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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
If you quit & have to quit school in order to work enough hours to pay the bills. Will you resent him?
If you do quit, he still might use the fact you used to cam against you in EVERY argument to get his way. That you are NOT his equal or good enough for him.
Seen this play out way to many times, that it isn't funny.
Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.
Mae West
He is great.. Does he plan to marry you? Did he propose? Have you met his family? Has he met yours? Is he your future?
Only he should see you naked. Funny, cause he ain't your husband. Is there a ring on your finger to stake that claim? Just because he is fucking you NOW, does NOT in any way shape or form give him ownership over it. So he loves for you to be sexually free with him for free in life, but no ring, no engagement doesn't really give him the right to ask you to quit either.
Apparently, he knew what you did going into this relationship now some part of you is unacceptable. What is he giving up for you? Would he take a pay cut to keep you happy? Would he change jobs for you?
MORE IMPORTANTLY did you both change your facebook status to being in a relationship with eachother. It's not real until then. haha
Sam
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
From my experience, I would not wish anyone to quit at that juncture in a relationship.
While love is budding at 6 months and there is the opportunity for change is looming in your future (school)- please don't take his "cue" and the timing to lead you into the decision to quit. The red flag at 6 months leads me to ask:
Does he understand and appreciate the time, energy and devotion that you pour into your work?
Can he see past his own inflated insecurities to empathize with you?
In my experience, I met a guy and sparks flew. He was not supportive of camming. While he assured me he "loved" me, whether he actually did or was using the term loosely to show affection, when he learned I was falling for him and in a spot of transition- he pushed VERY HARD to keep me from it.
I stopped it all because he convinced me my work was "unfair" to him
Looking back I feel that because I caved, I gave him more control to call the shots in my life. And while I won't go into how that ended- your scenario raised enough red flags to me that I wanted to share.
The insecurities aren't about what you're doing as much as they are about him. Don't be easily moved make major changes in your life for someone who, despite your empathy, does not completely accept you.
Always remember to do what's best for you. Although dating is not always easy in the lifestyle, you always need to be true to loving yourself :)
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
Absolutley not! I quit dancing for both of my husbands, and they always threw it in my face whenever we had a fight, or when I wore something sexy and revealing. I would have dreams of dancing when I went to sleep, I felt so restricted.
They were both uber wealthy, so i did have a taste of life without finacial worries. I did enjoy that part.
Now, I'm way too set in my ways to deal with any opinions from a man about what I choose to do with my life.
You're young, so maybe it will be different for You.
I would just approach with caution.
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
For a boyfriend, no. I want to say yes for a husband who financial supported me but I don't think I'd want to be with someone who'd want me to quit this job. Camming isn't just a job/money for me its also an outlet. Its very much part of who I am because its allows me to express my exhibitionist, narcissistic, high sex drive characteristics.
Plus I've never been dependent on anyone so I'm not sure that's something I could do. I like making and having my own money and being independent. When I think of someone financially supporting me I instantly think of how things were back in the day....allowance, the guy holding the card and having control of the money, and the guy having the keys/car. If and when I quit this job its going to be on my own accord. I'm not quitting just because someone else wants me to. I feel like quitting for someone else and them financially supporting me is too much control for 1 person to have and I don't like being controlled at all.
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
You are right! I think in a way guys are threatened by the money we make. Im going to to stay strong and keep camming because i fucking love it.
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
omg i thought i was the only one with this problem.. and then i thought i was the most selfish person for not wanting to quit,
now i know i am not alone and that i definitely do not want to quit. I like making money from camming to pay bills and what not. he cant even make half of the bills we are supposed to pay!
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
Hell no. I want a man that accepts me for me. This type of work allows me to live the life that i want. Ive had boyfriends so supportive they buy my toys and clean them for me between sessions. lol Don't like it? Hit the road jack.
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Rileysage
omg i thought i was the only one with this problem.. and then i thought i was the most selfish person for not wanting to quit,
now i know i am not alone and that i definitely do not want to quit. I like making money from camming to pay bills and what not. he cant even make half of the bills we are supposed to pay!
You are not selfish! You just found a occupation that you enjoy doing. Being a camgirl is a job that is not as common but thats okay. People need to learn how to accept it!:)
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heidi_M
You are not selfish! You just found a occupation that you enjoy doing. Being a camgirl is a job that is not as common but thats okay. People need to learn how to accept it!:)
I often look at it this way, a job is something you do, till you find a career, camming is a career, not a job!
So ask yourself this: Would you quit your career doing something else for your man? not likely!
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
I love y'all so fucking much and I'm so proud to know you. Pretty much every time I prepare to get all therapist-y sex educator-y up in a thread, other girls have already said everything I would have said as a professional sex therapist to a real life client. Seriously. Cam girls know where it's at. :D Consider going into social work or marriage and family therapy when you retire.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heidi_M
I met a great guy. We have been dating for about six months (yes I know not very long). [...] I told him I would quit in the future if there was a serious commitment. I love camming; he thinks my nakedness should be for him only. Leaving my past behind is very tough for me because I have been camming for about five years. Camming is a part of me. Are there guys out there that are not threatened by their girlfriend camming? [...] Maybe I have been meeting the wrong guys but most of my boyfriends have not been cool with me camming.
