Re: To go to school now or nah? Mom and bf (now ex) made me & now I'm depressed
Quote:
Originally Posted by
EastCoastDancer01
Do you have any support from other people who could help you? Your sister? Your friends? Do you have your own bank account? You can put that money you got for Christmas in a checking or savings account so your mother has no chance to take it from you. Or you could hide it somewhere she wouldn't have access to. It is really sad that you have this kind of relationship with your mother. She sounds so unreasonable. I think it is absolutely ridiculous that your family won't accept you working a normal job. what do they expect?? Most college grads these days have trouble finding good jobs which is why many of them work crappy hourly wage or waitressing jobs. But hey, it's money! They are making an honest living. Regardless, you are an adult and you have the right to work whatever job you want! You need to find out what resources are available to you and seek out support in difficult situations like these. I don't know the extent of your moms rage that you speak of, but the best advice I can give you is to document everything and always have proof should you need it, especially if she takes your aid refund money.
I have my sister and a checking account yeah.
Ikr!!
Thank you so much.
Re: To go to school now or nah? Mom and bf (now ex) made me & now I'm depressed
you need to seriously say "fuck you mom!" & walk away and begin your OWN journey. If you don't take the reins of your life now, you will regret it later on. I left home at 18 & started dancing, dropped out of school & never looked back. Living a "normal life" isn't all it's cracked up to be anyways, I tried that life & was extremely bored & miserable. I wish you the best of luck babe <3
Re: To go to school now or nah? Mom and bf (now ex) made me & now I'm depressed
Quote:
Originally Posted by
22lligm
Your relationship with your mom sounds ridiculously unhealthy and it's not doing you any good being babied and controlled by her. I mean you are entirely too old to be watched at school by your big brother at 21 years old. I think all of this is way too much stress over a simple associates degree.. which like someone else said is pretty pointless these days. I really don't think it takes that much to become independent and doing everything on your own either. I didn't have a car for a while and used Uber everywhere.. I also moved to another state without having that much money saved and relied on credit cards until I got myself back on my feet and making consistent good money at a new club.
If you lived on your own and were dancing you could pay for school without going into debt and you wouldn't have to deal with the the stress your over-controlling mother creates. I think it's time to cut the umbilical chord and be an adult lol but it's up to you.
I am all for school (I just graduated last year with a BS in Pre Physical Therapy) but you should have an idea of what you want to study and what you want to do with your degree once you're finished. I still have grad school to do and I'll be using dancing as a means to pay for it while I stay on my own out in this new state without any help from friends or family. It's possible.
I needed to hear this but at the same time I know this deep down, there's always something holding me back from taking the plunge and finally cutting the cord..I believe it's fear of unknown, I've never been on my own without some guide but they sheltered me and did a disservice, I have to fix it. Thank you for the encouraging words.
Re: To go to school now or nah? Mom and bf (now ex) made me & now I'm depressed
Quote:
Originally Posted by
xxxGothBarbie
you need to seriously say "fuck you mom!" & walk away and begin your OWN journey. If you don't take the reins of your life now, you will regret it later on. I left home at 18 & started dancing, dropped out of school & never looked back. Living a "normal life" isn't all it's cracked up to be anyways, I tried that life & was extremely bored & miserable. I wish you the best of luck babe <3
Thank you! And I agree about the "normal life"
Re: To go to school now or nah? Mom and bf (now ex) made me & now I'm depressed
I'm grateful for all you girls' advice, thank you all so much. It'll give me the encouragement to follow through with what I know is right for me.
Re: To go to school now or nah? Mom and bf (now ex) made me & now I'm depressed
I too thought I wasnt a school person, until I actually went and had an idea of what I wanted to do with my life. Lol it doesn't seem like you're passionate about IT. Could you still go to school (and dance on the side) to figure out exactly what you might want to do? It sounds like you're in the beginning of your degree. You won't be taking degree focused courses until your final two years (for a four year degree) anyway. Take advantage of the elective options to explore your interests. You say you want to own your own business one day. Have you thought about going to business school, instead of IT?
Personally, I wouldn't advise anyone to forgo school for dancing. Yeah, school will always be there, but I'm noticing a trend where, at least where I live, it gets more expensive every year. And it's a lot harder to go to school and start your career in your 30s and 40s than it is in your 20s. I'm not saying it can't be done, but in today's job market, it makes it more difficult. You also have more responsibilities in your 30s and 40s (children, mortgage, etc) that would make going back to school more difficult. While a degree doesn't guarantee success in any field, it opens more doors for you in the job market. It's the difference between getting an interview or not getting one. It's good to have in the case that you may realize you don't want to dance forever. Sometimes life circumstances change, and those changes may not be conducive to dancing anymore. You need a backup plan.
