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I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
The author of this article summed it up best:
http://www.xojane.com/issues/pet-names-condescending
My fellow dancers refer to me as either 'honey' or 'baby' so much and I find it very condescending. I am your co-worker, not a child. When women call each other that, it is not a term of endearment; it is a way to try and express dominance while belittling the other woman.
I'm a young woman. I pay my bills, take care of my shit and work just the same as any other woman. The only time I use pet names is when referring to a very young (under 10) child.
So what's the deal here? Why do people call me childish pet names so much, even OTC?>:(
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
Maybe you look really young? I get it sometimes and my husband gets "sweety" from practically every female we encounter anywhere who is over the age of 35.(He's cute, Asian and looks young.) You probably have a baby face. It's annoying but I don't think people mean to be condescending. Just smile and say "My name is Kiki" (or whatever you go by.) They'll get the message.
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
i'm that kinda person too. i'm ALWAYS referred to as "hun" "sweetie" "baby" etc. i feel like you can tell which are using it as a term of endearment ( i guess we look super cute and young!) and which are using it in a condescending manner
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
KikiGem
The author of this article summed it up best:
http://www.xojane.com/issues/pet-names-condescending
My fellow dancers refer to me as either 'honey' or 'baby' so much and I find it very condescending. I am your co-worker, not a child. When women call each other that, it is not a term of endearment;
it is a way to try and express dominance while belittling the other woman.
I'm a young woman. I pay my bills, take care of my shit and work just the same as any other woman. The only time I use pet names is when referring to a very young (under 10) child.
So what's the deal here? Why do people call me childish pet names so much, even OTC?>:(
Where the hell do you get this impression? I say things like this to girls at work I am close with, and when I worked in NOLA, it's just a part of the culture, everyone calls EVERYONE "baby". You're hypersensitive.
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
It's also quite dependent on culture & language, IME. Sm of the Slavic languages express nicknames that are derived from actual names, used as a diminutive. You address a child or even an adult w/ whom you are very close(like spouse, gf/bf or relative but nvr to a parent!), kinda like -chan seems to be used in Japanese & how in the UK every1 seems to want to call you love. Sm of the names like Sugar, Honey etc also seem to be more culturally common in the South than elsewhere in the US.
I don't normally mind too much names like Honey or Sweetie, if it's just meant in a very casual (& I mean non-condescending) manner, but I strongly dislike Baby/Babe from any1 other than an SO, & esp the diminutives of my work name :mad: Those usually come from Slavic-speaking customers who think they have sm sort of 'in' w/ me bc we share a common linguistic bond.
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
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Originally Posted by
Aniela
It's also quite dependent on culture & language, IME. Sm of the Slavic languages express nicknames that are derived from actual names, used as a diminutive. You address a child or even an adult w/ whom you are very close(like spouse, gf/bf or relative but nvr to a parent!), kinda like -chan seems to be used in Japanese & how in the UK every1 seems to want to call you love. Sm of the names like Sugar, Honey etc also seem to be more culturally common in the South than elsewhere in the US.
I don't normally mind too much names like Honey or Sweetie, if it's just meant in a very casual (& I mean non-condescending) manner, but I strongly dislike Baby/Babe from any1 other than an SO, & esp the diminutives of my work name :mad: Those usually come from Slavic-speaking customers who think they have sm sort of 'in' w/ me bc we share a common linguistic bond.
So true and that's a great way to describe it. My husband is Slavic and when his mother writes him a letter she uses a "-ku" on the end of his name. My friend Anna from Wroclaw, we all call her Ania, or Anka. It isn't meant as anything condescending. It's just familiarity and conveys the nature of your relationship.
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Aniela
It's also quite dependent on culture & language, IME. Sm of the Slavic languages express nicknames that are derived from actual names, used as a diminutive. You address a child or even an adult w/ whom you are very close(like spouse, gf/bf or relative but nvr to a parent!), kinda like -chan seems to be used in Japanese & how in the UK every1 seems to want to call you love. Sm of the names like Sugar, Honey etc also seem to be more culturally common in the South than elsewhere in the US.
