-
Graduated COllege, Think I'm Going Back to Dancing-Opinions Wanted
First off, I apologize if this topic is somewhere else, please let me know and I will move it.
I'm 23 and I guess an "ex" dance. I danced until about this time last year full time since highschool, when I made the commitment to buckle down and finish my bachelor's degree, (actually I got 2 :)!) So I took out 16g in loans and stopped working and busted my ass and finished.
4 months later, I am 95% ready to quit my new job and go back to dancing. It isn't that I can' find work, I have both a full time m-f and a part time on sat. And when my loans hit, I will not be making ends meet. My biggest issue is that I don't have the time to take off work to interview for better paying positions. And I am bored. And I am sick of being fucking broke. and maybe dancing was better than I made it out to be. And at the time I was very burnt out. Also, my new job is more mind numbing than any time I spent dancing.
I think my partner might flip his shit, which is why I haven't gone back yet.
And I just put myself in debt to finish school and I wouldn't using my education. Not that I am using it now.....
I'd love to heat some opinions.
-
Re: Graduated COllege, Think I'm Going Back to Dancing-Opinions Wanted
I recently dropped out of college opting to dance full time after my financial aid fell through (not the exact situation but I have chosen dancing over a more 'vanilla' lifestyle). I may go back and finish my degree, I may not.
Anyway, my first time around dancing I started out of desperation and I felt burnt out often and always dreamed of quitting for good. When I did quit, I started to miss it..Not only the money, but the exercise and freedom, etc.
This time around I have decided to take it seriously and treat it as a professional career. Before I only viewed it as a temporary means to an end. I also do not deal with customers that put me in a bad mood or make me feel uncomfortable. I have turned down VIP rooms and dances for that reason, and will continue to do so. This has made the experience much better and I don't feel so depleted at the end of my shifts. I don't get burnt out nearly as fast.
I definitely think you should go back to dancing if you really want to. As far as your partner goes, there are no easy answers for that. He'll either get over it or it may break you up. My husband had some problems with it when I went back to dancing after we got married, but he's now accepted that it makes me happy and he knows he can trust me. It all depends on your partner. Hopefully if it makes you happy he'll learn to deal with it.
-
Re: Graduated COllege, Think I'm Going Back to Dancing-Opinions Wanted
THAT SOUNDS JUST LIKE ME. You just wrote my exact thoughts out. Thank you. I really appreciate that you understand where I am coming from and took the time to respond.
I feel like I am mature enough now to treat it as an actual job, and not a party night or a means to an end. I miss it. I miss the exercise as well, like you mentioned, and the attention, and feeling sexy, ect.
As for my partner, if he can't trust me after this long, i don't want him :)
I wonder if i should go back to my old club, or try a new one? What has been your experience?
-
Re: Graduated COllege, Think I'm Going Back to Dancing-Opinions Wanted
Can I ask what is your vanilla career in?
-
Re: Graduated COllege, Think I'm Going Back to Dancing-Opinions Wanted
I'm sure this happens to like 99% of girls unless they stopped making money dancing in their area and don't want to move away. Because why would anyone ever give up a well-paying job with a lot of perks and benefit, for one that is the opposite?
-
Re: Graduated COllege, Think I'm Going Back to Dancing-Opinions Wanted
Sure. The only job I have been able to land is being a receptionist. II thought gaining some office experience would be a good idea.
It is easy money. But it isn't going to be enough in a month's time to pay the bills. And it is honestly the most boring thing I have ever done, with very very slim chances of advancing or getting a raise. :/ Other than the "experience" part of it, I cannot justify staying there. And sadly to my surprise, there was no experience to be gained once I started.
My part time I really enjoy as a sales position, but I make less hourly than I do at my reception job.
-
Re: Graduated COllege, Think I'm Going Back to Dancing-Opinions Wanted
To me, unless you really hate dancing it's a bit crazy to turn down that kind of earning potential to take a lesser paying job. Play your cards right and you can invest the money you make dancing and have a very secure future.
