Re: Can a guy be too emotional?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
AureliaC
Yeah, no.
:rotfl:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
AureliaC
I know I'm a total hypocrite, but I do find it hard to get hot for a guy that cries constantly. Probably because my ex used it to manipulate me into forgiving him for cheating, hitting me, forcing me to have sex with him constantly etc. But hell, I'm pretty emotionally stunted and incapable of expressing my emotions too, so I cut my husband slack for being a walled off statue 98% of the time. The acceptable emotional in between for guys is razor thin.
Eh, no more than a whole hell of a lot of guys (hypocrite). Furthermore crying constantly is not a sign of health, and who is attracted to chronically ill people, whether it be physical or mental illness?
And given what you've been through, its really hard to blame you for reacting that way. Just like a lot of guys wind up cutting off the women from any real emotional interaction, after they get shit all over for opening up. It's a defensive reaction. In some men, a predatory streak. Though those guys wouldn't do it if it didn't work so well, it's still a defensive reaction of a sort if you go deep enough.
But I would prefer you weren't so hard on yourself. Who the hell is perfect anyway? I've certainly made my share of mistakes.
Re: Can a guy be too emotional?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Djoser
:rotfl:
Furthermore crying constantly is not a sign of health, and who is attracted to chronically ill people, whether it be physical or mental illness?
Hopefully my husband is, otherwise I'm SOL. I've got the market cornered on mental and physical illness in my house.
But seriously, I do agree that by adolescence/adulthood our emotional reactions and displays are very deeply influenced by our past experiences and pain. A guy that's called "gay" and beaten down for showing emotions isn't terribly likely to open up again even if the person he's with tells him it's ok to show emotion. I certainly can't help being turned off by emotional outbursts that just remind me of terrible time in my life, I have a hard enough time feeling attracted to anyone as it is.
Re: Can a guy be too emotional?
I've kind of skimmed through this thread but my thoughts are, I don't have a problem showing my emotions to a woman. I think there is a difference between being emotionally mature & being needy. Knowing how to deal with your emotions & knowing why you have them is healthy but just bring emotional for attention or a reaction is childish. I've only told 2 women in my life I loved & invested in those relationships.
Re: Can a guy be too emotional?
Yep; like I just said to hubs, "emotional" doesn't have to mean simpering, needy or sniveling. In our case "emotional" is an excess of testosterone and a lack of holding back when he's upset or angry (often at the expense of others)
Re: Can a guy be too emotional?
What is manly is displaying the right amount of the appropriate emotion at the right time. I would say that people who have fits of rage over being inconvenienced and people who cry over trivial things are doing it wrong :)
Re: Can a guy be too emotional?
I think dealing with someone who's overly emotional is draining regardless of the gender of the person, so I think that yes, a man can be too emotional. But I definitely like guys who show some emotion - it's much, much more attractive to me than the stone-cold persona. C'mon, what could you possibly bring to the table emotionally that way?
Re: Can a guy be too emotional?
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Originally Posted by
Jamiekw
True!
This current experience I'm having is with a guy who over thinks everything. And drones on about it. Life this life that. Omg you know I'm so sad I haven't seen my family so long since moving here and then goes quiet and mulls over it. Which I don't begrudge as I miss my family hugely too. But it's weird to explain...I feel like his emotion is for show. His exaggerated deep breaths, checking to see if I'm looking, hanging his head, being so over the too. Crying at certain random things.
I figured I'm being a bitch. I hate insensitive men by lord this over emotional stuff makes me wanna puke pretty bad.
There are plenty of other carp in the creek. Throw that one back. Bait your hook, toss it in and catch a good one.
Re: Can a guy be too emotional?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Jamiekw
So...
wondering everyones opinions on men and their emotions.
I have experienced guys in touch with their emotions and guys who are cold like stone.
My thoughts are have you experienced an extreme version of highly emotional within a boyfriend/husband. How did you handle it? Did it ever get better? Did you like it or did it bug you?
its a massive spot of curiosity to me as I'm at that stage in life where I'm thinking...pah am I being waaaay too picky?
I hate stone cold men who just don't get 'it' but at the same time...I think too far the opposite direction would make me wanna puke.
be nice to hear of any of your experiences!
Everyone is emotional to some degree. Some of us just have better control over our emotions than others. Someone who flies into a rage because they are cut off in traffic or throws temper tantrums for other equally trivial reasons is considered emotionally immature and selfish. Crying while watching "The Notebook" is understandable and sort of endearing. Someone who behaves more like a robot than a human is equally as disconcerting as someone who throws tantrums.
Being empathetic and understanding of the feelings of others goes a long way toward relationship building. It isn't really how much a man displays emotions but whether or not he is doing it in a selfish way or in a sharing way. For instance, if someone close to me died, and my husband held me and cried with me to mourn the loss of that person, it would be normal. If he didn't cry with me, but understood my need to express grief and was empathetic to my feelings, that would be ok too. Where it gets weird is if he is curled up in the fetal position for a month after the loss or if he admonishes me to "just get over it" after a loss. Both are outside typical human empathic reactions to loss and need to be addressed through psychological counseling.