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do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
So I was reading a thread that a client started on me with a review and this guy made comment in which he called me a hooker-- it wasn't derogatory or anything, he just used that word instead of escort ("strangely she doesn't accept 50 pound notes, first hooker I've ever heard say that"). I can not tell you how horrified I was to see that word next to my name, it made me REALLY upset. I have never referred to myself that way and have never heard a client use that word around me.
I always refer to myself as an 'escort' and the idea of being a hooker or a prostitute is really upsetting to me, but I don't know exactly why. I don't know if there really is a difference between being a hooker and an escort, if a hooker is someone who charges a low rate, is unattractive/uneducated, and offers a variety of degrading services for cheap, or if it's just a slang word for an escort? I don't know if I'm just kidding myself and psychologically trying to avoid feeling guilty/dirty about selling sex for money and 'escort' is the equivalent of 'exotic dancer'?
I have never felt guilty or dirty about anything that I have done as an escort, I realized yesterday that I've probably had sex with near to 75 men now and it really didn't bother me at all because it's just business. And I have never felt upset or anything after seeing a client unless there was an issue, nor have I ever felt bad after a day of maybe having sex with four different people, just tired. But seeing that word next to my name... ugh, that really bothered me.
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
I think you're kidding yourself. But I'm glad you're thinking about it. Prostitution is the exchange of sex for money which is exactly what you're doing as an escort so yes, you are a prostitute. Hooker is another word for a prostitute so yes, you are also a hooker.
I don't care much for this attitude of some people who sell sex for money and then try to claim they're somehow better than prostitutes or hookers. That's exactly what they are whether they call themselves escorts, companions, or courtesans. It's hypocrisy. I think it's a form of slut shaming too. The idea that some women can act as prostitutes but are somehow better because they use a different word for it.
I'm really glad you're thinking about it.
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
It's not the exchanging sex for money aspect that bothers me, I'm not so far in denial that I've convinced myself that these men are paying me for my conversation and I'm having sex with them because I like them, there's just something REALLY trashy about the word 'hooker.' Prostitute doesn't bother me that much, it's the 'hooker' that gets me.
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
no, when you get down to it there is no difference. the exchange of sexual services for money. hooker is just more derogatory ..kind of like stripper and dancer. .i could see not wanting to be called a hooker, its just the disrespect that's behind the word.
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
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Originally Posted by
simone87
i could see not wanting to be called a hooker, its just the disrespect that's behind the word.
This exactly. Although it's just a synonym and many people (like your reviewer) do use them interchangeably, there are other people who use the word as an insult, even in vanilla life -- like kids in school who say girls that are dressed provocatively look like hookers, for example -- and it can be hard to separate that connotation from it when you encounter it often.
I definitely see it like the difference between stripper/dancer. The only example I can think of outside the adult industry (and I must admit it's not the best one) is secretary/admin assistant (exec assistant, office manager, etc., etc.) -- they're synonyms, but some find it insulting to be called a secretary nowadays because it can be meant in a demeaning way, even though it's a totally valid job title.
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
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Originally Posted by
simone87
i could see not wanting to be called a hooker, its just the disrespect that's behind the word.
Yes I think that's what it is! I've called myself a 'prossie' several times which is a really popular slang term here, but I guess I just have really negative connotations attached to the work 'hooker.'
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
I can understand that. I think we all have words that we'd rather not be called. I know some women who embrace the word "whore" but that's nothing but an insult to me, even though technically it is another word for a prostitute. It's a derogatory word to me though even if someone else has no issue with it.
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
I hate the word hooker! I am glad I am not the only one! I only like to be called a 'COMPANION' or an 'ESCORT'....maybe even a 'call girl'. I always got offeneded at hooker, prostitute, and whore. Thank you for this!
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
For me the word 'slut' tends to hit hardest.
When they start to annoy me or say upsetting things I tune out and focus on mentally counting my money.
My favourite affirmation is "I don't care what you call me as long as you spell name correctly on the cheque"
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
I don't like whore or slut either, they imply the woman is "dirty" to me, like she's being taken advantage of by a bunch of men and is desperate for validation, not like she's in charge of her sexuality.
And most of the time when I've been called a 'slut' or a 'whore' it's been by a customer who's been trying to insult me.
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
It does show the impact of language and words on how things tend to be perceived.
Elite companion sounds more alluring and glamorous than street walker but really both fuck and suck.