-
Re: Graduated COllege, Think I'm Going Back to Dancing-Opinions Wanted
I've done this, did vanilla, then full time danced, and then went back to vanilla. I'd say go for it. You might just really need a break from the grind (college and working a 9-5 right after). Getting two degrees sounds like a hellavu lot of work.
-
Re: Graduated COllege, Think I'm Going Back to Dancing-Opinions Wanted
Quote:
THAT SOUNDS JUST LIKE ME. You just wrote my exact thoughts out. Thank you. I really appreciate that you understand where I am coming from and took the time to respond.
I feel like I am mature enough now to treat it as an actual job, and not a party night or a means to an end. I miss it. I miss the exercise as well, like you mentioned, and the attention, and feeling sexy, ect.
As for my partner, if he can't trust me after this long, i don't want him :)
I wonder if i should go back to my old club, or try a new one? What has been your experience?
I had already moved to a new city when I went back to dancing, so I had to find a new club. I went through FOUR different clubs before I found a good fit. I like the new place but I miss my old club SO MUCH! I'm trying to talk my husband into moving back to my old town so I can work there again! I made life long friends there and got along with the managers, bouncers and everyone. I felt like they had my back. If you felt comfortable at your original club, got along with management and it got decent traffic I would stick with it. If you want to try other clubs, just make sure you end things "nicely" if you quit so you don't burn any bridges.
-
Re: Graduated COllege, Think I'm Going Back to Dancing-Opinions Wanted
I am also in your boat... I graduated in May with a bachelors degree, realized I didn't want to bust my ass to make $14/hour before taxes and have to work 10 hour days in either the AZ heat or a cubicle, and went back to dancing.
It's been an interesting career move and I have gotten some flack from people for "wasting" my degree... I personally am not really happy that I am in debt for the degree I'm not using... but that is another animal entirely having nothing to do with dancing or not dancing.
The total sum of it is that I am happier going to work <25 hours a week, when I want to go in, and making more money than anything my degree could have landed me. In the end it is YOUR life and you shouldn't have to answer to anyone about why you are doing it... including your partner.
-
Re: Graduated COllege, Think I'm Going Back to Dancing-Opinions Wanted
Be sure you have a plan for the long-term. And a backup plan for if / when you burn out.
-
Re: Graduated COllege, Think I'm Going Back to Dancing-Opinions Wanted
Quote:
I have gotten some flack from people for "wasting" my degree... I personally am not really happy that I am in debt for the degree I'm not using... but that is another animal entirely having nothing to do with dancing or not dancing.
This may not be a 'popular' opinion, but in the final analysis any financial 'value' stemming from a college degree starts with an earnings equation ... that the higher pay rate provided by having that degree exceeds the ongoing 'costs' of paying for that degree. Or, stated another way, in all too many cases these days, a college degree is a 'non-performing investment'. In the 'real' business world, 'non-performing investments' get dropped from investment portfolios all the time ... because investors realize that they have a finite amount of 'capital', thus the 'capital' they do have needs to be redeployed in 'productive' directions ... versus 'treading water' and hoping that losses on that 'non-performing investment' don't get worse.
Circling back on point, in the case of college graduate dancers, their time and energy is their 'capital'. Working at a $14 an hour vanilla job that provides perhaps $1800 a month in net after-tax earnings, less the $400 ( or whatever ) cost of a monthly student loan payment, is arguably a formula for guaranteed near-poverty for the next 20+ years !!!
Redirecting time and energy away from 'non-performing' endeavors ( i.e. a $14 an hour job that isn't going to provide either a 'career ladder' or an ability to get out of debt and accumulate 'assets' ), and toward other more 'productive' endeavors ( i.e. full time dancing, getting out of debt, and accumulating 'assets' ), is simply 'smart business'.
