Safety of Stripping in Small Town? How likely are stalkers?
Hi everyone,
I am considering dancing at the only club in my area. Although I am a dancer, I am new to stripping/exotic dancing and have been researching it extensively and I really want to do it. However, there is only one club for at least a 2 hour radius in my area. This 2 hour radius has a lot of towns and people, but the town I live in is fairly small (about 21,000, so not TINY) and only 20 minutes from the town the club is in. The town the club is in is bigger than the town I live in.
There are about 40 dancers there and I have only been once but it seems really chill. I talked to one girl for awhile and she's been working there for 3 years and really likes it. All the girls are nice to each other, the management is cool, they get paid pretty well especially considering it's not a high end place but definitely not a low end place either. The customers seemed respectful and I had a great time there. It sounds like a really great opportunity to manifest the funds I need to continue my education and manifest my dreams. I have other avenues of income to pay my living expenses but want to dance to have extra income for these things. My main concern is safety/privacy/anonymity in a small town where you see familiar faces often.
Do you think this is safe? I've read endless safety guidelines and trust that I could get home without being followed, but I'm more concerned about a customer seeing me out and about and then going from there? In the past I have attracted some creeps but it's been a long time. I just want to make sure I'm totally safe.
I intend to make myself look as different as possible while working, but I have dreads and unique piercings and am pretty recognizable in a small town. I also run a couple businesses from home, although nothing is advertised publicly. My car is slightly recognizable because it is an off-brand mini van that no one's heard of and has a roof carrier. Obviously I will not give anyone real information about me but I just need advice on if you think it's safe in such a small area where I could run into customers outside of work?
Thanks beautifuls <3
Re: Safety of Stripping in Small Town? How likely are stalkers?
In many ways, small towns are much safer than big cities ... mostly because it's much more difficult for those who might think about committing criminal acts to escape attention of LE, neighbors, witnesses etc. But the same difficulty of 'disappearing into the crowd' can work against a dancer who wishes to remain anonymous outside the club. In a small town, there are only a handful of post offices, DMV's, big box stores, gas stations, popular restaurants, movie theatres etc. Thus it's a virtual certainty that small town dancers will eventually wind up 'crossing paths' with club customers.
Obviously, having a personal appearance which tends to attract attention, as well as driving a vehicle that is 'unique' to the small town, do not help to maintain anonymity.
The bigger question, of course, is safety. And that is heavily dependent on local variables, from LE presence to 'psychology' of local residents.
Re: Safety of Stripping in Small Town? How likely are stalkers?
The vast majority of strip club customers aren't going to turn into creepy stalkers who try to rape and/or murder dancers. Many of them do indeed lead regular lives outside the club though, so it's certainly possible that you will run in to a customer in your town -- I once encountered a customer on an international flight, so you just never know! We didn't even acknowledge each other though, so it was a non-issue. And honestly, that's how almost all of my public encounters with strip club customers have gone. There may have been a second glance as there often is when you see someone you think you recognize, but certainly no stalking or creepiness.
Now, while there is no way to guarantee your safety, you can certainly take precautions to minimize the risk. I'm sure you know most of the basic ones given your past issues attracting creeps, but the biggest one IMO for a dancer is to be upfront about your intentions with your customers in the club. Some dancers make money by leading customers on, promising to see them outside the club one day, telling them they're into them, etc., etc. In most cases this isn't dangerous, but if you lead someone on who is perhaps a bit unstable, they may decide that they just have to see you outside the club, and that can turn to stalking or worse. By not making any false promises, you can minimize that possibility -- and mentioning your large dogs/boyfriend around customers who give you pause isn't a bad idea either.
Otherwise: don't see customers outside the club, make yourself look as different as possible in the club, don't share your personal information, take different routes home, and consider taking a cab or alternative transportation if your car is truly that recognizable.
Re: Safety of Stripping in Small Town? How likely are stalkers?
Have you read the 'Safety Tips for Newbies' thread yet? If not, start there.
Otherwise, the previous two posts basically sum it up. Don't lead on customers(IMO you're playing w/ fire doing this no matter how far you live from the club). Take a different route home each time, even if it takes you a bit out of your way. Know where the police station or firehouse is located, even if it's off your immediate path home -- I defy any crazy mofo to be ballsy enough to continue pursuing you if you pull into one of those parking lots & lay on the horn. Tell customers you live 45+min away from the club, in the opposite direction of your house.
When I worked in Daytona, I had a couple 'oh shit' moments. I lived only abt 10-15min from my club. One was a customer who followed me all the way to Ormond Bch, almost an hr in the opposite direction of my place, b4 they finally gave up the chase. Which reminds me: always keep a solid amt of gas in your tank for the ride home, regardless of the distance, just in case. Another 'oh shit' moment was a neighbour who followed me to work bc he would see me leave every nite & got curious. I got him banned from the club & a couple nites later he was banging on my door. I think he was mostly harmless, just obnoxious, but I told the apt mgr the following day & he got put solidly in his place. My door was literally barricaded (thnx to a broken ironing board -- 'nother story :) ) & I was in no fear for my safety. A couple customers recognised me OTC but w/ in 30sec of approaching me knew better than to approach me again.
