in the sex industry before starting in camming (so had a certain grit in place already), or hit the ground running really fast. So our conversations may make it seem as if you should just get over it and say no bc the place we're operating from is total comfort with our own system of boundaries, but my concern is that you dont even have that foundation so we're speaking a different language. Because if you didnt realize the second show you got that you dont have to hurt yourself for anyone, camming may be too much for you?
you shouldnt have a job where youre reduced to tears and in emotional and physical pain esp after only 2days... and somehow expect that this is the norm? It isnt, it doesnt have to be, but allow yourself to either figure how it doesnt have to be or try out other employment options.
I dont know you or your determination or ambition or anything at all - so again, this comment is just going from your post at face value.
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
i really love all the posts in this thread... great information.
in camming, its nice to keep some things sacred and if you really enjoy anal with your partner, maybe you should only do it with him. it would suck if you did all this traumatizing anal on cam and no longer enjoyed it with your partner because faster harder men on cam ruined it for you.
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
I dont even offer it. I get asked constantly to make anal custom videos. I tell them it is something I engage in for my PARTNER only, and under no circumstances will I hurt myself for money doing something I wont have fun doing on cam.
Guys watch too much damn porn. Like, I have been asked to make an "anal gape" video. Uh, excuse me? I am 95 pounds and a tiny woman....in no way am I ever going to stretch that part of me open so you can literally see inside my colon.
Guys think throwing money at you will make you do what they want. You gotta reframe it in your mind.
YOU are PAYING me, to watch me pleasure myself. I still own my body, you dont. The money you pay, is the price it costs for the PRIVILEGE of seeing me naked.
I am very lucky on MGF that I dont have any men like that to be honest. Very rarely. I attract men of a certain type through my profile. Only once have I had a very uncomfortable cam show. Normally I am the boss at all times, but his deminor in chat changed on cam. He was suddenly trying to boss ME around and wanted to do the whole domme thing, making me "work" to cum. It was a terrible experience because he intentionally portrayed himself one way in chat, so when the cam came on, he was shockingly very different. Now on my profile it says: "Under no circumstances am I willing to act submissive on cam if you think youre some type of "dom".
Lesson learned, don't do anything uncomfortable on cam that will upset you or hurt you. I havent done a cam show since then, I wanted a long break after that. Needed time to decide how I will be more assertive against someone that LITERALLY intimidates me just by hearing their voice on the mic/cam2cam.
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
Slow down, take your time.
Guys who ask for the fast & furious, rarely ever spend money. These are the cheapest guys around & are always the rudist.
Take anal off the menu. Unless they tip you big time.
At 18 years old have you done your research about anal sex & how it can affect your body. Do you want your asshole literally falling out of your body due to NOT being careful & abusing yourself for a few dollars?
Use the being 18 to your advantage & use the smallest dildo for your pussy saying how new & tight you are.
I can cam all day long & never once use a dildo... up your game & sexuality to get them off without using toys. Save on the wear & tear on yourself.
ANY cam customer who makes you cry is CRUEL & should be BLOCKED immediately. This isn't a job that should make you so upset.
Your room, your rules.
Take your time in doing anything to stretch out the sessions & make money. See it as a challenge to do so little yet make so much more money. Cause they are trying to get you to do MUCH for very little money if not FREE.
Guys who bark out demands Never stay for over a minute. Most are trying to get you to do it all in under 30 seconds so they don't have to pay.
Good Luck,
Sam
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Re: Insertion and tight spots. Help?
Hygenie
In porn, we do enemas to clean ourselves out before doing an anal scene to keep shit off the dick.
Also go without eating that day until after the anal scene.
NEVER EVER suck on the dildo's you have stuck in your ass. You can get majorly sick.
Highly suggest you so much more research & talk to a doctor or nurse about this subject to learn more about how to do it all safely.
Sam