Help! Work putting a strain on my sex life
Background info:
I've been in a relationship with my gf for almost 5 years and the sex up until about a few months ago has been great. We web cammed together for a year, danced together briefly and earned enough to start her business. At the time I didn't know what career path I wanted and she did so we focused on saving for that. Now she's working full time with her business and I'm back in school pursuing my career choice and dancing part time. I also escort outside the club. I have 2 regulars but don't see too many customers otherwise bc my regs pay me a very high rate so I don't need to. She knows what I do and we talked about it. She wants to know names and adresses/basic info for my safety but she doesn't want to know any details about what I do at work. Fair enough.
issue:
we hardly ever have sex. It's not that we aren't turned on. We do lots of foreplay, flirting, cuddling, etc but when it starts to get sexual I back off. I have no problem going down on her but I get nervous when she tries to eat me out and I absolutely insist on no penetration (which I used to love and which she enjoys doing to me). I guess I just feel dirty or not worthy and for some reason start feeling angry or irritated when she initiates sex. She's never been with a man and does make remarks about how she thinks bi girls are nasty (I'm lesbian, only straight for pay) and I don't say anything bc I don't want to turn her off. I feel like she doesn't find me sexy anymore since I started escorting (she's never said that)or she's reluctant to be sexual with me bc she never really tries more than once. I want to stop escorting and I think it would be better for us but we also really need the money. Is it all in my head? How can I boost my self confidence and has anyone been through this before?
Re: Help! Work putting a strain on my sex life
"Bi girls are nasty" Maybe you should not have payed for her to start her own business. She has no problem with the money you earn and she spends. If this was a guy I am sure your future replies would be different.
Re: Help! Work putting a strain on my sex life
It isn't uncommon for escorts to not have sex with their significant other.
Re: Help! Work putting a strain on my sex life
Quote:
Originally Posted by
CFMNH44
It isn't uncommon for escorts to not have sex with their significant other.
Where do you come up with this shit?
Re: Help! Work putting a strain on my sex life
All I can offer is my own personal experience. I have made the choice to only engage in behaviours that most likely will not harm my relationship, because that is my top priority. I am lucky enough to have a freak of a partner - open minded and not *too* bothered by my escorting. We still have the same mind blowing sex we always did, so there have been no negative side affects from my "other work".
The ONLY time I have run into a major conflict was one time when I told my partner that I would stick to a particular boundary with my client that night, and then I ended up forgoing it without thinking of how it would make my partner feel. The result was that my partner was devastated and our relationship was in turmoil for a couple weeks after that. It was a trust issue.
That experience taught me just how important honestly and communication is in a relationship.
Never let issues fester because they will grow into even bigger problems. You must tell your gf how you feel. If you feel dirty or ashamed that is an obvious indicator you're engaging in behavior that is not a right fit within your relationship.