How to be ok with dancing again
this september i quit dancing for a guy that i thought was the one. i really loved him and the only relationship problem we had was that i was a dancer.... usually he was fine and didn't say anything but if we went out and got drunk he would get really upset about it and just say horrible things about it and really made me feel like shit about myself for ever dancing. i know i shouldn't have let him do that, but i really felt like if he was the one and the only thing holding us back from being 100% happy was my job, then i was willing to give that up.
now he and i are broken up (of course), and i got a new full time job that i hate. my boss is an asshole, i work 50 hours a week, and make $450 a week after taxes (less than half of what i made dancing, in a third of the time.... and its not even enough to cover my current bills). i was really happy and confident dancing before, and i loved my life. i really wish i never quit.
i want to go back to dancing but i feel like emotionally i won't be able to and that it won't be the same. i feel like i won't feel good about it any more, and as soon as i even get close to a strip club, all i'll be able to hear in my head is the things he said about dancing and about me. i do know when i was single and dancing that i was happy with my life, happy with myself, and didn't feel any of these things. what can i do to get me back to that place?
thank you...
Re: How to be ok with dancing again
You'll be fine! Just jump right back in. You'll feel better in no time.
*hug*
Re: How to be ok with dancing again
Seconded. You have no reason to let this knob-end continue to affect your life now after you're (well) rid of him. You were loving dancing before and you can again.
If you really don't think you can jump right in, do a weekend night for a couple weeks until you find your feet again, then quit your job.
I don't think It'll take long :)
Re: How to be ok with dancing again
You just need to think that whatever he said about you dancing was WRONG and thank god you're not with a judgmental loser anymore. Then go back.
Re: How to be ok with dancing again
I've experienced something similar to this (quitting to solve problems within a relationship). IMO, by the time you finally quit for your partner, the damage and resentment is already, usually, irreversible.
When I finally went back I would have a wave of anxiety and guilt wash over me as soon as I approached the club (this was residue from the relationship). It soon went away, but it did take some time. When someone you respect and care about "convinces" you that your views, wishes and choices (and essentially you) are wrong, it can take time to realize that they were the "wrong" one and that you have to do what is right for you and no body else.
Initially, it could be a good idea to keep your day job and ease yourself back into dancing by doing only one night a week. You can work your way up to doing the entire weekend, see how you feel about it, if it's still for you etc and decide whether you want to keep your day job or go back to dancing.
Re: How to be ok with dancing again
thank you everyone for the advice... that is probably what im going to do... hopefully by january i can get myself in to a club that will let me work just friday or saturday nights and i can make decent money... i really need the money more than anything :(
i live in new england and i hate the cold, i hate the winters... before i met him my plan was to be moved to vegas and dancing there by the winter time... that is going to have to wait at least another year... i wish this never happened.
Re: How to be ok with dancing again
I was so close to being in your situation a few years ago. Like Olive said, we're so susceptible to the influence of people we've trusted. My ex had me convinced I was going to develop PTSD from dancing at one point, and get this -- I worked at an air dance club!
You need to normalize dancing again. Chat with old coworkers if you were ever close. Bury yourself in positive SW threads. Put on your stripper clothes and dance to your favorite songs in front of a mirror. If you can spare enough $ to get a drink at a club and can deal with feeling cheap pop in for a few minutes. It'll come all back. Remember, feeling guilt and shame about stripping is NOT your default! You were happy and well adjusted for years. THIS is deviant for you, not stripping. Good luck <3
Re: How to be ok with dancing again
You are so GORJ. & I know you can do this, btw I've been saying I'm going back, this is the week! Good luck sweets!
Re: How to be ok with dancing again
I returned to dancing after a 6 year break. Nothing has changed, but now I appreciate it more than when I quit. I was completely burned out when I had left before, and was quite afraid to return again.
I decided to return on the early shift, and it has worked out really, really well. I'm so glad I returned and left my boring cubicle job behind.
I quit my day job in a moment of desperation. I took a week to get spruced up into stripper condition again (hair, nails, tanning, costumes etc.) then auditioned at the club I like the best in my neighborhood. I walked in prepared to work the shift if they wanted to hire me. I also had a plan B should they not want me (another club that was my second choice).
I am so glad I did it! Its like riding a bike, you just get back on and it was like you never left.
Re: How to be ok with dancing again
yea i can relate to this completely :( When I quit for our relationshit I lost my independence & felt shitty for doing so. Now that I've been back full swing I feel sooo much better about myself & my freedom of choice in life to do whatever the fuck I want now. Don't EVER let a man convive you to give up your freedom! Hard lesson learned for me all too recently.
Re: How to be ok with dancing again
I'm very sorry you're going through this! Ime I started feeling better just about the second I walked in to the club to audition. Being able to dance again also helped me feel like myself again. I felt powerful & in control of my own life--like the bad bitch I know I am & I bet you are too. Anyway I felt relief pretty much immediately, and it's def not too late for any of your plans, they just got put on hold for a second & u will prob come back stronger cause I know I did so go for it!
