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Trying to go back after a breakdown
Brief background: I have Fibromyalgia and can't really hold a regular job. For some reason pole dancing is easy on my back and I can do two or three shifts a week, then spend much of the rest of my time sleeping it off. So I decided to try stripping, did a bunch of research, and got hired after two auditions. My first night went extremely well, and I maintained my boundaries while making a ton of money. The second night was slower and with much more competition. I started having low self esteem, accepted two drinks that customers bought (without getting dances) and ended up in the VIP being molested by this German guy while I silently lamented my life. Eventually he asked me to suck his dick, I refused and walked away crying, which my boss saw. My boss then asked if I had a drinking problem and asked if I was sure I could handle this job. I said I don't know.
I didn't show up for work again after that, for the rest of the month. I spent a few days hiding in my room trying to figure out where my life went wrong. I applied to other jobs, researched mobile development as a possible way to work from home, and swore that I would never go back. But I'm about to be kicked out of my grandparent's house and I just don't see any other way to support myself. So I'm trying to go back. I had a long talk with my boyfriend and he insisted that he's okay with me stripping, that he won't leave me because of my job (which was a big fear). But I'm still putting it off. I'm not even sure whether to go back to the same club and ask for my job back (after leaving without warning) or just apply to others. It seems that ALL the clubs in my area are high contact, as in they expect to be able to lick all over the place or at the very least put their hands all over your tits/ass. I was told when hired that I had better let customers touch my boobs during a dance or I would never make any money. It's hard for me not to think about that when I'm with my boyfriend, and feel extremely guilty.
Maybe I moved too fast? The first night I spent an hour in the VIP and almost all my other time was spent doing couch dances. It seemed so easy and I was able to be constantly slapping away hands and/or making clear my boundaries. But even at the end of the first night I really didn't want to go back. Is that normal?
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
If you have Fibromyalgia, I would STRONGLY recommend camming instead of stripping. You don't have to get touched by anyone (except your bf) ever again w/ camming.
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
Contact levels depends on the club and sometimes city. If you're in Philly, I can recommend you a couple of laid back clubs that are low contact and have decent earnings. PM me for more info.
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
You don't have to let guys do anything you don't want them to do to make money. If a customer is making you feel uncomfortable then stop him. If you were to keep dancing I would recommend you don't drink at all and maybe stick to couch dances for now. You can still make money and then you don't have to deal with guys trying to do things you don't want to do. One of the clubs I work at now has no alcohol but they have "champagne rooms" and I don't even bother trying to sell those because I don't want to deal with customers expecting shit from me in there. If I'm hustling a guy and he clearly is hinting at extras or seems very touchy/grabby I won't do a VIP with him.
If just dancing on guys alone is making you feel guilty then I would find another job. If you're doing things you don't want to do and THAT is making you feel guilty, you need to put your foot down and determine what guys can do and cannot do and stick with it. I don't care if someone says I have to do "this and this" to make money because I'm not like the other dancers and don't need to stoop to their level to make good money. You should tell yourself the same thing.
Your breakdown doesn't sound too bad and if it's been a month I'm sure everyone forgot about it. If you do go back you can talk to the manager and tell them the situation. Tell them you won't drink anymore and a grabby customer just caught you off guard.
You may just not be cut out for dancing though, which is fine. Could you try camming? Then you don't have to deal with any customers and it would be even less tiring on your body.
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
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Originally Posted by
ScarletKitten
If you have Fibromyalgia, I would STRONGLY recommend camming instead of stripping. You don't have to get touched by anyone (except your bf) ever again w/ camming.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
22lligm
You don't have to let guys do anything you don't want them to do to make money. If a customer is making you feel uncomfortable then stop him. If you were to keep dancing I would recommend you don't drink at all and maybe stick to couch dances for now. You can still make money and then you don't have to deal with guys trying to do things you don't want to do. One of the clubs I work at now has no alcohol but they have "champagne rooms" and I don't even bother trying to sell those because I don't want to deal with customers expecting shit from me in there. If I'm hustling a guy and he clearly is hinting at extras or seems very touchy/grabby I won't do a VIP with him.
If just dancing on guys alone is making you feel guilty then I would find another job. If you're doing things you don't want to do and THAT is making you feel guilty, you need to put your foot down and determine what guys can do and cannot do and stick with it. I don't care if someone says I have to do "this and this" to make money because I'm not like the other dancers and don't need to stoop to their level to make good money. You should tell yourself the same thing.
Your breakdown doesn't sound too bad and if it's been a month I'm sure everyone forgot about it. If you do go back you can talk to the manager and tell them the situation. Tell them you won't drink anymore and a grabby customer just caught you off guard.
