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I can't seem to do domination anymore!
Hey everyone :)
I am a natural sub. Not like a 'follow my master round on a lead' type sub, i'm just generally the more submissive one when it comes to sex, and I like a bit of choking, hair pulling etc. I am not naturally dominant, but when I started phone sex (which I did for a while before becoming a camgirl), I learnt how to Domme and became relatively good at it, and I did it pretty well on cam for the first couple of months as well. I had a few subs and I always really got into the Domme role, and they always seemed satisfied and came back again.
However, recently, I just haven't been able to get into the Domme role. Like whenever someone asks me I just inwardly roll my eyes and say "sure", then I give them a kind of half-hearted attempt at domming where I call them pathetic and ask what they're going to do to please their Mistress, instead of telling them what to do. They obviously haven't been satisfied with this and most of them have left straight away.
I don't really know why I can't Domme anymore, but I just can't! And when someone comes in and asks me to sub i'm like "YES!" because I can do that easily. So I know I should really advertise myself as a sub, or at least not advertise that I do domination, but I feel like i'd be missing out on a lot of money. I get at least one (usually 3-4) requests for domination every time i'm online, so I feel like I need to suck it up and do it properly, but I just can't.
So I guess my question is, should I try and get back into domination, read up on it more and do domination shows even though I find them really difficult? Or should I stop doing it and just do normal shows and sub shows but miss out on all the money I could be making from domination? Does anyone else have this problem? What would you do in my situation?
Thanks so much!
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Luna66
Hey everyone :)
I am a natural sub. Not like a 'follow my master round on a lead' type sub, i'm just generally the more submissive one when it comes to sex, and I like a bit of choking, hair pulling etc. I am not naturally dominant, but when I started phone sex (which I did for a while before becoming a camgirl), I learnt how to Domme and became relatively good at it, and I did it pretty well on cam for the first couple of months as well. I had a few subs and I always really got into the Domme role, and they always seemed satisfied and came back again.
However, recently, I just haven't been able to get into the Domme role. Like whenever someone asks me I just inwardly roll my eyes and say "sure", then I give them a kind of half-hearted attempt at domming where I call them pathetic and ask what they're going to do to please their Mistress, instead of telling them what to do. They obviously haven't been satisfied with this and most of them have left straight away.
I don't really know why I can't Domme anymore, but I just can't! And when someone comes in and asks me to sub i'm like "YES!" because I can do that easily. So I know I should really advertise myself as a sub, or at least not advertise that I do domination, but I feel like i'd be missing out on a lot of money. I get at least one (usually 3-4) requests for domination every time i'm online, so I feel like I need to suck it up and do it properly, but I just can't.
So I guess my question is, should I try and get back into domination, read up on it more and do domination shows even though I find them really difficult? Or should I stop doing it and just do normal shows and sub shows but miss out on all the money I could be making from domination? Does anyone else have this problem? What would you do in my situation?
Thanks so much!
I have the opposite problem. I am a switch and I don't feel comfortable being submissive. However, I think guys can pick up on the fact that I am a switch and like it when I submit to them. It's something I'm really not comfortable with. I think it's really intimate and just hit a breaking point similar to this where I just couldn't do it anymore. Naturally I have one or two exceptions who were very good Masters, but those were very rare exceptions. The majority were assholes who got off on being assholes.
If it's something you're not comfortable with anymore, don't do it. I tell clients upfront and in my ads that I am never submissive during sessions. I mean it. At first I missed out on a lot of money for sure. However, I have started making twice as much after I stuck to my guns.
I really believe that if you're uncomfortable your clients will know.
