Fibro fog is kicking my ass today. i got in bed and totally forgot to turn off my nf lines. woke up to a call and had a moment of panic. oops!
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Fibro fog is kicking my ass today. i got in bed and totally forgot to turn off my nf lines. woke up to a call and had a moment of panic. oops!
Im in the process of completely coming off my meds, only on 20mg of my SSRI now. Im enjoying not having the side effects anymore but my energy levels seem to have dropped again - its like I cant win either too much so I cant sleep right, or not enough so Im always tired lmao
I could have written this, because these are the aliments I struggle with.
Add to it degenerative disc in my neck ( which causes really extreme headaches) and arthritis and the list is complete.
I wonder if the exhaustion from overstimulation is caused by our scoliosis. :thinking:
It would make sense. Because the curvature of the spine presses on nerves, you know what I mean?
I don't have health insurance. Meaning that I don't go to doctors. So I'll never really know for sure.
^^LOL sounds like a good addiction to have...for someone at least :)
Wow we really have so much in common!!! For years I've wondered that- I would always hunch and hold my shoulders tightly and along with my hyperactivity and acting nervous, always got diagnosed with "generalized anxiety disorder" (dumbasses it's obviously ADHD...they used to rarely diagnose women back then) and "you seem really nervous right now" etc at like job interviews or whatever, just awful. I was never sure if it was a result of anxiety or the way that you know, I'm *just mostly always in pain* from wearing heels for work or studying for school and sitting sedentary for hours and hours?!!! Stupid modern academic/corporate life, ugh. The way the muscoskeletal system, nerves, tendons, muscles in my upper back are compressed and stressed throughout the day..My boyfriends gives good deep tissue massages and always tells me he can feel knots and stuff and I can feel extremely tender, tense spots in the same places where I literally moan in intense pleasure from them being rubbed (it's better than sex LOL). I think it's technically "kyphosis" not scoliosis though, my spine is straight up and down just has a deeper curve than others and it's towards the top so I get a lot of weird ear popping, slight nausea, belchiness and shallow breathing problems sometimes too.
I had a messed up childhood too, which I think created a really obsessive perfectionism where I can't let certain things go and I mis-prioritize a lot, where it doesn't "feel" so much like ADHD but a compulsion to finish everything perfectly or else...the consequences will be dire, it's like a deep feeling of angst or "I.have.to.do.this.this.way.OR.ELSE." Even if more important things in my life goes to shit in the meantime! Weird, right?! Don't know how much of it is unmedicated ADHD or OCD/cognitive problems, complications from an abusive childhood...Cuz after all, survivors basically have learned day after day that their basic needs don't matter, so that whole brain pathway has gotten kind of fucked up and it's a hard fucking daily job to rewire it and prioritize your NEEDS over compulsions..That's a huge thing all across the abuse survivor , mental illness and neurodiverse communities. Remind yourself to take care of yourself in direct opposition to what you were either taught at the knee or what your own brain is telling you as default...
I'm sorry, sounds like you have it worse than me! You really should go to healthcare.gov, there's I PROMISE something for everyone there. It may take a bit to get approved since you have to show them income or tax statements. But I got it, and I'm the ultimate procrastinator. Stay strong!
Thank You for sharing.
We could definitely be twins, because everything you talked about, is my story too.
( Except the massages from the boyfriend). He sounds like a caring individual. Very rare. A keeper, for sure.
I know what you mean about massages being better than sex. That's how I feel about massages too.. It makes sense.
How can we enjoy ourselves if we are in pain, and not relaxed?
*For which I've invested in a massage chair, foot massager, portable neck massager, etc.
I'm sure the abuse that happened to us in childhood plays a big part. I've had all kinds of therapy to help deal with it. But, some scars are too deep on my psyche. I'm sure you know what I mean.
Thank You for the health insurance information.
The reason I don't have it, is because most doctors that I've seen in the past just wanted to do surgery, or prescribe medicine.
My parents, thank God, had the best insurance at the time that I was diagnosed. Because of the scoliosis, I spent WAY too much time at the doctor's office, and hospital. I had X-rays taken every few weeks for over 10 years straight! Jesus, if the radiation hasn't killed me, nothing will. Lol!
Doctors freak me out, and I avoid them like the plague.
I started researching holistic ways to heal myself about 25 years ago.
So far, it's been serving me well.
The bottom line, is that I've learned to know, and honor my limits.
With how much energy I put towards work, play, dealing with friends and their constant need for attention. Even something as simple as errands. I have to pace myself, and not take on too much at a time.
Dealing with chronic fatigue has been the biggest challenge, to be honest.
