Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
Most of my VIP spenders are submissive. However, that's just personal experience.
I'm not sure if I get high-dollar submissive guys because-
1. I only advertise as a Domme
2. I've never accepted a submissive session during my indie work to let the guys impress with their their money & experience in the fetish.
That being said, I did try to stay open to submissive shows when I first started camming on Streamate. Some of the guys were really impressive with the amount of money they spent and made. I went cam2cam with two of them and he was definitely wealthy. The other one Mr. Tease, has been amount my most favorable clients to date. He was very polite in his sessions, always typed in in complete sentences with proper grammar, and was overall just a pleasure to spend time with. He had a fetish spanking in particular. He usually spent quite a bit in exclusive, I believe my rates were close to $6.99/min at the time and it never phased him. Of course I only got ~$2/min out of that, but polite Dominant men do exist!
Since I am a switch, I have deeply considered being a submissive for clients I am sure would not take advantage. The easiest way would be to outline what you are comfortable with first, what your limits are, how far you are willing to go, etc. If your client is not willing to discuss this with you, he's probably just going to be an abusive asshole who wants you to hurt yourself for their entertainment. These types of guys exist, too. Just vet them properly to make sure you're a good match.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
JaneBurgess
I get annoyed on here when you give a difference of opinion and people seem to either gang up on you or get sarcastic. It seems to be the norm on here. I dont see why people cant just disagree and move on.
I'm sorry that you felt attacked, Jane! I'm sure a few people meant it that way, but personally I was just surprised! I didn't mean to make you feel like I was trying to attack you, and I'm sure that the majority of the girls on here feel the same way.
Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
Perhaps I worded it wrong since I maybe don't understand it. If a person is really, really Dom than I don't understand how they can switch and let themselves be submissive to another person. I think Dom and Sub is also a part of someones personality and one is stronger than the other. I didn't mean to offend anyone, I guess I just don't understand how a person can be both. Does one side come out more than another?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
anoncamgirl
Most of my VIP spenders are submissive. However, that's just personal experience.
I'm not sure if I get high-dollar submissive guys because-
1. I only advertise as a Domme
2. I've never accepted a submissive session during my indie work to let the guys impress with their their money & experience in the fetish.
That being said, I did try to stay open to submissive shows when I first started camming on Streamate. Some of the guys were really impressive with the amount of money they spent and made. I went cam2cam with two of them and he was definitely wealthy. The other one Mr. Tease, has been amount my most favorable clients to date. He was very polite in his sessions, always typed in in complete sentences with proper grammar, and was overall just a pleasure to spend time with. He had a fetish spanking in particular. He usually spent quite a bit in exclusive, I believe my rates were close to $6.99/min at the time and it never phased him. Of course I only got ~$2/min out of that, but polite Dominant men do exist!
Since I am a switch, I have deeply considered being a submissive for clients I am sure would not take advantage. The easiest way would be to outline what you are comfortable with first, what your limits are, how far you are willing to go, etc. If your client is not willing to discuss this with you, he's probably just going to be an abusive asshole who wants you to hurt yourself for their entertainment. These types of guys exist, too. Just vet them properly to make sure you're a good match.
I'm sorry that you felt attacked, Jane! I'm sure a few people meant it that way, but personally I was just surprised! I didn't mean to make you feel like I was trying to attack you, and I'm sure that the majority of the girls on here feel the same way.
Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
I think for some people they enjoy certain aspects of the act, I also think people lump certain things under domme behavior and it isn't super clear cut. For example I like being pierced. I think the rush of blood to a wound feels amazing, most people would classify this as a submissive desire, but it's really masochistic. I don't enjoy not having control or being told what to do, but when I get a body piercing I'm on cloud nine. I would define as a switch but my enjoyment of that particular sort of pain is a grey area to some, but not me.
For my girlfriend it depends with some women she feels submissive, but she always feels dominant with men. So for her it is tied to the gender of the person. She has tried subbing for men but says it doesn't give her the same rush, but she loves whipping boys and making them cry.
I know for other people who switch it depends on how the person makes them feel. A very dominant person might make them feel submissive and a very submissive person may make them feel dominant.
For some people it's not so much their personality, as something that turns them on. The best I can explain not being a switch myself but dating one, is that it's like being a bi-sexual in that certain people make you feel certain ways. I mean I like men, and women but the kind of men and women I like could not be more different. I rarely like the same things in men and women outside of some basic things like intelligence. So for switched each side of the experience offers something different. I also know that some switches prefer to wither be submissive or dominant but they can enjoy the other side. I think it's like a Kinsey scale situation. There is sort of a range of behavior and a few people are purely one or the other and most are a little bit mixed. It's what you said about one being stronger than the other, I think for switches there isn't as much of a stronger pull in one direction at least not from the people I've known.
