-
Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
Hey everyone :) I need some advice:
I have been single for the last two years, and I finally feel that I am ready to start dating again. The only issue is, I am currently a camgirl and I'm not at that retiring phase yet, having only started about five months ago. I have spoken to a few guys who all say that they would never be faithful to a camgirl/exotic dancer because of what we do. What I would like to know from you ladies who are attached etc, how do you hold it together? Do you have to make certain concessions because of what you do, or do things operate as they normally would?
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
The kind of guy who wouldn't be faithful to a camgirl or dancer doesn't seem like he would be faithful in the first place..
Dating can be difficult, but I've got a good thing going with a really good friend of mine.
I've known him for like ten years, though. I was PSO for a while before I switched mainly to camming, but even before that my trust in men at large was basically zilch. This has just exacerbated things, really fast.
I would say, have fun and date, but steer away from relationships with guys you don't know very well.
And be open about what you do, when you're actually in a relationship. Let your guy know when you had good days and bad days, just the same as you'd hear from him. It's important to build up trust and respect.
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
Thank you so much for your post :) x
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
When I started camming, I was in a relationship and it wasn't a big deal. Once he realized I had no real attraction to other guys, he was turned on by my job. Then we broke up and I've started dating again. The hardest part for me is when to divulge that I'm a camgirl. I actually have started doing online dating for that very reason.
Some people I've told immediately and others I've waited for a while. Sometimes it goes over well, other times it's the end of it, haha.
There are definitely guys out there who are okay with it and even enjoy it.
I'm still searching for that guy, but not giving up hope yet!
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
The kind of guys that say they would never be faithful to girls who do adult work is not the kind you want to be in a relationship with. Consider it a blessing that you know up front.
When you are proud and own what you do, the men you want to have any kind of relationship with have to reflect that.
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Marina Starr
The kind of guys that say they would never be faithful to girls who do adult work is not the kind you want to be in a relationship with. Consider it a blessing that you know up front.
Exactly. No self respecting woman should even want to be in a relationship with the type of piece of shit, misogynist, slut shaming man who would say something like that.
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
I agree, if a guy says he won't be faithful to you, for whatever reason at all, he is NOT the kind of guy you want a relationship with! Especially if he tells you from the start, that's kinda dumb.
I do however, think it is more likely that you'll find a healthy relationship with a guy who doesn't want to be in a traditional, monogamous relationship while you're camming. Some guys are able to be that cool about it, but let's face it-- you're being intimate with others while camming, and you probably enjoy some of those cam sessions, and probably connect on an emotional level with some of your customers. Therefore, I think that if you're open to being in a non-monogamous relationship, the men who are too will be more likely to not see your job as a threat to your intimacy with them.
I'm in one of those relationships. My husband and I have been playing with others-- at BDSM events, swingers parties and at our house (including having girls sleep in our bed-- not guys, only because he's straight and doesn't want a guy in his bed, but we've had guys spend the night after playing in the guest room) since the beginning of our relationship, before I started camming. If you look for a guy who doesn't see having sex with others (and being friends with those you have sex with) as a threat to your relationship with him, he probably won't care that you cam for a living.
But if you want this kind of guy, you also have to be willing to let him be with other women. And I know many girls freak out about that. So it might not be for you. Just my two cents. :)
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
Right? Same goes for the ones that say they'll leave if they can't hit it after the third date!
http://i158.photobucket.com/albums/t...ps34752858.gif
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MarvelGirl
Exactly. No self respecting woman should even want to be in a relationship with the type of piece of shit, misogynist, slut shaming man who would say something like that.
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SimoneGray
I have spoken to a few guys who all say that they would never be faithful to a camgirl/exotic dancer because of what we do.
Wow. So because of what we do for a living, they'd be more than willing to fuck us, but to be faithful to us would be out of the question? SMH. It makes me sad to read stuff like that, but I don't even know why I'm surprised. Fucking men...ugh.
I would never want to be with a man who hates my job so much that he feels his disgust with it gives him a free pass to cheat. Fuck that. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than to deal with that kinda shit.
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
luvnrockets
I do however, think it is more likely that you'll find a healthy relationship with a guy who doesn't want to be in a traditional, monogamous relationship while you're camming.
I can second this. My husband and I are polyamorous. We currently have other partners outside of our relationship. None of our partners have a problem with my profession. Sex positive people are more open to sex work IMO.