I never know if I'm doing too much, until it's too late.
Then, I crash and burn.
Camming is more stressful than I honestly thought it would be.
But, with all of my health issues, it's the lesser of two evils. Do you know what I mean?
At least with camming, I can be home, and stop to rest when I need to. No boss breathing down my neck. No insanely long hours to keep.
I'm battling some of the worst fatigue i've ever had. all I want to do is sleep.
^^Times like that are so hard to cope with. I remember a week long battle I had like that when I was teaching Spin full-time; I was incredibly exhausted day after day. It was the most upsetting & confusing time for me because I was eating healthy plus hydrating.
I'm sorry to hear. Sending you good vibes.
Fibro/Chronic Fatigue girls: Do you ever wake up kinda feeling...a level of fatigue where all you want to do is eat a good breakfast, then go back to sleep, and maybe watch streaming videos or TV shows all day, but then you realize you REALLY need to work?
I really had to pull up my big girl pants today because the everything is so prime for me to take a personal day. The climate is just right inside my shitty insulated apartment - not too humid, not too dry. Not too hot, not too cold. You know how climate and temperature can affect your body's ability to function, right?
My inner child was like, "But I DON'T WANNA work!" Then the grown up was like, "That's okay that you don't want to work. Now put on your lipstick, set up your camera, and sit your ass down in front of the camera!"
But seriously, there's times when I have to listen to my body and I just can't, but there are times in my getting my shit together journey when I have to acknowledge that I don't wanna, but I do it anyway. Still, I have to check in with myself that I'm not pushing/punishing myself. I am a slave to my body, you know!
Its a daily struggle. The only reason I get up is the dogs have to go out and pets have to be fed. Otherwise, I'd give up in general and just be done with life. I can not self care at all due to needing to work practically around the clock to pay my bills, literally 25 hours a week at the farm on top of camming/phones (not paid out at the farm, they are my own animals I have to care for) and do all this alone. If given the chance, I could honestly sleep for 20 hours a day, everyday. I dont have friends. I dont go out. No one calls me, texts me or invites me anywhere. Why though? I cant. I'm either busting my ass to make money or I'm passed out. I dont date since my ex left 2 years ago. I did have an interest a few months back but I pushed him away cause I'm a mess. I regret it now but oh well, story of my life. I hate that my mind wants to live but my body has given up.
I skipped one set of my blood tests (for thyroid and hypocalcemia) and also started again to "forget" to take some of my calcium. It's like I am asking for trouble. I am in a bad place mentally, I look for every little thing I can find that went bad and I catastrophize it. It's like I am tryin to harm myself by purpose. Why can't I see the bright side of things instead *hitting head against wall* . I need to redo my blood tests asap (my mood could be because them beeing off) and also come back into my routine and self care (working out, reading, sleeping enoguh, listening to motivatiional stuff). Also, another thing, I need to stop thinking about the future and live the moment. I catastrophize it also, evan if it did not happen yet. YUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.
All this shit affects my work like fuck also, I need to take control againnn.
Yes, everyday.
The worst part, is that I can't sleep during the day.
As tired as I am. If the sun is up, so am I.:'(
I have blackout curtains, and use an eye mask, but I still can't sleep.
I'm just now realizing that stopping work to just sit with my eyes closed for a while, makes a world of difference.
It's rejuvenating, even if the energy only lasts for an hour or more.
Are you working nights? If you do, you should definitely make sure you are getting enough sleep/rest and work out but even then, it might not be enough to keep anxiety low. I noticed when I was working only nights, my anxiety was always present. For a few months now I've been working days and got very good night sleep. My anxiety was not there, even for a day. I lost a couple of nights of sleep and here I am, all anxious and panicking for no reason. I am now sure that night sleep plays a huge role in anxiety disorder.
It's annoying for me now, although I know how to control my anxiety, when I am tired, is like I have no power over it. I also plan to start exercising again, I exercise at home and hate it during summer so I didn't exercise since may but it might be about time to get back at it since it seems like I am slowly fucking my sleep schedule and so my anxiety will be all over the place again until I get my shit together.
I definitely prefer camming to what I've done before for so many reasons. I often wonder how people used to cope with chronic illnesses before the internet where they can work from home..then I think romantically back to all the famous reclusive writers or artists who corresponded by writing alone. I think Julia Child cowrote her famous first book with a woman in France while she lived in the US. Anyway we have a wider variety of things and resources now available online though, so I'm super grateful to live in our times where we have more options. Could be worse for sure.