I don't normally mind too much names like Honey or Sweetie, if it's just meant in a very casual (& I mean non-condescending) manner, but I strongly dislike Baby/Babe from any1 other than an SO, & esp the diminutives of my work name :mad: Those usually come from Slavic-speaking customers who think they have sm sort of 'in' w/ me bc we share a common linguistic bond.
Were you born in poland Anelia?
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
I don't really mind it. I've had girls say " hi beautiful" and last night people were calling me mermaid. I don't like guys calling me babe. Especially if I don't know them.
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
I have a reaction to this sort of thing too, but I know they generally don't mean any harm so I just let it go. The only person in the world who I genuinely don't care about calling me "honey" or "hun" is my big sister, only because she is my sister and has always called me that. I hate it when others use it, but just kinda brush it off. But I will tell guys (in my personal life) that I hate "babe" or "baby." It feels so infantilizing - even if I know they don't mean it that way.
But, I'm the same way with the word "fuck" or "fucking" in a sexual context. It rubs me the wrong way sooo badly, but I know that the person saying it doesn't mean anything by it, so I just let it go. Some people just have that as part of their vernacular. If it's someone super close to me, I'll let them know, and I think they should respect it. But mild acquaintances, I just cringe and move on.
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
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Maybe you look really young? I get it sometimes and my husband gets "sweety" from practically every female we encounter anywhere who is over the age of 35.(He's cute, Asian and looks young.) You probably have a baby face. It's annoying but I don't think people mean to be condescending. Just smile and say "My name is Kiki" (or whatever you go by.) They'll get the message.
I don't think it's cause I look young; in fact, I usually get pegged as a couple years older. Maybe it's my demeanor? By no means am I a doormat but I am very reserved, quiet and polite around strangers. I think this might contribute to it.
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Originally Posted by
Vackra
Where the hell do you get this impression? I say things like this to girls at work I am close with, and when I worked in NOLA, it's just a part of the culture, everyone calls EVERYONE "baby". You're hypersensitive.
"Close with" is the keyword there. Also, I'm not referring to loved ones and family cause that's fine. I know it varies by area, but in my area it is NOT the norm and is used mainly by women who are trying to put you down in a fake-sweet way.
For example, I did a lady's hair today at school and she referred to me as 'honey' the whole time yet was very disrespectful, insulted my skill level and complained about everything- even though I followed all the steps to the T and her hair looked great. Even my instructor said so. She's a regular and gets her hair done a lot there, and when I talked to the other girls about her, she said she was always nice to them and tipped them (she stiffed me) I have no idea what happened TBH.
If it was just a few incidences, then yeah that *would* make me hypersensitive but it happens a lot to me, and I'm honestly curious as to why.
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
Where I work, a lot of the girls call others "babe" but it's more bc we don't know/remember ppl's names. I'm guilty of calling the bartenders and other dancers at work babe when I want their attention, but I'm always respectable towards them(ppl in general). I only do this at work though, bc I see their face every day without knowing names or forgetting. Otc, I wouldn't talk like that.
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
.... because I forgot your name and its better than Hey You.
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
I use "Sweetie" for the donkey, cows, poultry dogs and wife. It is easier than remembering the right name.
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
I always though that was just a club thing. I've worked in different parts of the country and in a lot of different clubs and in every single one of them people using pet names was the norm.
I never minded it, I always thought it was kinda cute.
Otc I don't hear it as much as when I was younger, but I never have taken it as an insult. Interesting thread though!
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
I actually like petnames, and nicknames and such- one of my favorites seems to be a reoccurring use of calling me little fox which started with a few of my friends " whom are alittle older than me" and eventually spread.