Your parents want you to go to school and not dance. It's not entirely a bad thing. Most parents don't envision their kids being strippers lol. I realize that they may be controlling, but cut them some slack in that regard. You don't like the school you're currently enrolled in. Surely there are other schools to attend in your state/surrounding area? Maybe check some of them out and then see how you feel about them? If you find a school and program YOU like, you will not only be pursuing a plan you're interested in, but you also keep the peace between you and your parents.
Re: To go to school now or nah? Mom and bf (now ex) made me & now I'm depressed
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mm621
I too thought I wasnt a school person, until I actually went and had an idea of what I wanted to do with my life. Lol it doesn't seem like you're passionate about IT. Could you still go to school (and dance on the side) to figure out exactly what you might want to do? It sounds like you're in the beginning of your degree. You won't be taking degree focused courses until your final two years (for a four year degree) anyway. Take advantage of the elective options to explore your interests. You say you want to own your own business one day. Have you thought about going to business school, instead of IT?
Personally, I wouldn't advise anyone to forgo school for dancing. Yeah, school will always be there, but I'm noticing a trend where, at least where I live, it gets more expensive every year. And it's a lot harder to go to school and start your career in your 30s and 40s than it is in your 20s. I'm not saying it can't be done, but in today's job market, it makes it more difficult. You also have more responsibilities in your 30s and 40s (children, mortgage, etc) that would make going back to school more difficult. While a degree doesn't guarantee success in any field, it opens more doors for you in the job market. It's the difference between getting an interview or not getting one. It's good to have in the case that you may realize you don't want to dance forever. Sometimes life circumstances change, and those changes may not be conducive to dancing anymore. You need a backup plan.
Your parents want you to go to school and not dance. It's not entirely a bad thing. Most parents don't envision their kids being strippers lol. I realize that they may be controlling, but cut them some slack in that regard. You don't like the school you're currently enrolled in. Surely there are other schools to attend in your state/surrounding area? Maybe check some of them out and then see how you feel about them? If you find a school and program YOU like, you will not only be pursuing a plan you're interested in, but you also keep the peace between you and your parents.
I never said I don't ever want to go to school, I just wanna go on my terms. Not in a hicktown in the middle of nowhere, forced to get some kind of degree, on a campus, etc etc. I'm tired of living my life on her terms.
Re: To go to school now or nah? Mom and bf (now ex) made me & now I'm depressed
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mm621
I too thought I wasnt a school person, until I actually went and had an idea of what I wanted to do with my life. Lol it doesn't seem like you're passionate about IT. Could you still go to school (and dance on the side) to figure out exactly what you might want to do? It sounds like you're in the beginning of your degree. You won't be taking degree focused courses until your final two years (for a four year degree) anyway. Take advantage of the elective options to explore your interests. You say you want to own your own business one day. Have you thought about going to business school, instead of IT?
Personally, I wouldn't advise anyone to forgo school for dancing. Yeah, school will always be there, but I'm noticing a trend where, at least where I live, it gets more expensive every year. And it's a lot harder to go to school and start your career in your 30s and 40s than it is in your 20s. I'm not saying it can't be done, but in today's job market, it makes it more difficult. You also have more responsibilities in your 30s and 40s (children, mortgage, etc) that would make going back to school more difficult. While a degree doesn't guarantee success in any field, it opens more doors for you in the job market. It's the difference between getting an interview or not getting one. It's good to have in the case that you may realize you don't want to dance forever. Sometimes life circumstances change, and those changes may not be conducive to dancing anymore. You need a backup plan.
Your parents want you to go to school and not dance. It's not entirely a bad thing. Most parents don't envision their kids being strippers lol. I realize that they may be controlling, but cut them some slack in that regard. You don't like the school you're currently enrolled in. Surely there are other schools to attend in your state/surrounding area? Maybe check some of them out and then see how you feel about them? If you find a school and program YOU like, you will not only be pursuing a plan you're interested in, but you also keep the peace between you and your parents.
She's only 21. She can spend a year or so getting herself away from her over controlling family and make herself independent before she goes back to school. And of course no parent wants their daughter growing up and becoming a stripper lol but her mother crosses the line into over controlling parent.