Sexuality is such funny thing isn't it. I once met a D/s couple that was a gay make and lesbian female they got off doing D/s stuff together, but had vanilla sex with only people of their same sex. I've had gay guys as subs myself. I think for some people D/s orientations just aren't clear cut.
I know this was rambly and I'm on my phone so it's probably full of typos, those are my thoughts on switching. Off-topic but related there was once a discussion on Fetlife on being dominant but masochistic.
In the end I think it's hard to know what others feel. I mean I can't imagine what it like to only like one sex. No offense I just can't understand how it would feel. I bet many people feel that way about being bi and that makes sense to me, but in the end I think we all have to trust people to know their sexuality even if it confuses us.
Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
OP, I personally believe that you should do what YOU feel most comfortable with. If you're not a "natural", then your clients can tell, and you will lose money trying to be something you're not. As my 1st boss ever told me, "There's money to be made." Each person makes it differently, it's all in each person's own hustle. We all have different talents. The porn industry is big enough to have enough money go around for everyone. Don't try to be something you're not, give your users an authentic experience, and the money will naturally flow to you.
As far as thread jacking goes... I was born a Gemini, and we are pretty mutable by nature with differing twin sides. I don't believe in that stuff much, but I've noticed that I'm quite willing to switch between dom/sub work, and do it with VERY little difficulty. I market myself online as an 18 year old High School Asian girl, and older guys LOVE my sexual confidence and "teenage nastiness". They LOVE being dominated by such a young and sexually confident little girl. At the same time, ALSO because I market myself as an 18 year old High School Asian girl, a LOT of guys come to me wanting me to be their little high school slut. I find that being able to switch between the two and cater to BOTH of these fetishes due to my mutable nature, I end up making money on both sides. However, I also only do things that I am comfortable with, so I give my user, whether he be dom OR sub, a full and authentic experience that he can truly cherish an enjoy. Just my personal experience with dom/sub work. Cheers! ;D
Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
JaneBurgess
Perhaps I worded it wrong since I maybe don't understand it. If a person is really, really Dom than I don't understand how they can switch and let themselves be submissive to another person. I think Dom and Sub is also a part of someones personality and one is stronger than the other. I didn't mean to offend anyone, I guess I just don't understand how a person can be both. Does one side come out more than another?
That's exactly how it works. Being both dom and sub in the same relationship role with the same person isn't very practical, but in play, anything can happen. Different people, moods and situations bring out different things in people. It is not necessarily a fundamental aspect of one's personality. It's about play. And frankly, I think that before anyone decides they identify as either dom or sub, they should try playing in an opposite role and expand their horizons a bit. My master tends to mostly top now, but he identified as a switch in his 20s, and loves when I get a group of girls together to torture him. He's my master, for christssake, but even he will lose himself and has even called me mistress once or twice in a scene cause he was so lost in it. Things don't have to be so serious all the time. It's BDSM, not religion...
Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
Wow, I didn't think my thread would cause such a debate! Thanks everyone for your replies.
I completely agree with everyone on this thread who said that not believing in switches is like not believing in bisexuals. You cannot say that a particular sexual orientation/preference doesn't exist when there are people who say they have that orientation! Do you think they are lying? For what purpose? Or do you think they are just mistaken/deluded and they aren't true dommes or subs? I know that sounds snarky, but i'm asking out of genuine interest, why would someone say they were a switch if they weren't? Also, I know i'm relatively new here and this may be out of line, but I was quite offended by your first post Jane. You said "Sure I miss out on funds not being a sub, but I can't pretend to be helpless and be bossed around by a wanker." That's really not what subbing is and it's quite an offensive and dismissive description of subbing. Regardless of how people switch (i'm not going to talk about that because I think a few girls have said what I would say which is that you change between feeling dominant or submissive depending on the person you're with, your mood, the activities involved and other factors), I think being so dismissive of subbing and almost rude about it, and saying that "switches don't exist" is very closed minded and just because you are a domme and always have been, that doesn't mean other people have had the same experience. The beauty of life is that everyone is different!
Back on topic, I agree that clients can tell if you're not comfortable, especially with domination. Most of my domination shows are less than a minute nowadays, because the client can just tell i'm not in to it, which is why i'm thinking I should just stop doing it. However, as Aqua and Nina_Den have touched upon, it could just be the kind of subs that I encounter. I am getting increasing amounts of the "dom me", "control me", "humiliate me" type guys who have absolutely no idea what they want and are just awful subs. Maybe that is why I have been finding domming so frustrating and exhausting, because the type of subs i'm getting are really annoying and impossible to dom. As Rina said, I am a domme, not psychic! Maybe if I had some sessions with some proper subs who knew what they liked and were more communicative, I wouldn't be feeling at such a dead end. Spinnerette, your point about it being fake and it not really mattering whether i'm domme or sub in my personal life as long as I can convince the customer is completely true. The problem is that I used to be able to convince the customer I was a domme even though I am a complete sub, and i've just lost my ability to fake it! My mind goes blank and I just sort of say the first thing that comes in to my head, which is invariably the most cliched, generic domination line!
