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I'd dump him but that's me. I don't do Tinder but have heard it's basically a sex site.
A lot of people use it for hooking up. But I have a friend who got a year long relationship out of it and know another tinder couple that's been steady for 6 months. Obviously these are the exception, not the rule lol.
I'm going to break it off I'm just not sure if it's worth explaining all this to him or if he'd probably either a) lie or b) accuse me of overreacting or some shit. Or if I should just tell him it's not working with little explanation...
If the trust isn't there, it's not worth it. Honestly I couldn't date any guy who went to certain clubs or even certain cities to club bc I know how dirty they are. He clubs in DC? Not so bad. Baltimore? Which clubs … ? Ritz or maybe Goddess, I could deal w/ … not Scores or anywhere on the Block. Daytona/Detroit/Houston? NEXT!
B4 the club issue … any of the previous items by themselves, I would suggest giving the benefit of the doubt. As we know, there is nothing inherently wrong w/ being a stripper or camgirl. It's what certain guys do w/ them, regardless of their own relationship status, that gets troublesome. But you're already doubting him, then the clubbing matter popped up. I think all of that together … maybe he is truly pure as the driven snow, in which case he deserves to have a girl that trusts him. But he could also be creeping. For both of those reasons I think you should break it off.
I agree there is nothing wrong with being a cam girl or dancer. However I see it as being entirely different actually being a dancer/cam girl versus being a guy who keeps us in business...and honestly I do look down on guys in exclusive relationships who go to strip clubs or frequent cam sites (unless the gf is totally aware and cool with it)
I'm just not sure how to tell him we're done since I feel these are touchy subjects for some people and it could go badly
If I were in your shoes, I'd give him little explanation dumping. He's not your BF and he's not someone you're able to trust.
Some of this doesn't make sense to me:
How would he - a male, non dancer, who doesn't live in Vegas - have any idea whether or not your friends thought a club was dirty?
In order for you to check and see if HE was on Tinder... wouldn't you have had to log into YOUR Tinder account? Why is it okay for you to log into your account but not him?
He's dating you, a stripper, but he's not allowed to be friends with other sex workers on facebook?
I think a polite 'We should see other people' would suffice since he isn't your boyfriend.
Maybe I wasn't clear in my post. He of course has no way of knowing what my friends think of a club. I simply meant that I know from word of mouth it is more of a brothel.
And yes, as I explained I was only logging on because I had a weird vibe and sure enough he had hit up tinder as soon as he left town. I did not message or browse any other profiles.
Also it's not really the same thing to act at work for money as it is to partake in/pay sex workers for pleasure. It's not like I'm attracted to the customers at work
Fair enough. Anyway, since it's not a serious relationship and he's not your bf or anything, you should just give him a sock in a book and tell him he's a free elf now to break things off.
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I don't know. The "we are exclusive but have no label" is kind of confusing to me. It's just human nature to put a label or classify pretty much everything in our environment to make sense of it. Like did you all have an agreement? What did this exclusivity consist of? Are you thinking he's out playing the field while you are exclusive to him? You may want to talk to him and be honest about your thoughts and feelings before you flat out dump him. And see if he can be totally honest with you and chill on all the tinder / fb friending / strip clubbing at extras clubs and other questionable behavior. And I know it looks bad he went to a 'known brothel' as others call it but that's like assuming that since a dancer works at a club where extras go down that all the dancers do extras when in reality not everyone is into that or doing that. It could be possible he just watched and didn't get any extra action. Ijs but hey you know your man better than I do. I do hope you find the resolution.
I guess the whole label thing was something I didn't want to rush because these types of issues I feel should be dealt with before entering a new relationship. But we did agree to be exclusive and had a talk about only seeing each other.
I feel ya though, I'm a little nervous to bring this all up to someone who's not my boyfriend but I think you're right about benefiting from an explanation