Eating disorder recovery venting *** trigger warning
I started accepting and working towards recovery in August of 2015. I have struggled with body dysmorphia and various eating disorders since high school, essentially starving myself for 12 years. I'm eating basically a regular diet and I feel so much better but today I'm feeling really bad about my body. In recovery I've been weight training and I am so much stronger and I have great indurance. I have also gained nearly 20 pounds. Yes, I know it's muscle and I know I look good most of the time, but today I stood on the scale with my trainer (I should have refused but I was curious) and I'm much heavier than even I was expecting.
Re: Eating disorder recovery venting *** trigger warning
Sorry to hear. I think we all have felt down about our bodies at some point in time.
I NEVER use scales. I don't even own a scale. Don't want to get obsessed with the weight number.
Yes muscle is heavier than fat so if you've gained muscle that would explain the extra lbs increase. Also keeping muscle tone will help to burn fat and keep your metabolism going. Good to hear you're doing well in this area of recovery.
I would say be proactive. Maybe Next time let the trainers know you don't want to see the numbers but they can see they numbers for progress/tracking purposes only. And they can alert you if anything is out of the ordinary.
As long as you are within the BMI for your height, age, etc. you should be good. If you were starving yourself before then the 20 lbs is probably necessary to average you back out. What does your physician say about your weight gain?
Are you getting help with this?
Re: Eating disorder recovery venting *** trigger warning
Congratulations on your recovery. It sounds like you were doing good but today you hit a rough bump which is totally normal; just tune out your negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. Be proud of yourself for becoming stronger and healthier. And yes I also believe that the number on the scale is meaningless, which is why I dont use scales either (I too have struggled with Body Dysmorphia). Muscle weighs more than fat, so whatever weight you gained is because of the muscle you are building.
As long as you are healthy, and happy with the way you look, dont worry about how much you weigh. In the future, you might not want to weigh yourself if you know it will cause a trigger. Just keep up the good work and be proud of yourself for coming this far. Good luck!
Re: Eating disorder recovery venting *** trigger warning
That's wonderful that you're recovering! Eating disorders are a real bitch. I'm sorry to hear that you struggle with seeing your weight on a scale -- that's something that's really hard for me, too. Now that you know that scales are not a helpful tool for you, try to be proactive about avoiding them. In my experience, people (like trainers and medical professionals) are extremely understanding about women who don't want to see the number.
Re: Eating disorder recovery venting *** trigger warning
Yes, Congrats on your recovery! Do you attend a 12 step program, and/or any therapy? It would help w/the negativity that crops up..it's a lifelong process really.
They also have meditation books, there's a quote/phrase/topic for ea. day, & then a paragraph about it to meditate or think about.
I am very proud of you! keep up the good work!
Re: Eating disorder recovery venting *** trigger warning
I have struggled with anorexia and bulimia for longer than many people on this forum have been alive. If you are adding muscle don't worry about the number on the scale. I am sure you look gorge!
Re: Eating disorder recovery venting *** trigger warning
ED recovery is hard. There's the whole point where you're not even sure if you want it cause ED's yellin at ya, but then you know that you need to do it to stay alive. It's super difficult though. Remind yourself that. While ED is screaming that the number should be lower, think to yourself that 'ya it says that but I know that if I continue through with it's shitty false promises of happiness that will eventually lead to my death'. Talk to someone about this so it doesn't go too far.
I've been recovering from pretty intense anorexia for the last 5 years. I was in a very dark place and very unhealthy to the point I had to be hospitalized a few times. but I've gained a LARGE amount of weight. And you know what? I'm happier this way. I can dance longer, be strong, have energy to do the fun things in life, I can eat WHATEVER I want (in moderation). I'm so so so happy. If I can bounce back, so can you. Keep your chin up best luck love <3