Enjoying attention, scared to start
Hi everyone.
I’ve been on this forum for a while now but just posting for the first time, so apologies if I can get a bit long and wordy. I’ve been reading as much as I can to try to help me decide about trying dancing. There’s lots that makes me want to, but I’m still really scared, and I think that can make it hard to see things clearly.
I know from reading other similar threads that the general advice in this sort of situation tends to be to just give it a go and see how it works, and I know that might be right, but at the same time I’m sort of used to thinking over everything in a lot of detail before I make a decision, and I’ve definitely never done anything quite as scary as this, especially in terms of ‘going against traditional societal views’. I know stripping is not something I have any problem with – I’ve been to strip clubs as a customer a lot – but I can’t help but feel like in order to justify to myself doing something that so many people would disapprove of, I need to be as confidant as possible in what I’ll actually be getting out of it (besides $$$).
So what I particularly wanted to ask about is enjoying attention, and sexual attention more specifically. I think I have a pretty good idea of the sorts of things I like and don’t like outside the club, and I was hoping I could get some perspective from other girls on how well/badly that lines up with the sorts of things I could expect. I know this is just one area – and I can’t imagine stripping just for the attention, but I think it’s still worth thinking about.
Generally I’m fairly introverted and don’t like being the center of attention, however the exception to this is sexual attention. For some reason, I’ve always loved being wanted in that sense, even if I’d often rather be ignored the rest of the time. To be more specific, I tend to like it mainly when I have the power (I guess that’s pretty common), so I still get pissed off when guys stare at me on the bus or make comments on my way to the gym. I feel like when I’m not asking for it or inviting it, it just makes me annoyed. I don’t like the idea of being passive eye-candy without any choice in the matter. However I do love it if I’ve put myself there, and the feeling of commanding all eyes on you. For example (I don’t know if this is a realistic impression or not, as I’ve never done it), but I love the idea of being a grid girl, knowing that people are looking and wanting, with the mystery of wondering how they could ever get someone like that.
The other thing I love (probably even more) is sexual tension. I’ve run into more than a few problems at school and with work colleagues because I enjoy the build-up and the teasing a bit more than perhaps I should. I love the feeling of electricity as the chemistry builds and you sense them wanting you more and more. And to be clear, I don’t mean in some sort of sappy romantic way, I want them to think about fucking me – a lot, but I like it to go from a nice thought they have when they see me, to something they can’t get out of their head and obsess about. It’s really the emotional and romantic stuff that tends to get in the way. I don’t exactly mind if a guy gets infatuated or falls a bit in love, but when the boundary gets crossed and it stops being fun and flirty and reaches clingy, where they are expecting a real relationship to be developing, then I lose all enjoyment of it pretty quickly.
So that’s me! Sorry it was such an essay. I know clubs are going to vary a lot, and individual customers make a big difference, but I’d love to get a bit of feedback on how you all think that fits in with your experiences or what I might be able to expect. It would be great if a job was a (safe) avenue towards some of this, but any advice would be much appreciated.
Thanks to anyone who made it to the end!
Re: Enjoying attention, scared to start
I could be totally misreading your 'love of sexual attention + sexual tension' but I am going to say my piece anyway.
Be very careful abt bringing too much of this into the club. Your job as a dancer is largely to act, & it's great if you can enjoy the acting & make it work for you, but you need to understand that it can be a pretty fine line when you're actually in the club & in the heat of things, between staying in control of the situation & not. When you're at work, you need to keep it professional. Don't go breaking club rules, or more importantly local laws, just to keep the 'sexual attention' coming to you.
You may or may not encounter customers who can become pretty needy. I don't have much to tell you abt that bc I am very clear abt what I find acceptable in a customer & basically end up scaring those kinds of guys off }:D but run a search on 'needy regulars' & see how other girls deal w/ those situations.
Re: 'justifying' this job -- if you're *that* worried abt it … nah, fk that <--- Just ask yourself WHY you feel like you need sm kind of approval from a very large segment of society who couldn't stomach doing this job themselves. Fact: most of 'mainstream society' is not going to give two shits abt how you justify your decision to strip. If they refuse to be open-minded abt it then it won't matter to them if you were giving 100% of the $$$ you earn to the ASPCA, Red Cross, Covenant House or the Pope. You need to be a little more independent-minded than that if you're going to be successful as a dancer.
Re: Enjoying attention, scared to start
Maybe someone can explain things better than I can.
I think the justifying thing will all go out the window once the money rolls in, then you will be too busy to give a fuck what other people think with the money potential at your disposal. I was worried about going 'against traditional societal views' the first day I stepped foot inside a club, and then stopped giving a fuck that night I stepped out of the club with a stash of money to take home, money that I had not otherwise seen before or realized I was capable of making.
I think the feelings of being wanted and enjoying sexual tension that you mention are part of human nature and are not always related to the club. But like you, I also don't enjoy being the center of attention. And once you start dancing, you'll get all kinds of attention, unwanted and wanted so it could be a mixed bag. You'd just have to go to the club and see how you feel about it. But chances are these things are unrelated. You'll get a lot of douchebags and interactions with customers can be really superficial.
I don't really enjoy sexual attention from this work, but if there is one kind of attention that I do like is being applauded for my pole work. I have gotten attention from this over the years and I enjoy questions and comments about it because it was a result of my hard work.
