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How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
Hello, I have a few dates set up with a few potential Sugar Daddies... I have made it clear that after the first date (just dinner and drinks) if we have a connection we need to have a discussion on allowances/etc and come to an agreement before we meet again. I've seen and heard of a lot of Sugar Babies asking for money on the first date before they even meet--as a compensation for their time in case they both agree there isn't a connection and won't be a second date. So at least the girl got a couple hundred bucks or something for her time.
What is the best way to ask for this and make it clear you have these expectations on the first date? I think most guys think "why would I give you money for your time before I know if I like you?" I've seen other advice being, DON'T ask for money on the first date, wow him and charm him and make him want to set up an arrangement with you, and you'll get more money/allowances/gifts in the long run.
What are your thoughts? Thanks!
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
I always provide money on the first meeting. I don't understand why a sugar baby would think it's a good idea to give everything away for free hoping that the guy will eventually provide an allowance. As I've said before, almost every sb I have met has the same stories of giving away freebies and the guys ghosting. If you're not getting paid on your first date (and potential hookup) why would they ever pay? My guess is there's tons of guys who never pay anyone and just jump from one naive girl to the next.
If a guy is serious about being a sugar daddy, why would he get upset if you want to get an allowance? If he's looking to scam you he'll find every excuse to pay you "later".
To be specific on how to ask: Just say you've been burned in the past and there are quite a few guys looking for freebies. Say you're looking for a real sugar daddy. If you're only asking for a couple hundred dollars (less than the meal will cost at a good restaurant) how can they justify not giving a small gift. The only reason I've not given a gift was when the women that showed up was 10-15 years older than her pictures.
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
Miss1dancypants,
I am in that first school of thought that believes sugar babies should asked for their arrangements and allowances upfront. Your first date should be about your sugar daddy and you deciding about your arrangement and other details. I also believe that you should be talking about your sexual relationship during your first date as well.You do not want any disagreements or illusions between you and your potential sugar daddies. Wowing and charming should be done within the first date at least.Now, some of those tumblr sugar babies believe in wow and charming men before getting money. Some of them also start sleeping with their "daddy" before getting money. Then their "daddies" decided not give them an allowance or give them like 300 dollars. :(However, I do not understand why anyone would do such a thing. I believe in treating sugaring like a business :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miss1dancypants
Hello, I have a few dates set up with a few potential Sugar Daddies... I have made it clear that after the first date (just dinner and drinks) if we have a connection we need to have a discussion on allowances/etc and come to an agreement before we meet again. I've seen and heard of a lot of Sugar Babies asking for money on the first date before they even meet--as a compensation for their time in case they both agree there isn't a connection and won't be a second date. So at least the girl got a couple hundred bucks or something for her time.
What is the best way to ask for this and make it clear you have these expectations on the first date? I think most guys think "why would I give you money for your time before I know if I like you?" I've seen other advice being, DON'T ask for money on the first date, wow him and charm him and make him want to set up an arrangement with you, and you'll get more money/allowances/gifts in the long run.
What are your thoughts? Thanks!
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miss1dancypants
Hello, I have a few dates set up with a few potential Sugar Daddies... I have made it clear that after the first date (just dinner and drinks) if we have a connection we need to have a discussion on allowances/etc and come to an agreement before we meet again. I've seen and heard of a lot of Sugar Babies asking for money on the first date before they even meet--as a compensation for their time in case they both agree there isn't a connection and won't be a second date. So at least the girl got a couple hundred bucks or something for her time.
What is the best way to ask for this and make it clear you have these expectations on the first date? I think most guys think "why would I give you money for your time before I know if I like you?" I've seen other advice being, DON'T ask for money on the first date, wow him and charm him and make him want to set up an arrangement with you, and you'll get more money/allowances/gifts in the long run.
What are your thoughts? Thanks!
Where are you getting them from, online? If so, expect a lotta salt right off the bat.
Usually it's recommended to freestyle, good luck.
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
To echo NoRegrets, people are how they are. There is no magic formula to turn a cheapskate into a high net worth spender. If the guy won't spend up front, he won't spend. Look, at Nobu in London, for instance - I was in a party of 6 with a check of £3600 and one guy gave the waiter £500 even though they don't tip like that there. £500 is nothing to him and he doesn't care. Guys who hoard their cash will always do that, and resent you even if you earn it.