I think the way forward is for me to stop advertising domination (as it's something I obviously can't really perform anymore!) and just advertise 'roleplay' in general. Maybe if I come across a good sub who knows what he wants and can communicate it, then i'll do a show for him, but I have to stop advertising domination, because all I get when I do is "control me bb" and I can't do a show for that type of sub! I don't know if i'm going to advertise specifically as a sub yet, I think i'll just see how it goes without advertising domination and I might add subbing to some of my profiles/adverts at some point. A lot of what I advertise (anal, dp, deepthroat&gagging, spanking etc) already kind of indicates that I might be a sub, so i'll just leave it like that for a bit and see how I feel in a few weeks or whatever.
Thanks again for all your posts and advice, I truly appreciate it!
Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
I work solely as a domme right now and I understand what you mean. I think it is because of the insane amount of "domme me" customers going around right now. A bunch of clueless newbie submissives who don't know what they want and expect you to be a mind reader. You need to learn to deal with them and then you will be back to your usual domme self.
A few tips for them:
When they join and say "I like to be dommed". You instantly know hes 'one of those' now what you need to do is make as much money as possible off of them before he leaves. So do things like, stand up, and say "get on your knees before your mistress worm" then wait for him to type, then tell him to get naked, again.. wait for him to respond. Then tell him to slap his cock and balls a few times and then jerk it off. Then say something like "I want to to jerk that worthless dick of yours whilst worshipping my perfect *insert body part here and begin to show it off* (still clothed obviously). Then by now he will either leave (because he actually wanted to be told to rape his anus with a giant carrot but failed to tell u so and therefore didnt get what he wanted) or he will stay and jerk off because he's not actually into hardcore domination and just wanted a fierce woman to administer jerk off instructions.
but always be slow and wait for his responses, as that way you will make him stay longer.
If he stays.. just continue to do close ups off cleavage and ass in tight pants, show your heels/feet and make lots of mean sounding laughs and every few seconds just say "keep jerking maggot" (stuff like that) in a domineering voice, until he blows his load. some of them will type things like "can i see tits?" so respond with "NO!!!!!!!!" and leave it at that, they either leave or continue wanking.
My theory is that these guys who say "domme me" or "i like to be dominated" are either 1 of 2 things. 1 being your typical jerk off instruction customer who likes a demanding woman to tell him how to jerk but seems to refer to it as "domming" for some reason. and 2 being someone with an actual fetish for example he wants to be told to drink his piss or to dress like a sissy or to fuck his anus, or maybe cock and ball torture. But I have come to realise that the number 2 example of guys will usualy 80% of the time ACTUALLY tell u what they want and the 20% who expect u 2 be a mind reader are not worth your time darling and theres nothing you can do because you can't read minds and it is their loss for being so stupid and arogant by not just saying what theyre into.
So when you do get these "domme me" guys just assume its a JOI fetishist and do the routine I detailed above, but in your own style or whatever because most of time I've had success with it. Also don't feel like u have to give so much effort into your shows as a domme, most customers just need to hear key phrases or see certain outfits, The majority of customers really aren't into fucking their arseholes either and the ones who are will let you know. So don't feel like after a guy has asked to be "dominated" that you should actually dominate him and say things like, fuck yur ass, or dress in panties bitch, just litterally go for the demanding JOI tease and if he leaves... he leaves... but it's his fault and not yours.
Re: I can't seem to do domination anymore!
Thank you. I tried doing sub stuff before and I honestly didn't enjoy it at all. Online I hate it because the customers that asked for it made it seem like rape during the shows. In my personal life I am not a sub either, not even sexually. Perhaps I tried it with the wrong people, I don't know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
luvnrockets
That's exactly how it works. Being both dom and sub in the same relationship role with the same person isn't very practical, but in play, anything can happen. Different people, moods and situations bring out different things in people. It is not necessarily a fundamental aspect of one's personality. It's about play. And frankly, I think that before anyone decides they identify as either dom or sub, they should try playing in an opposite role and expand their horizons a bit. My master tends to mostly top now, but he identified as a switch in his 20s, and loves when I get a group of girls together to torture him. He's my master, for christssake, but even he will lose himself and has even called me mistress once or twice in a scene cause he was so lost in it. Things don't have to be so serious all the time. It's BDSM, not religion...