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How to talk like a Domme
OK so I am a domme on the phone and I start out my conversations by asking them what they are into. My last few callers have just straight up hung up on me within like 2 minutes though so I must be doing something wrong. Hmm how do I talk more like a domme? I have the mindset but I guess when someone calls I don't know what to say.
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
I have nothing helpful to say, just want to commiserate. Every so often I'll get a sub who just doesn't give me anything to work with. I'll keep throwing things out there hoping to strike gold (CBT? SPH? oh oh, I know, he wants me to make him eat his own cum! ... No?) and I just strike out and he leaves without cumming. Like jeez give me a direction here.
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
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Originally Posted by
Procrasturbator
I have nothing helpful to say, just want to commiserate. Every so often I'll get a sub who just doesn't give me anything to work with. I'll keep throwing things out there hoping to strike gold (CBT? SPH? oh oh, I know, he wants me to make him eat his own cum! ... No?) and I just strike out and he leaves without cumming. Like jeez give me a direction here.
Ugh I hate that. It's similar to the vanilla guys who just say "do whatever you want bb". But its even worse when it's a fetish guy who gives you no leads at all.
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
Right? Like how am I supposed to know what you want? Femdom is too broad a fetish for guessing. I tell myself if they were a true sub they would stay on the line and answer my questions. But it doesn't change the fact that I'm discouraged.
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
Don't feel discouraged. I am not even a domme by nature. But when I first started camming I had so many requests to be dominant. In the beginning I always told them no, I am not a domme. Then I started researching it and saw a lot of times you do not even get nude. And now I been doing it for maybe 5 years I think? I still feel uncomfortable sometimes because like I said, I am not really a domme. Often times I am even surprised that I had a call last an hour or 2, and that I have a lot of regulars. So I must be doing it right lol. All I can say is read a lot about Bdsm and being a domme and the different parts of domination Also I find most of my customers are sissies who love sph or want to suck a huge dick and wear his wifes lingerie. Also there are videos on free porn sites. Also I still research because it's the main part of my income. I don't really know how to tell you how to be a domme. All I can say I am doing well and I am still reading and researching after over 5 years of doing it.
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
Oh and I hate the guys who say "dominate me" Um ok, how? What type of domination are you into? "I dunno just dominate me" smh
Also the experienced subs know exactly what they want, and will tell you. They may even do all the talking for you. I like them because they help me to learn more. They get very descriptive about what they want and I take mental notes to use that info on other customers.
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
My phoneline is vanilla AND domme. So I have to ask straight out what they're into. I start like this.. "Hello, This is Annie" "Whos calling?" "Hey Mike, what are you into Mike?" Mike will than proceed to tell me whats hes into. Although I too only get 2 minute long callers who will just hang up for no reason.
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
How are you asking them? I've been doing BDSM in my personal sex life for, er, the entire time I've been anything close to sexually active, but only doing camming for 3 months, and it's taken some adjustment. A lot of these guys REALLY do not like communicating about desires and boundaries because it breaks the fantasy (well, I assume that's why). So you've got to sort of find dommy ways to ask them what they want, preferably in a way that they can pretend is about serving you/being forced by you/whatever rather than their own idea. So less "What are you into" or "What are you looking for" and more "How are you going to serve me today," throwing a few options out there. (I start with the ones I'm really good at and enjoy.)
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
Exactly what Lady said. I'm a longtime BDSM player as well and online guys make me fucking nuts sometimes. I never ask what they are into instead, I say "and you're contacting me why? or how will you amuse me today, etc? It usually forces them to come up with something.
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
Ask questions to find out what they want, without directly asking. Like, context clues. Then learn which fetishes are typically co-morbid with each other.
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
I am a Domme and if a guy doesn't right away tell me what he's looking for, I usually start out with "What's on your mind today?". If they're like "Whatever you want" or "I want to serve you", I'll say something along the lines of "Tell me what you are good at so I can decide how you will serve me. I want to use you in whichever way you will be most useful to me." It's a good way to ask what they want without them thinking you are really asking what THEY want.