Also, this is why I love online dating. I say upfront in my bio that I'm a cammodel. So there is no awkwardness after the third date of them finding out what you do and having a problem with it.
Those guys that say that they will not be faithful to a camgirl or exotic dancer, fuck them. FUUUCK THEM. They will be missing out on the opportunity to be dating a woman that is strong, independent, successful, and self sufficient. Aren't these qualities that men look for in woman?
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SimoneGray
What I would like to know from you ladies who are attached etc, how do you hold it together? Do you have to make certain concessions because of what you do, or do things operate as they normally would?
My personal experience has been that when you find a partner that has a great self-awareness of his/her own personal issues and does not use jealous as an excuse to behave badly that he/she will have no problem understanding that you work a job like any other and therefore no special concessions are needed anymore then if you had a 'intimate' job such as a nurse or psychologist.
Can you imagine how many nurses would laugh their asses off if their partners claimed that it was a sexual thing when they shaved a man's balls to get him for ready surgery?
Can you imagine a psychologist's partner getting angry after hearing they were listening to a patient who was talking about the sexual problems they were experiencing?
Why should our jobs be any different?
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
Ive been with my BF for over 7 years. I started camming 2 years ago. He actually got me into it... (I actually have a very low sex-drive and dont have sex a lot, which is the way its been since we've been together.) Everything was fine at first... but then I start getting the... "Wheres MY show?" "You get lots of guys off, but you cant get ME off??". This being said to me by the man Ive been with for a while, someone who has had so much patience with my low-sex drive in the past, is extremely hurtful. Basically, even though he got me into it, and he doesnt mind I do it, I think sex still got to his brain from seeing me never be sexually outgoing or even talk dirty to seeing me masturbate and be sexy all the time online. Sex is the means for reproduction for the human race. I think that's why it seems to overpower a mans head ALL THE TIME (generally speaking). Hes a great guy and Im super lucky to have him, but I just had to keep it in check. ;) I had to explain to him that Im still the same girl with a low-sex drive that he has been with since day one. Im just an actress now :P He gets it.
What advice can I give? Im not sure... Show him the world of camming as much as possible. I think men generally think we just log on, stick a finger in our cooch and make bank. Show him that this is actually hard work. I know I gained a little more respect from my BF once he saw that I was working hard and making a [porn]name for myself :P Maybe involve him if hes the right type? If not online then have him help you with pics, videos, tech stuff. I think involving him in what you do may make for a stronger relationship (not for everyone though). I think sometimes for a bf/webcam gf its just a matter of perception- how they see us VS how it really is behind the scenes!
Good luck :)
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
audritwo
Those guys that say that they will not be faithful to a camgirl or exotic dancer, fuck them. FUUUCK THEM. They will be missing out on the opportunity to be dating a woman that is strong, independent, successful, and self sufficient. Aren't these qualities that men look for in woman?
YESSSS a million times YESSSSSSSS
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SimoneGray
I have spoken to a few guys who all say that they would never be faithful to a camgirl/exotic dancer because of what we do.
So they'd date one for the "trophy" aspect but cheat on them? Nice...
Guys like that would honestly find any reason to "justify" cheating on their SO. The guys who told you this are just scum in general, and it actually has nothing to do with the job. They're just throwing it out as an excuse. Not all men are like this. There are plenty of girls on this board who have loving boyfriends and husbands who are ok with them camming.
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
Yes it is possible. I know I got very lucky with my boyfriend. I didn't tell him at first but the longer we were dating eventually he found out and I just said I was worried about him being mad or whatever. Then eventually he wants to do it so I mentioned streamate and chaturbate and he signs himself up. He has kept his part time job, been in uni still, and cam on the side.
Just recently we started doing couples show on chaturbate for fun to see what happened. He already had a bit of a following there for a few months then just added my pics of license/face/etc to add me to his account. We made like 5000 tokens in less than 2 hrs and he went to the atm after we signed off and got me half the $ that day. I am happy it is working out so well and I am excited for the next show. So it is possible to cam and be in a relationship. we have our own bedrooms but live in the same apartment so when we want to cam solo it is no big deal just lock our bedroom door for a couple hours and get along when it comes to internet speeds lol.
