This guy won't stop contacting me
There's this guy I was seeing several years ago. We only "dated" for about a month, and then I met my current boyfriend of 4 years. I stopped seeing the guy because he was bad news -- an alcoholic who paid his rent with gambling money, very manipulative, used me and sexually assaulted me.
This guy harassed me at my work soon after I stopped seeing him. He checked with me to make sure I still worked there, told a coworker that I used to be a stripper, and then showed up claiming it was his birthday so the whole staff (including me) had to fucking sing to him. Coworkers gossiping about me ensued. :-[ I quit soon afterward, and stopped contacting him.
He has texted me/facebook messaged me on and off, over the years. I blocked him on my phone and unfriended him on FB. Thanks to FB's shitty privacy settings, he can still message me... but I set the conversation to "mute" so at least it doesn't alert me.
His messages are things like, "Are you mad at me?" "Seriously, what did I do to hurt you?" "Can we please talk?" "I miss you"
It's not threatening, but it is CONSTANT and I am SO TIRED of being reminded of him. He works in the same profession as me (teaching... :-\) and works/probably lives in the same part of town. I'm very afraid that he's going to come back into my life, spread more gossip about me, get me fired, or just make me miserable again. Did I mention he also knows my current boyfriend?
I mean, I'm already kinda miserable just receiving his messages and freaking out inside.
Sorry this was so long. What do you do in this situation?? Anyone relate???
Re: This guy won't stop contacting me
If you haven't told him, tell him you're in a very serious relationship and aren't interested in seeing or talking to any other men, and ask him to please stop contacting you. You can completely block him in Facebook so you don't receive his messages.
Re: This guy won't stop contacting me
Quote:
Originally Posted by
eagle2
If you haven't told him, tell him you're in a very serious relationship and aren't interested in seeing or talking to any other men, and ask him to please stop contacting you. You can completely block him in Facebook so you don't receive his messages.
Thanks for the suggestions!
I told him that a couple years ago. I don't want to have to keep reminding him to stop contacting me... kinda worried that's going to lead to more conversation from him. But I might, if necessary. :\
I've tried blocking him on facebook, but according to google, the only way to block someone from facebook messaging you is to set your age to 13. Which I'm hesitant to do. I'm also nervous that, by blocking him there, he might try harder to contact me, since I already blocked him on my phone and then he quickly moved on to facebook. Not sure if I'm just being paranoid... I'm just avoiding facebook, at this point.
Re: This guy won't stop contacting me
When you block someone they can't message you or see your account whatsoever. Unless things changed recently?
you ought to collect and document all incidents in which he is harassing you and report it to the police department. It looks like you're going to need a restraining order so start working on it with the PD.
Re: This guy won't stop contacting me
At the risk of sounding anti-feminist and pissing off SW ....
Can you ask your current boyfriend to make this dude go away? Is your guy the kinda dude who could make that happen without getting cops involved.
If you're worried that things are going to get scary or threatening, you can go to the all mighty Po' and see what they'll do for you.
But maybe getting your boyfriend to message the guy about leaving you alone over facebook would be enough.
Re: This guy won't stop contacting me
Quote:
Originally Posted by
lokikola
When you block someone they can't message you or see your account whatsoever. Unless things changed recently?
you ought to collect and document all incidents in which he is harassing you and report it to the police department. It looks like you're going to need a restraining order so start working on it with the PD.
Maybe I have been doing facebook wrong. Hmmmm. Gonna look into that!
I don't know if his behavior qualifies for a restraining order. I think it would have to get worse. But yeah, I have all his messages on my phone and facebook, if they're ever needed.
Re: This guy won't stop contacting me
Quote:
Originally Posted by
4everresolutions
At the risk of sounding anti-feminist and pissing off SW ....
Can you ask your current boyfriend to make this dude go away? Is your guy the kinda dude who could make that happen without getting cops involved.
If you're worried that things are going to get scary or threatening, you can go to the all mighty Po' and see what they'll do for you.
But maybe getting your boyfriend to message the guy about leaving you alone over facebook would be enough.
Possibly. He's not really that kinda guy, though, haha.
Re: This guy won't stop contacting me
I had a bad stalker before. Hacked into my email and told all of my family and friends that I was a stripper. Turned out really bad because many of my "friends" and "family" no longer talked to me after that. After some more cruel messages he left me alone for a few years but once he saw that I started doing porn, everything happened again. He kept on asking why I wouldn't see him again, that he'll pay me, blah blah blah. At this point I called him, he didn't pick up his phone, and I shallowed my pride and left him a message. I said something along the lines of this "I'm truly sorry that I hurt you in the past. It was wrong of me. But you now you will not stop hurting me. I haven't seen you in 4 years, yet you will never leave me alone. You hacked into my email, told everyone my secrets, and it really hurt me. Now you are continuing to hurt me. It has been 4 years, you need to move on and stop what you are doing to me. Please leave me alone. Thank you" This was 3 years ago I have never heard from him since. I would suggest trying to talk to him as a person. Shallow your pride and apologize for hurting him, explain how he hurt you, but now it is time that he moves on and leaves you alone.