I'm just going to highlight and synthesize the advice that a relationship therapist would give (if said therapist was unable to ask you questions to get more specific information for a targeted reply).
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Originally Posted by
SaraLaughs
I'd honestly just probably never be able to be with someone long term that didn't support that I have complete autonomy over my own body and future...
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Originally Posted by
Fitandpretty
Exactly! Never trust a man to take care of you [...] I would not change a job that I love for someone else's insecurity.
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Originally Posted by
Sam38g
Did he take [your needs] into consideration? [...] Does he have your best interest at heart or just his ego? [...]
So you have to ask yourself, who benefits the most & who is making all the sacrifices.
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Originally Posted by
Sam38g
If you quit & have to quit school in order to work enough hours to pay the bills. Will you resent him?
If you do quit, he still might use the fact you used to cam against you in EVERY argument to get his way. That you are NOT his equal or good enough for him.
Seen this play out way to many times, that it isn't funny.
[...]Only he should see you naked. [...] Just because he is fucking you NOW, does NOT in any way shape or form give him ownership over it.
[...]Apparently, he knew what you did going into this relationship now some part of you is unacceptable.
MORE IMPORTANTLY did you both change your facebook status to being in a relationship with eachother. It's not real until then. haha
A therapist would not say that last part, but it's hella funny.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Blovely
Camming isn't just a job/money for me its also an outlet. Its very much part of who I am because its allows me to express my exhibitionist, narcissistic, high sex drive characteristics.
And you saw that most women said essentially these same things. You've got a lot of confirmation here.
What you've said and what a lot of women have picked up on is that he's insecure and is trying to sop that up by controlling you, which is never a recipe for an equal partnership/healthy relationship. Did he literally say that your "nakedness should be for him only"? That's kinda creepy.
There's this famous marriage therapist, John Gottman. Independent studies have consistently shown that more couples who go to Gottman certified therapists stay together than couples who go to any other kind of relationship therapist (Emotion Focused Therapy is the second most successful in terms of couples staying together). So that's a long winded way of saying this dude knows his stuff. He identified the four "most corrosive negative behavior patterns" in relationships and called them "the four horsemen of the apocalypse." These are the behaviors that tear relationships apart in the most painful, destructive way possible.
http://www.gottmanblog.com/2013/04/t...criticism.html
Going off of what you said only... He's trying to act like you're hurting him (when your job is not doing anything to him) and he's trying to act like there's something wrong with you for doing your job. He's starting to display tiny bits of horsemen Defensiveness and Contempt. He's like, a human version of a fear biting dog. Obviously this is not a good sign, particularly at only 6 months. Like Sam said, what's he going to be like further down the line?
You said two things that caught my attention. You told him you would quit camming if there was a serious commitment and you said that all your boyfriends have not been cool with you camming. Other girls have commented that their partners are fine with their camming (mine is too*); guys who are cool with the profession are out there...surely we didn't snap them all up. What do you think it is you're doing that's contributing to the problem? Is it that insecure guys appeal to you? When you give the big, "I'm a cam girl!" reveal, how are you rolling it out? Like it's a bonus he gets with dating you or like you've got leukemia? Why is it that you told this boyfriend you would quit? As in, did he request and you agreed or did you offer apropos of nothing? I'm in no way, shape or form saying that this is your fault! When we find ourselves in a pattern, we should start examining what we're doing to keep the pattern going.
*I've got to say that when my partner and I moved in together, he got a little bitchy about my camming. I'd been camming for years before him and he was cool with it (we met in the kink community) but he got a little bit of The Feels when he could hear and see me having sexytime fun with other guys. But see, he could only hear me, he wasn't privy to all the shit that we cam girls are (both on the monitor and IRL) so it sounded like camming was all sunshine and kittens that kept me from spending time with him and gave that time to anonymous jerkoffs. In his words, he knew the real story because he'd known me for years and (as I am wont to do) I complained/talked about camming a lot but it was a different thing seeing it in our home, so the sneaky anxiety spiral started.
We made sure to talk to each other like grownups (no horsemen), I made sure to spend quality time with him when not working and as time went on he saw more and more evidence that reinforced what he had already known. Feathers were smoothed in fewer than two months and now stuff like this happens.
TL: DR You guys are all awesome. Heidi's boyfriend is harnessing the horsemen of the relationship apocalypse and she just said that she won't stop a job that she loves = this whole giant-ass post is just me stroking my ego or some shit but I took the time to write it so I'ma post it anyway.
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
I have lost two serious relationships due to camming now. I figure if they can't accept me when I'm doing something I love, they'll be hard pressed to accept me when I'm in a miserable transitional period and hate my life once I quit. I wouldn't quit even if they offered to pay all my bills. I don't like relying on people that can bolt and I don't like feeling stuck. I've gone the stay-at-home GF/sugar baby route before where I didn't have to do anything other than look pretty and be arm candy... It was hellish. I got so bored after a few months, it was unbearable.
