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Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
I've been contemplating possibly stripping, or at the very least cocktail waitressing at a strip club for a few reasons. I definitely want to start saving money to move out since my retail job pays crap, but also because I think it's a sexy job to have and it's a personal goal of mine to break way out of my comfort zone to work at a strip club. I have a few things standing in the way of pursuing this:
-I'm fairly shy, specially around guys; while I like getting attention from them, I also get nervous easily when talking to them (specially when they're touching me)
-I'm insecure about my body; I could definitely stand to lose about 20 lbs and get in shape, I also have stretch marks (currently working on all this)
-I have a very thin skin, I've actually cried a few times at my retail job from being criticized/yelled at by managers+customers and I get really shaken up from altercations/confrontations
-I have slight anxiety, and it's obvious when I get nervous
Despite all this, do I stand a chance of being a stripper? I'm actually kind of hoping stripping will help me overcome a lot of this, but it's also preventing me from making that first step of auditioning, which scares the hell out of me. Has anyone else started out in a similar situation? Any pointers?
Also, how effective are anxiety meds? Alcohol helps calm me a LOT, but it also makes me quite sloppy as well (and very clumsy in heels).
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
it could go either way. i have slight social anxiety, very shy, very sensitive, all that , but stripping really helped me overcome that and kind of grow out of it, grit my teeth, and then finally i started enjoying it and it gave me confidence and serious lady balls. or it could totally backfire on you and you could become dependent on alcohol if you aren't careful ( which i don't need to tell you wouldn't be very good), or just wash out real quick.
i'm on remeron for anxiety/depression right now, and its taken care of my anxiety without making me sleepy, sloppy, or dependent on a benzo like xanax or Kpins or something. benzos make me nervous, but to each their own
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
Have you thought about maybe bartending at a strip club or normal bar first? Then you can get a feel for the night life type of job. Dancers need to have a tough skin to survive in a club. Guys can be very cruel and say some pretty harsh things.
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
Sounds like your goal is to move out on your own and if you start dancing you would need to keep your eyes on the prize = money for moving expenses.
I too am shy and have social anxiety. Thankfully I can manage it when I need to but this job will take energy (physical/emotional), decent looks, and sales skills to make it where worth your time.
Yes I HAD thin skin too. Realize your inner strength and confidence (no matter what comes at you from other dancers/customers) and you will be fine.
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
The only thing you mentioned that seems like it could be a big problem is that you describe yourself as having "thin skin." You have to have thick skin to thrive in this industry. Honestly, it is essential.
If you're insecure about your body and think you could benefit from losing 20 pounds, then try your best to reach that goal. Eat healthy and workout and be in good shape so you'll feel better about yourself. Confidence is another big factor in being a successful stripper. Some people naturally have thick skin and confidence, some just lack it. In your case you really need to try to gain those two qualities because in this industry they'll make or break you. Fake it 'til you make it!
As far as being shy and having anxiety, those things can be managed. I was extremely shy before I started dancing. I still had confidence in myself, I was just passive and shy - I'm just introverted and not very social, but I knew that in order to make money dancing I'd have to initiate conversations with people. That was my biggest obstacle to overcome because before dancing I tended to avoid social situations. But I knew that I had to approach people, I know I'm articulate, so I broke out of my shell in order to converse with men and make money. Dancing has helped me break out of my shell, it helped me become a more assertive person in general so it's helped me socially and even academically as well.