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
It's very possible to have a relationship if you want one, you don't have to jump out the gate and tell them what you do unless you want to. I've dated while being a sex worker and its a matter of comfort. If you have your own place then its a lot easier to have work and personal separate. if the relationship moves in a direction where he is over all the time then you might want to set new boundaries I remember I use to work while my bf at the time slept right behind me under the covers.
The guy I am seeing now just happens to be in the same industry never thought I would find one. it made things a little easier in being open and talking about work like a "normal" couple and me not being worried about taking down my voyeur cams unless I wanted to then the bonus of him getting excited when I told him I made clip sales or how much I made camming or him actually making comments on my private shows videos - one time he thought the girl in the video was someone else made me laugh. cause I was dressed so casual/bum like.
basically it boils down to if the guy/girl has good intentions and wants to be with you for the right reasons then a relationship could work out its just a matter of putting yourself out there. the work can create a concrete wall and that isn't fun to break down but letting someone in isn't that scary as it might seem cause of the work we do.
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
It's very possible to have a relationship if you want one, you don't have to jump out the gate and tell them what you do unless you want to. I've dated while being a sex worker and its a matter of comfort. If you have your own place then its a lot easier to have work and personal separate. if the relationship moves in a direction where he is over all the time then you might want to set new boundaries I remember I use to work while my bf at the time slept right behind me under the covers.
The guy I am seeing now just happens to be in the same industry never thought I would find one. it made things a little easier in being open and talking about work like a "normal" couple and me not being worried about taking down my voyeur cams unless I wanted to then the bonus of him getting excited when I told him I made clip sales or how much I made camming or him actually making comments on my private shows videos - one time he thought the girl in the video was someone else made me laugh. cause I was dressed so casual/bum like.
basically it boils down to if the guy/girl has good intentions and wants to be with you for the right reasons then a relationship could work out its just a matter of putting yourself out there. the work can create a concrete wall and that isn't fun to break down but letting someone in isn't that scary as it might seem cause of the work we do.
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
None of the guys I've dated have had a problem with my job. No jealousy or insecurity, although one would complain that I was in lingerie all day with strangers but when he'd get home, I'd be in sweats...Lol
The guys that say they'd never be faithful or act insecure would never get to the point of being my bf. I don't want close minded people in my life as anything.
I also usually tell a guy by the 2nd date. Jobs usually come up as "ice breaker" conversations and I don't want to lie. I also find that weeds out the losers fast because you can tell a lot about them by their reaction.
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
I have had guys have problems with what I do to make money. Many dates, he asks I tell. I had some nice guys walk away from me due to my choice of work. Never had a guy say he would not be faithful to me tho, wth is that all about?
The guys that said it would not work with us due to my choice of work had been nice guys, and honest. made me feel good. I guess I would worry about the guy who said he does not care at all that is cool. I would rather be questioned about how I go about working, and why I chose it.
Dunno just me.
The asshats that say they would date a cammer but not be faithful are probably thinking she/he is cheating anyway online so wtf, I will be unfaithful.
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
Ugh, I'm sorry to start this off on a bad note but I'm sick of bitch ass men who "could never be faithful to dancers/camgirls". First of all, unless you are doing extras there's a definitely line of demarcation that we do not cross with our customers. I don't consider dancing or virtual/solo masturbation to be cheating as it is not intercourse. Even those women that escort separate business from personal. I can see how sex may be an issue for most, but camming and dancing are completely different hustles. These men need realize that it really is just our job, and nothing more.
I understand that some guys have this ownership complex when it comes to who they date (that's my pussy, ass, tits I don't like you showing it off, etc)but come on now. If they can't date or marry a sex worker because of what she does, I get that, but I can't stand it when they misconstrue things and throw cheating into the mix.