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
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Originally Posted by
AirenStar
I am a Domme and if a guy doesn't right away tell me what he's looking for, I usually start out with "What's on your mind today?". If they're like "Whatever you want" or "I want to serve you", I'll say something along the lines of "Tell me what you are good at so I can decide how you will serve me. I want to use you in whichever way you will be most useful to me." It's a good way to ask what they want without them thinking you are really asking what THEY want.
And that is very true. We are not mind readers. What one guy wants another may find too hardcore. You have to ask them what they like so you know if they want a soft session or a hardcore one. I lost many guys back in the day doing Phone Sex because I thought one show fit them all. Some don't even have a clue what they want!
You have to ask, but don't ask too many questions that is not why he is there, what he says he wants take it and run.
Also reading about women who Dominate guys also helps.
Good luck.
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
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Originally Posted by
GlamourRouge
Then learn which fetishes are typically co-morbid with each other.
^^ I <3 this phrasing so much.
A lot of you ladies have given really great ideas for how to "tease out" clues about the guy's fetish. You can also ask about the worst punishment he's ever had (it's almost guaranteed that he'll tell you his favorite punishment) or the most humiliating thing a Mistress has ever made him do (ditto). If he's not giving you any answers, you can tell him that he's not allowed to touch his cock again until he can give you a coherent answer. If you're having trouble, you can also berate him about why he would bother to come into your room if he has no abilities or qualities that would please you.
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
Oh my gosh guys, this thread has been SUCH a help. I have resorted to putting the phone down on guys because they are giving me nothing to go on, despite me asking questions. My number one peeve is the "i want to serve you", then I say how and they say "however you want" ARGH! ffs I can't read your mind and the way I want to be served is having you empty your bank account into mine and then have you torture your cock and balls!! Very few guys are into that lol!
I have been looking for a good answer to the "whatever/however you want mistress" line for ages, so glad I've finally found a way around it, its infuriating!
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
I forgot to mention that you can also ask about what kind of toys/equipment he has available, and that can give you a lot of clues (butt plug vs paddle vs silky panties, etc.).
Also, this might just be the guys I get, but it seems like if you HAVE to take a wild guess, having him put something up his ass or suck a cock is a pretty good bet.
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
OMG I have been thinking the same thing. I have recently gotten into BDSM and LOVE it! I'm a dominate person in real life, so I think I'd do well as a domme. But I have only had two subs so far, and it felt awkward since I didn't know what 'type' of sub they were. I lucked out with one and the other not so much. Since then I have shied away from it. This thread has given me a little more confidence to go try it again!
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
When guys tell me to "dominate" them I just give them a look...I will also mildly mock them.
"Oh really? You think you can handle me?"
"Yes, I'll do whatever you want..."
"Dude, no you won't. That is a dangerous thing to say to me." (true, I'm a massive sadist)
"Please Goddess"
"Alright, pay my rent."
"Well that's not what I meant..."
"See what I said? Now if you don't know how to be a proper sub I will show you...I will tease you and taunt you..." (I build them up, I get particularly intense...)
Basically there are a few fetishes that cater themselves to newbies. I won't give away my secret but there is a way you can set a guy up to get him to confess what he likes or just gauge his responses to what you are doing. I'm a lifestyle Domme and I just go into what's natural for me. I'm intense as fuck...I think they pick up on the fact that I'm not acting and that this is legit for me. They will sometimes stay just to hear me talk.
Understand what D/s and TPE are and setting the 'stage' for Domination will come naturally if you are truly a Dominant.
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
When guys are adamant that they want to do "whatever I want" and I'm unable to read them at all, I tell them that I want to sit here and do nothing while they pay my per minute rate but if there's something else more entertaining they could do for me to let me know. Usually then they will suggest something else they could do on cam for me.
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
The above posts are clear. Every Domme has Her own style of getting the information they want. Personally My tactic is the anti Domme. "I tell them I am not a Domme and don't you fucking dare call me a Domme!!" I use a stern voice, and switch from sweet, to controlling. The majority of the I don't know callers really don't know. So you tell them what YOU like, and what they WILL do to make you happy. I will refuse them to call me Mistress, or take them as my sub. It's not that i can't, it just gives me a good laugh to see them do anything just to change my mind. Being titled a Domme is something I feel is a true lifestyle, and those fellas don't get that.