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
I dont believe in switches. A true Dom will not give up control and a real sub will not rise up to be a Dom. If you are a sub than only do sub shows. Fetish customers are smart and they can tell when you aren't into a show. I do a lot of fetish shows as only a Dom and it works well for me because I am a natural bitch. Work that sub angle since there are a lot of men looking for subs. Sure I miss out on funds not being a sub, but I can't pretend to be helpless and be bossed around by a wanker.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Luna66
Hey everyone :)
I am a natural sub. Not like a 'follow my master round on a lead' type sub, i'm just generally the more submissive one when it comes to sex, and I like a bit of choking, hair pulling etc. I am not naturally dominant, but when I started phone sex (which I did for a while before becoming a camgirl), I learnt how to Domme and became relatively good at it, and I did it pretty well on cam for the first couple of months as well. I had a few subs and I always really got into the Domme role, and they always seemed satisfied and came back again.
However, recently, I just haven't been able to get into the Domme role. Like whenever someone asks me I just inwardly roll my eyes and say "sure", then I give them a kind of half-hearted attempt at domming where I call them pathetic and ask what they're going to do to please their Mistress, instead of telling them what to do. They obviously haven't been satisfied with this and most of them have left straight away.
I don't really know why I can't Domme anymore, but I just can't! And when someone comes in and asks me to sub i'm like "YES!" because I can do that easily. So I know I should really advertise myself as a sub, or at least not advertise that I do domination, but I feel like i'd be missing out on a lot of money. I get at least one (usually 3-4) requests for domination every time i'm online, so I feel like I need to suck it up and do it properly, but I just can't.
So I guess my question is, should I try and get back into domination, read up on it more and do domination shows even though I find them really difficult? Or should I stop doing it and just do normal shows and sub shows but miss out on all the money I could be making from domination? Does anyone else have this problem? What would you do in my situation?
Thanks so much!
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
^ I believe in the existance of switches, since I am one. I do domme-only for a while, and sub with a select few regulars that I know won't ask me to do retarded stuff and/or bore me to tears. It truly depends on the partner. I have to have a super-intelligent, super-knowledgeable, friendly, and CAPABLE Dom with a great imagination to do sub, but hell yes I can get into it.
And yes, I agree, subbing is much easier, and personally, I love the adoration and attention. Doing domme with a stranger often feels too much like work.
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
Not believing in switches is the same thing as not believing in bi-sexuals. Just because aren't one doesn't mean the world is black and white for everyone else. Grey is a color, too!
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
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Originally Posted by
space_cowgirl
^ I believe in the existance of switches, since I am one. I do domme-only for a while, and sub with a select few regulars that I know won't ask me to do retarded stuff and/or bore me to tears. It truly depends on the partner. I have to have a super-intelligent, super-knowledgeable, friendly, and CAPABLE Dom with a great imagination to do sub, but hell yes I can get into it.
Same here. I actually find it to be incredibly offensive when people say they "don't believe" in switches. It's like when straights and lesbians tell me I can't be bisexual/that bisexuals aren't real because they don't understand what it's like to truly be attracted to both genders.
I ONLY Domme when I cam because I don't feel comfortable subbing with people I don't have feelings for, and virtually all of my high-spending regulars are submissive. I really enjoy these sessions and I'm good at them. However, in relationships, I love love love subbing. It turns me on immensely and I've been told I'm also an amazing and sexy sub by virtually every Dom I've been with. People have lots of different aspects to their personalities, and just like a person can be vengeful and hateful towards some people, they can also be loving and forgiving with others. This is what being a switch is like for me. Both are different aspects of my personality that come out at different times towards different people.
I think your Domme problem comes down to boredom, personal preference, and comfort levels. Perhaps you just got tired of the online aspect (I get tired of seeing dicks of the internet- doesn't mean I don't like sex with dudes IRL) or don't like how cam subs act. I usually try to mentally get myself psyched up for certain types of performance if I'm no longer feeling so hot about them + start to find them boring or irritating- for example, you might watch some successful cam Dommes. That always gets me pretty psyched and ready when I'm having an off day, because I start remembering the fun parts of being a Domme.