If there are ANY guys reading this listen (or watch) closely. When you go to work, you work, and come home. You do not continue to work on the clock when you are at home, you are done, over, finished unless you work overtime from home. MOST people who clock out of work do not continue whilst home. If you work at Mcdonald's flipping burgers once you are off the clock you don't go home and pick up another shift in your own kitchen. The definition of cheating is to act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain advantage. The only thing we're gaining is money. Period. When we log off that site or walk out the strip club, we go home and relax or enjoy our friends/family. It is only a job. #endrant
Now, some advice. OP, not every guy is going to be okay with what you do. Matter of fact, a lot are hypocrites. They watch and pay for porn, etc but do not want to be associated with a sex worker outside of their jerk off time. I think it all depends on how comfortable you are with what you do and who you want knowing. Some of us are very private and keep this job to ourselves and fear that if we tell a guy we're dating he'll bolt. Some will, that's life. If you are okay with anyone knowing, I'd tell the person you're with on the first date because it's better to drop the bomb early so that later after your mind and body are invested in that person they don't break your heart. Some guys are going to freak out and not call you after, some will try and fuck you by assuming you're easy, some will be okay with it at first, then break up with you after some thought, and some will stay with you and accept you for who you are. Your job (if you want to be in a relationship) is to decide which one of those guys are worth your time. At the end of the day, it's entirely up to you.
Even those of us getting out of the industry have to face this because some guys will freak out once they find out "what you used to do" so I think it's best to be honest. I didn't always think like this but after being in a crazy, relationship for 4 years with a hypocritical misogynist; it taught me that honesty is always the best policy. I didn't know it at the time but I dated and married a guy who would masturbate and pay cammodels and then when I got back into it myself he slut shammed me and them. This fool slut shammed so bad yet I found photos on his SM account of cammodel's who wrote his name on their tits! HAH.
I wish you the best of luck. Don't let ANY of these men you date make you feel less than because of how you decide to make your money. Fuck em'. Those who mind won't matter and those who matter won't mind.
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
You gotta find...less conservative menz. Sex positive people, like in the queer/kink/poly community are far more likely to be accepting of your job. So try to filter out the douchey conservative bros as much as possible and you should be fine. Added bonus: these people are usually up on feminist issues so you won't have to deal with casual misogyny either. Or maybe you will, but less of it haha :(
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
My partner doesn't mind at all that I cam- in fact, I think it kind of makes him desire me more in a way. He's not into cuckold or anything, just I think enjoys the fact that other men want me, but they have to pay. It reinforces that what we have is 'real'. They exist- I've learned from him that truly kind, generous, loving, and faithful men exist out there.
Agreed that sex positive men will generally be more accepting. They might even think it's cool, or a turn on.
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
luvnrockets
I agree, if a guy says he won't be faithful to you, for whatever reason at all, he is NOT the kind of guy you want a relationship with! Especially if he tells you from the start, that's kinda dumb.
I do however, think it is more likely that you'll find a healthy relationship with a guy who doesn't want to be in a traditional, monogamous relationship while you're camming. Some guys are able to be that cool about it, but let's face it-- you're being intimate with others while camming, and you probably enjoy some of those cam sessions, and probably connect on an emotional level with some of your customers. Therefore, I think that if you're open to being in a non-monogamous relationship, the men who are too will be more likely to not see your job as a threat to your intimacy with them.
I'm in one of those relationships. My husband and I have been playing with others-- at BDSM events, swingers parties and at our house (including having girls sleep in our bed-- not guys, only because he's straight and doesn't want a guy in his bed, but we've had guys spend the night after playing in the guest room) since the beginning of our relationship, before I started camming. If you look for a guy who doesn't see having sex with others (and being friends with those you have sex with) as a threat to your relationship with him, he probably won't care that you cam for a living.
But if you want this kind of guy, you also have to be willing to let him be with other women. And I know many girls freak out about that. So it might not be for you. Just my two cents. :)
I don't agree with this. Camming and stripping isn't escorting or swinging. I don't agree that in order for a bf or husband to be faithful to you, you have to allow them to be able to boink other women, that to me is completely insane. Now I will agree that open minded couples who do swing are generally okay with the adult industry, camming and dancing doesn't involve sex.
I do not connect with any of my customers on an emotional level, nor do I consider what I do for them to be intimate at all. I take off my clothes and "solo masturbate" or dance in front of a camera while they masturbate from their phone, tablet, or computer and they pay me for it. That's it. It's a fantasy. With escorting it may be a bit harder to convince a guy but even most of them disconnect during sex and they are a fantasy as well.
Camming and stripping (unless the person is doing extras) is more of a tease and go than anything and is no excuse for cheating. If I had a partner who thought he could go screw other women because I'm a cammodel he'd be out the door. No excuse at all. Now if he wanted to work at chip and dale's and cam himself he'd be on my level but fucking another woman? OH HELLLLLLLS NAW.
-
Re: Can I hold together a relationship while being a camgirl?