Also, I was really bad in school when I was just taking GE's because I had no clue what I wanted to do and wasn't interested in any of it.. but I'm glad I stuck with it because I eventually found what my calling was and figured out what I wanted to do with school and a future career. So definitely finish your GEs and see what happens.. but you don't necessarily have to do it RIGHT now. Take a few months or a year off getting your own place, saving up some money, getting your drivers license.. and then when you're nice and settled you can go back to school and figure out what you want to do. But like I said you are only 21.. you could be back in school by 23 and working towards whatever degree you decide you want (if you do want to go back to school).
But just keep in mind it is hard to take time off before going back to school.. but it just takes a lot of responsibility and initiative.. which is part of growing up and being an adult lol.
OP I just saw your PM I'll respond in a sec
Re: To go to school now or nah? Mom and bf (now ex) made me & now I'm depressed
Just an update (not a pity party)-
So I have about two more months left of this semester and I've hated every minute and every aspect of it lol.
My depression has been constant but gets worse around that time of the month obviously, coupled with the stress and anxiety I don't know how I've made it this far, plus with depression comes lack of motivation so I haven't even done the things that I'd say I use this time for like working out (plus I've just been eating comfort fatty foods so what's a 30 min workout on top of a grande mocha and pizza? I also can't fit into a single pair of jeans now) thankfully the weight isn't that noticable when naked lol. The bad news is the semester is only getting harder. Hell, I have a pile of homework now that I just couldn't seem to get to tonight (I kept saying in my head "okay after I watch this...okay just one more hour of lounging. ..etc"
The good news is I have a great living situation set up after this semester where I can jump right back into dancing.
I guess it was necessary to have this experience, at least now I know it's definitely not for me. This has taught me really how I have to look out for my own best interest and just how truly unapologetic I need to be about the decisions I make going forward. I've read over this thread many times since being here and it can't be more clear to me. I'm tired of being in slumps or being in situations I don't have control over, no more.
Re: To go to school now or nah? Mom and bf (now ex) made me & now I'm depressed
School will help distract you, give you a sense of purpose, and allow you to make friends.
Re: To go to school now or nah? Mom and bf (now ex) made me & now I'm depressed
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Velveteen.Rabbit
School will help distract you, give you a sense of purpose, and allow you to make friends.
Um no...did you even read my update right above before you commented. .
Re: To go to school now or nah? Mom and bf (now ex) made me & now I'm depressed
Quote:
Originally Posted by
alibby
I can't afford to move out right now but that is the goal.
And it's harder now to get back to it bc I live with my grandparents and they were oblivious for a while, but now my mom and brother are living here too now, and they're not stupid lol. It's sad I have to sneak at 21 I know
I'm in a similar situation but mine is worse because I don't live in the states. I used to live in DC but moved (under flase pretenses). I was told that it would be easier for me to get a jib because my grandmother had alleged connections. I'm considering going back to school and my grandmother offered to help but idw take it because I don't want her threatening to not pay my tuition if we get into disagreements.
The ideal situation for me (other than going back to DC) is to go back to school and live on campus via financial aid. Because I am now old enough to get AID w.o a cosigner/parental info on fafsa I may consider it.....
Re: To go to school now or nah? Mom and bf (now ex) made me & now I'm depressed
Omg. Your life sucks (besides the school part). You need to seperate your family from your personal life. I left home, live with an older boyfriend (yeah not everyone does that but Im fly like Anna Nicole').
God. Where do I even begin? You are me but like me at 17. Youre 21 freaken years old. You dont have the luxury of time to play around with your life.
Figure out what you need to do. Strip if you are making good money. But discover yourself too. You need independence.
I went homeless and discover who I was l. And I seen the world and the seven seas at this point. Im still in my early 20s... And I think Im behind the eight ball.
Get independence... Thats the bottomline. You need to live your life. Life is too short for this. Just dont make permanent mistakes (diseases, offspring, or break laws).
Re: To go to school now or nah? Mom and bf (now ex) made me & now I'm depressed
And wear nice sunscreen and retin a. Keep yourself beautiful until 50 at least, you never know when you need to use your looks. A $100 a year investment maybe all you need to land a 30 yr old handsome wealthy husband at 40 when you finally do get through the rough edges of youth. (let alone age prejudice at interviews, or simply self confidence, or a sugar daddy... Who knows?)
I dont want to be a Lindsay Lohan... But a Demi Moore.