Before I ever started dancing, I obtained a college degree and worked for several years as a Respiratory Therapist. Being forced to live on disability insurance payments after contracting TB from a hospital patient made me realize that all of my night / weekend / holiday work, my personal risk of exposing myself to hospital diseases, HIV tainted blood samples, etc., was totally unappreciated by my 'employers'. I also realized that the $20 an hour I was earning, after taxes, still wasn't ever going to result in my being able to get out of debt and start to accumulate 'assets' ( like a house or savings / investments ), or to save for retirement, via my own efforts.
When a new strip club opened up nearby, after the very first night I went onstage I decided to totally 'waste' my college degree ... and haven't regretted it for a second. What I DO regret, in retrospect, is 'passing up' five years worth of potential dancing earnings opportunity had I not 'wasted' 5 years working in hospitals for comparative 'peanuts' before becoming a 'serious, professional' dancer.
Quote:
Be sure you have a plan for the long-term. And a backup plan for if / when you burn out
.
Agreed, and agreed. Professional dancers are similar to professional athletes. They both have a limited time window during which very high earnings are possible. But once that time window closes, 25-30 odd years still remain before reaching legal retirement age. However, at the absolute minimum, having to look for a vanilla job at age 35-40 is a lot easier to deal with if dancing earnings have paid off student loan obligations, versus still facing another 10+ years worth of $400 per month ( or whatever ) of ongoing student loan payments. Also, having to look for a vanilla job at age 35-40 is a lot easier to deal with if dancing earnings have allowed the 'cash' purchase of a house, versus still facing another 20+ years worth of rent / mortgage payments, etc.
Again voicing an unpopular viewpoint, Americans needs to face the fact that the old paradigm concerning college degrees is DEAD. Between millions of unemployed and under-employed Americans with college degrees, hundreds of thousands of foreign college graduates who are happy to come to America each year on H1-B visas and work for comparative 'peanuts', and a steady crop of 'new' college graduates entering the workforce each year, having a college degree doesn't guarantee s#!t these days !!! Thus working at whatever comparatively low paying vanilla job you can find that is even remotely related to your college major may avoid 'wasting' your degree ... but arguably constitutes 'wasting' your time, energy and future instead !!!
-
Re: Graduated COllege, Think I'm Going Back to Dancing-Opinions Wanted
I'm thinking you're talking about going back to dancing just for a while to pay off your loans, and not permanently? If that's the case, is there any way you can reduce your hours to part time at the job you have now, or get a part time job in your industry elsewhere? I say this because:
1. From the standpoint of a potential employer, you are always viewed as a "more valuable" applicant when you already have a job, rather than when you'e unemployed. You'll have more leverage to negotiate about pay this way too, because they know you don't have to settle for a lower offer just because you need a job.
2. Experience generally>>education. Unless a degree is required for your line of work, ime employers generally tend to go with applicants who have more experience in that particular industry. (Forget about all that "transferable skills" BS they tell you in college. Not true.)
3. It's not going to look very good to have a big gap on your resume. Also, a lot of employers will look to see the length of time you worked at each job. Anything less than a year at a company probably won't look great, regardless of whether or not you have a good reason. (I was actually in college applying for a job after graduation, and had several jobs listed on my resume because I would go back to my parents' house over the summer and find a job in their town for those few months. I wasn't working while I was actually taking classes, in order to concentrate on my studies. I was rejected because the manager thought that "it looks like you couldn't hold down a job," despite explaining the situation to him beforehand.) >:(
-
Re: Graduated COllege, Think I'm Going Back to Dancing-Opinions Wanted
It's really easy to glamorize the industry after being out for awhile, especially if you're unfulfilled in a vanilla job. Maybe try going back a few nights a week for a month to see if you really like it as much as you think you will. Because if you're going to make that decision, you should really commit to that decision. There's no point in giving up a stable paycheck, work history, an unhindered ability to prove income, and potentially turn a relationship topsy-turvy if you're just going to burn out in a few months again and start only going in enough days to "cover your ass."