Granted that, yes, terms of endearment can be used in a less than positive way, but really, common sense observation of their tones, afflictions, body language , expressions and other ways we communicate can go a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooong way in deciphering what or how they are saying things. though in my opinion at that point it wont matter if they are using a pet name or not since Im focused more on the over-all statement they are making above all else. makes it easier to deal with the real issue alittle more fully and not letting the little things exacerbate things and potentially blow things out of proportions or misconstrued the situation prematurely
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
You'd hate me, everyone is my babe, honey, sweetie, darling, sugar. Everyone, and I mean everyone. Its a southern thing for me, really. I have never heard someone use those terms in a condescending way, but then again I have never understood why some people get upset by being called those things. I remember once man went off on me about how only his girlfriend can call him 'babe', and its just hilarious to me. Your friends, and family do NOT have a monopoly on the use of those words, anyone can use them - and we will.
Pet names are meant to be playful, fun, inviting, don't be scared of them, embrace them because they ain't going no where. I know I always make sure to be a little nicer to people in the service industry who use those terms on me, so don't be scared to use them yourself in your work environment. You have to always remember that a lot of the girls around you are still in their "stripper character" and loads of your customers LOVE pet terms, its not so easy to turn off your character in the dressing room, so cut them some slack - consider it a part of the industry you are in.
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
Even my husband can't stand being called "sweetie", "honey", "hon" or "babe". He finds it disgusting, but he's English, lol. He is not much of one for such things. He doesn't even like to kiss or hold hands in public.
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
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Originally Posted by
TransdimensionalPrincess
You'd hate me, everyone is my babe, honey, sweetie, darling, sugar. Everyone, and I mean everyone. Its a southern thing for me, really. I have never heard someone use those terms in a condescending way, but then again I have never understood why some people get upset by being called those things. I remember once man went off on me about how only his girlfriend can call him 'babe', and its just hilarious to me. Your friends, and family do NOT have a monopoly on the use of those words, anyone can use them - and we will.
Pet names are meant to be playful, fun, inviting, don't be scared of them, embrace them because they ain't going no where. I know I always make sure to be a little nicer to people in the service industry who use those terms on me, so don't be scared to use them yourself in your work environment. You have to always remember that a lot of the girls around you are still in their "stripper character" and loads of your customers LOVE pet terms, its not so easy to turn off your character in the dressing room, so cut them some slack - consider it a part of the industry you are in.
I really don't think you understood my question at ALL. But anyway, in response to your answer...
People have the right to be bothered by anything. Some people don't like pet names, and that's that. If someone asks you to stop using pet names on them, that is a perfectly reasonable request and I really don't understand why you wouldn't respect that.
Actually, my friends and family DO have the monopoly on calling me pet names. Sure, anyone can use them, but not on me. It sounds like you think you can call people whatever the hell you want and you could give a shit less about how they feel about it, using the excuse "Where I'm from this is what we do" and that if they tell you they don't like it, well tough, cause you're gonna keep calling them that anyway. And that's wrong, and it's disrespectful.
*I* have never understood why some people insist on shoving their own culture down other people's throats. In my case, pet names for the sake of being endearing were not part of the culture I grew up in. Around here, they are only used when talking down to people. It'd be a different story if I was from Louisiana, but I'm not. So, that's why I don't like them.
Since I actually respect other cultures, I understand that some people don't mean to be condescending when using them. So I deal with it on a case by case basis- if I know it's out of disrespect, I put a stop to it real quick or they *will* continue to disrespect me.
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
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Originally Posted by
KikiGem
I really don't think you understood my question at ALL. But anyway, in response to your answer...
People have the right to be bothered by anything. Some people don't like pet names, and that's that. If someone asks you to stop using pet names on them, that is a perfectly reasonable request and I really don't understand why you wouldn't respect that.
Actually, my friends and family DO have the monopoly on calling me pet names. Sure, anyone can use them, but not on me. It sounds like you think you can call people whatever the hell you want and you could give a shit less about how they feel about it, using the excuse "Where I'm from this is what we do" and that if they tell you they don't like it, well tough, cause you're gonna keep calling them that anyway. And that's wrong, and it's disrespectful.
*I* have never understood why some people insist on shoving their own culture down other people's throats. In my case, pet names for the sake of being endearing were not part of the culture I grew up in ...