I have severe anxiety (panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder) and it is hard to cope with. Alcohol is not the answer. Having one drink to loosen up can help, as long as you have will power to not let it become a habitual or problem-forming thing. There are some long-term anti-anxiety medications (many are also anti-depressants) that can help you cope with anxiety in the long-term, but they don't always work for everybody and they change your brain chemistry. The fast, but very temporary cure for anxiety are benzodiazepimes - meds like Alprozolam (Xanax), Diazepam (Valium), Clonazepam (Klonopin), and Lorazepam (Ativan). I have tried all four of those and find xanax to be the best. I've had anxiety attacks last for hours (sometimes even days) that got so bad I was physically sick and throwing up, and as soon as I take a xanax the vomited stopped and I felt better and had an appetite. I can go from sweaty palms, heaving, being nauseated, to being completely calm a few minutes later after 1mg of Xanax. Valium is not only an anti-anxiety but a skeletal muscle relaxant so its effects can be slightly more physical. Klonopin gives me, and many others I've talked to about it, a sort of clumsy/tipsy/drowsy experience. Xanax is among the strongest of the benzos, but it's also among the shortest acting and also the most addictive. But taken with precaution and in moderation, benzos can be extremely helpful! I also take a xanax with me to work in case I have a panic attack, because I've had panic attacks there before with no xanax and it ruins my night.
Benzos mixed with alcohol, especially with inexperienced users, is a disaster. I learned through experience. Even mixing alcohol with just 1mg of Xanax has turned me into a ghetto monster so I know not to do that anymore!
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
Quote:
Originally Posted by
holly1025
I've been contemplating possibly stripping, or at the very least cocktail waitressing at a strip club for a few reasons. I definitely want to start saving money to move out since my retail job pays crap, but also because I think it's a sexy job to have and it's a personal goal of mine to break way out of my comfort zone to work at a strip club. I have a few things standing in the way of pursuing this:
-I'm fairly shy, specially around guys; while I like getting attention from them, I also get nervous easily when talking to them (specially when they're touching me)
-I'm insecure about my body; I could definitely stand to lose about 20 lbs and get in shape, I also have stretch marks (currently working on all this)
-I have a very thin skin, I've actually cried a few times at my retail job from being criticized/yelled at by managers+customers and I get really shaken up from altercations/confrontations
-I have slight anxiety, and it's obvious when I get nervous
Despite all this, do I stand a chance of being a stripper? I'm actually kind of hoping stripping will help me overcome a lot of this, but it's also preventing me from making that first step of auditioning, which scares the hell out of me. Has anyone else started out in a similar situation? Any pointers?
Also, how effective are anxiety meds? Alcohol helps calm me a LOT, but it also makes me quite sloppy as well (and very clumsy in heels).
You sound like me! I worked retail for 3 yrs and got some confidence when talking to people eventhough I have anxiety, shy, introverted, low self esteem. Guys can tell I am shy [which I try to avoid] even if I drink LOL I don't drink and 1 shot and I am tipsy.
If your in a stage club where you'll be standing for like 3-4 songs while people look at you..I'd loose weight. I have a shit ton of stretch marks and I still get on stage. The lights are really dark BUT sometimes the lights aren't flattering depending on your tone. You can buy dermablend but it rubs off.
I have thin skin too but you work in retail you should learn how to ignore rudeness. To me nothing a person says matters more than what I think. Also u might not even see the jerk again in your life.
I would smoke before u get to work. Weed won't make you fat like alcohol and the high is better. You sound so much Like me that its funny! I know if I can do it you can! Just think of anxiety as something physical that happens to you and mentally you're fine.
Also this job will bring up a lot of issues you might not think u have or didn't resolve. Do you feel comfortable being dominant? [asking for tips] being assertive? [gender roles are kinda reversed] I have a problem asking for things/money from my childhood so that's hard for me. Being told no while not personal feels personal.
The calmer you feel the easiest it is to get through but sobers fun too >.>
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
out of all of these things, your weight (self esteem) will be the biggest factor. I was shy(I think everyone is) when I started but being forced to talk to people got me out of that really fast. however, if you are self conscious about your looks then having to be naked around a bunch of other girls who you perceive to be more attractive than you will just make that self esteem worse.
look into a beta blocker type anxiety med, ask your dr. benzos aren't a good idea and getting them just so you can do a new job is terrible. beta blockers aren't risky, aren't addictive, won't make you lose control.
