Newbie - heavy contact/boundaries
Hi everyone,
I recently started dancing and I've only done about four shifts ever, one being extremely dead selling only one dance! I live in Australia and I worked two shifts in Melbourne and now I've just started at a new club in Sydney. I'm feeling quite overwhelmed and when I started I wasn't really given any information about contact or anything really (not that I expected any proper help/training) however contact is illegal in the state and this club is still a contact club - including breasts but only for extra $$$. Before starting I decided on my boundaries which right now I'm only really comfortable with hands on hip, and even that can be annoying with pushy guys. I would say the crowd at this club is slightly rougher that the other, but hard to say since I haven't worked much in the other club, or many clubs in general obviously!
Anyway, considering many of the girls are offering extreme contact for more money, I worked last night which was quite busy but found it really difficult to get guys to follow the rules and one of them in particular bought half an hour of my time and he insisted he give me a massage. Since I'm new I decided to experiment and see where my limits were but I spoke out and said no more as I was just uncomfortable. He was a little pushy/manipulative and claimed all the other girls do contact (which is untrue). Then he left early because he was frustrated and it was just weird and I felt awkward about it. I'm proud I didn't apologise to the shithead as that was his own fault. Today I'm feeling overwhelmed, although I feel like this experience is teaching me to be more and more assertive with boundaries, I'm just finding it so difficult right now. I don't even like hugging for godsakes, and some of them wanted to give me a hug at the end (this also depends on the customer, and most of them were gropey and annoying).
Now I am just having second thoughts about the club. The girls are so incredibly friendly but otherwise I'm unsure. I hate all the clubs in my city to be honest and the men overall seem a bit rough - not only at strip clubs but in clubs/in the city in general! I'm moving in a month and thought about returning to the other club I was at originally in Melbourne. The club is still contact, but not as much as this!
I felt quite positive after my shift because I spoke out when I was uncomfortable and generally protected my boundaries (at times they were still crossed, however) and I'm still learning and today everything is sinking in and have felt a little anxious. I feel really confident at work, I was making great money and I'm enjoying the job itself, although obviously the downside to it is the irritating customers who try and disrespect the rules, which at this club will be difficult since I do not offer extreme contact. Period. On top of that, I need to get a watch because the staff accidentally went overtime with one of my dances which was infuriating, and I am pretty sure they did it again afterwards to me and another dancer!!! Seriously!
What do you guys think? Does being assertive and protecting boundaries become easier as a stripper? Am I being naive to think there will be better customers at other clubs? I think the customers were better at the other club in general (I also worked on a Saturday night and it didn't feel as rough as the Sydney one on a Wednesday night!) but again, I'm not sure. I'm hoping all this becomes easier as I want to continue doing this as a job, maybe at another club, but would appreciate any advice you girls have.
Thanks :)
Re: Newbie - heavy contact/boundaries
1) it DOES get easier to stand up for yourself, to become more assertive. It's kinda like other components of this job that have to be learnt i.e. stage performance, hustle, interactions w/ coworkers.
2) the only thing abt stripping that's universal is taking off your clothes. Contact, earning & customer-behaviour standards will vary greatly among clubs & areas. These are all things that you can only gauge, along w/ your ability to deal w/ them, by trying the club out for a few shifts (or sm times a few wks, depending on what factors you're focussing on).
In the meantime, look up Laurisa's 'How to make money as a clean dancer in a club with heavy extras' thread. Even if the 'extras' at this particular place are 'just' contact-based rather than full-on sexual favours, I think you will find that thread pretty useful for your situation.
All this ^^^^ out of the way -- good for you for standing your ground! It can get very stressful fending off extras hounds, even if as already stated the extras are just contact-based. You're juggling so much more during the 3-4min dancing for an extras hound than for a clean, respectful customer, & it's stressful & exhausting. I have always been one of the most minimal-permitted-contact dancers of any club I ever worked so I feel you.
Re: Newbie - heavy contact/boundaries
Thanks Aniela. :) I'm glad it gets easier - I've noticed I've been improving slightly each time so that's a really positive sign :)
I will definitely check that thread out, sounds worth reading. It was definitely exhausting and wasn't sure if I could handle it at one point! Thanks for the advice.
Re: Newbie - heavy contact/boundaries
Id say it gets easier as you learn how to read people and become better aware of the types of men who will try/test your boundaries.
I learned the hard way that when you can tell if a customer is intoxicated, touchy feely like in a extra horny way, or overly assertive or just gives a weird vibe then I get money upfront (or I don't dance with them at all) because I want to have assurance that my boundaries won't be tested and the customer will be respectful or I can end the dance and still get paid.
Not all customers are like this though. Most are respectful but the bad apples just make me want to pull out some baby powder and b!tch slap some sense into them.
Re: Newbie - heavy contact/boundaries
My friend has told me that the girls in Sydney are getting desperate now, especially because of the lock out rules. I would go back to Melbourne.
That was no help probably. Sorry :/
Re: Newbie - heavy contact/boundaries
You do indeed have to be assertive about your boundaries and it does get easier the more you do it, but, honestly, it sounds like this isn't the club for you. It's an uphill battle when your contact level is significantly lower than everyone else's The clientele are simply used to being able to touch more than you offer, and as much as you can state your boundaries upfront, many customers don't always listen and just go with what they're used to. If I were you, I'd work in a club with contact levels more in line with my personal boundaries. It sounds like that's an option, so unless the earning potential is significantly higher at this club, I'd move on to somewhere that won't be so trying.
Re: Newbie - heavy contact/boundaries
Quote:
Originally Posted by
shanna dior
You do indeed have to be assertive about your boundaries and it does get easier the more you do it, but, honestly, it sounds like this isn't the club for you. It's an uphill battle when your contact level is significantly lower than everyone else's The clientele are simply used to being able to touch more than you offer, and as much as you can state your boundaries upfront, many customers don't always listen and just go with what they're used to. If I were you, I'd work in a club with contact levels more in line with my personal boundaries. It sounds like that's an option, so unless the earning potential is significantly higher at this club, I'd move on to somewhere that won't be so trying.
Yeah I'm already having second thoughts about it, it was pretty draining having to assert my boundaries I practically felt like a broken record! And honestly, I get the feeling the other girls offer more than just heavy contact, so it'll be a bit much for me. I'll try it out a few times and see how I go but if it's this draining every time I may wait until I'm at a better club. Thanks for the advice.