If the guy sees you are: hot, personable, and not insane, he should be reaching for his wallet. If he doesn't, chances are he won't ever. Set the expectation properly, communicate it properly, and get your pay.
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
I personally don't think you should have to wait until after the first date but rather be upfront about your expectations prior to the first date like after the first few rapport building emails/phone calls. It would suck to wait until the first date, waste 2+ hours, only to discover the dude is not on your level. This is just my opinion though.
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miss.a.p1600
I personally don't think you should have to wait until after the first date but rather be upfront about your expectations prior to the first date like after the first few rapport building emails/phone calls. It would suck to wait until the first date, waste 2+ hours, only to discover the dude is not on your level. This is just my opinion though.
If the OP is meeting people online then that should be one of the first issues discussed to filter out the time wasters. It's more complicated when you meet via freestyling. Most of the time the women freestyling won't come out directly and say that they're looking for a sponsor. They drop a few obvious hints and see if I respond. If I'm at an event then we just exchange phone numbers and talk money later. I'm normally the one leading the conversation about financial expectations. If we meet at a club then they normally will stay at my table all night and want to come home afterward. They usually make their money pitch around closing time. I'm not into that kind of hookup so I'll give them something to show I'm serious and setup another meeting where it's easier to talk.
But the reality is that a sponsor that's done this before normally will take the lead. Keep in mind that he's trying to filter out girls that aren't a fit as well. If a girl isn't going to be interested in the kind of support I provide it's best to find out quick. Why would I waste my time going out to dinner with someone that want's more than I'm willing to provide? My first questions once we've gotten to know a girl are: what are you financial expectations, how much time are you able to see me, how flexible is your schedule. If your sugar daddy isn't asking these questions up front, he's probably just looking for a one-time hookup.
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
Yeah. I would never hook up with them for free on the first date and I'm not insinuating I'd do anything else except have ONE good dinner and drinks with a guy. Of course I need money if anything beyond one dinner is going to occur.
I know everyone is telling me I should be asking money for the first date which I agree. What is the best way to ask for it? The best wording? I just feel like anything I come up with sounds tacky. That's what I really need help with.
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
Here is what I say:
Before we meet let's get the hard stuff out of the way so we can enjoy dinner. What are you looking for financially?
Frame it as trying to remove stress from the first "date" so you can just enjoy yourselves.
Edit: If you've already agreed on a monthly amount with the guy and you're talking about asking for money on the first date:
For this to work it's important that we both show each other that we're serious. I'll take the time to show up looking better than my pics. You'll need to show me you're serious about being my daddy. I think $xxx is worth my time.
Obviously you'd need to translate that from mansplaining to how you would write it. To be honest I'm surprised that the guys you're meeting aren't handling this for you. It's the tacky part you want to get past quickly to get to the fun parts. You're bringing the fun and the guy should be handling the money part.
Edit 2: One of my girls did a great thing on our first date. When I gave her the money she asked me what kind of lingerie I liked. She said that she'd be using some of the money to buy some for our next meeting. That made a very good impression.
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miss.a.p1600
I personally don't think you should have to wait until after the first date but rather be upfront about your expectations prior to the first date like after the first few rapport building emails/phone calls. It would suck to wait until the first date, waste 2+ hours, only to discover the dude is not on your level. This is just my opinion though.
That's why I won't do a date. If we meet at a restaurant, we sit at the bar (faster service) and I don't order food (unless its to-go) Either way, I refuse to meet a pot before knowing what he's willing to pay me.
A cheapskate is a cheapskate. I believe, regardless of your look / charm.
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
Some great advice from the blues in this thread without any creepiness. Keep it up, guys! I'm impressed. :)
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
How did it all end up working out, miss1dancypants? I am in the same situation right now and have no clue how to ask. I have had lots of offers to meet. I freeze up after that. I don't want to go anywhere for nothing. I have escorted before and feel like this will be pretty fun for me. I loved the GFE side of it and getting to know each other.