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
Quote:
Originally Posted by
simone87
it could go either way. i have slight social anxiety, very shy, very sensitive, all that , but stripping really helped me overcome that and kind of grow out of it, grit my teeth, and then finally i started enjoying it and it gave me confidence and serious lady balls. or it could totally backfire on you and you could become dependent on alcohol if you aren't careful ( which i don't need to tell you wouldn't be very good), or just wash out real quick.
i'm on remeron for anxiety/depression right now, and its taken care of my anxiety without making me sleepy, sloppy, or dependent on a benzo like xanax or Kpins or something. benzos make me nervous, but to each their own
Simone is right. It could either backfire on you or it can grow you some balls. Of all the factors you described I had all of them before I started stripping myself. I was thin skinned and insecure, I had anxiety and a retail job. I first tried to start stripping when I was 20, came to a strip club to audition and literally run away from there in fear. A year later, I came back but to a different club and actually liked it this time. You can do this: you can try to work for a day or two, if you're extremely uncomfortable and it makes you feel bad about yourself, know that you can always leave, nobody can keep you there if you don't want to. For me personally stripping helped overcome all of my emotional and social barriers. I've never been so confident in my entire life as I'm now stripping. Also, when you are just starting out don't drink, because you're new and you're just getting your feet wet. Being drunk won't help you.
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
you can drink w/o getting drunk :( as long as you know yourself and limits..Im more addicted to food than I could ever be to alcohol ^_^
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
While you may not be the most naturally "predisposed" girl to the adult industry, it's also an industry that frequently encourages reinvention--of your look, personality, stage pressence, etc. If you're interested you should definitely try it. But if you find it too overwhelming, don't be afraid to move on and try something else. I think one of two things will happen--you will either really not like the job, or you will love it and in turn your social anxiety will fade and your skin will get tougher, and you will change and grow a lot in general. You won't know which of these outcomes will happen until you try it, but I can tell you when I started I was nowhere near the dancer I am now, dancing really helped me grow up, take charge of my life, and check off some dreams, and as a result my personality really blossomed and a lot of my awkwardness and shyness became replaced with a whole lot of don't-give-a-fuck-ness, which I find very liberating and a much more refreshing way to live life anyways :) Also don't worry about a bit of extra weight, I think it's better to give the job a try first and see if you like it before you start worrying about your body too much, while it can enhance your options for where to work, it's not going to have a huge effect on you figuring out whether the job is a good fit for you or not, just go try out a low-stress dive or mid-teir place and give it a go! Remember to have fun :)
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
I'm going to be honest: if I were you, I wouldn't. You'll spend most of your time crying in the dressing room. Guys can be very rude. I would say I get a dozen rude comments a night. If you're crying at a retail job, then having a man tell you negative things is going to crush your remaining confidence. I'm not being mean, just very sincere.
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
Thank you so much for the replies! I guess the only way to find out is to just go for it, though I might try finding clubs somewhat far from where I live. I will definitely look into betablockers, and wait til I lose the 20 lbs and tone up.
I know I mentioned this in my original post, but I'm really wondering about the stretch marks. If I were to get to a decent weight (110 lbs at 5'3 is my goal) and tone up, are stretch marks still a really big factor when it comes to making money? I mainly have them on my stomach and around my thighs, and they're pretty noticeable. I'm currently trying some creams but I don't think they'll ever go away.
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
Quote:
Originally Posted by
holly1025
I've been contemplating possibly stripping, or at the very least cocktail waitressing at a strip club for a few reasons. I definitely want to start saving money to move out since my retail job pays crap, but also because I think it's a sexy job to have and it's a personal goal of mine to break way out of my comfort zone to work at a strip club. I have a few things standing in the way of pursuing this:
-I'm fairly shy, specially around guys; while I like getting attention from them, I also get nervous easily when talking to them (specially when they're touching me)
Can't help you there. I've always been an attention whore. Don't think of them as guys. Think of them as ATM's with penises attached.
