How do you meet new friends outside work?
I moved back to my hometown about a year ago and have been having a hard time adjusting socially. I moved away pretty much right after high school so while I have a few excellent close friends here, my social circle dwindled a lot in the time that I was gone between not keeping in touch and just normal growing apart from older friends. Since I've been back I've been dancing and working a regular job, but always for a small business where I worked either alone or directly with the business owner or with only one co worker, so the opportunities to meet people outside of the club have not been extensive. As a result I've ended up spending a lot time with the "wrong" types of people that don't necessarily make good long term buddies, other girls from the club that are just too crazy for me. I lived with a girl I worked with this summer and it concluded in me helping her get into rehab because while she was fun to start with it quickly became clear she had a problem with partying (was doing it constantly and not paying her bills). I don't mind partying once and a while but from my experience in the field a lot of non SW dancers are just waaaaayyy too much into the party scene for my comfort level. And have mental issues that go with that kind of lifestyle. I'm kicking myself saying "I told you so" because I know better, I've danced for years, but out of boredom I guess I just bit when these girls have been reaching out to me the last year. I'm semi retired from dancing at this point and I want my social circle to grow with me I guess, so a rehaul is in order. I also just broke up with a bf so POOF there went a huge chunk of my non-club social circle. And his friends were awesome damnit!
My problem is that I bartend and dance, and also run my own business part time. So my free time is 1) extremely limited both in quantity and timing: I typically work 5-6 days a week (sometimes 7 if I have a big contract going on) and usually take mondays or sundays off. I do all my chores and sometimes business work after my dancing and bartending shifts are done between 3 and 7am...and sleep until about 4, then it's off to work again usually. I need some creative ideas. I've been on meetup.com and I'm going to give that a go but even that is difficult because 90% of them are between 5 and 8 wed-sat...when I am at work or about to be :'( I'd love to meet some other people in the service industry that have their shit together, because I anticipate our schedules would line up better...but the other issue is where does one go to hang out at 3am? It's quite the pickle I've found myself in.
Re: How do you meet new friends outside work?
I feel your pain, Odette. I, too, have trouble meeting people in my spare time. I'm still very new to where I call home now(SoCal....should be easy, right!?), so figuring out where to go and just MEET people still seems a little weird for me. Moving away form your closest friends and family are brutal in terms of social life. I had to move because of work, and even though I'm very happy I DID, I now have the dilemma of having only a few friends. Most of which are from work. :-\
Re: How do you meet new friends outside work?
I moved for a job, but I'm more of a loner and enjoy being alone. But if I did want to make friends, I'd probably go look for meetups online. I almost did this one time and it looked decent enough.
Re: How do you meet new friends outside work?
Maybe sacrifice one night of work between 5-8 for a class or meet up that really interests you. If nothing comes of it try a different activity on another night.
I think that in order to have friends we have to be willing to change and drop things from our current schedule /lifestyle in order to make the time and opportunity for them.
I don't think you are going to meet quality people at 3am- I'm sure they are out there but it seems like you may need to give a little to get.
This is hopefully not coming across as harsh! Life doesn't tend to line up perfectly with everything falling into its particular slot, its more of a juggling, adjusting and adapting game.
How important is it to you?
Re: How do you meet new friends outside work?
Have you considered making an okcupid profile? Technically its a dating website, so you have to explicitly state that you're only looking for friends, but I have actually met many of my friends this way. You can also put on your profile that you're looking for people who are available during those times.
Re: How do you meet new friends outside work?
-Join meetup.com, sign up for activities that interest you and meet like-minded people.
-Volunteer. People who make an effort to volunteer are often kindhearted souls who make good friends.
-Join girlfriendsocial.com.
Re: How do you meet new friends outside work?
Are you a member of a clubs, not nightclub clubs, special interest clubs like book club, garden club, square dance club, qulting club? Do any volunteer work at library, museum, animal shelter, courthouse.
Take up shooting skeet. People get serious about that:
http://www.gunsinternational.com/gun...n_id=100561902
http://www.gunsinternational.com/gun...n_id=100609513
Re: How do you meet new friends outside work?