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
See my post in Ladies Only, concessions
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
If you are going to go this route and not escort instead, you need to be VERY upfront and VERY firm. Why? Because if you don't assert your boundaries now, he will know that he push them later. Many of the men on sugardaddy sites or who even self-proclaim that they are looking for a sugar baby, are often just looking for a naive girl who does everything and more an escort will do for less money.
You need to not only be upfront about how much money you expect each time (or an allowance, in advance), you need to also be VERY CLEAR on how much time you plan to spend with these guys and how you plan to ALWAYS use condoms. Those are 2 things I hear from friends who are self-proclaimed sugar babies all the time. That the guy will pressure them not to use condoms ("but I'm clean and I've been snipped so I can't get anyone pregnant!") and that he will continually extend the amount of time ("well I was thinking we could do overnight or at least 8 hours. why even meet if we are only meeting for 3 hours? I'm looking for a sugar baby, not a hooker!")
RED FLAG TIP #1: The minute they say "I am looking for a sugar baby, not a hooker!" then you need to RUN. Because he is only throwing that in line in your face in order to get exactly what he wants: You doing multi-hour or bareback escort services for not a lot of money. Run. He is looking for cheap escorts.
And in fact, in my experience, most men who are sugardaddies ARE looking for cheap escorts. Many may even pull the "I'm ideally looking for a relationship, who we will see where things go" and what he fails to mention is all the other girls he barebacks on the side that he won't tell you about. IMO, you're better off escorting.
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
red.velvet
If you are going to go this route and not escort instead, you need to be VERY upfront and VERY firm. Why? Because if you don't assert your boundaries now, he will know that he push them later. Many of the men on sugardaddy sites or who even self-proclaim that they are looking for a sugar baby, are often just looking for a naive girl who does everything and more an escort will do for less money.
You need to not only be upfront about how much money you expect each time (or an allowance, in advance), you need to also be VERY CLEAR on how much time you plan to spend with these guys and how you plan to ALWAYS use condoms. Those are 2 things I hear from friends who are self-proclaimed sugar babies all the time. That the guy will pressure them not to use condoms ("but I'm clean and I've been snipped so I can't get anyone pregnant!") and that he will continually extend the amount of time ("well I was thinking we could do overnight or at least 8 hours. why even meet if we are only meeting for 3 hours? I'm looking for a sugar baby, not a hooker!")
Agree 100%. You will not scare off any real sugar daddies if you are clear about what you're looking for and what your limits are. It's much easier for us to know what to expect up front instead of women being coy about what they're looking for. Who wants to waste time at a dinner only to find out what you want isn't what I can offer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
red.velvet
RED FLAG TIP #1: The minute they say "I am looking for a sugar baby, not a hooker!" then you need to RUN. Because he is only throwing that in line in your face in order to get exactly what he wants: You doing multi-hour or bareback escort services for not a lot of money. Run. He is looking for cheap escorts.
This can't be stressed enough. This is code for: I'm trying to manipulate you into giving me a freebie. A real guy will never say this, ever. If he thinks you're not a fit he'll say that. He won't call you a hooker.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
red.velvet
And in fact, in my experience, most men who are sugardaddies ARE looking for cheap escorts. Many may even pull the "I'm ideally looking for a relationship, who we will see where things go" and what he fails to mention is all the other girls he barebacks on the side that he won't tell you about. IMO, you're better off escorting.
This is where we disagree but I'm as biased as red.velvet. Not all sugar daddies want unprotected sex or are cheap. There are good public and private forums on reddit.com where sugar babies can share info. Mods: let me know if you don't like mentioning a different website here.
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
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Originally Posted by
strippername
How did it all end up working out, miss1dancypants? I am in the same situation right now and have no clue how to ask. I have had lots of offers to meet. I freeze up after that. I don't want to go anywhere for nothing. I have escorted before and feel like this will be pretty fun for me. I loved the GFE side of it and getting to know each other.
