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Being approached on the street!?
So I am noticing this really strange pattern - guys approaching me in the street and hinting they either want to hire me or assuming I am an escort.
I also get the random old guys at parties who like to hold my arm and tell me how much they appreciate me greeting them. Usually these are at events I am at for family and work and thus just circulating the room...
I know that being approached happens to everyone and its not because I am so hot. I seem to come across as shy and vulnerable, naïve according to my therapist and this happens super regularly...
Anyway I'm wondering if I could just say come and see me at XXX where I work and give them my work name? But I'm worried about discretion and not sure they want to pay or if its just an ego thing.
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
Ugh - thinking it over I have to be nuts to even talk to them in the first place. Let alone give them my information. There is a reason people screen and good clients aren't going around looking for girls on the street!
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
Yea..I'm extremely wary of any unknown approaching me/trying to get close up for any reason. Today I heard about a woman jogging & a guy shoved her in a nearby river
& yes are 'sized up' for approach by how vulnerable you look. Pls read, Staying Safe in an Unsafe World.
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
I'm actually really concerned that men are approaching you in public with the intent to proposition you for sex. Where is this happening? What are they saying to you? I would say 100% do not take any of them up on their offers.
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
I am definitely going to check out that book! Thank you.
Its really weird but happens quite a lot in my local shopping centre. Shopping centres in general..?! Mostly if I am walking around by myself but even when I with my family. I still get winks..?! And arm rubs... EW
I got told by one guy on the street he wanted to take me home and do naughty things to me... Another guy asked me to lunch - I said maybe coffee because he worked in the store I visit a lot and then he suggested we just hook up in the park. No strings attached...
Today was could he give me his number? I looked familiar. Creepy eyes. Did I know/do BBC or something? Anyone even know what that is?
Then we have the guy who sat next to me on the plane and told me about his divorce, income and trying to date some lady - would I like to join him at his hotel room..
Another man followed me on a walk around the block and then asked if I could help with his English skills... That was one scary walk until I got in front of somewhere surrounded by people again.
Mostly they seem to think I am very innocent virgin, naïve - easy prey I guess? I like wearing girly clothes, have big boobs and tend to space out and tune into my own little world. Even when I am on the phone or reading books.
Its really strange and something I'd like to stop!
Thank you
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
Bbc = big black cock?? I get approached a lot on the street also, but it usually more along the lines of "Ill give u $500 a week to live with me". I think its wierd I always get kinda offended bc I dont feel like I put myself out there like that in my personal life. I'll have on like business casual clothes and it happens. I have pretty big boobs also, so maybe its just something that happens to chicks with big tits
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
They probably think you're good looking and don't know how to approach girls. I don't think it's because they could guess you're an escort... I wouldn't try to get clients that way though... It's probably just best to ignore them.
You say that you like dressing girly, do you wear revealing clothing? I noticed that ever since I started dressing down and wearing less make-up in my everyday life, I don't get hit on as often. I prefer it that way, I hate getting unwanted attention.
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
I read that book Whirlez! Staying safe in an unsafe world.
The guy who approached me yesterday was definitely dodgy. Re-reading The Gift of Fear and assessing his behaviour.
A lot happens in the shopping centre I go to. I'm going to a more up market one now!~
And making sure my clothes are conservative, face is alert and walk is fast. '
Big black cock! Duh - that would have been it.
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
I think you're being way too nice and predators see that as weakness that they will exploit.
If someone approached me in public and said some of the things you've heard, I'd just say loudly, "What did you just say to me, pervert?!" in an angry, offended voice. People will turn to look at the pervert who will most likely scurry away humiliated.
I don't dress conservatively either. I dress however the hell I want and just demand respect.
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
Thanks Marvel Girl. Hit the nail on the head.
Now on I am going to ignore and cut off the conversations with "Im fine thanks" and walk off.
My biggest fear is that if I say something rude or don't engage they will escalate and hurt me.