Sorry about your struggles, I wish I could magically take away all the pain and fatigue we suffer for no reason... but it sounds like you've got a handle on it. Better than me for sure! I'm off in my own world most of the time.... I love that you figured out better ways to treat yourself. So much of healing is your needs being listened to and unfortunately many doctors arent great at that.
By the way, do those back and neck massagers work? Never had one!
Thank You for your kind words.
Everything you said about being able to work from home is so true.
Back in the day, I had to suck up the pain, and go outside of my home to work.
Stripping at the club, private party dancing, a corporate sales job.
I know that wearing high heels everyday and night did permanent damage on my neck and back. Thankfully my feet are fine.
Yes, the massagers work great.
These are the ones I have, along with a massage chair.
Oftentimes I'll have the foot massager and the back massager ( on my lower back), going while I'm camming. No one can tell. They have a heat option too.
They're not that expensive either.
Please let me know when you get one, and how much you love it. Because you definitely will.
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I am not working nights. But i have been in a roadtrip in vacation recently and my sleep schedule got screwed up (most of the nights i did not get proper sleep). That is why my self care routine got broken aswell. Now that I came back it seems that everyday i need todo something or something comes up and it cannot get enough hours of sleep either (for example todaymy electicity was off for 4-5 h because of a scheduled maintanance , and i woke up early so i can work just to find out i can't. Now i gotta work untill later hours and wake up early tomorrow aswell cause i gotta take my dog to the vet). And when i am tired i don't do well either. I belive it is my health problems that make my body not cope well with beeing tired. My anxiety goes torugh the roof when I am tired, I shut myself down and cannot stop negative toughts. So it does make sense what you are saying. Working out helps for sure. As an advice for girls with anxiety and panik attacks, working out is a blessing. One year ago I had a stupid combo of anxiety, panic attacks and insomnia (had all those because of another helth problem- not mental related) and the only moment when my body would stop shaking it was when I worked out or when I did breathing exercises (i belive it is some sort of meditation?). I think I have read that when you eat or work out your brain does not think it is in danger anymore (thinking in an animal type of way: if a deer is eating; it means she is not in danger- she considers the field to be safe of wolfs lol).
Now I just need to pull it back together and apply my own advices to myself HAHA ! Yesterday I did some garden work and it felt so good !
My most expensive medication just went generic (yay)
https://media2.giphy.com/media/Eg3TqBTfzOlzO/giphy.gif
that's over $700 per month i'm now able to put into savings :D
Having a really bad day. My anxiety is through the roof and I'm in a derealization episode. I'm trying hard to be positive, but my thoughts keep bringing me down. I'm catastrophizing in a major way. And since it's super slow, I just keep thinking I won't be able to pay my bills this way. I'm also thinking of the worst case scenarios: I'll end up homeless. Ugh, this is really fucking up my ability to make money.
Can someone offer some advice to help me calm down?
Girl, is because of the Full Moon! I felt the same yesterday and all morning today. It will pass, just stay in the present moment and try not to believe your thoughts. You are NOT your thoughts.
Watch cat videos. Eat something yummy, drink lots of water, do some yoga (especially an inversion or two). Watch a crazy funny movie. You know it's not helping to stay online when you are not in a good mood, to me that is the worst thing I can do to myself.
I promise you that tomorrow you will feel much better, and OF COURSE you will be able to pay your bills. You have a whole Universe behind you, that only awaits for you to feel better and tune back in to the frequency of abundance! But you deserve a bit of time off today!
Sending you a big hug and lots of good energy. Oh and if you have a selenite Crystal, or even better, an Onix one, keep it close. It will help!
Thank you so much. I think I'll take today off and watch a funny movie. I might even watch The Secret again. Sister, I appreciate you offering such good advice and the good vibes.
I'm going to eat healthy and do a couple yoga inversion poses too. I'm going to follow your advice.
I did read about the full moon. I didn't even think that might have something to do with how I feel. You're right...I'll feel better tomorrow.
The moon has the power to move the waters of the seas and oceans. The human body is 70something % water. So, of course the moon affects us too, and if you would see the astral chart of this particular Full Moon, you would understand why you feel like you do. Lots of fire, a few heavy planets, oppositions and all kinds of aspects that I don't even understand myself, in this chart. But they will move on soon.
On a good note, this configuration helps us with our goals. The idea for everyone is that if you have a goal set, or a plan, you should NOT give it up in the next few months, till the end of December, even if there will be challenges. If you stick to your plan, you will be rewarded after December, as your plans will come out better than you hoped for. That is what this planet configuration means now.
I am logging off now too.
Kisses, I am happy to be here for you whenever you need an advice, as long as I am able to help!