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Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
So I'm going to my first audition next week. I've got my outfits, my shoes, I've called the clubs - I've done everything. Including discussing dancing with my boyfriend, who said that he would be okay with me becoming a stripper. But that discussion happened before we knew anything on the industry and just assumed stripping was all stage dancing and people making it rain - not lap dances. Obviously, now that I've done research on hustling, I know the real money is in customers' laps, not the stage. I mentioned this to him, and he immediately disapproved. He says he "doesn't want me to be sexual with another man," but he's still okay with stripping as long as I don't offer lap dances.
What should I do? Should I offer lap dances without telling him? I'm at college right now so I'm 4 hours away; there's no way he'd find out. But would it cause strain on the relationship, or is it flat out wrong, even if it's just for a job? Do I tell him I respect his opinion, but I'm doing it anyway?
ughhelpmeplease
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
Talk to him and explain the nature of the beast. If he can't handle it then you might need to reevaluate your situation. Is he going to pay your bills and allow for a comfortable existence? Me, I choose money over dick all the time. Me personally, I'd laugh and ditch him ASAP.
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
Hahaha, Tempest you are one TOUGH bitch and I love it! :D
Yep, if he ain't paying your bills, his opinions aren't worth a second thought IMO. At the end of the day, it's all about YOU and your future. What good is dick if you are homeless?
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
Hahaha, Tempest you are one TOUGH bitch and I love it! :D }:D
Yep, if he ain't paying your bills, his opinions aren't worth a second thought IMO. At the end of the day, it's all about YOU and your future. What good is dick if you are homeless?
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
The argument could just as easily be made that by dancing naked onstage you are 'being sexual toward other guys.'
To tweak a quote from George Carlin, (points to ScarletKitten if she can name the skit :) ) 'The sex is already on their minds -- all we're talking abt is a matter of degree!' If he wants to get pissy over you doing LDs, turn it around on him: 'Idk where *you* go clubbing, but I intend to work in clubs where lapdances =/= sex!'
Personally, I couldn't lie to an SO abt what I do/have done at work. That's just me, I am maybe too honest, but mutual honesty is extremely important to me. I couldn't ask for transparency from an SO but not give it in return. So I would say 'I am doing X Y & Z but refuse to do A & B. You will nvr have to worry abt me doing A or B for any amt of $$. So you can like it or lump it.' & if he decides to lump it then he will have done you a favour by doing it at the beginning, rather than letting his insecurities fester & cause worse problems down the line.
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
He needs to get over it & respect your needs or not be your boyfriend anymore. I never understand all these boyfriend threads, my ex & I only became official after I started dancing. He was very secure.
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
Quote:
Originally Posted by
tempest666
Me, I choose money over dick all the time.
This this this
You have a limited amount of time you can make big money in this industry. Don't waste it on a relationship that holds you back.
There's plenty of men that are confident enough to be with a dancer. Also, being single as a dancer gives you more opportunity to go chase the money on strip trips, and not have anybody whining about you "working so much" if you decide to pull a lot of shifts to meet a financial goal.
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
Don't do lap dances behind his back because he may find out sooner or later, or you'll become guilty for keeping something from him. I understand why he'd be concerned, but you should tell him what a lap dance is like; a lot of guys who's never been to a strip club think the strippers jack off the guy or some shit. No (unless the stripper does extras). The customer is fully clothed and the stripper only takes her bikini top off.
Also, as much as I believe that in a relationship, both partners' feelings matter, ultimately if he is not the one providing financially for you, he doesn't have a say in your choices. I am sure he'll warm up to it eventually, if he is already okay with you dancing on stage; that's already sexual in itself.
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
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Originally Posted by
Aniela
To tweak a quote from George Carlin, (points to ScarletKitten if she can name the skit :) ) 'The sex is already on their minds -- all we're talking abt is a matter of degree!' If he wants to get pissy over you doing LDs, turn it around on him: 'Idk where *you* go clubbing, but I intend to work in clubs where lapdances =/= sex!'
Damn, I don't know that quote from George!
But, yeah, lap dancing is not THAT much more sexual than stage dancing. Only difference is, you are more up-close and personal. But you make your own rules anyway. If you don't want the guy touching you, then you state your rules firmly, "no touching". If your bf still can't handle that, well, you will have to choose. Is your bf more important than money? Can you work another job that pays just as well? That last question is probably "no" - unless you plan on working some high-profile career that pays six figures, I don't think any other job will come close to the pay and freedom that stripping provides (besides other sex work such as camming.)
I hope your bf has a stable, high-paying job. If not, either ditch him OR convince him to let you do what you need to do to survive.
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
I tweaked it from his Capital Punishment monologue :)
Anyway OP there are sadly tons of 'problems caused by bf who hates my dancing' threads here … they will tell you exactly what to expect if you guys can't come to agreement on this.
There are also a few threads like the recent 'Supportive SOs' one that show it is infact possible to find a guy who won't be a butthead abt it.
Another way of looking at this is not 'is bf or stripping more important' but 'is bf or my overall future more important'. Even if stripping (or sexwork in general) wasn't on the table, you don't have any guarantee that he will always stick by you.
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
"If you aren't feeding or financing me, your opinion doesn't matter."
