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I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
I was raised to expect guys to pay for dinner, movies etc. on the first few dates. I honestly think that a guy should pay all the time, but the first 2 or 3 at least is OK. I'm an old fashioned girl that way. And it's not about the money, I also like the "opening your car door", "holding the chair for you when you sit down" and "hold a door open for you" thing too. Doing those kinds of gentleman things impress me.
After I get to know the person, I can pay or we can split it. If I go out with a guy as friends that's different, then I don't mind paying in that case or going dutch. I mean if "a guy who wants to get to know me" asks me out, I think he should pay for dinner. And if that person never asked me to pay for something, I'm not going to offer. The whole time I think things are going good and he's thinking "Why doesn't she offer to pay for something?" And I don't think he has the right to trash me on Facebook for not offering to pay! Just wondering what you all think.
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
I think that regardless of whether it is a first dqte or a tenth, whoever extended the invite should expect to pay. If I get invited out for dinner, I will offer to get the tip bc I see that as a way of offering thanks for the meāl.
Also, I appreciate doors held open, but I am a bit wary of having my chair pulled out for me. Had one too many assclowns (both at work & on 'dates') pull it out from under me.
As to doors tho, I am just as willing to hold it open for my date. Car door, restaurant door, whatever. Used to stick in my bf's craw tho, when I was driving & would get the passenger door for him b4 getting in myself. He had to literally sit me down in the car once & say 'I understand why you do it, sort of, but don't open the car door for me, it doesn't look right' but if I am already in the car he lets me get his door for him from the inside.
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
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Originally Posted by
Aniela
I think that regardless of whether it is a first dqte or a tenth, whoever extended the invite should expect to pay.
I totally agree with this. That goes for dates, friends going out, inviting a family member out to eat. The one who invites is always expected to pay.
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
If I ask a guy out then I expect to pay (though most men do insist on paying). Opening the door isn't so much a woman issue but rather courtesy, as I hold the door for anyone behind me and expect the person in front of me to hold the door until I grab it (unless they hold it).
The tackiest though is when a man asks you out then either expects you to pay or expects you to pay for him. Had these happen and usually means no further dates.
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
I NEVER pay on a date. What I do is cook them a homemade dinner after about 3 to 6 dates.
Problem is once they taste my cooking they don't want to fuck anymore. So does that even as a porn star mean I'm that bad in bed? They are like "I can easily get laid, but rather spend the time eating your cooking."
Now, I have become very picky about who I cook for these days.
Sam
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
This thread made me smile.
When I was younger, I used to be ''the girl who was too nice''. I always eagerly offered to split the bill, dated some broke guys and did not mind paying for them... Not anymore.
After dating my last boyfriend who was *such* a gentleman and overspoiled me, I cannot deal with cheapos anymore. He was a sweetheart, always took me out to fancy restaurants and paid for me, whenever I wanted to split the bill he wouldn't let me and would tell me he never let a girl pay for a date in his entire life. Did not mind driving 1 hour and 15 minutes to come pick me up and driving another 1 hour 15 mins to drive me home the next day... lolll
Now when I go on a first date with a guy and he wants me to pay, I simply do not go on a second date with him. It may seem really greedy but I find it says a lot about the person, whether he offers to pay or not on the first date. I used to feel bad when a guy paid for me but ever since I've been working in this industry, I don't feel that way anymore. Customers pay a couple of hundreds to speend an hour with me, whereas a guy I meet outside of work wants to spend the entire evening and have sex with me but cannot even afford to pay for a dinner? It's a major turn off for me.
I work hard, I can pay for a meal and a drink myself, just like I can open the door, but I like when the guy does it for me.
When I go out with a regular friend, guy or girl, I don't mind paying though.
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
i also expect that. its not because i'm broke or less successful than them, its just a sign of respect. a guy who wants me to pay or split the bill is either looking at this like just a get-together with friends, or is really not that into me. its a pretty clear sign in my book
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
The first few dates, I expect the guy to pay. We don't have to do something fancy, but if he is actively pursuing me, why would he NOT want to pay?
If he expresses financial hardship (I've actually never had this happen), then he can just cook for us or we can do something free, I wouldn't care.