You may just not be cut out for dancing though, which is fine. Could you try camming? Then you don't have to deal with any customers and it would be even less tiring on your body.
Thanks both! I don't think I could do camming, because I really don't want any evidence of me being a sex worker on the internet. I still hope to someday go back to college and get a different job (possibly in advertising, which really cares about your background), and I also don't want to risk the reputation of my future husband with that kind of exposure.
Also, I don't feel any guilt about lap dances in themselves. Grinding is eh, and I'm pretty happy seducing people. The point at which I start to feel disgusted is when they try to slip their hands down my panties, suck on my tits or kiss my face. I don't even mind fake orgasming and whatnot. Just... those aren't your tits, gosh! >.> It's disgusting to think of my boyfriend playing with my tits a few hours after someone else did, even though I shower thoroughly.
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
Camming is also a good idea if you don't mind have a paper trail for it (you have to report your earnings for taxes with camming) and aren't going to school for anything 'professional' (health, teaching, being around children, etc.).
But until then to address the main issue of getting fast cash before having to leave your home, research some of the clubs you're interested on this website. I would also suggest researching customer review sites like TUSCL. I think if you make an account and write a review on there, then you can see all reviews for a month for free. The customer reviews can give you an idea what the club is like, so if you see reviews of how a girl did a little more or gave the guy a really good BJ or something like that, then you know it's probably a club you want to stay away from.
I was like you when I started because it was out of necessity and I didn't like it. But I needed fast money right away and it had to be done. But it was also a life changer for me and still is, and the income allows me to pursue things that I would not have been able to pursue without it. I would not be where I am today without stripping. And with the right clubs I found that I came to like dancing, and with more experience I knew what I liked and what I didn't like and even danced full time for a while. I wouldn't give it up yet, the right clubs are out there!
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
Hey girl, I know it's tough at first, but after a few more days of experience, you learn how to tell those guys no and still make bank. It's okay, you are not dirty or gross because of someone elses' poor upbringing. I started in a very heavy-contact club and at first I was freaking out because I had no idea how to say no and what would happen if I did, but I learned how to do it and still make money. Just remember that a customer who will spend good money on you will NEVER cross your boundaries, will NEVER touch you without your permission and will NEVER try to make you do anything you do not want to do. Any customer who does is really not worth the money. I do not run into guys like that anymore because I practically have my boundaries and expectation written on my forehead: CLASSY GENTLEMAN WITH LOTS OF MONEY ONLY.
My first night dancing, this perverted old man was trying to rub my pussy and when I told him I wasn't comfortable with that, he said, "Don't worry, after a few months of working here, you will get used to it and grow to like it" and guess what? Not only did that NOT happen, but I found customers who buy 15+ dances in a row who want their hands tied behind thier back while I choke them out or dance on them slowly, with absolutely zero touching done on their part. It took me a lot of trial and error, but the more you work, the better you get at finding guys who you want to dance for, who treat you with respect.
Try to audition at other clubs, a change in scenery is probably a good idea, too!
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
Hi Zoezoebella!!! I have fibromyalgia too!!! And it makes the job much harder but you can still do it. And don't let guys boss you around In the club. I've been in the biz for a long time and I call all of the shots with the dances and VIPs,etc. And I've always been a top money maker. And I've worked in about 60 clubs and many of them were many of the the best clubs in the country. I'm not trying to brag but just prove a point. Many guys do love bitches!!!! If anything, I make more money by being "bossy" with the guys. And I don't mean that I'm mean to them. I'm really nice but I'm in control at all times.
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
Thanks so much guys! Love this site! <3
I checked out two other clubs last night and ended up going with Daydreams, which is full nude but very strict on touching. The girls at both places said that the management would never allow the sort of contact from the other club I worked at. I feel much safer with the new manager.
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
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Originally Posted by
zoezoebelle
Thanks so much guys! Love this site! <3
I checked out two other clubs last night and ended up going with Daydreams, which is full nude but very strict on touching. The girls at both places said that the management would never allow the sort of contact from the other club I worked at. I feel much safer with the new manager.
That is awesome. ;D
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
(sorry if this is a threadjack) Hey Zoezoebella and Nyla, I have fibro as well! We should make a thread about having a chronic illness and stripping lol
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
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Originally Posted by
princessonyx
(sorry if this is a threadjack) Hey Zoezoebella and Nyla, I have fibro as well! We should make a thread about having a chronic illness and stripping lol
We should! I imagine there are a lot of strippers with chronic illnesses and auto-immune disorders. I knew one with Lupus.