If you are serious about making money and securing savings/investments in the future, ditch him. If you're convinced you're going to marry him or something..... I'd still say ditch him, because if he's gonna be possessive and insecure now, it'll only pop up again later with something else.
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
Don't ever discuss work with a BF. Especially if he knows nothing about it(even better). Fuck that. Have your cake....
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
I think if you're giving lap dances behind his back it will weigh on your conscience and ultimately cause strain on the relationship. Just explain that it's the nature of the job and if this is something you really want to do he should respect that and trust you to be merely selling a fantasy, not "being sexual with another man." Especially if you two are long-distance, trust is extremely important.
Perhaps he could come visit you for a weekend and the two of you could visit the club at which you're interested in working? It might help put his mind at ease, as this was the case for my SO (who actually genuinely likes the club I'm going to audition at!). If he can't accept and respect your interest in dancing it may be a good idea to reevaluate your relationship.
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
Since he is so far away, I think you should give it a try without letting him know what you are doing. Who knows? Maybe you'll hate it after your 1st shift. You never need to mention it to him again. If you do like it, then he will have to make a decision about what he is comfortable with.
I have the most open minded S.O. on the planet, and there are things about this job that he has issues with. I don't share everything with him for that exact reason. It's a job. We aren't doing this for funzies.
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
It's hard to make money without offering dances. Just talk to him about it. Maybe even show him exactly what you plan to do during a dance (and obviously give him a very PG version to make him feel better). Also remind him that lap dances are, for many men, more about conversation with a pretty girl than just dry humping.
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
I'm selective about what I tell my boyfriend. D'you think I told him about the young Ozzy Osbourne doppleganger who got me so wet I had to change my panties 3 times? HELL NO! Filter your conversations appropriately or dump him.
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
Quote:
Originally Posted by
tempest666
I'm selective about what I tell my boyfriend. D'you think I told him about the young Ozzy Osbourne doppleganger who got me so wet I had to change my panties 3 times? HELL NO! Filter your conversations appropriately or dump him.
Oh man, I can't help myself sometimes- last night I was telling him about the baptist who kept talking about how he normally never came into "places like this" because he was a good person...I ended up making him yell "I'm a good boy!" into my tits repeatedly. Bf thought it was hilarious.
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
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Originally Posted by
Tourdefranzia
Since he is so far away, I think you should give it a try without letting him know what you are doing. Who knows? Maybe you'll hate it after your 1st shift. You never need to mention it to him again. If you do like it, then he will have to make a decision about what he is comfortable with.
I have the most open minded S.O. on the planet, and there are things about this job that he has issues with. I don't share everything with him for that exact reason. It's a job. We aren't doing this for funzies.
I agree with this. While I would never advocate lying to an SO about being a dancer, reading about it on SW and seeing it on TV are two entirely different things. You may not even make it through your first shift, it's not for a lot of people. There's no need to blow up your relationship if it just ends up being a waste of money on shoes and gas. Even if your first shift goes well, try it out for a few weeks and see if it's something you really feel like you can do in the long-term.
If it is, then I agree with what other ladies have said about leaving him. It sounds like you are looking for income while you are in school, not to be a career stripper, and he should be fine with you financing your way through college. If he isn't supportive of that, then he's being selfish and not thinking about what is best for you. You can always tell him you intend to enface a no-contact rule with your customers and it's basically the same shit as dancing on stage, which it is anyway in non-contact clubs, you're just going it closer to the customer and not on stage.
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
Honestly (I hope I don't come off as a total bitch right now, because I'm not trying to) it's unlikely that your relationship is going to last anyway. It sounds like you're both still very young, and you live 4 hours apart. It's unlikely that this relationship will lead to marriage. That said, while you're together he doesn't need to know every little detail about your job. Jus tell him lap dances are really no big deal, that customers aren't allowed to touch you or anything and he needs to get over it. He's not paying your bills, you're not married and it isn't his decision. He'll get over it eventually or you'll find another boyfriend who can deal.
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
Threads like these amuse me a bit because, IME , the least destructive part of this job is the dancing part. It's the emotional labor (talking to people, hustling, etc.) that is the most exhausting, most invasive, and the most emotionally taxing. I know that may not be the case if you're working in a super-high-contact club, but that's the exception.
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
Yeah I'd try it first and if you do decide you like it just tell him that this is how you're going to make money now and he can accept it or bail.
But if he EVER gives you shit or uses it against you, drop him. EVEN ONCE. He either accepts you and your job or he doesn't. You're young, you're probably not going to get married, you're in a transitional period of your life. This is when you do things for you, not for a boyfriend.
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
Look if his only source of what goes on in strip clubs (eg it's all about the stage and getting tips) is movies/ tv/ music videos he probably thinks lap dances = fucking and sucking. It's funny, when my mum found out I was a stripper she was shocked but then I told her that we actually make our money from *GASP* lap dances and she was horrified. It's just that the media says: lap dances = sex/ handjobs/ oral
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Re: Boyfriend Not Comfortable With Lap Dances
I would tell him to suck it up until he can give me the lifestyle that I want ( in a nice girlfriend way lol). He's probably afraid of losing you... Don't let his insecurity limit your productivity!! It's time to be independent so make your own decision!!✌️