Re: This guy won't stop contacting me
Quote:
Originally Posted by
littlelizard
I had a bad stalker before. Hacked into my email and told all of my family and friends that I was a stripper. Turned out really bad because many of my "friends" and "family" no longer talked to me after that. After some more cruel messages he left me alone for a few years but once he saw that I started doing porn, everything happened again. He kept on asking why I wouldn't see him again, that he'll pay me, blah blah blah. At this point I called him, he didn't pick up his phone, and I shallowed my pride and left him a message. I said something along the lines of this "I'm truly sorry that I hurt you in the past. It was wrong of me. But you now you will not stop hurting me. I haven't seen you in 4 years, yet you will never leave me alone. You hacked into my email, told everyone my secrets, and it really hurt me. Now you are continuing to hurt me. It has been 4 years, you need to move on and stop what you are doing to me. Please leave me alone. Thank you" This was 3 years ago I have never heard from him since. I would suggest trying to talk to him as a person. Shallow your pride and apologize for hurting him, explain how he hurt you, but now it is time that he moves on and leaves you alone.
Thanks for that. I have been very much on the defensive, and never considered apologizing. I'm pretty sure he felt hurt when we stopped seeing each other. But, as in your case, he's caused what I would consider to be far worse damage to my life.
I guess my main fear is getting more involved by opening a window of conversation. You don't think that's a risk, or that it could potentially escalate into worse behavior?
I'm glad it worked for you. I've been debating talking to him again (telling him politely to leave me alone), just worried about getting tangled up in another mess. And I talked to him nicely a couple years ago, telling him the same...
What really worries me is that he just recently met my boyfriend and is connected to him through work. I'm nervous he's going to mess with me via that new route.
Re: This guy won't stop contacting me
1) Pay someone to beat him up.
2) Tell him if he keeps bothering you he will end up in a river.
You COULD go to the cops but that might backfire as he may be able to get your current address off of documents (you have to file this info with the court to get restraining orders done.)
It sucks but in time most of these kinds of stalkers move on to another target. Don't talk to him. You don't owe him anything. Communication will just encourage him.
Re: This guy won't stop contacting me
Getting a PPO (personal protection order) or a restraining order isn't that difficult. First off, you normally will be granted one temporarily just by asking for it. Use the magic words that you are fearful or in fear for your safety. The order will normally be issued immediately until a hearing can be scheduled. Once the hearing is scheduled, be sure to show up. Many times the guy will NOT show up and the order will then be set for 1 year. If he does show up, you will both present evidence and the judge may or may not grant the order. Even if he doesn't, the guy will be put on notice that you're not messing around. In addition, if he does anything in the least bit harassing after that, you're chances of getting an order are very good. The judge won't want to make the same mistake twice. In general judges in the US tend to err on the side of caution and grant the order.
Edit: I wouldn't recommend getting someone to beat him or to make threats against him. If he does something crazy in the future, it could be used against you.
Re: This guy won't stop contacting me
Quote:
Originally Posted by
NoRegrets
Getting a PPO (personal protection order) or a restraining order isn't that difficult. First off, you normally will be granted one temporarily just by asking for it. Use the magic words that you are fearful or in fear for your safety. The order will normally be issued immediately until a hearing can be scheduled. Once the hearing is scheduled, be sure to show up. Many times the guy will NOT show up and the order will then be set for 1 year. If he does show up, you will both present evidence and the judge may or may not grant the order. Even if he doesn't, the guy will be put on notice that you're not messing around. In addition, if he does anything in the least bit harassing after that, you're chances of getting an order are very good. The judge won't want to make the same mistake twice. In general judges in the US tend to err on the side of caution and grant the order.
Edit: I wouldn't recommend getting someone to beat him or to make threats against him. If he does something crazy in the future, it could be used against you.
Thank you!! I think I'm going to continue ignoring his messages, and if things get worse, I'll look into legal action. I appreciate the description of how a restraining order/PPO works. I honestly don't have a clue about that kind of thing, but this situation is causing me so much emotional trauma that I think legal action might be necessary.
I hope he moves on to someone else. I've looked at his twitter and random social media stuff, and he's hitting on girls left and right. Why the hell can't he leave me alone?! o_O
Re: This guy won't stop contacting me
Quote:
Originally Posted by
seashell
Maybe I have been doing facebook wrong. Hmmmm. Gonna look into that!
I don't know if his behavior qualifies for a restraining order. I think it would have to get worse. But yeah, I have all his messages on my phone and facebook, if they're ever needed.
https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q...ne+on+facebook
To block someone:
Click at the top right of any Facebook page.
Click How do I stop someone from bothering me?
Enter the name or email address of the person you want to block and click Block.
If you entered a name, select the specific person you want to block from the list that appears.
Re: This guy won't stop contacting me
Re: This guy won't stop contacting me
If he keeps contacting you: tell your current partner and tell the stalker that your current partner has seen every message he sent since (arbitrary date) and is not happy. This sort of guy doesn't respect you, but will definitely fear another man.
Re: This guy won't stop contacting me
He sounds like a stalker, go to the police and tell them your situation.Report everytime he contact you and take notes. So if ever he does something more insane, The cops will have a history of his stalking and can easily arrest him.