Asking for money prior to meeting depends on the guy and how far the discussion has gone (have y'all talked on the phone or only texted?) Does he seem to be real serious or are you still feeling him out? Your best bet and I mentioned this before is to do a quick happy hour (sit at the bar not a table for faster service) and if you want to eat , Order your food to go. Dinner takes time. Think of it as a quick conference, not date
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
Think of a sugar daddy as an escort client and you'll be better off. They want a part time girlfriend without the full time hassle and you want the sponsor. Charge what you would as a escort, watch the clock and request gifts. That simple
And who out here is screwing without a condom??
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
Sometimes you can ask, "Hey hon, can you help me out w/some (gas$/transportation$) toward the end of the date if things are going well..
But yea, I agree they should offer, most don't
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
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Originally Posted by
whirlerz
Sometimes you can ask, "Hey hon, can you help me out w/some (gas$/transportation$) toward the end of the date if things are going well..
But yea, I agree they should offer, most don't
I debated this point on a private SD forum. Their position was that women could use men for meet and greet money without having any sex with anyone. My point was that a women spending 1-2 hours getting ready, going to bar/restaurant/starbucks is wasting enough of her time where whatever money she makes doesn't cover her time. After quite a bit of back and forth it ended with "we do it because we have the money and we can'. So take from that what you will.
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
This is kind of a risky thing to say but you can be confrontational & tell him that he must be hiding something otherwise he'd be able to comply with such a request. Other men pay the money, why can't he?
A LOT of wanna be sugar daddies are doing it to try to force the entire relationship on their terms. On many levels a free meet & greet gives the impression that "you could really like him." & A lot of guys with deep issues go the sugar route because it's easier.
After all my experience with escorting and sugaring, I realize YOU the sb are doing *everyone* a huge favor by starting things out on the right foot. Men have different extreme reactions to romantic disillusionment/heartbreak, ranging from dramatics to dangerous/upsetting stalking behavior. Part of why sugaring seems to good to be true is because it is- most guys who do it are trying to pull a fast one on a younger naive woman. Men don't feel guilt (usually) for lying to get sex from women because they don't empathize with the traditional female viewpoint of male-female sex.
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
One useful post on a public forum was to schedule the meet and greet in or near a mall. If the "date" goes well then you both go shopping for a few gifts. That way the girl knows that the guy is real but the guy doesn't feel that he just handed over cash.
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
& BTW I need to add from my own hard earned experience- if you let a cheap slimy dude take advantage of you...in his mind he will twist it into something real because in his world, that's his version of "real"..... I've had friendzoned guys harrass me at the club & failed sugardaddies try to mess with my head because they were never allowed to know exactly where they started to mess up (I'd usually just cut communication as soon as I sensed the Cray Cray Kraken start to appear in the guy's personality.) One of these guys (I later found out) has a girlfriend & was willing to risk losing her by still communicating with me even though she was pissed about it. No one ever said these guys were stable, sane or anywhere near smart.
The reason sugaring is hard to do is you have so many "troubled" guys willing to make unrealistic promises for a bit of sweet pussy. That's it. You have to be careful things don't turn into more bother than it's worth.....
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
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Originally Posted by
Exxotica
Think of a sugar daddy as an escort client and you'll be better off. They want a part time girlfriend without the full time hassle and you want the sponsor. Charge what you would as a escort, watch the clock and request gifts. That simple
And who out here is screwing without a condom??
If you are going to charge what you would as an escort, why not just be an escort and save yourself the trouble of dealing with timewasters and potentially dangerous situations? If you treat him like an escort client and he treats you like an escort, why is he on a sugardaddy site if he is looking for anything other than the most time with a girl possible for what hes paying her? As in, an escort with a discounted rate? Why even spend time with a man who is looking for an escort with a discounted rate in the first place? Things are clearly starting off on a bad foot lol.
I don't understand what people's logic is with sugaring, when you can make MORE money in a safer way (condoms are expected), FASTER, on you own terms, where you have the upperhand if you just escort. All because a girl doesn't want to admit to herself she's escorting so she sugars instead? Lol
I have heard far too many stories about sugardaddies not paying as much as escort clients would AND having the upper hand. Not paying the girl til the end, then critiquing her on what he didn't or doesn't like that she needs to change. Paying her once and then telling her from then on he will only pay half of what she asked for each time. Some men not paying at all. Some men purposely paying at the end so they can repeatedly extend the time. Men agreeing to her in advance of what she wants and has stated clearly, only to throw curveballs hours into their meet that she HAS to sleepover, they HAVE to spend 8h+ together, etc all before he will pay her. Men throwing a fit over no bareback and then not paying. Men blackmailing these women threatening to post their photos on forums with their phone numbers stating they are an escort, all because he lied and manipulated her and then she said no and called him out.