-I'm insecure about my body; I could definitely stand to lose about 20 lbs and get in shape, I also have stretch marks (currently working on all this)
Stop bitching and do something about it. I used to be chubby but I busted my ass for 2 years and now I have a fucking banging ass body that is the product of hard work and good nutrition. If you work hard you'll see results.
-I have a very thin skin, I've actually cried a few times at my retail job from being criticized/yelled at by managers+customers and I get really shaken up from altercations/confrontations
You better grow a thick skin REAL quick because you will see a lot worse than a verbal tongue lashing. This business is not for the weak. Granted it's going down the shitter but no need to hasten its demise. This is not a social gathering. It's a tough job and very demanding mentally, physically and emotionally. That's not to say that vets are immune. I was rejected from Hustler this week and I was shaken up. It felt worse for me because I've worked so hard for my body. But you know what? Life goes on.
-I have slight anxiety, and it's obvious when I get nervous
Sink or swim.
Despite all this, do I stand a chance of being a stripper? I'm actually kind of hoping stripping will help me overcome a lot of this, but it's also preventing me from making that first step of auditioning, which scares the hell out of me. Has anyone else started out in a similar situation? Any pointers?
Also, how effective are anxiety meds? Alcohol helps calm me a LOT, but it also makes me quite sloppy as well (and very clumsy in heels).
If you have to drink alcohol and you're already this nervous, my honest opinion is you will crash and burn. Take a long hard look at yourself. Is this something you really want? At least you are getting into it for the right reasons, I will give you that. (You're not trying to make friends or bake cookies for everyone) Just go in and check it out first, maybe enter an amateur night.
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
Have you thought about possibly camming instead? You'd still get the rude customers, but you'd have more options for dealing with them (hellooo BAN!) and taking breaks if one of them touches a nerve. It's definitely helped me grow a thicker skin, but it's more like a four-year school of hard knocks rather than the crash course. :P
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
No. Don't do it. If you have to get tanked or numb with meds to strip, this is not the job for you. At all.
A lot of customers are complete assholes. They will make you cry. Sorry, but you seem really sensitive and I'd hate To see someone getting into this job fucked up emotionally & physically(anxiety meds and alcohol) real quick. Your job shouldn't have to make you want to do those things.
Do waitressing or bartending. If not in a strip club, look into nice pricey steak houses. Even with that, you need experience with bartending. My little sister bartends, so I know. Places that look really busy. Popular bars, etc..
Good luck to you :)
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
Also, there's good money bartending at the hottest night club. Regular night clubs. Not strip clubs. Doesn't have to be the super uptight ones either. Just a spot that's always a mad house every wknd.
I know a girl who makes really good money working at a regular nightclub then when that one closes, she heads over to an after hours club. In one long shift like that (working 2 night clubs back to back in one night only) she makes close to 2 Gs. Has time to go to school and gym during the week. If you can find something like that, go for that instead.
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
I think you should do it if you have the motivation to do so. But take my advice with a grain of salt, since I have always been talkative/outgoing and I have a thick skin as well.
First, the main thing you need to work on is acquiring a thicker skin. I have work on retail and I've some shitty customers, but I never took it personally. Bitches will bitch wherever they go. So remember, mean people will always find flaws on other people and will always try to put other people down no matter how pleasant you're, that's how they're and that's why the end up lonely, is their lost. The good thing about stripping versus a retail job is that you can deny service to anyone, you don't really have to take shit from people if you don't want whereas a retail job you might risk losing your job if you stand up for yourself.
Don't be too concern with the stretch marks, since most places have a very dark environment and strip clubs lightening can be very forgiving. 20 pounds are not hard to lose, with work and determination you can lose in about 2 months. Also, many dancers don't start off looking their very best. You can get your feet wet in a less intimidating environment such as a dive. Even though you might not make as much money, you can learn at your pace and possibly meet some friendly faces. Some high end clubs can be very cut-throat and catty.
