Setting Boundaries and Choosing Clients
I have been working a couple of days a week for about two months now.
In order to protect my own sanity and not burn out I am starting to become much more choosy in who I see.
I have just dumped a regular who was pushing boundaries, making seriously mean comments and making me want to tear my own skin off in distress. I walked out of an appointment after he refused to drop a certain topic and when I came back he felt he was the wounded party... And felt I should apologise for not being sweet. This a common theme with my clients, the minute they push boundaries, I stop being sweet and nice and tell them firmly to stop. They then all act upset and beg and plead. Its pathetic!
We agree on the parameters upfront, I'm not cheating anyone of anything.
Anyway I have really found my backbone now. I am aware of which clients constantly push and I refuse to see them. I can't handle it and prefer to spend my time with other clients. There is no shortage of potential clients where I work. It has meant I make more because I can work more days or longer hours and enjoy being there. Instead of shutting down mentally.
So essentially I finally took all the advice on this site and it works!! So thank you :)
Re: Setting Boundaries and Choosing Clients
good on you,
its a great lesson to learn early.
i have seen soooo many great ladies get broken over time by just accepting whatever was thrown at them.
well done!
Re: Setting Boundaries and Choosing Clients
I'm soooo relieved to be rid of the clients in question!!
It has allowed me the clarity to dump a few people from my personal life as well.
I have found a couple of shift times that really suit me - client wise and now focused on improving my service and hair/makeup/outfits.
Re: Setting Boundaries and Choosing Clients
The thing about boundaries is that it's a choice. You have to make the right choice over and over again consistently. No one else can do it for you. No one else is looking out for #1 but you.
Re: Setting Boundaries and Choosing Clients
its always good to feel totally at peace with your client base
sometimes people need to be cut, but you find that another couple will take their place and your better off
:)
Re: Setting Boundaries and Choosing Clients
Your lucky girl where I live they've all been ridiculously douchey lately and if I just went for the respectful ones Id be broke! I've just got to the point where if they start verbally abusing me I'll say something back (because there's a lot that can be said about them lol) and if they start trying to force something I don't do then I just take my cash and tell them they have to leave. Probly won't be regulars but oh well!! ::)
Re: Setting Boundaries and Choosing Clients
I have a lunch client (so far it has been only lunch a few times). He revealed that he recently ended a side relationship that was really hard on him. We message via Kik and he wanted me to go out of town with him during the summer to re-enact a trip with this person. I was unable to so he had another friend do this. But he messages about how great our friendship is. I explained that it was similar to some of my cam clients that were regulars. Nice, I enjoyed their sessions but it was still business in the end. I just wonder if this was too harsh and too much reality? He is a nice person in a high stress job, bad marriage, and we have great conversations. But I did not want him to get the wrong idea that I was here for his social life vs this is my work.
Re: Setting Boundaries and Choosing Clients
Quote:
Originally Posted by
SophieL
I have a lunch client (so far it has been only lunch a few times). He revealed that he recently ended a side relationship that was really hard on him. We message via Kik and he wanted me to go out of town with him during the summer to re-enact a trip with this person. I was unable to so he had another friend do this. But he messages about how great our friendship is. I explained that it was similar to some of my cam clients that were regulars. Nice, I enjoyed their sessions but it was still business in the end. I just wonder if this was too harsh and too much reality? He is a nice person in a high stress job, bad marriage, and we have great conversations. But I did not want him to get the wrong idea that I was here for his social life vs this is my work.
I think you need to do what makes you feel comfortable. I think most guys I see know our time together is not reality. I'm still learning how to set boundaries. I've always been a pushover in my personal life and with clients, but I getting tougher with clients because some really just take advantage. I think it depends on the guy. Some clients can get away with a lot more than others. It depends on how I feel about them. This guy sounds nice and probably wants to consider you as a friend in his mind, so it might have been bit to much reality.
Re: Setting Boundaries and Choosing Clients
Yes, I thought about that after sending those messages. I put a lot of thought into how to phrase everything before sending. One reason I put the emphasis on my cam customers so it would not seem too personal to him. I give him lots of time when we have lunch. He covers an hour of my time and it is usually 2-4 hours at least that we are together. Other then wanting me to go on a couple of trips he has not mentioned going further until last night. He was saying how good it was that we have become such good friends before moving on.
Re: Setting Boundaries and Choosing Clients
I really like and enjoy spending time with several of my clients. I value them but as you said its still business.
Better to have clear boundaries than drama later. Or think he can hang out free.
It probably did sting but it shows him respect.
Re: Setting Boundaries and Choosing Clients
Yes, both were my concerns. Particularly after we spent a couple of hours discussing his breakup of his last "friend".
Re: Setting Boundaries and Choosing Clients
Sounds like its a pattern of his.
There are a few of these where I work. Its their hustle, to allow them to feel closer to the provider and get more time and other perks.
I have had a couple, the minute I can't give them enough attention, they drop me like a hot cake for someone else. Lol so much for the 'friend' part.
Re: Setting Boundaries and Choosing Clients
My shift tonight has been a giant reality check.
The manager I thought I was friendly with was cold as ice.
I got ditched by a regular. I really thought he was only seeing me lol. But he hasn't been and its better that way. He was cheap and needy! So big relief too.
It does make me extra grateful for my real world friends and family. I'm embarrassed I thought any of it was ever genuine. Better that bubble was burst!!!