Re: Enjoying attention, scared to start
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Aniela
I could be totally misreading your 'love of sexual attention + sexual tension' but I am going to say my piece anyway.
Be very careful abt bringing too much of this into the club. Your job as a dancer is largely to act, & it's great if you can enjoy the acting & make it work for you, but you need to understand that it can be a pretty fine line when you're actually in the club & in the heat of things, between staying in control of the situation & not. When you're at work, you need to keep it professional. Don't go breaking club rules, or more importantly local laws, just to keep the 'sexual attention' coming to you.
Sorry I think I expressed that badly. I'm definitely not worried about going too far in terms of breaking any rules or laws - when I refer to things going too far in a work situation, it's usually just the guy expecting more than I was wanting to give. I've never accidentally then gone too far and done that myself. I think people might think that can be leading someone on or whatever but I really don't set out to imply I want a relationship with them, I just enjoy the spark and I like the power. Lots of guys can enjoy that within the 'rules' you set, but some guys are just a bit oblivious/stubborn/needy.
I can see how that whole post probably sounded kind of weird and fixated on that area. It's really not the main issue or anything, probably the stuff I wrote in the first couple of paragraphs about general fear is the bigger deal. I'd just been going around in circles thinking about it on my own for a while and was just getting more stressed, so I thought I had to get some stuff off my chest, and kinda wrote whatever happened to be on my mind at the time. Thanks to both of you for the thoughtful responses.
Re: Enjoying attention, scared to start
Quote:
Originally Posted by
tiffanyblue3
Sorry I think I expressed that badly. I'm definitely not worried about going too far in terms of breaking any rules or laws - when I refer to things going too far in a work situation, it's usually just the guy expecting more than I was wanting to give. I've never accidentally then gone too far and done that myself. I think people might think that can be leading someone on or whatever but I really don't set out to imply I want a relationship with them, I just enjoy the spark and I like the power. Lots of guys can enjoy that within the 'rules' you set, but some guys are just a bit oblivious/stubborn/needy.
I can see how that whole post probably sounded kind of weird and fixated on that area. It's really not the main issue or anything, probably the stuff I wrote in the first couple of paragraphs about general fear is the bigger deal. I'd just been going around in circles thinking about it on my own for a while and was just getting more stressed, so I thought I had to get some stuff off my chest, and kinda wrote whatever happened to be on my mind at the time. Thanks to both of you for the thoughtful responses.
Thnx for clarifying.
I still stand by my earlier comment re: needy customers. Sm girls string a guy along for ages & do very well w/ it; I have nvr been one of those girls simply bc I don't have the patience to finesse a guy that strongly. I have always actually been a bit paranoid abt leading sm1 on so I keep clear boundaries & make sure the customer knows their place at all times. I am simply not much of a 'regulars' kinda girl, but that's not to say I discourage building regulars. It's one of those things you just have to experiment w/ on your own in order to find out what you can or can't handle. You can search thru the forums & find a lot of different perspectives & approaches to this part of the job.
Re: Enjoying attention, scared to start
Quote:
Originally Posted by
tiffanyblue3
I can’t imagine stripping just for the attention, but I think it’s still worth thinking about.
Come to think of it, there is a stripper stereotype out there that some dancers do it for the attention. I have no idea how true this is though, I've always been under the impression it was more about the money than anything else.
"WHY are you here?" "I love the attention!" *teehee* That's what I tell customers anyway ;) Maybe that's why the stereotype perpetuates. It's an easy way to shut them up.
Re: Enjoying attention, scared to start
Fuck yeah I love the power and attention.
More specifically, I like being able to profit off of what usually makes my life uncomfortable outside of work. I'm hot, sure, but there's something else that makes men (and women) attracted to me and it makes so many situations awkward, maybe it's me being the awkward one, but it's like I always have sex appeal ramped up a few notches above normal. Maybe because I always think about sex (sexuality, not so much p in v if that makes sense). It's like there is always an underlying buzz of sexual tension everywhere I go and I'm always trying to keep it in check. Being a dancer and seducing men for money is really freeing. I can express myself and get paid for it.
It doesn't mean I'm *actually* attracted to the men or want to bang all of them. It just means I do like the attention and the power and the money.
It's almost frowned upon to express that, though. Most dancers aren't narcissists like that lol most dancers are in it for just the money and don't necessarily "enjoy" hustling. I get a pretty big thrill out of hustling though. I started dancing 5 years ago and I still look forward to going to work every night and I work 5 nights a week. So don't worry too much about burning out or something, if you truly enjoy it you'll be fine.
What do they say? Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life? That's mostly how I feel about being a dancer.
Re: Enjoying attention, scared to start
I think you'll enjoy the attention at first...Within a month you'll probably be over it, especially once you run into a lot of time wasters that try to "pay" you in attention and compliments. It gets old fast. I don't mind attention but only if it's accompanied with cash. It's messed me up psychologically because now I'm offended if men look at me or talk to me (whether in the club or out) without giving me money. If you're satisfied from attention alone you might not make much. I know some girls who let customers feed them with compliments, flirting and dirty talk all night...They go home broke. It's fine to enjoy it-just make sure you're getting paid for it!