Anxiety, shyness? I don't know what to tell you, since I've never have problems with such things. But remember, being a stripper is an act. Chose a stage name that reminds you of someone strong and secure. And when you go to work, you're not you anymore, you're the fierce stripper. I have seem some actresses that are actually shy in real person but they can act any type of character. Think of yourself as an actress. Wear something that makes you get into character. Maybe a red wig, or smoky eye with red lips, anything that will make you feel transform.
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Vackra
I'm going to be honest: if I were you, I wouldn't. You'll spend most of your time crying in the dressing room. Guys can be very rude. I would say I get a dozen rude comments a night. If you're crying at a retail job, then having a man tell you negative things is going to crush your remaining confidence. I'm not being mean, just very sincere.
I agree.
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
I am incredibly shy, insecure, and have very thin skin, but I've managed to make it work at work. It will probably be harder for you in the beginning-- when I read most girls' posts on here about their first days and whatnot, they always say how empowering it was, etc. It was not that way for me. It took me three shifts just to be able to get through one where I DIDN'T have to go out to my car and cry. And I still remember on my first day my manager asked me, "you know you're allowed to talk to the customers, right?"
But somehow I made my way through it. The hardest part for me in the beginning was not getting naked or people touching me boobs, honestly I got through that quickly-- but the rejection from guys was really tough for me. I just kept thinking I don't understand, if I was dressed like this in a bar everyone would talk to me! But you can't even compare it to real life because it's a totally different world, so DON'T even go there. I still have to work on not taking it personally when I have a shitty night filled with nos, not even for the money but because of my self-esteem, and working on separating how I feel about myself to how I do at work is something that I still work on everyday five years later.
In regards to being shy/insecure, honestly, I don't know if I could ever go to a bar by myself and just talk to guys, but it doesn't bother me the same way it does IRL at the club because there's not the emotional investment. I don't care about these guys. 95% of the time if they tried to pick me up in a bar I would give my friend a look like, eww please come over here. It's not that they're unattractive, it's just that strip clubs are FULL of douchey guys. And so when I'm speaking to them, I am actually more comfortable and more outgoing. One of my friends at my old club told me once "you must be so good at going to bars and picking up guys because you just talk to everyone here, you're fearless." HA! Yeah right. But I have become fearless and can pretty much go up to anyone because I just tell myself it's work, it's not life, just go get their money who cares what they think of you. It definitely took some getting used to, but I find that stripping has definitely helped me become more comfortable around men in general. While I don't think I have the courage to go to a bar by myself, when I got with friends now I am SO much more outgoing and comfortable talking to people.
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
oh cupcake...... stripping to over come issues????....ok look it's a job that even those doing it for a long time have issues ..... some got it right from day one ... some never have it....me naked center of the party....money hell yar .... it worked for me.....try a amuter night as a custy.... then try one sober and on stage naked and give it chance to see what happens......stripping is not always a cure all....you might need to address some issues before you start.....good luck.....
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
I'm also super shy. It took me like 3 months to become Supergirl at work, but once I did- oh god, the cash. The cash.
Customers are just potential money sources. After a while you realize that they're all exactly the same- seriously you are going to hear the same things from the same 3 or 4 personality types over and over and over and after a while you just don't give a shit what they think because there's like a billion other customers who can take their place. Just read some of the threads here, especially "Customers not to approach." I had to laugh when I read that thread because I knew all the customers these girls were talking about, for example the guy who says "I'm not going to degrade you by buying a lapdance but I'd love to take you out to dinner sometime." Just move to another customer if he's a douche and don't worry about it because some customers were just born douchey and that's not your responsibility.
Now, as a nice girl, it will be hard at first to admit when a customer is a douche, because maybe he said nice things and whatnot and you feel bad about judging him. So I'll make it easy. If he's at a strip club, and he's not spending money on strippers, he is a douche no matter how nice he is.