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
Hi!!! First of all, I'm happy that you found another club Zoezoebella. It seems as though you're too good to put up wih a slimy club like the one that you described. Also, I think that the thread about a chronic illness is a great idea. Also, Princessonyx I'm sorry to hear what you've gone through. Feel free to pm me because I know the NY area clubs. And maybe I could help you find one you like and do well at.
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
/ My mum has Fibro, have you guys checked into Paleo, leaky gut syndrome and chronic immunodepressive illness? Science mom blog has a blog on it very helpful stuff.
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Flickdreams
/ My mum has Fibro, have you guys checked into Paleo, leaky gut syndrome and chronic immunodepressive illness? Science mom blog has a blog on it very helpful stuff.
I can personally vouch for this, researching the above has been incredibly helpful for me...
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Flickdreams
/ My mum has Fibro, have you guys checked into Paleo, leaky gut syndrome and chronic immunodepressive illness? Science mom blog has a blog on it very helpful stuff.
I've been through all of that. Definitely does not relate to my problem. Doctors have put me through an abundance of tests which confirmed that I am basically 100% healthy aside from my chronic illness. >.>
Also, tonight was fucking awful. $70 for 7 hours of work plus a 2 hour drive, on a FRIDAY NIGHT. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. Uhg.
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
Quote:
Originally Posted by
zoezoebelle
Also, tonight was fucking awful. $70 for 7 hours of work plus a 2 hour drive, on a FRIDAY NIGHT. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. Uhg.
Some nights are just like that :/ I went to a club a few weeks ago and barely made $100 and my drive was one hour each way.
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
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Originally Posted by
Starling
Some nights are just like that :/ I went to a club a few weeks ago and barely made $100 and my drive was one hour each way.
Nah, I heard some of the other girls saying it's been like that for months in this club. :/
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
I usually take what other dancers say with a grain of salt, and there have been times where I heard other dancers complain about not making money when I have in fact made money. I would not openly announce this. I would give it a couple of more tries, but if it ends up being a bust I would move on to other clubs.
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Starling
I usually take what other dancers say with a grain of salt, and there have been times where I heard other dancers complain about not making money when I have in fact made money. I would not openly announce this. I would give it a couple of more tries, but if it ends up being a bust I would move on to other clubs.
Honestly, I don't think I can give it another try even if there is a chance of making money. The shifts are 7 hours with a lot of running/walking involved (it's a very large space), with tough competition. I'm now in full flare from the Fibromyalgia after one slow shift there. I can't even walk right now. It's just not feasible.
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
Hey loves......I read the story n was like....this sounds like sum Philly shit n then looked at our locations.
I have a bad siatic nerve which hurts like hell. Theres barely money n this city right now. Have u guys auditioned for Vanitydolls
On passyunk ? I haven't danced in a year I swear going back is harder than the first
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
Quote:
Originally Posted by
therealsafari
Hey loves......I read the story n was like....this sounds like sum Philly shit n then looked at our locations.
I have a bad siatic nerve which hurts like hell. Theres barely money n this city right now. Have u guys auditioned for Vanitydolls
On passyunk ? I haven't danced in a year I swear going back is harder than the first
Zoez, I wish you could find a club w/short shifts, but even so it sounds like you're not able to work right now hon? I wish you the best dear, it's a rough thing to deal with. & Hugs.
Charlie61 has a GREAT thread on going back after stopping. :)
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
Quote:
Originally Posted by
therealsafari
Hey loves......I read the story n was like....this sounds like sum Philly shit n then looked at our locations.
I have a bad siatic nerve which hurts like hell. Theres barely money n this city right now. Have u guys auditioned for Vanitydolls
On passyunk ? I haven't danced in a year I swear going back is harder than the first
You mean Vanity Grand Cabaret? I haven't heard anything about it... Looked it up and it says they're owned by the same people who own Cheerleaders? I definitely don't like that place... was just talking to a girl who worked at Cheerleaders for a bit and she said it's pretty dirty.
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Re: Trying to go back after a breakdown
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Originally Posted by
whirlerz
Zoez, I wish you could find a club w/short shifts, but even so it sounds like you're not able to work right now hon? I wish you the best dear, it's a rough thing to deal with. & Hugs.
Charlie61 has a GREAT thread on going back after stopping. :)
You're so sweet! Is this the one you're thinking about? It's a bit different than the OP's situation, but touches on some of the same issues.
https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sh...the-first-time
I know I am constantly doing what the OP described. I audition at a club, work a single night, do well, and never go back. But I think my issues are different than the OP's (she's struggling with high contact).