Clients where I work do this a lot. They will explain why their preference to come for a body rub instead of sex makes it more acceptable than just outright buying sex. Including the usual good girl spiel but they are still buying an orgasm - same as the next guy.
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
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Originally Posted by
MarvelGirl
I can understand that. I think we all have words that we'd rather not be called. I know some women who embrace the word "whore" but that's nothing but an insult to me, even though technically it is another word for a prostitute. It's a derogatory word to me though even if someone else has no issue with it.
I really like 'whore' and 'ho'. Granted, I do everything I can to eschew the connotative meanings of those words, it's more ironic than anything.
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
I have always called myself a stripper. I think using the word 'dancer' instead of 'stripper is on par with calling a 'janitor' a 'maintenance engineer'. Like, there is nothing wrong with being a stripper or a janitor to start with so I don't feel it's necessary to come up with a more PC word for it, if that makes sense. Usually I say 'escort' only because I know most are offended by 'prostitute'. Hooker I do find kind of derogatory...but it is essentially still the same thing to me.
This is also why I REALLY hate the word 'pussy'. JUST SAY VAGINA.
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
I like to tell myself that as long as we have sex with a condom, (which I do with everyone I'm nt serious about) we really havnt had sex, like a new dildo or something..lol. I don't count those as numbers of guys Ive had sex with…in a way
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
I think it's similar to the problem you had with your hair. Redheads and gingers may have the same coloring, but no one in London goes to the salon and asks for ginger, right?
If the customer who used it wasn't trying to insult you, then he's probably pretty crass and stupid. Hooker is almost always an epithet, while normal people generally get that prostitute and escort are neutral, descriptive terms.
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
I completely understand your reaction.
I'm not sure if this is exactly why you reacted negatively, but my stance is that the way people speak says something about their character. If you're talking to someone who doesn't know you dance / escort, and they refer to someone else as a "stripper" or "hooker" or "whore," that generally tells you a lot about how they view the industry and you as a person. It's their comfort with using the more 'charged' words that concerns me (i.e. words that have strong connotations should not be used lightly). I generally expect people outside of the industry to use 'careful' words.
When I know I'm on the outside of a culture, I tread lightly when speaking about it, because I assume that I am at least partially ignorant. I wait until I'm given implicit or explicit permission to use 'insider' terms, and even then, I assume that those words should only be used when I'm talking to that individual.
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
My problem w/ these words is not so much the words themselves but the tone used w/ them.
My relatives often call a certain high-ranking female politiciān a whore (I have no love at all for this woman & think she is, politically, a total POS) they say it w/ such disgust('We call her that bc the bitch would sell herself for anything'). They make veiled shit comments abt strippers & prostitutes alike even after knowing I am in the industry, then try to backtrack (Oh stop being so sensitive / we didn't mean *you* /Oh hush, you know what I meant). Yeah, you meant that a person's job is obvs what defines them as either a human being or a worthless scum.
'Grab her titties! Give that bad girl a spanking!' Encouraging it is freedom of speech, doing it is, ahem, not polite but just 'boys being boys', nothing to get butthurt over -- but perish the thought of ANYONE having to pay a woman for access to her own body, bc that just makes her a WHORE.
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
This is similar to " How do you tell great wines from good wines and good wines from ordinary ones ? By the price. ". Most of it is nothing more than attitude ,style and semantics. And usually price. The activity is the same but how it is presented makes all the difference
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
What Eric said.... A courtesan leaves you wanting more as she departs the next morning, a whore is just happy to have your money and the guy is wondering why he paid so much... ;-) Semantics, class and attitude. Hooker isn't a bad word, just not as elegant sounding, I think I recall a sex column, maybe in Penthouse "The Happy Hooker", Xavier Hollander maybe even called herself that... Dating myself...
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
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Originally Posted by
charlie61
I completely understand your reaction.
I'm not sure if this is exactly why you reacted negatively, but my stance is that the way people speak says something about their character. If you're talking to someone who doesn't know you dance / escort, and they refer to someone else as a "stripper" or "hooker" or "whore," that generally tells you a lot about how they view the industry and you as a person. It's their comfort with using the more 'charged' words that concerns me (i.e. words that have strong connotations should not be used lightly). I generally expect people outside of the industry to use 'careful' words.
When I know I'm on the outside of a culture, I tread lightly when speaking about it, because I assume that I am at least partially ignorant. I wait until I'm given implicit or explicit permission to use 'insider' terms, and even then, I assume that those words should only be used when I'm talking to that individual.