Re: How to be ok with dancing again
thank you.... I just rea lly hope I can get beck in to it. I was happy,, strong, independent, and not living paycheck to paycheck like I am now.. I just need to get myself to the gym to get back in shape and get to it
Re: How to be ok with dancing again
girl, let me tell you... i've been here before. twice. and it's not the dancing that gives you ptsd, it's the relationship. these people make you feel like you are somehow less of a human being just because you're a dancer. THAT is where the problem lies--you were just fine before having met him. and i will tell you that getting back into dancing, for me personally, has restored that self-confidence i had before i was torn down by whoever i was dating.
honestly, i think sometimes guys get insecure by how independent we are (financially and mentally), and that's the real reason they want us to quit. most women out there live their lives according to what is expected of them, which basically means to be nice, complacent, and not think too much--they of course are the ones who pop out three kids and their husbands have been having affairs since baby #2, but i digress... we are, by and large, the opposite of that. but it is that what makes us so attractive, and special.
lo and behold, you became the girl that did what society/her man expected of her, and poof, he's gone. moral of the story, don't ever sacrifice yourself or your lifestyle from someone who happened to wander into your life. you were just fine before he got there, and believe me you will be just fine after. you never really know if they're going to stick around anyway, so why change...? and if he really liked you, he wouldn't say horrible, mean things to you when he was drunk. my man now did that to me, and i told him if he ever did it again to see if he wakes up alive, and if he didn't want to risk that he can walk out the door right now. he still chases me around. :D
you'll get it back, hon. believe me, you will be just fine. <3
Re: How to be ok with dancing again
also! anyone going through relationship issues, i HIGHLY suggest reading "why men love bitches." it has changed my life.
Re: How to be ok with dancing again
you will do just wonderful.......hardest part is done (your frist time stripping) now its just get going agian .... this you can do.your a rock star get going you go girl..........guys suck lol ....
wicked huge Wendy hugs .....
Re: How to be ok with dancing again
Quote:
Originally Posted by
countcrabula
girl, let me tell you... i've been here before. twice. and it's not the dancing that gives you ptsd, it's the relationship. these people make you feel like you are somehow less of a human being just because you're a dancer. THAT is where the problem lies--you were just fine before having met him. and i will tell you that getting back into dancing, for me personally, has restored that self-confidence i had before i was torn down by whoever i was dating.
honestly, i think sometimes guys get insecure by how independent we are (financially and mentally), and that's the real reason they want us to quit. most women out there live their lives according to what is expected of them, which basically means to be nice, complacent, and not think too much--they of course are the ones who pop out three kids and their husbands have been having affairs since baby #2, but i digress... we are, by and large, the opposite of that. but it is that what makes us so attractive, and special.
lo and behold, you became the girl that did what society/her man expected of her, and poof, he's gone. moral of the story, don't ever sacrifice yourself or your lifestyle from someone who happened to wander into your life. you were just fine before he got there, and believe me you will be just fine after. you never really know if they're going to stick around anyway, so why change...? and if he really liked you, he wouldn't say horrible, mean things to you when he was drunk. my man now did that to me, and i told him if he ever did it again to see if he wakes up alive, and if he didn't want to risk that he can walk out the door right now. he still chases me around. :D
you'll get it back, hon. believe me, you will be just fine. <3
^^^ This is perfect! Took the thoughts right from my mind , it also helped me too :) Thnx Count! <3 And yes that book is great, I really need to work on that if I ever get into another relationshit anytime soon....
Re: How to be ok with dancing again
Just wanted to give everyone an update... I worked at a dive club this weekend and between two short shifts made $800 which is almost what I make every two weeks from my day job.... very tempted to quit my day job and just dance again. I'd like to stay current in my field but there aren't really any part time jobs in it. Now life dilemma: live the life my family wants me to, or live the life I want to, and be happy, independent, and free. #sigh
Re: How to be ok with dancing again
Glad you decided to jump back in again and put all the things that ass said to you behind you. As far as your dilemma, I totally understand. My day job is something I've been doing 6 years and it doesnt pay the bills and I am no longer happy doing it full-time. I plan to move this summer and start dancing along with picking back up with my camming hours. I want to do my day job only part-time if possible. However, if my family knew about my plans they would totally think I'm going backwards, destroying what I worked for, etc. However, I'm at a point in my life where I've accomplished what I wanted academically, professionally and gave my parents something to "brag" about to others (though I hate that shit). Now, I need to do what I need to do for me and my kids. Having the freedom to make my own hours, make as much $$$ as I want and have a flexible schedule to be with my kids are the most important things to me. Fuck what everyone thinks now, I proved what I needed to. But I cant lie, the thought of this change in path and what my parents/family would think consumes my thoughts and I hate it. But I gotta live my life and so do you....Good luck sweetie:)
Re: How to be ok with dancing again
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miss1dancypants
Just wanted to give everyone an update... I worked at a dive club this weekend and between two short shifts made $800 which is almost what I make every two weeks from my day job.... very tempted to quit my day job and just dance again. I'd like to stay current in my field but there aren't really any part time jobs in it. Now life dilemma: live the life my family wants me to, or live the life I want to, and be happy, independent, and free. #sigh
Why no both?
Re: How to be ok with dancing again
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Jay12
Why no both?
It's exhausting to work Monday through Friday 10-7 and then dance until 1 am Saturday and Sunday nights... and still try to find time to clean, go grocery shopping, work out, etc... :/ I'm thinking about moving to Florida where the living will be cheaper and even if I can't get a good job dancing I can definitely get a good paying job in my field. I'll be going to the Pensacola area