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
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Originally Posted by
xStacey
After dating my last boyfriend who was *such* a gentleman and overspoiled me, I cannot deal with cheapos anymore. He was a sweetheart, always took me out to fancy restaurants and paid for me, whenever I wanted to split the bill he wouldn't let me and would tell me he never let a girl pay for a date in his entire life. Did not mind driving 1 hour and 15 minutes to come pick me up and driving another 1 hour 15 mins to drive me home the next day... lolll
For a relationship, I could not be with a "cheap" guy. You don't have to have money to be creative and find free or inexpensive stuff for us to do, but to be downright cheap is just so... gross. I, too, was in a relationship where the guy paid the rent, he bought me food left & right, and when I didn't feel good, he'd be out the door getting me whatever I wanted/needed no matter the time of day/night. So after having that, it really does make it hard and makes my expectations a lot higher.
But I really do think it comes down to, if he is actively pursuing you, he should WANT to pay.
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Originally Posted by
xStacey
Now when I go on a first date with a guy and he wants me to pay, I simply do not go on a second date with him. It may seem really greedy but I find it says a lot about the person, whether he offers to pay or not on the first date. I used to feel bad when a guy paid for me but ever since I've been working in this industry, I don't feel that way anymore. Customers pay a couple of hundreds to speend an hour with me, whereas a guy I meet outside of work wants to spend the entire evening and have sex with me but cannot even afford to pay for a dinner? It's a major turn off for me.
Same! I also (secretly) attempt to see what they tip. If its not at least 15% (preferably 20%), I get grossed out and turned off. I feel like the amount they tip also says a lot.
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
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Originally Posted by
xStacey
This thread made me smile.
When I was younger, I used to be ''the girl who was too nice''. I always eagerly offered to split the bill, dated some broke guys and did not mind paying for them... Not anymore.
After dating my last boyfriend who was *such* a gentleman and overspoiled me, I cannot deal with cheapos anymore. He was a sweetheart, always took me out to fancy restaurants and paid for me, whenever I wanted to split the bill he wouldn't let me and would tell me he never let a girl pay for a date in his entire life. Did not mind driving 1 hour and 15 minutes to come pick me up and driving another 1 hour 15 mins to drive me home the next day... lolll
Now when I go on a first date with a guy and he wants me to pay, I simply do not go on a second date with him. It may seem really greedy but I find it says a lot about the person, whether he offers to pay or not on the first date. I used to feel bad when a guy paid for me but ever since I've been working in this industry, I don't feel that way anymore. Customers pay a couple of hundreds to speend an hour with me, whereas a guy I meet outside of work wants to spend the entire evening and have sex with me but cannot even afford to pay for a dinner? It's a major turn off for me.
Not saying you or anyone does this in particular but I am always horrified when women will say "if he expects sex then I expect him to pay" I equate that to an escort. Nothing wrong with being an escort but when a woman has that mentality it really does put her in that category. In my opinion when it comes to a non escort date both parties shouldn't have expectations. I did have that mentality myself though, thinking "if he pays then I owe him sex" when I owe him nothing.
Btw, when I did online dating I rarely came across men who didn't offer to pay for me even if not interested. I met guy offline who paid or expected me too but they weren't online.
I work hard, I can pay for a meal and a drink myself, just like I can open the door, but I like when the guy does it for me.
When I go out with a regular friend, guy or girl, I don't mind paying though.
Not saying you or anyone does this in particular but I am always horrified when women will say "if he expects sex then I expect him to pay" I equate that to an escort. Nothing wrong with being an escort but when a woman has that mentality it really does put her in that category. In my opinion when it comes to a non escort date both parties shouldn't have expectations. I did have that mentality myself though, thinking "if he pays then I owe him sex" when I owe him nothing.
Btw, when I did online dating I rarely came across men who didn't offer to pay for me even if not interested. I met guys offline who paid or expected me too but they weren't online.
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
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Originally Posted by
Kellydancer
Not saying you or anyone does this in particular but I am always horrified when women will say "if he expects sex then I expect him to pay" I equate that to an escort. Nothing wrong with being an escort but when a woman has that mentality it really does put her in that category. In my opinion when it comes to a non escort date both parties shouldn't have expectations. I did have that mentality myself though, thinking "if he pays then I owe him sex" when I owe him nothing.
Btw, when I did online dating I rarely came across men who didn't offer to pay for me even if not interested. I met guys offline who paid or expected me too but they weren't online.
If a man is courting a woman, he shouldn't mind spending money on her from my point of view. It doesn't mean the woman will be obliged to have sex with him, nor does it mean he will get laid.. A guy paying for a date to me is a common gesture...
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
I'm with the "old-fashioned" gals who expect the man to pay. At this stage in the game I won't even entertain a male who expects to go "halfsies."