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
Before I got with my current mister I was dating and everyone had a problem with my job. No biggy thats like sayimg you have a problem with my hair, weight, eye color ect. I'm not upset because of you. we both may go our separate ways. Anyways I was still lonely seeking just friends. The guy talked me into dating him then dumped me because I had the job I had. I was pretty annoyed at my waste of time. He said maybe if you quit... NOPE sir no!
Thank goodness ..
The guy I'm with helps with my work, actually makes my clipstore pretty popular and We are happy and I don't ever feel like I need to change me.
I'm a cam girl, phone sex lady, whatever you may call it. I did this before I did you and thats the level of importance when it comes to those things.
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
Hell mutha fuckin no esp since you love it and it's part of you, as you claim. A S/O should love YOU, all of you including camming....I think whoever wants you to quit is just power trippin..hell no.
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
I have to say, I CERTAINLY agree with the fact that you can't rely on ANYONE to be there for you no matter what. Unless you have a really solid relationship, and I mean REALLY solid, without any major problems not just 'traditionally' solid (like kids, marriage, house together), and you're certain he/she is the love of your life and your mind is free and clear in the sense that you can logically discern this is the case, never give up your own income for a partner. Anyone, and I mean ANYONE can bail on you at any time for any reason, even in a good/great relationship. It happened to me, but thankfully I was able to support myself, struggle though I may have! I thought I had a wonderful relationship with a guy, but as it turned out he had a problem with key facets of my lifestyle and personality, and just jumped ship more or less without notice. You can never rely on any one person to take care of you, except yourself.
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
I'm just too much of a feminist to permit a man that degree of control over my body, my decisions. A relationship unites two people who are in love. When it also divides people from doing things that they love, it's unhealthy.
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
Absolutely NOT. Unless he wanted to write me a check every week. Kidding...
Never compromise your situation for someone else's opinion. That's all it is... An opinion. If a man can't deal with you camming, then he shouldn't be with you.
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
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Originally Posted by
yesmissrose
i love her. she's so fiery and real. so answer the op, no. sex work is a part of me. i shouldn't have to change a part of me for a relationship. that's not a real relationship
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
IsobelWren
SERIOUSLY EVERYTHING SHE SAID
Many high fives are being virtually sent your way!
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
That Eartha Kit vid is some of the most sound relationship advice i have heard in awhile. Trust it. as many have said and i believe if anyone really loves me they will accept and love all of me including my sex work. since i do fetish mostly it would be hard for me to imagine a guy getting jealous over my cam shows even though that might not be the case for everyone. "she should be calling my dick small and wimpy!" lol and even if he was too god damned bad. i have supported myself and my family for 10+ years now with only sex work. no one can take that away from me. If my BF asked me to change my job .. after i got done laughing.. i would change yes.. i would change the locks and kick his ass out.
so to simply answer the OP's question,would i ever stop sex work for a man? hell no
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
Shouldn't he love you for who you are without needing to change you?
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
The right answer is already in your post. If u give up part of you, what is left for him. The nakedness only for him?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heidi_M
Camming is a part of me.
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
Ladies, even if a man DOES float you financially DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB!!! I met a man who wanted to get into some relationship with me and he would take care of me financially, the catch was I stop working online. ( my main source of income) He proposed this offer after knowing me like a month or so. I was like "YEAH RIGHT!!! I will believe it when I see it.!" So, I made him wait for months and he kept pursuing me along with this "financial" offer. After months, I saw that he was serious and could take me on financially. He was very attentive and interested in me while I was still working on line. I felt like I had genuine feelings for this person besides financial gain and said "what the hell!" I deleted my on line accounts that I worked so hard to build up, get regulars and earn the highest percentage of my cut.
Guess what happened after I deleted my on line accounts? He started treating me like a child, becoming less interested, etc. Sure, he paid my way financially, gifts and I didn't have to have any job if I didn't want one, that was nice. Want to know what wasn't nice? I couldn't call him out for being a douche waffle, felt like I couldn't ask questions, had to always be on my best behavior. In the end it was more emotionally draining than working online, I kid you not.
I thought he was "different" too. Please, don't be disillusioned. Don't quit your job whether it be accounting, camming, nursing, etc for any man. Like Sam said, men NEVER realize or appreciate what we risk or give up to be with them. He may disappear at any time but your bills will not.
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
I am married, my husband makes almost $200K a year and pays all the bills. I have my own business making almost another $50K a year and I still strip in a club, cam and model (mostly nude / adult style). He has never asked me to quit working in the adult industry.
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
So did it. I couldnt handle it anymore. I could not take all the negativity when i went on cam.I'm single!!!!! I feel sooo much better. Thankyou for all of your support and advice.
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Re: Would you quit camming for a guy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Heidi_M
So did it. I couldnt handle it anymore. I could not take all the negativity when i went on cam.I'm single!!!!! I feel sooo much better. Thankyou for all of your support and advice.
Great to hear, that made you feel better and you do not feel hurt. The right guy who support you as you are is out there somewhere!