Thanks for the responses :) They are all much appreciated! I probably do need to tweak my schedule a little bit, it definitely seems like most of the quality people are not around after I get off work! I'm thinking what I may do is resign myself to scheduling "alone time" for after work even though this is when I want to socialise the most. I can probably manage my time a bit more wisely so that I am awake more during daytime hours and available for activities. I'm definitely going to try a couple of the meetups--as for dating apps, I got tinder on my phone after the breakup. Hate it so far for dates but I met one super cool dude I would totally be friends with. And maybe I might meet a couple ladies on there as well. I've been debating taking a class--ceramics probably because I used to do that and I loved it. I don't know if I give off an antisocial vibe but I just never really have a lot of luck meeting people in classes--it's time to try again though! I went out last night with one of my neighbours after turkey dinner and had a blast, she's in her 30s, shit together, still fun, and is also a server--so things are looking up! It's going to take time though! As for volunteering I don't know where that would be best...I love politics and if I had thought to look into this sooner I could have volunteered during the election we're having now...oh well. Another friend of mine suggested hosting a couple events and asking people to bring a couple guests, I'm organising my first event for a week from now! Hopefully that helps too :)
A specific area I find very tricky is making new male friends--I miss my bros from uni soooo much, and every attempt I've made to make new bros here has resulted in a messy experience...like even when you're upfront about wanting to be just friends if they are interested in you they just smile, nod, and continue trying to "convince" you--and then eventually get mad when you won't relent...
Re: How do you meet new friends outside work?
Step 1 - Identify your hobbies. This can be anything you do for FUN.
Step 2 - Search online for local groups that do stuff you enjoy.
A hobby can be anything you enjoy doing. Sightseeing, bowling, cooking, dancing, reading, bird watching, computer programming, skating, movies, sports, WHATEVER. If you can get involved in YOUR hobby with other people, then you will meet people with similar interest. Even if you don't become friends, at least you will be spending time doing something you enjoy. Try to focus on "doing" your hobby for fun and be willing to take the initiative with people who do that hobby to. Personally, I think you will have better luck connecting with women than men. As a man, I can honestly say we get REALLY confused if an attractive woman starts chatting us up. This is why I would suggest socializing with women and don't spend effort trying to establish male friendships. It's VERY hard for men and women to be good "friends" after 25 -- just saying. ;)
Re: How do you meet new friends outside work?
Blue member here. Let me know if this is OK to post here. If not, I can take the hint and head back to the basement. I realize I am the guest here.
Odette,
Meeting people in classes is tough, assuming you are trying to kindle an outside friendship. I find it works "best" when you can connect with the classmate on something OUTSIDE of the class topic. For example, if the class is a technical course, I'll try to connect with classmates on fantasy books (Edgar Allen Poe, H.P. Lovecraft) or with D&D (dungeons and dragons). My wife takes ceramics classes too (through a ceramics store) but she really doesn't connect with people there, like you say.
I don't know if you are like my wife (now I've friendzoned you), she is sometimes shy until she gets to know people. One thing that works well for her (to find female friends) is online meetups (for her, Adam Lambert fan clubs) which also meet in person or meet for concerts. She has met a lot of great female friends (age 22-55) that she keeps in contact with and they meet several times a year (sometimes just 1-2 at a time; sometimes in large groups). It's really a diverse group of very educated women. That has worked well for her. I even get along with them. (They made me honorary Glambert member # 666).
For meeting men, it depends on what type of men. Gun and knife shows can work, I know as I go to those. What works for my wife and I are D&D (dungeons and dragons) get togethers. D&D mainly attracts "nerdy" men, but that is the type we identify with. It's a fantasy role playing game using books instead of computers. Usually when I am out and about, I try to connect with people, then invite them over for our monthly D&D sessions or whatever, even (especially) if they've never played before. The guys that do this tend to be nerdy and less likely to hit on you or try to date you or sleep with you -- and the ones that would -- tend to already have super cool nerdy wives or girlfriends -- so less awkward pressure! What works for my wife, is to just present herself as "one of the guys." That friendzones them and keeps them there. And she will even admit that she gets along with guys better than she gets along with girls.
Another get together that has worked well for my wife and I is PRIDE or LGBT events. Even though we are heterosexual, we have met the most awesome lesbian and bisexual women there. We have open minds and we do support their cause.
For me, I have had the best luck meeting people by just walking my dog. I kid you not. I swear as soon as I got our puppy 4 years ago I met EVERY YOUNG WOMAN in a half mile radius. I met a lot of nurses who stopped their cars just to chat for 5-10 minutes on their way home from work. Like you, they lement that working odd shift hours really kills their ability to meet people, particularly new men.
IT KILLS ME. As soon as I get married, NOW, I FINALLY meet 'lots' of SINGLE WOMEN. The universe hates me. And, no, none of them play D&D. :(
Try nerdy men. ;)
Re: How do you meet new friends outside work?
I joined some groups on meetup.com and go to some of their events.
Re: How do you meet new friends outside work?
And possibly events related to networking for your job, thought of you today and hoped you were seeing some options
Re: How do you meet new friends outside work?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
penny25
-Join meetup.com, sign up for activities that interest you and meet like-minded people.
-Volunteer. People who make an effort to volunteer are often kindhearted souls who make good friends.
-Join girlfriendsocial.com.
All the best ideas, imo