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
Oh, right, I agree. Not trying to fight at all. <3
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
I wasn't trying to insult anyone, I just said what I believe. In the fetish community a lot of people don't believe in switches. On here many people state they only offer both for the cash, so they aren't really switches since it's a role they are playing.
As for bi-sexuals they don't switch from men to women because they are bored, they do it because they are attracted to both sexes.
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
How do you switch then? If you are mostly dom, then how do you give up control to sub? Dont you ever want to switch as a sub and take over during a show?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
space_cowgirl
^ I believe in the existance of switches, since I am one. I do domme-only for a while, and sub with a select few regulars that I know won't ask me to do retarded stuff and/or bore me to tears. It truly depends on the partner. I have to have a super-intelligent, super-knowledgeable, friendly, and CAPABLE Dom with a great imagination to do sub, but hell yes I can get into it.
And yes, I agree, subbing is much easier, and personally, I love the adoration and attention. Doing domme with a stranger often feels too much like work.
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
I better tell my girlfriend people don't believe in her, maybe she is also a unicorn and I am imagining her. Man if i am I've wasted the last 6 years.
For the record she is bi and she only enjoys subbing for women. She says she can't take a man seriously as dom. So she doesn't switch because she is bored her D/s orientation depends on the sex of her partner. Lots of people don't think bi-sexuals exist either, just because a million people have an idea it doesn't make it wise./threadjack
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
Because sometimes I get really turned on by the idea/experience. :)
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Rina
For the record she is bi and she only enjoys subbing for women. She says she can't take a man seriously as dom. So she doesn't switch because she is bored her D/s orientation depends on the sex of her partner.
Further "do switches exist" threadjack: hi, I'm another switch, and I really hope I exist. Do I? Oh, man, I'm not sure. I have one friend who couldn't top a fly and who I top regularly, and another one who's a lot older and more experienced than me, and I get the most ridiculously submissive feelings around her because she has this amazing natural air of authority. She knows I would fall all over myself to let her top the hell out of me. (It almost happened! Almost. But I content myself with fetching her drinks at kinky events.) It's not gender-bound for me; different people give me different kinds of domming/topping-bottoming/subbing feelings, all of which are valid.
Also, I'm greedy and I want to have my cake and my ice cream--not necessarily with the same person--whether people think I exist or not.
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
Thank you. Its nice to see someone mature enough to actually answer instead of being a smart ass because they don't like someone's opinion. :) I guess we should all be sheep and think the same.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
space_cowgirl
Because sometimes I get really turned on by the idea/experience. :)
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
I have a different problem, but it's related to the same issue. I advertise myself as a Domme, because that's the thing I feel the most comfortable with it and I've had many submissive return-costumers so I believe I'm quite good at doing it.
HOWEVER... I get a ridiculous amount of guys in private saying something along the lines of "So I see you're into being dominant. Control me", or simply go into private and say "Control me!".
At that point, I usually reply "It's not so simple. I'd have to ask you a couple of questions before, for example, what stuff are you into, and mostly what stuff you're NOT into".
Then they either say "Anything goes/I'm open to everything" or "Everything other than putting stuff inside my asshole haha". It still doesn't tell me anything about the person whatsoever, but I try. I start and they usually leave after a few seconds/minutes, without saying anything.
But as I said, with the guys that tell me beforehand about what they like and don't like, and actually EXPLAIN their fetish in detail to me, I'm doing super-good and they always come back. So, seriously, what am I supposed to do with the "control me" and "I'm up for anything" guys? Where do I even start?!
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
Honestly, I gave you a real answer after what I thought was cute joke about my girlfriend.
You can have whatever opinion you want, but maybe lighten up a little Jane.
I actually intended my answer to provide you with some insight, but if you couldn't get past the joke because, it didn't meet your standards of mature conversation, so be it. Hopefully it answered someone's question about switches.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
JaneBurgess
Thank you. Its nice to see someone mature enough to actually answer instead of being a smart ass because they don't like someone's opinion. :) I guess we should all be sheep and think the same.