Why put yourself through this? Can someone explain to me? Is it because you don't want to admit to yourself that you're escorting and engaging in time with sexual activity for money? I just don't get it.
Even instagram models and highly published models who primarily sugar (their connections lead them to REAL sugardaddies) are still listed as UTR escorts on major agency sites if you pay the fee, log in, and take a look lol. Like, everyone escorts, its okay to escort and its safer.
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
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Originally Posted by
red.velvet
Why put yourself through this? Can someone explain to me? Is it because you don't want to admit to yourself that you're escorting and engaging in time with sexual activity for money? I just don't get it.
You're an escort. You think that everyone views the world the same as you and wants what you want. I think that escorts shouldn't be sugar babies. With all respect, you're ability to have sex with multiple men and disconnect from that emotionally is not common to all women. On this forum there are women that are able to cam model and strip but could never be an escort. There are other women that can be sugar babies but are not able to escort.
Some sugar babies are interested in a certain lifestyle. They meet Tiesto or Calvin Harris with their SD. They fly in private jets and party on yachts. My guess is that from your perspective that's stupid. You view most things from the perspective of getting $$ for your work. That's fine, nothing wrong with that. But I see the same comments from the escorts that also are SB. The try to put a square peg into a round hole and are disappointed. Like you said, if you can escort maybe that's what you would be happiest doing.
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Re: How to ask a potential Sugar Daddy for money before the first date?
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Originally Posted by
NoRegrets
You're an escort. You think that everyone views the world the same as you and wants what you want. I think that escorts shouldn't be sugar babies. With all respect, you're ability to have sex with multiple men and disconnect from that emotionally is not common to all women. On this forum there are women that are able to cam model and strip but could never be an escort. There are other women that can be sugar babies but are not able to escort.
Some sugar babies are interested in a certain lifestyle. They meet Tiesto or Calvin Harris with their SD. They fly in private jets and party on yachts. My guess is that from your perspective that's stupid. You view most things from the perspective of getting $$ for your work. That's fine, nothing wrong with that. But I see the same comments from the escorts that also are SB. The try to put a square peg into a round hole and are disappointed. Like you said, if you can escort maybe that's what you would be happiest doing.
I have had every single job in the adult industry (except porn) at some point. Every single job possible. I've done modeling shoots though, which I imagine must be similar to porn. So I've basically done every form of adult work in the last decade. I have tried them all.
If you're saying that the difference between sugarbabies and escorts is that sugarbabies can't handle having sex with more than one man, that is not true. Every sugarbaby I've ever known, and that is probably in the hundreds, has had multiple sugardaddies at once, but would NEVER tell her sugardaddy that because many would have cut her off. And I don't think any of them found their sugardaddy attractive in a romantic way, but they all pretended to in front of him obviously. If a sugardaddy was attractive, he would probably have several sugarbabies at once, and I don't see how a sugarbaby would be okay with that if she wasn't able to have sex with more than one man at a time lol.
You can have everything you mentioned in the last paragraph with an escort client! They just book multi-hour or multi-day! This is EXTREMELY common in LA, and also places like NYC and Vegas. Very common. Most of my appointments aren't 1 hour, they are usually multi-hour. I have my pricing set where I personally favor 4 hour meets because those are my favorite, so I book a lot of those. You set your pricing, as an escort, to reflect the type of appointments you want. You could set your appointments to reflect multi-hour or multi-day bookings. There is virtually no difference between a sugardaddy and an escort client, other than the escort client is paying an hourly or day rate and a sugardaddy is giving a modest allowance (with many demands too) compared to what she could be making if she asserted firm monetary boundaries in relation to time spent.
I feel like you and other sugardaddies can only see this from the fantasy side, and not the reality side.