Re: Safety of Stripping in Small Town? How likely are stalkers?
I wouldn't worry so much about safety, however, you WILL be recognized. My first club was near a smaller town and I was recognized several times going out into the little downtown area, and even a few times at the store, etc. It's kind of like being famous but it can be annoying. "Hey! You're that stripper!" I did have one young idiot call me (when I first started I gave out my # to anyone to who spent $100 or more on me) and threaten to "fuck me"...but had several of my friends call him back and threaten to beat his ass. He left me alone after that and I think he had to get his number changed. That's the closest things ever got to "stalking" and it was my own stupidity giving my # out to strangers.
Re: Safety of Stripping in Small Town? How likely are stalkers?
Thanks ladies... Yes I have read all the newbie threads on here, I feel very well prepared, it's just the small town thing I am concerned with.. Not even really running into customers, just attracting creeps.
I guess I am most concerned about the mentally ill types who never get attention from women other than at the club. I'm a really genuine person and plan on treating customers as equals and as human beings, with kindness and respect, while still maintaining my privacy about my personal life. I just wouldn't want a customer to take my kindness the wrong way and think I'm actually interested in them, and then and getting creepy about it. I've had this issue with nerdy types before who women don't usually acknowledge, but because I am nice to everyone they end up falling for me and it gets awkward.
Re: Safety of Stripping in Small Town? How likely are stalkers?
You just never know. I've danced in NYC and I was recognized before on the bus...when I worked in a club that was in a completely different borough and took about a two hour commute by bus and subway. I've also seen customers a few times around my old neighborhood. It sounds a lot riskier in a smaller town. Definitely change up your look when you work.
Re: Safety of Stripping in Small Town? How likely are stalkers?
Quote:
I just wouldn't want a customer to take my kindness the wrong way and think I'm actually interested in them, and then and getting creepy about it. I've had this issue with nerdy types before who women don't usually acknowledge, but because I am nice to everyone they end up falling for me
Unfortunately, this is another quirk which may be worse in a small town than a big city. In big cities, with rare exception, strip club customers understand that dancers are performing a job, selling a 'hustle', and have no 'personal' interest. Small town guys ... and especially nerdy small town guys ... may not have the same up-front understanding. Previous posters laid out the potential problem scenario, where a dancer may 'oversell' her intentions to ( regular ) customers, eventually leading to drama when the 'oversold' promises of OTC interactions are not kept. This can be rather dangerous in a small town scenario, where the dancer is fairly easy to follow home, and where small town police response times may be fairly long.
Re: Safety of Stripping in Small Town? How likely are stalkers?
i danced in a small town never had trouble i knew a lot of the guys that came in ....and i knew their wives and girlfreinds too in the club staff kept things in order (mostly) ... thay walked the girls out after their shift... people knew what i did for work a few stupid ones had stupid things to say never let it get to me .....i liked what i did and enjoyed being naked and loved to be looked at so for me it worked ...
Re: Safety of Stripping in Small Town? How likely are stalkers?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Melonie
In big cities, with rare exception, strip club customers understand that dancers are performing a job, selling a 'hustle', and have no 'personal' interest. Small town guys ... and especially nerdy small town guys ... may not have the same up-front understanding.
Melonie explains perfectly what I'm thinking. For example I'll compare NYC and Syracuse, both in the same state. Coming from a place like NYC, Syracuse was a small town to me (I know it's not and it's actually a city). I've tried working in a few of the clubs in Syracuse and I was flummoxed at how a lot of the younger customers would want to go drinking at a bar with me during work breaks or after work with me, or wanted to be text friends, and how it seemed a lot of dancers actually condoned this type of behavior. I couldn't give two shits about half of these guys and they didn't seem to understand that I am there to do a job, NOT be their BFFs.
In NYC with so many clubs and foot traffic and so many people (and the NYer mentality that everyone else you encounter is a potential crazy person) I know in the end the customer isn't going to care about me on a personal level. They're just there to have fun and if anything else, I could easily "disappear" and become anonymous in the crowd.
Re: Safety of Stripping in Small Town? How likely are stalkers?
Yeah, all of this makes a lot of sense, thanks for the advice ladies.
I guess my most recent concern is the idea that anyone can find out your real name and all your info by using your license plate number. I've found quite a few threads about girls having issues with this. I live about 20 minutes from the club so a cab would be really expensive and there is no public transportation.. If I could find a way to never have my car associated with the club I think I would feel really safe since I will make myself look very different and keep my information private.