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
Nina I find most of those guys don't have a clue, and frankly if they can't be bothered to figure out some idea of what they want, well neither can I. I will try a few questions if they don't give me anything I do exactly what I like doing, if they don't like they leave and I block them. If they can't tell how they want tto serve they need to go away.
I'm a domme not a psychic. Others may have more patience than I but I never have this issues IRL so I have no patience for it online.
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
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In the fetish community a lot of people don't believe in switches.
A lot of people don't believe in global warming, either. A lot of people are wrong.
BUT TO BE ON TOPIC, there are plenty of vanilla and dominant guys out there, you don't have to do domme play. You might think you're missing out on money, but if it's something that you hate and makes you dread logging on, wouldn't you lose money on it in the long run? Your comfort is always always more important than somebody's boner, imo you should put your energies into doing stuff you like and can do well.
(Personally I find any sort of bdsm play exhausting online--trying to somehow psychically derive what these shy, uncommunicative subs want, or acting like LordMasterDarqness could make me do anything, up to and including getting wet in the rain, is way more challenging than guys who just want to fuck.)
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
Still being all on topic and whatnot - honestly, as a a switch, kinkster, hedonist, whatever have you, I choose to only top/Domme when working with cam clients. Why? I find the chances of encountering one of those really insanely awful clients is ten fold with the Dom-type 'gentlemen' seeking submission on your part. Not to mention the, "Young, dumb, and taking out his rage on you from his (Fill in the blank, girlfriend, wife, co-worker...), and full of cum" seem to be attracted to the Dominant aspect of sexuality.
Sub lads can be a pain, wishy-washy. But they're wonderful when they're good. Most all of my high dollar regular clients are submissive men.
Now, to clarify, I'm not saying that all Dominant men in Camland are those people, but there is a higher percentage of those kind of gentleman within that demographic as I've seen it over the last two years. Be it on MFC, or as an indie. BUT, all that said, I'm a firm believer in doing the work that makes you feel the best at the end of the day. If anything REALLY drains you, or makes you feel icky, ditch it and adjust your work habits to the new levels of traffic.
On that off topic subject: I began in the kink scene, some near five odd years ago. Prior to cam, ever doing adult work, etc, of my own seeking volition I went into my local scene as a slave - because that's what I swore I was, that's what aroused me, and appealed to my senses. I quickly found out that 24/7 slave was a pipedream for me, personally. I know others who do it - but oh, that was just too much. I then labeled myself a submissive, and continued in that vein. It was fun, but as I continued going to events, dungeons, a few conferences I found myself attracted to the scenes and the emotional/physical exchanges I saw in the female Dominant scenes. I agonized over it foreeeeeever, am I Dominant, am I submissive, I want to submit, but I also want to wheel around smack the sonovabitch, and take him down like David and Goliath. Then... Yeah. Ahem. I engaged in topping, and loved it. LOVED it.
http://media0.giphy.com/media/C7olQswvzSwAE/giphy.gif
OH DA WOE, DA AGONY, WHO WHAT IZ I?!
I remembered having this issue with sexuality and gender, I agonized over if I was straight, gay, and at a time how to reconcile being a man with a snazz and chesticles.
Ultimately, with all of it, I settled on the fact that I was some odd mix of all of the above. Today I'm a pansexual happiness hedonist, and if I could remove more labels without sacrificing clarity, I would. I personally think it's all a Kinsey scale, that if examined too closely might just drive you mad.
Just beeeeeeee yourself. - Genie (Muthaluvin' sage, right thurr.)
My two cents on it.
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
JaneBurgess
I wasn't trying to insult anyone, I just said what I believe. In the fetish community a lot of people don't believe in switches. On here many people state they only offer both for the cash, so they aren't really switches since it's a role they are playing.
As for bi-sexuals they don't switch from men to women because they are bored, they do it because they are attracted to both sexes.