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
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Originally Posted by
amberlly
Thanks Marvel Girl. Hit the nail on the head.
Now on I am going to ignore and cut off the conversations with "Im fine thanks" and walk off.
My biggest fear is that if I say something rude or don't engage they will escalate and hurt me.
You run an equal or greater risk of them escalating their behaviour when you do respond & they interpret that response as encouragement.
I mean this to be helpful, but you need to grow a spine & start projecting a more assertive position. I am NOT saying get up in these guys' kool-aid, I am saying re-examine your 'too nice' behaviour, find whatever it is that they are picking up on (fear of confrontation, perceived naïveté, whatever) & adjust in the opposite direction.
Also, spend a little less time 'off in your own little world'. I apologise if I misread but I took you to mean that you do not always pay the closest attention to what's going on around you. If this is the case, I guarantee predators are picking up on it & will read you as a much easier target then sm1 who appears to be onto their shit from the beginning.
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
predators can sense fear, be firm and keep it really short. be aware of your surroundings, walk like you are going somewhere, don't make eye contact with any weirdos lol.
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
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Originally Posted by
MarvelGirl
I think you're being way too nice and predators see that as weakness that they will exploit.
If someone approached me in public and said some of the things you've heard, I'd just say loudly, "What did you just say to me, pervert?!" in an angry, offended voice. People will turn to look at the pervert who will most likely scurry away humiliated.
I don't dress conservatively either. I dress however the hell I want and just demand respect.
Yes^!
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Originally Posted by
Aniela
You run an equal or greater risk of them escalating their behaviour when you do respond & they interpret that response as encouragement.
I mean this to be helpful, but you need to grow a spine & start projecting a more assertive position. I am NOT saying get up in these guys' kool-aid, I am saying re-examine your 'too nice' behaviour, find whatever it is that they are picking up on (fear of confrontation, perceived naïveté, whatever) & adjust in the opposite direction.
Also, spend a little less time 'off in your own little world'. I apologise if I misread but I took you to mean that you do not always pay the closest attention to what's going on around you. If this is the case, I guarantee predators are picking up on it & will read you as a much easier target then sm1 who appears to be onto their shit from the beginning.
Yes, big time^!
The thing is, you never really know who/what you're dealing with today..it could look like some old harmless bum & turn out to be a violent armed person.
Slowpoke linked an article awhile back about armed and other criminal street people..
A lady w/a dog was approached by one, & after she talked to him he started touching her her, she didn't resist, he beat her & dragged her in the woods & raped her
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
No points very definitely taken and appreciated.
I have decided the easiest way to change my behaviour and posture is to just channel a lady I know. She is a bitch on wheels but polite. Not someone who would be approached by weirdo's.
No more talking to random people in shopping centres - period. Walk with a purpose.
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
Points very definitely taken and appreciated.
I have decided the easiest way to change my behaviour and posture is to just channel a lady I know. She is a bitch on wheels but polite. Not someone who would be approached by weirdo's.
No more talking to random people in shopping centres - period. Walk with a purpose.
Plus re-affirming all of the above before I leave the house. Will also help with work as well.
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
Sorry, no person remotely within the bounds of normal walks up to someone in a store or 'normal' area and propositions them for sex. Who walks around assuming attractive women are available for hire?
I mean in a red light district or something maybe, but really.
I'm with the above, yell, laugh and point.
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
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Originally Posted by
oldster
Sorry, no person remotely within the bounds of normal walks up to someone in a store or 'normal' area and propositions them for sex. Who walks around assuming attractive women are available for hire?
I mean in a red light district or something maybe, but really.
Sadly enough, there are people who act that way. I was propositioned twice as a junior high and high school student while waiting at the bus stop. I was not developed at that time and was just wearing jeans and t-shirt. There was no reason to assume I was a hooker but two different men on two different occasions did.
Some people are just disgusting.