I was supposed to start a new vanilla job this week. It was gonna be my first "big-girl" job in an office with benefits. I wasn't excited about it, but I used the "experience" excuse to justify it to myself as well. But the starting date crept closer and closer... I didn't go in. I decided that I liked the adult industry way better, and that this job would just make me miserable, BUT, that if I was going to tear up my paperwork and not start that job, I better buckle the hell down and make this industry worth my while. I dicked around way too much during the winter and beginning of summer, and the reason I even started looking for a vanilla job was because my finances sucked. Then I sat down and admitted to myself that the reason for this was because I hadn't put forth real professional effort. I've always only had "one foot in" in this industry - never committing to making it really work for me but never wanting to step completely out to focus on a vanilla career either. That's no way to get ahead in anything.
The past week that I was supposed to spend being trained at that job, I've already made more than I would have all month there. I have my goals down, I devote time to my professional development in adult work every day, and I feel happy and confident about my decision and the reasons for it. If you really think dancing is going to fulfill you more than an office job and you don't really care about advancing to something better, then I say go for it! But understand the hardships - relationship difficulties, unstable money, difficulty getting an apartment, resume gap, etc - make peace with those, have a backup plan, and maybe test it out for a bit to be sure you're remembering it correctly and really want to make that jump to going all in.
Good luck! I hope you find what makes you happy.
-
Re: Graduated COllege, Think I'm Going Back to Dancing-Opinions Wanted
I totally could have written the OP. Right now I'm concentrating on paying off debt while dancing. I've got a business plan and will be taking the 1st steps toward starting my own business after the 1st of the year.
And don't worry too much about being a career dancer. I've been at it since 1998 (on and off, obviously). It is a sustainable career if you stay healthy and sober.
-
Re: Graduated COllege, Think I'm Going Back to Dancing-Opinions Wanted
Quote:
I used the "experience" excuse to justify it to myself as well. But the starting date crept closer and closer... I didn't go in. I decided that I liked the adult industry way better, and that this job would just make me miserable, BUT, that if I was going to tear up my paperwork and not start that job, I better buckle the hell down and make this industry worth my while. I dicked around way too much during the winter and beginning of summer, and the reason I even started looking for a vanilla job was because my finances sucked. Then I sat down and admitted to myself that the reason for this was because I hadn't put forth real professional effort. I've always only had "one foot in" in this industry - never committing to making it really work for me but never wanting to step completely out to focus on a vanilla career either. That's no way to get ahead in anything.
Full agreement on this. Working in an 'adult' related industry has big advantages like earnings potential and schedule flexibility ( during the peak earnings time window at least ), but also carries potential negatives ( like a bogus bust on your criminal record, relationship problems ). If you're going to accept the risk of those negatives, it only makes sense to maximize earnings to offset that risk.
On the flip side, working toward a 'vanilla' career, most of the negatives are present immediately ( like drudgery and a$$-kissing ), while most of the advantages accumulate over a sustained period of time ( like professional reputation building, job offers from competitors, pay raises / promotions, seniority perks ). If you're going to accept dealing with those negatives, it only makes sense to continue working for an extended time period so the advantages can begin to accumulate.
The arguable worst situation is an attempt to 'mix' the two ... at least on anything more than a short term basis. Having one of the 'adult' industry related negatives become a reality ( like a bogus bust ) can seriously damage a vanilla career. On the flip side, having little or no energy left after putting in 40 hours worth of 'drudgery' at a vanilla job can seriously impede 'adult' industry earnings potential.
And working at a vanilla job part time, to allow for more opportunity to also work more part time hours at an 'adult' industry job, is arguably the worst situation of all from a 'career' standpoint ... because it involves all of the negatives but few of the positives. Most vanilla employers view part time workers as being 'expendable', generally provide near zero benefits relative to 'full time' employee benefits, generally do not include part time employees in strategic planning ( i.e. promotions ), etc. At the same time, part time dancers have less ability to build a cadre of 'regular' customers, less ability to schedule themselves for the most lucrative shifts, a higher risk of being outed or busted, etc.