Ex-boyfriends can attest, I have not a problem taking my beaus on a date here and there and spoiling them. But that's after we have established rapport, and he's taken me out numerous times.
I don't expect them to, but even my male friends never even let me see the check. A man who is expecting to court me should want to pay.
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
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Originally Posted by
xStacey
If a man is courting a woman, he shouldn't mind spending money on her from my point of view. It doesn't mean the woman will be obliged to have sex with him, nor does it mean he will get laid.. A guy paying for a date to me is a common gesture...
I wasn't referring to him paying or not, but rather this idea that since he is paying she should have sex. I don't think the two things are the same but to many women they equate them. I wouldn't date a cheap ass either but I don't feel I am obligated to give him sex.
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
If he invites he pays, if I extend the invitation then we should split the tab.
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
What a fucking cheap ass, eww your not missing out on anything. I would blast him back for being cheap, petty and a loser. WTF, who does this… I feel the same way you do about the guys paying, I felt they always should pay but at least the first 3...
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
is this even a question? Like, why is this even a topic?!
That's not a slam at the OP, that's an expression of disbelief that there are guys out there that expect a woman to pay on the ANY date, much less the "first few". And there are women who put up with this?! Like, WTF...
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
I never let a man buy me dinner because I don't GO out to dinner. I'll always accept a home cooked meal, though!
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
I'd never take a girl to the movies these days. $20 to $25 for tickets and $15 bucks for a popcorn and two drinks... Nope. I'd take that money and get a 3 or 5 course dinner, much better value. If she wants the movies... we split.
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
I agree, first date man should always pay. The other stuff, like doors, car doors, chairs etc... should last FOREVER. I have been married for a little less than a year, together for fourteen months. My husband does all of this, every day, always. He's extremely considerate, and due to his upbringing, a little old fashioned. Of course, I do nice things for him all the time in return, but treating a woman with respect and courtesy is a valuable quality in a man.
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
I am just laughing because I read it real quick the first time and well, E L, your vocation, pay for the date, anyway, laughing at myself over here...............
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
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Originally Posted by
oldster
I am just laughing because I read it real quick the first time and well, E L, your vocation, pay for the date, anyway, laughing at myself over here...............
Did you really think I was asking about giving away a freebie on the first "date"? That really is funny! Try before you buy. That's an idea. Lol!
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
I only date people who I would potentially be interested in having a relationship with. If I'm going on a date with a guy, for the first few months, I expect not only that he pays for everything, but that he takes me to places that are pretty nice as well. This has an added benefit of weeding out the guys who are only interested in a casual hookup. :) But, my thought is.....in the early stages of dating me, he's still pursuing me. He doesn't "have" me yet. Therefore, he should be doing everything he can to try and impress me. If he doesn't put too much effort in in the beginning, how the hell do I expect him to put any effort into a relationship later on?
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
I think for the first date it is definitely important that the guy pays-- if he didn't it would be a red flag for me. I think it just shows that he respects me and is a gesture that he appreciates my company... I honestly don't think I've ever not had a guy pay on the first date though.
Later on though I think it just kind of depends on the situation-- most of my boyfriends have been older than me or they were working while I was in school, so they always paid for things. I would offer to get the small stuff, like a cheap meal or coffees, but when we went out they paid. Now that I'm working full time though I would be more open to splitting things. I definitely think that once a relationship has been going on for a while it's important for it to feel more like a partnership, not like one person is entirely taking care of the other.
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Re: I Think Guys Should Pay on the First Date.
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Originally Posted by
xStacey
When I was younger, I used to be ''the girl who was too nice''. I always eagerly offered to split the bill, dated some broke guys and did not mind paying for them... Not anymore.
After dating my last boyfriend who was *such* a gentleman and overspoiled me, I cannot deal with cheapos anymore.
I almost always pay, or offer to pay, for any date, but I still find the above mildly offensive! A man who wants to split the bill is a cheapo, but a woman who wants to pay absolute zero is what? Merely old-fashioned? I find it somewhat disturbing this is the predominant view on any board in the 21st century! I feel sad for the loss of that younger, "too nice" girl. If a guy not offering to pay says a lot about him, it also works the other way.
I've certainly dated women where it was obvious they expected me to pay. I've also dated women who at least offered to pay their share, or even for the entire meal. Such acts are definitely appreciated, even as they're declined. I'm attracted to strong women, and that extends to their morals. As a man, I want to feel depended upon. But I also don't want a dependent as a partner. To me, there's quite a distinction.