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Boyfriends
I thought I would put my personal life on hold for those years that I'm dancing and indeed I didn't have a normal serious relationship for the entirety of my stripping years, which is 2.5. The reason for that is that I simply don't know(or don't have the guts to) how to come out and say what I do. Also, when do I say it? When I'm already in the relationship or when the relationship is still budding?
I just feel horrified to say what I do to the guy no matter what stage of relationship were in because I'm way too scared of being judged and relationship being ruined. That's what's been holding me back from actually going out there and date for so many years. I thought I'd quit dancing when I'm done with school and then I get a date, but it looks like I may continue to do so even after I graduate and in that case, I'll never date! Lol. I know however that girls have boyfriend AND they strip. How do you guys do that?
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Re: Boyfriends
Do you think that your fear of coming out about being a stripper is really a fear of being judged or your own shame/insecurity about being a stripper? I know for me it's a mixture of both. One of my best friends back home is the least judgmental person ever and has said randomly that she would strip if she ever found herself in a position to need to, but I just can't come out and tell her that I dance. I think it has more to do with my own insecurities about my job (I go back and forth between "dancing is empowering and I love it and would never want to do anything else" and "I'm such a failure for dancing and not having a 'real' job after getting my degree" constantly) than my fear of being judged by her, because in all the scenarios I can imagine I can't think of one where she would be anything but supportive as long as she knew I was doing it because I wanted to and not because I felt trapped in some way (she knows I used to dance but thinks it was just years ago).
Deciding when to come clean is definitely a hard thing to figure out and I really think it depends on the situation. On the one hand, you don't want to hold it back for a long time-- the guy might feel betrayed, hurt, and disappointed in you for lying/hiding something from him for so long, or you could become attached/develop strong feelings for someone who may be totally against the idea of you dancing, and then you're stuck in the "my boyfriend says I need to quit" situation. But on the other hand, if it is important for you to keep the fact that you're a dancer under wraps you don't want to tell someone who you have a lot of mutual friends with and then they begin blabbing about your job or things go sour and they decide to go to town with it. I think you just really have to feel the situation out, most guys that I've dated since I became a dancer I was pretty open with it and mentioned it early on in the relationship, and just said "look, I need to tell you something-- I work as a dancer at a club, and I really like it and it's a great job. I think it's important to be open and honest and I just want you to know." I've never gotten a bad reaction at the time, but overtime it's become a huge issue in a lot of my relationships. It's definitely a struggle to find someone who's OK with you being a dancer and isn't going to become judgmental/insecure about it. But the guys I was open with also weren't people who were linked to my social circle, so I had nothing to lose by being honest with them. I've dated a lot since I became a dancer, but I haven't had any meaningful, successful relationships that lasted more than a few months, unfortunately. When I dance I kind of resign myself to the fact that I'm going to be single or at least not in a long-term committed relationship.
But good luck! If you find the right guy, I'm sure you'll be fine. :) There are tons of ladies on this forum who are married or in healthy, long term relationships, so it's definitely possible.
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Re: Boyfriends
Ask yourself if you're projecting YOUR guilt and shame onto others. I met my ex as a stripper. I don't hide. Now for my current bf his family is old school Puerto Rican. He sees them maybe once every 4 years. I just played the part of bartender.
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Re: Boyfriends
i don't set out to "date" or not to date..if it happens it happens. be open to it, but you don't have to actively pursue guys or feel like you need to in order to " have it all" or be a "normal" person. but if you find somebody you click with, who ALSO will accept you and all of you ( including your profession), then go for it! there are guys out there who will be ok with you dancing, trust me. good guys. don't settle, and don't psyche yourself out or act ashamed of what you do when you go to tell them.
not traveling in conservative, tight ass, snobby circles helps too.