Kiki I will be the first to agree w/ you that ppl have a right to their individual upsets, & a right to have their boundaries respected. That said, I'm going to also agree w/ TransdimensionalPrincess when she said
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Originally Posted by
TransdimensionalPrincess
Pet names are meant to be playful, fun, inviting, don't be scared of them, embrace them … […] …You have to always remember that a lot of the girls around you are still in their "stripper character" and loads of your customers LOVE pet terms, its not so easy to turn off your character in the dressing room, so cut them some slack - consider it a part of the industry you are in.
She was pointing out that just as you were brought up differently than the girls who annoy you, they were brought up differently than you. Where you were raised to see this behaviour as 'not ok' in this context, they may have been raised oppositely & so don't really think abt it. I could be totally out of line w/ my interpretation of this ^^^^ but I took it as a caution to not project your dislike of pet names onto the ppl using them, & assume that the only reason they are doing so is bc they are trying to be disrespectful. It is possible that, while certainly being thoughtless in their word choice, they were simply being thoughtless rather than disrespectful.
For sm ppl, esp when 'in character', certain things just become habit, including the tone behind their speech. Are you just talking abt these situations happening at work or outside work as well? Bc remember that unless you spend time w/ a coworker outside of work, you are really only seeing one side of her.
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
You can let it bother you, or you can move on with your life.
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
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Originally Posted by
Aniela
She was pointing out that just as you were brought up differently than the girls who annoy you, they were brought up differently than you. Where you were raised to see this behaviour as 'not ok' in this context, they may have been raised oppositely & so don't really think abt it. I could be totally out of line w/ my interpretation of this ^^^^ but I took it as a caution to not project your dislike of pet names onto the ppl using them, & assume that the only reason they are doing so is bc they are trying to be disrespectful. It is possible that, while certainly being thoughtless in their word choice, they were simply being thoughtless rather than disrespectful.
For sm ppl, esp when 'in character', certain things just become habit, including the tone behind their speech. Are you just talking abt these situations happening at work or outside work as well? Bc remember that unless you spend time w/ a coworker outside of work, you are really only seeing one side of her.
I guess this question can't really have an answer because each situation is different. I'm talking mainly about women at work (who disrespect me consistently yet add a pet name at the end to save face while still making me look like an idiot), and women whose hair I cut while I'm at school who use pet names to belittle me and soften their passive-aggressive insults- again, to save face. That was my point and *that's* what I have a problem with. Not, for example, the Southern lady at Wal-Mart who greets everyone with a pet name. THAT I do not have a problem with. Maybe I just didn't make myself clear, but my personal annoyance stems from the aforementioned type situations, not because I just have a random hatred of pet names.
I totally respect that my coworkers are in character and always try to take that into consideration. And the only reason I get pissed and tell them off (and I don't very often) is when they do the aforementioned things.
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You can let it bother you, or you can move on with your life.
Oh, please. As if I spend my entire life being irritated about shit like this. It's just a thread I started to gather opinions and see how other people feel about the topic. No offense to you personally, but that was a really vapid, irrelevant and patronizing answer.
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
In the club I could care less and ive used those terms with girls and guys and received them from other girls, but OTC it slightly annoys me but I ignore it. One time where it really bothered me I remember a young chic about 17 or 18 KEPT using it when im clearly way older than her and i corrected her and asked why she felt the need to say it, she apologized. Otherwise i just use it right back with them and when they hear how ridiculous i sound saying this to them, they usually stop.
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
slightly of topic: I also nickname my coworkers dance names.... Olive is sometimes Ollie, Shy is ShyShy, Amanda is Mandy... if I develop affection for someone usually.
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
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Originally Posted by
KikiGem
Oh, please. As if I spend my entire life being irritated about shit like this. It's just a thread I started to gather opinions and see how other people feel about the topic. No offense to you personally, but that was a really vapid, irrelevant and patronizing answer.
You made a whole thread about it. I am seconding my statement. You won't see me on this thread again. Have a nice one.
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Re: I can't stand pet names! Why must other women use them on me?
Tempers flaring up in here.....I blame it on the new moon, sugar pie. ;)