I think charlie hit the nail on the head. I personally don't have a problem with any of these words. A courtesan is a companion is a provider is a call girl is an escort is a prostitute is a hooker is a whore.... whatthefuckever. But, like it or not, a lot of those words have derogatory meaning in everyday "outsider" society. Almost no one outside the industry uses the words prostitute, hooker, or whore nicely. I would even beg to differ on the idea that people nowadays mean anything "nicer" when they use the words call girl or escort. People these days aren't stupid - they know what "escort" and "call girl" mean, and I've heard friends who don't know what I do make fun of their "slutty" outfits by saying "God, I look like an escort or something!"
I've used all of these words to describe myself or as a term of "endearment" to fellow sex workers who are ok with it, or even to and from friends who know what I do and who would not use the more socially derogatory words to describe me in a genuinely negative way. But if someone who doesn't know what I do throws out the terms hooker, prostitute, whore, or even escort when they clearly have a negative meaning attached to it, I take massive issue with it. However, I also take issue with "well-meaning" clients who try to "get in good" with me by pontificating about how I'm not a whore, I'm a high class escort, and screw all those lame ass clients who treat me as a "common hooker." They're not saying anything nice. I'm certainly ok with acknowledging that there are "high end" escorts and "low end" escorts and even "embarrassingly cheap" escorts - which is where most people would start using a less-nice word, I think. But trying to make a massive distinction in what you would consider a "hooker" vs an "escort" vs a "courtesan" feels, to me, that you are still using all those words in a negative way - and insinuating that other sex workers are somehow less than. I'm not ok with that idea in the same way that I'm not ok with camgirls looking down on strippers or FBSM girls looking down on escorts. We're all in the same boat, socially speaking.
It's all about context to me. You should be allowed to personally label yourself as what you feel happiest with, and if someone uses a word you aren't ok with, I think it's perfectly fine to gently correct them that you would prefer to be called something else, and they should respect that. In your client example, I don't think he was trying to insult you - just that he's a crass individual. If he's truly a gentleman, I would think a polite comment that you prefer the term "escort" would have him apologizing and changing his wording. If not, then screw him.
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
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Originally Posted by
CFMNH44
What Eric said.... A courtesan leaves you wanting more as she departs the next morning, a whore is just happy to have your money and the guy is wondering why he paid so much...
And there's the exact attitude I hate. I knew it would show up eventually.
No, there isn't a difference. There are "courtesans" who give shitty service and "whores" who give wonderful service. I don't like this pecking order bullshit. It's all the same job no matter what people call it.
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
hello girls ...I am thinking of becoming an escort ...please contact me with what steps i should initially take to stay out of trouble...do you suggest an agency or independent...please let me know ...i am grateful for every advice :)
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
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Originally Posted by
abarrett
I really like 'whore' and 'ho'. Granted, I do everything I can to eschew the connotative meanings of those words, it's more ironic than anything.
I do this too. Mostly because to me "whore" is a job description more than anything else. I used to describe myself as a "food whore" when I was cooking for a living. Would I show up and make food for 150 people *without* being paid? I think not.
Pro cooks often refer to "slutty food" among themselves as a synonym for "quick, easy and cheap". Since I am none of those, I'm not a slut either. ;-}
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
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Originally Posted by
Eric Stoner
This is similar to " How do you tell great wines from good wines and good wines from ordinary ones ? By the price. ". Most of it is nothing more than attitude ,style and semantics. And usually price. The activity is the same but how it is presented makes all the difference
I agree with Marvel Girl, but I love how Eric Stoner puts it. If it's all the same, I'd rather be called an "escort".
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Re: do you think there's a difference between a hooker, prostitute, and a escort?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Eric Stoner
This is similar to " How do you tell great wines from good wines and good wines from ordinary ones ? By the price. ". Most of it is nothing more than attitude ,style and semantics. And usually price. The activity is the same but how it is presented makes all the difference
Charging a lot of money has nothing to do with being a good escort. Anyone can charge a lot of money and be a shitty escort and get no bookings but say they charge $1,000 an hour.
THE most popular independent escort in London charges about half of what I do, and she's probably crazier/kinkier/better in bed than I am, we just have entirely different business models. None of my clients would book her and none of her clients would book me, that doesn't make me a bad escort or her a good one or vice versa.