I started out trying to be really nice to customers, being empathetic, listening to them, hoping they liked me... that shit is just stupid when you're stripping but it is a pitfall for new, naturally shy and sensitive girls. Soon enough you won't think of customers as actual 'people' though and that makes it easy to have a thick skin around them.
But the people you know in real life, who you're not just trying to make money off of... you'll probably still be shy around them!
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate it. To be honest I'm scared because I feel stripping is the only way to get out of my current situation (of being majorly in debt and still living with parents at 22). I know that's a poor excuse but this is the ONLY way I will be able to get the money to get the life I want. So even if it's horrible, I just have to find a way to deal with it and the emotional/psychological issues that come with it. So I guess I'll see what happens :)
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
Quote:
Originally Posted by
holly1025
Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate it. To be honest I'm scared because I feel stripping is the only way to get out of my current situation (of being majorly in debt and still living with parents at 22). I know that's a poor excuse but this is the ONLY way I will be able to get the money to get the life I want. So even if it's horrible, I just have to find a way to deal with it and the emotional/psychological issues that come with it. So I guess I'll see what happens :)
One of the most important lessons I have learnt from my time working, both as a dancer & in straight jobs, is that NOTHING is worth your mental health. If you read thru sm of the threads both in this section & in Life Support/Ladies Only you will find situations where girls have been traumatised at work yet are hesitant to leave that particular club b/c the $$$$ is so good. Those that stay in that kind of spot, I think they can end up even more fked up b/c remaining in an unsafe environment does not allow them to do whatever they need to do to heal.
Now, that may be kind of an extreme thing to bring up, but unfortunately it is smtg that just comes w/ the territory of stripping. Not every customer is looking to assault you, but even many of those that might make nice w/ you in any other environment take the opportunity of being in a stripclub to treat you like crap. There is a thread on here 'insulting customer comments' that says everything. Sm of us who answered you here have contributed to that thread.
If you really have such severe issues w/ self-confidence, I would strongly advise you to not simply jump headfirst into this job. It is not worth the mental/emotional stress. Try bartending or waitressing in a regular bar or nightclub & see how it goes. Use that as your confidence builder & income generator while you get yourself into better physical shape for stripping. You may just find that to be a comfortable fit anyway, & one of the fringe benefits is you get to keep your clothes on :)
Me, I am not a ppl person. Nvr have been. I have always done ok in 1-on-1 situations but I also detest strangers. I learnt to mostly make stripping work for me, but the longer I did it & the more I saw of ppl's behaviour ITC, it left me even less happy being around ppl in general. This is not to say stripping is All Bad, it is just my personal experience, but if you are having these serious doubts I think you should either start w/ a dip in the shallows or just stay out of the water entirely.
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
Hi, I would suggest you try webcam modelling. You can make good money and get practice at being scantly clad and sexy. It will also help you develop thicker skin, but in my experience most of the blokes are really nice. I struggle to interact with people in social situations without a drink but cam modelling has helped with this. I have thin skin but my camgirl alter-ego has very thick skin. In maintaining a separation between me and cam girl me, nothing can touch me, I can be bold. MFC is my fave, There many ways to make money on there and you can play it how you want.
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Re: Shy, have anxiety+thin skin, terrified of stripping...but still want to
Quote:
Originally Posted by
holly1025
Thanks for the replies, I really appreciate it. To be honest I'm scared because I feel stripping is the only way to get out of my current situation (of being majorly in debt and still living with parents at 22). I know that's a poor excuse but this is the ONLY way I will be able to get the money to get the life I want. So even if it's horrible, I just have to find a way to deal with it and the emotional/psychological issues that come with it. So I guess I'll see what happens :)
Be careful, it's never good to start stripping when you are really in bad debt. I know that's why a lot of women start, but it leaves you more vulnerable and open to compromising your principles when you otherwise wouldn't. Whenever I've let a customer push me farther than I was comfortable with or treat me with a lot of disrespect it was because I was desperate for $ at the time. So, just be careful. :)