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
When in public it is important to keep your bearings and make it obvious. Never zone out on your phone or listening to music or a book. Never respond to catcalls, and show your disgust non-verbally, a disgusted look or switching trains, seats etc. not fair but this is the world we live in and it's the best course of action with the least risk for a violent outcome.
You also should not be allowing men to touch you in anyway or whisper/say these things to you.
The problem are these disgusting men, not you. But the fact is they're there and they are seeking women to pray on and you're a perfect target if you're so distracted. Work on that.
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
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Originally Posted by
xStacey
You say that you like dressing girly, do you wear revealing clothing? I noticed that ever since I started dressing down and wearing less make-up in my everyday life, I don't get hit on as often. I prefer it that way, I hate getting unwanted attention.
I disagree with this. I think we should be able to wear whatever we want and not have to deal with this. I am of the opinion that it's less about what you wear and more about how you carry yourself and how you respond.
I never do my hair or wear makeup because I'm lazy, not because I'm afraid of men gawking or approaching me. We need to change our mindset about this and I still struggle with it sometimes. I got mad at myself some weeks ago when some mexican men said something nasty to me at a farmers market and I thought to myself "these denim shorts and tank were a bad selection for where I am." Then I called them "fucking pugs" in Spanish out of my anger. These illegals scurried away. Probably not the best response but I felt anger especially because my daughter was with me.
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
In a perfect world we should be able to wear whatever we want and not worry but society will judge you based on first impression of how you look/carry yourself. plain and simple.
Maybe these strangers see something in you based on your first impression you put out to the world.
Take a more proactive stand when you don't want to be approached by strangers on the street by try not to walk by yourself especially at night, and do not give these strangers any indication of interest (use closed body language - keeping eye contact with males to a minimum, don't smile at them, etc)
I find that strangers approaching have their own agenda and its best to cut them off - treat them like annoying telemarketers lol
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
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Originally Posted by
lokikola
I disagree with this. I think we should be able to wear whatever we want and not have to deal with this. I am of the opinion that it's less about what you wear and more about how you carry yourself and how you respond.
I never do my hair or wear makeup because I'm lazy, not because I'm afraid of men gawking or approaching me. We need to change our mindset about this and I still struggle with it sometimes. I got mad at myself some weeks ago when some mexican men said something nasty to me at a farmers market and I thought to myself "these denim shorts and tank were a bad selection for where I am." Then I called them "fucking pugs" in Spanish out of my anger. These illegals scurried away. Probably not the best response but I felt anger especially because my daughter was with me.
I did not change the way I dress because of other people's reaction. I grew older and simply prefer to dress more conservatively now in my everyday life. I find it unecessary to look glammed up and sexy all the time when I'm just gonna walk down the street to go to the bank. When I have an evening out or something special, I do not hesitate to wear what I want.
I rather dress for the occasion, if I am going to the grocery store, I don't want to wear a low cut shirt, high heels, and then having to tell men to fuck off every time they come near me.
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
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Re: Being approached on the street!?
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Originally Posted by
xStacey
I did not change the way I dress because of other people's reaction. I grew older and simply prefer to dress more conservatively now in my everyday life. I find it unecessary to look glammed up and sexy all the time when I'm just gonna walk down the street to go to the bank. When I have an evening out or something special, I do not hesitate to wear what I want.
I rather dress for the occasion, if I am going to the grocery store, I don't want to wear a low cut shirt, high heels, and then having to tell men to fuck off every time they come near me.
You said you dress for the occasion but your reasons were "not wanting men to come near you". Not because it's easier to shop in flats or because a sweater keeps you warm in the freezer aisles.
This is what I'm talking about. We're adjusting and adapting and thereby accepting the inappropriate behavior men display. We rationalize that we must do or change or avoid so that it doesn't happen. The solution is much simpler; men need to stop harassing women. And we (as a society) need to stop blaming women for other peoples behavior.
Just pointing some things out here.