Any ideas? Maybe other girls at the club would be willing to carpool or something.. I posted an ad on CL to see if I could pay someone to drive me but I don't want to pay too much because I don't know how much I'll be making since it's a smaller club with a lot of girls.. Ideally I wish I had a friend I could just trade cars with a few nights a week but I can't think of anyone right now as I am fairly new to the area.. Any suggestions would be much appreciated!
<3 <3
Re: Safety of Stripping in Small Town? How likely are stalkers?
I would worry more about rival dancers or crazy co-workers slashing your tires or spreading gossip. In my small town I was magically a coke head, a drug dealer and a gangster's moll, when in reality I was none of these. Don't hang out with people you work with, and park your car far away from the club.
Re: Safety of Stripping in Small Town? How likely are stalkers?
Stay the hell off CL w/ an ad like that, love -- seriously, that's just asking for trouble.
When I worked in DC, I lived in NoVa & would drive my car into the city, park in the Monuments area, walk to work during the day & take a cab back to my car after work. Always had the cabbie drop me off a couple blks away so they couldn't link me to my car. This was a safe enough area (NW-central DC) where I had crowds around during the day & cops/security guards in at least two separate, nearby locations in the early hrs walking back to my car, so I felt pretty safe doing this.
Don't be 'that guy' aka the new girl who begs for rides or carpool buddies among dancers she doesn't know. This will not only be an excellent way to deeply annoy most of your coworkers, but could be dangerous for you as well. You NVR know what other ppl are carrying on their person. My best dancer friend didn't even know I carry a weapon until we started travelling for work together, even tho we had become OTC friends shortly b4 that time. Growing up in a home where firearms & other weapons are the norm, it's second nature to me, but I sure as hell don't advertise it. I told her as a courtesy. But you don't know these girls, they don't know you, & they aren't likely to care abt such courtesies as informing you that they are packing, or have a dime bag (or bigger, god forbid) of any substance likely to be frowned-upon by LE. You don't want to be caught in a car w/ them, or risk their stash getting dropped in your vehicle.
Re: Safety of Stripping in Small Town? How likely are stalkers?
Yeah what they said. I'm way more worried about other dancers knowing that I even have a car because I don't want jealous dancers to find out what make it is or have a bunch of girls I never talked to suddenly become chummy with me to get free rides. If you're worried about customers, don't mention your car in small talk and if they ask what kind of car you drive, lie and say you drive a different make or that you don't have a car and a friend picks you up/take the cab to work.
Re: Safety of Stripping in Small Town? How likely are stalkers?
Delete that CL ad right now or at least ignore any replies. Too sketchy. There's a driver service that serves the clubs in my city, and many girls use them to get to and from the clubs because they're pretty well-known to not be sketchy. Maybe you'll be able to find something similar. Just please don't let a stranger off CL drive you to or from the club.
Re: Safety of Stripping in Small Town? How likely are stalkers?
Sounds like my club!! I definitely stick out around town and I've had plenty of people recognize me. IDK, the way I see it, everyone who has seen me outside of work knows I'm just a regular person getting my milk and eggs and picking up my mail. They know what I drive, they know I live in town.
Bouncers walk us to our cars every night and if anyone ever gives me shit in the club I have them send them on their way. I had a dude get creepy on me and started stalking me online (weird as fuck because he found my facebook page - not my dancer page, and I use a fake name even there, but still how the fuck?) so I handled it myself and told him he was crossing boundaries and that I didn't appreciate him hedging in on my personal life.
Other than that, I feel perfectly safe dancing in a smallish town, at the only club for 3 hours, and being recognized outside of work. Everyone has been courteous and only a few times have I ever been approached in public - and those times I just shot them death glares and shook my head no and looked pointedly at my kids like "NOT NOW CAN'T YOU SEE I'M WITH MY FAMILY." If (when) they show back up at the club I just say hey, if you see me out just smile and nod but don't ever come up to me like that you have no idea who I'm with or what I'm doing. I wouldn't do that to you when you're with your wife/gf/mom, don't do it to me.
Re: Safety of Stripping in Small Town? How likely are stalkers?
Lol don't worry ladies, I was very vague and discrete in the CL ad and did not put any of my real information or even mention what my job was. I was planning on heavily screening anyone who replied and trying to find a college kid or a woman trying to make some extra money. But I think I have it worked out now to where my boyfriend will drive me to a big grocery parking lot about a mile from the club and I'll take a cab from there, and do the same on the way back. That way the cab will be very cheap and my car won't be associated with the club.. And then on top of all that I'll just be a master of disguise and try to look as different as possible at the club.. And if anyone recognizes me I'll take Lexiconn's advice :)
Thanks so much for all the tips ladies I really appreciate it! You're all amazing, thanks for looking out! <3