Problems with ex and renting for escort work.
Hi Ladies! I have been providing for a few years and I've reached an issue with a person. I want to leave him but I am at the point where I am stuck. He said he will tell my apartment building I am a provider. I have always worked out of hotels until last month. We have been fighting so much I am pretty done and don't have the finances to leave the apartment and ignore him so I am being nice to him. My 6K credit card limit is over the limit and I am running specials until things get better. He has threatened to out me to my apartment and has followed through with threats a few times before. Yes he is toxic but I am at the point where I want out but I will be screwed in so many ways due to many things I prefer not to talk about. So lost and frustrated. He has quite a bit of control and will see this post at some point. Any quick suggestions are appreciated before I delete this..
Re: Problems with ex and renting for escort work.
Does he have any proof to bring to your landlord/rental agency? Is he on the lease? If you really and truly think he can bring a case against you to your landlord/rental agency and he isn't on the lease, pre-empt him by going to them and saying you have an ex-boyfriend who has turned crazy/stalked and you would like him banned from the property. Then, they won't believe a word he says because they'll be viewing him through your lens. Actually, he won't even get a chance to make any accusations because they'll be escorting him off the premises.
Re: Problems with ex and renting for escort work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
shanna dior
Does he have any proof to bring to your landlord/rental agency? Is he on the lease? If you really and truly think he can bring a case against you to your landlord/rental agency and he isn't on the lease, pre-empt him by going to them and saying you have an ex-boyfriend who has turned crazy/stalked and you would like him banned from the property. Then, they won't believe a word he says because they'll be viewing him through your lens. Actually, he won't even get a chance to make any accusations because they'll be escorting him off the premises.
Yes he has emails and texts when we were together. He just called my father to tell him what I do as well :(.
Re: Problems with ex and renting for escort work.
I'm pretty bummed right now..as if my life didn't suck anymore at this point :(.
Re: Problems with ex and renting for escort work.
I never gave him my father's number. That should say enough :(...
Re: Problems with ex and renting for escort work.
I don't have any practical advice but I want to smash this dude's kneecaps for you. Are there any women's shelters in your area that you could call for resources or advice? I think planned parenthood may have resources for women in your type of situation, too. You should get out of that apartment and away from that guy ASAP. Do you have family you can go to?
Re: Problems with ex and renting for escort work.
So let him tell whoever he wants. Seriously. So maybe you do outcalls for a while, or rent cheap motel rooms, etc. Whatever you end up having to do is better than giving him control over you because you're afraid that he'll tell on you.
Do you have any male relatives close by? There are other ways to shut the mouths of little bitch-men you know. Just sayin'.
In any event, good luck.
Re: Problems with ex and renting for escort work.
He's attempting to blackmail you into having sex with him. That is an extremely serious crime. Call the police and file harassment charges. Call the police again and insist on filing a report each and every time he contacts you. Don't ever contact him again. Tell your apartment management that you are being stalked, because you are. Give them his information so they know who to look out for.
Even if he isn't charged, there will be a huge trail of paperwork following him around, identifying him as the psycho he is.
Re: Problems with ex and renting for escort work.
If you're in the US, contact the people at and explain your situation to them. They have counselors for adult workers available 24/7, they can also put you in touch with adult worker friendly lawyers if you decide to take legal action against your ex.
Re: Problems with ex and renting for escort work.
indiegirl, I'm not an expert on this, and do feel like you could use a bonafide expert. I know enough to say that a guy who knows you don't want him, and issues threats to force you to stay, is in a dangerous and unhealthy state of mind, and as the object of his unhealthy attention, you can't be in a great place mentally or physically either. The common pattern is that these things always escalate -- if you stay now, and then the next time you want to leave he tries the outing threats again and it doesn't work, he *will* escalate to find something that does, and that's a terribly dangerous game. The word "Entitlement" gets thrown around way too loosely on this forum, but that's exactly the term used by psychologists and experts on domestic violence for this type of situation, and once someone feels entitled to something, it can trigger real rage to get it back or get even. I mean, he must know you'll hate him for going around telling people, but he doesn't care -- the goal is to control you because that meets his needs, not make you love him. In some of these cases, a guy who would have faded away is triggered to escalate by restraining orders or visits from police, but I personally don't know how to tell when that will occur (although experts can see the signs easily). Which brings me back to: the situation as you described it is scary, find an expert and get advice on what to do, it's not normal, it's not okay. If pinkblanket can vouch for hips.org, seems like a fine place to start.
Re: Problems with ex and renting for escort work.
^ My only experience with hips has been talking to a counselor through their hotline. This is a list of adult worker organizations throughout the US: . International organizations are also listed.
Re: Problems with ex and renting for escort work.
Here is a book called the Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker that talks about the individuals who behave like this and how to escape them.
It is quite detailed and he talks about everything from the red flags that will identify them to strategies that work and those that don't.
The thing that stood out most for me in the book was the threats - he instructs people to cut contact completely no matter what threats are issued.
http://ebookbrowsee.net/th/the-gift-of-fear-gavin
- link above for free download x
Re: Problems with ex and renting for escort work.
The Gift Of Fear is exactly one of the things that sprung to mind for me. Definitely seeing exactly the danger signs that require immediate action, that were described in the book. Not a good time to justify why you would stay.
Re: Problems with ex and renting for escort work.
What a creep. Get organized / get your stuff / get out.
Get a weekly hotel or stay at a hostel. You can do it. He's obviously terrible so just be done with him at least and then move forward from there.