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Poof....
You need to get a lawyer ASAP!!! Once you give a lawyer a retainer fee (a couple thousand, but nothing too extreme), you can get the ball rolling. Even though things are in his name, he shouldn't be able to just take them. Your lawyer will make sure of that. Especially if you "have" something on him. Just the fact you said he follows you is considered ABUSE, by the way. Let alone withholding money and your daughter.
Sometimes during a divorce, a lawyer can make it so that financially and materially no changes can be made until the divorce is final. (You could keep your car, possibly) Which can take a long time, especially if assets are involved.
Also please keep in mind that dancing is not illegal. So what if you dance? I was SO worried about this when I filed for divorce last fall, and it never mattered or became an issue AT ALL.
I know it's a lot to think on and can seem overwhelming, but stay strong and try to keep a clear mind. Feel free to pm me, I went through something similar very recently!
In fact, in your particular situation, working as a 100% legal exotic dancer could be interpreted positively by a family / divorce court. First, it clearly illustrates the 'desperate situation' your soon-to-be ex has dropped you into. Second, it focuses attention on the point that your soon-to-be-ex and his family are attempting to create an ( unnecessary ) financial crisis as an 'excuse' to wrest custody of your child away from you.Quote:
Also please keep in mind that dancing is not illegal. So what if you dance? I was SO worried about this when I filed for divorce last fall, and it never mattered or became an issue AT ALL.
Agree with SwanPrincess that it's of paramount importance for you to raise a couple of thousand dollars ASAP to retain a competent attorney. Without an attorney who is 100% acting in YOUR interest, you may easily be 'railroaded' into signing away rights to 'joint property' ( i.e. the car in your soon-to-be-ex's name, future pension money etc. ) as well as having your custody rights compromised. If that means dancing, so be it. Or put another way, dancing but having your own competent attorney is a preferable situation to not dancing but placing yourself at the mercy of a public defender / legal aid attorney ( whose primary interest will be to settle the case ASAP, regardless of how the outcome affects you personally ).
Also, generally speaking, if you live in a 'blue' state, family courts generally view mothers who are willing to work as exotic dancers in order to provide for themselves and their children ( because the father won't ) as a POSITIVE development ... versus potentially becoming yet another 'burden' on state social services. 'Red' state family courts can take a different view.
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Frankly, while it's true that dancing is looked down on in the more conservative states, the fact is that most "red" states are so overwhelmingly pro-mother that it hardly matters. I've seen Utah award custody to a known drug addict with no job instead of the responsible, employed, stable father simply because she was able to show that she had a stable living situation with her parents, and they will ALWAYS go with the mother if they have ANY excuse to do so. FWIW.
Still, different states react VERY differently to these situations - to the point that other than "get a lawyer", no advice is worth giving without knowing what state you're in.
Get a lawyer familiar with your local judges. A lawyer four counties down the road may not know what the local judges like to see.
Red states like people to have jobs and be off welfare.
Blue states like people to be dependant on the state.
To the OP, wishing you the best.
Im in Texas, I got a lawyer with what little money I had saved. Im trying to handle this situation somewhat peacefully so I don'tend up permanently in debt. He agreed to pay for my bills till I can get on my feet and joint custody as long as my daughter lives with him. My only hangups now is he is so against dancing I can't use it as my sole income which was my plan so im rushing to get a good job. I have friends willing to help me out so im feeling less alone. Its not ideal but its not the worst. Thanks for the advice and well wishes :)
I''m sorry but how is it his business how you earn a living now?
Dancing is not against the law, it is a 'good job'
I understand wanting things to be peaceful, but once you leave, not everything is his decision
Even in Texas..............
Good luck, if you lawyer is not telling you the same things, get a new lawyer
Sorry to hear it's rough, glad you are making progress.
I agree with Oldster that dancing can be a good job sometimes, but so many people involved with the divorce process will emphatically disagree that it's not such a bad idea to have a 'straight job' also. Even just part time until divorce is final. Preferably one with an understanding supervisor and flexible/minimal hours, so the REAL money can still be made dancing.
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He agreed to pay for my bills till I can get on my feet and joint custody as long as my daughter lives with him. My only hangups now is he is so against dancing I can't use it as my sole income which was my plan so im rushing to get a good job
It sounds like she voluntarily entered into a 'separation' agreement ... with terms that state that the soon-to-be ex will pay her bills and will allow her to visit her child, IF she agrees to quit dancing.Quote:
I''m sorry but how is it his business how you earn a living now? Dancing is not against the law, it is a 'good job'