Helpful topics to research.... Cum eating, Goddess Worship, JOI, Tease and Denial, and my all time favorite... Chastity.
You'll get there, own style. Say no often, and tell them what YOU want them to do. The word AUTHORITY should be pounding through your head, as you pound him. ;)
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
The more unique you are, the more lucrative it will be.
The best advice I could ever give is: do not listen to self-proclaimed ~*seasoned dommes*~ who tell you HAVE to do things a certain way or its wrong. Do things YOUR way and the money will flow to you. Confidence and being comfortable in what you're doing, are key.
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
^^^ Hmmm... no I'd have to disagree a bit with that "best advice" there. Do listen to the seasoned Dommes those women are professionals, and Do listen to the unseasoned Dommes because they're also professionals. After all we are all "self proclaimed" something or another. You can learn a lot from the girls here, and make their tips into your OWN awesomeness! There is no right or wrong when having a Domination session. But I do agree, yes.. Every bit of info you get in the domination fetish, use it how you feel comfortable. Everyone here has something to offer! :D
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
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Originally Posted by
PhoneSexBaby
^^^ Hmmm... no I'd have to disagree a bit with that "best advice" there. Do listen to the seasoned Dommes those women are professionals, and Do listen to the unseasoned Dommes because they're also professionals. After all we are all "self proclaimed" something or another. You can learn a lot from the girls here, and make their tips into your OWN awesomeness! There is no right or wrong when having a Domination session. But I do agree, yes.. Every bit of info you get in the domination fetish, use it how you feel comfortable. Everyone here has something to offer! :D
I never said don't listen to seasoned dommes. I just said don't listen to the ones that try and change hustles that are working for you because its usually out of jealousy. Especially if you are making more money than them. That has been my personal experience, so that is where that comes from.
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
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Originally Posted by
Magical_Hoohah
I forgot to mention that you can also ask about what kind of toys/equipment he has available, and that can give you a lot of clues (butt plug vs paddle vs silky panties, etc.).
Also, this might just be the guys I get, but it seems like if you HAVE to take a wild guess, having him put something up his ass or suck a cock is a pretty good bet.
Jerk off instruction and ass/pussy worship are pretty safe bets that almost everyone likes. On sites like Streamate true experienced submissives are few and far between, and many are looking for something more sensual. A harsh line is good if someone gives you a hint that's what they're there for, but you can usually feel those out, and they tend to be experienced players.
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
I will say that I disagree with Glamour...I think setting yourself apart and being unique is a HUGE asset! Find what you offer and are good at that others may not offer and market the fuck out of it. For example, I am strict, authoritative, and somewhat intimidating. It's rare I see this and I'm pretty badass at it so I market the fuck out of it. Plus, being a Louisiana native I come with a bit of sass and soul that's completely natural to me. Some view this as even entertaining as well as being Dominant.
Tap into what is natural for you and naturally amp it up. The more you sound like a script the less legit you may probably seem, especially to those who really appreciate an actual kink experience. I understand some just want a fantasy but even for them, offer the best. Give a good representation. And as a lifestyler I'm always open to any questions.
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Re: How to talk like a Domme
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Originally Posted by
SophiaSylvan
Jerk off instruction and ass/pussy worship are pretty safe bets that almost everyone likes. On sites like Streamate true experienced submissives are few and far between, and many are looking for something more sensual. A harsh line is good if someone gives you a hint that's what they're there for, but you can usually feel those out, and they tend to be experienced players.
I guess it's just me getting all the forced-bi subs on SM, lol. It makes no sense, either, because I come across as "girl-next-door." There's not much about me that screams "Domme," much less "harsh Domme." I'd expect all those dudes to be flooding rooms like Sophia's and Lola's.
Also, I totally forgot that JOI counts as D/s, oops! That's a really good recommendation.