In the fetish community people don't believe in switches? What? Never heard that IRL...Maybe in the online fetish community but in real life, all sexualilites are considered real.
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
I get annoyed on here when you give a difference of opinion and people seem to either gang up on you or get sarcastic. It seems to be the norm on here. I dont see why people cant just disagree and move on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Rina
Honestly, I gave you a real answer after what I thought was cute joke about my girlfriend.
You can have whatever opinion you want, but maybe lighten up a little Jane.
I actually intended my answer to provide you with some insight, but if you couldn't get past the joke because, it didn't meet your standards of mature conversation, so be it. Hopefully it answered someone's question about switches.
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
At the crux of this thread is an overlap between lifestyle and professional. They're sisters, but not the same. Personally, I think worrying yourself silly about "real" submission while you're getting paid to top by the minute/hour is useless. As long as the player complies with the rules as outlined for the time block, who cares what they are in actuality? Me, yeah, I used to distrust switches too (as a lifestyler), but that was a view born of being a sex worker, nay, a WOMAN, who's grown up in a society where men will say whatever they think you want to hear in order to acquire sexual gratification. That's just the reality of things. I woke up and stopped being a bigot though and am now associated with two very genuine switch gentleman who've taught me more about kink in the last year than I've learned in the past 8. People lie, basically, doesn't mean you have to smear an entire orientation for it.
But yeah, can I share an article with y'all? Because it's my favorite thing I've ever read on kink, ever. Perhaps it'll help you find your rhythm, OP: http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com...he-bdsm-scene/
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
The whole switch thing is confusing to me. Sometimes I say I'm a switch, but I really only like to Domme most of the time whether it's life style or for money. With that said, with the right partner I'll switch, or I'll do switch tickle sessions and wrestling. Like someone said earlier, cam subs are mostly paying a Domme to top them. I do own a boy who pays me weekly as a finsub, but I would say we're in a lifestyle D/s relationship as well. I don't think any one really fits in a black or white category. To the OP: I understand how you feel. I've been a lazy Domme lately myself. Sometimes it's easier to have someone to tell you what to do for a change. Hence my theory on why most submissive men usually have high profile jobs and make a lot of every day decisions, so they need a Domme to tell them what to do. If you like both why not just switch it up and just try subbing for a while for new clients. It's not worth the money if you aren't enjoying yourself. :)
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
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I get annoyed on here when you give a difference of opinion and people seem to either gang up on you or get sarcastic. It seems to be the norm on here. I dont see why people cant just disagree and move on.
Because this isn't an opinion like "sweet pickles are nasty" is an opinion. This is an opinion that's telling people they're either deluded or lying about their own sexuality, and that's not cool.
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
In my personal sex life, I am very submissive. Incredibly so. That's not an aspect of myself that I am comfortable revealing during my adult work.
In my professional life? I've always been dominant. I know I'm the goddamn best worker the company's ever had, and that I'll get every promotion I apply for, and I will be a kick-ass manager, and people will do what I say, and if they don't do what I say they'll be reprimanded. Y'know? That's my work life. Same with camming. Camming is my job. So I have the same attitude as I've had in my vanilla jobs. I will be a badass camgirl, and this loser will pay me for a show, and he will watch his manners, and he will worship me, and if he doesn't worship me he will be reprimanded.
With lovers, nope. I take alllllll of that off and get spanked. ;D Don't forget, camming isn't a relationship, it's a job. What one enjoys in the privacy of one's bedroom isn't necessarily what you need to share with customers. BUT also, if you're not comfortable with/don't enjoy offering a service, take it off the menu. :) A happy and enthusiastic cammer = a happy and enthusiastic customer.
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Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
Even if you are more inclined to be dominant, Femdom shows can be super draining. There's a lot of mental labour involved in dominating well. Honestly, I'm not always in the headspace for it so sometimes I decline femdom shows. If you aren't feeling up to it there are lots of other things you can offer :)