Re: Boyfriend Problem Advice
You might actually have legal grounds if he did this, the rules of "revenge porn" outing can be very loosely interpreted and he could be held civilly liable regardless.
I would just say something like "I'm an adult and I'm having fun doing what I do, sorry you feel that way, if you're willing to burn down both our "day job" careers over this, have fun."
Re: Boyfriend Problem Advice
Break up with him. Ultimatums are ridiculous. Asking you to change your life and quit is controlling and indicative of the kind of person he is. And when you do break up with him, make sure he knows if he does do that stuff, that you will take him to court on revenge porn charges.
Re: Boyfriend Problem Advice
Well, you could try and get some intel on him so if he does decide to go the defamation/slander route on you, you'll at least have something on him that he won't want exposed eg. dick pic, nude pics, any personal information that will make him look bad to his employers, friends and family.
Also, let us girls know what his contact info is in Verified and we'll all go apeshit with spamming it on Craigslist and make him look like he's giving away free goats...*winking at Audri*.
Re: Boyfriend Problem Advice
Thank you so much guys, you are lifting my spirits! I have been going crazy trying to figure out how to handle this in my own head. I am so glad I found SW. I no longer feel alone in my camming venture. Loads of love and thank you for all the support!
-Em
Re: Boyfriend Problem Advice
You've only been camming two weeks, and look what you've achieved. Who's to say you can't rebuild all those great tags and favourites again? For safety, I would suck it up and create a new account, and put geo restrictions on so he'll never stumble upon your new account. The guys who liked spending on you will find you again, and they'll be like, "hey weren't you so-and-so, you changed your name?" and then you'll be like, "yep! new and improved packaging, same trusted product ;)"
They did just enact some pretty strict revenge porn legislation in the US, so as Katy says you're backed up by the legal system, but if he's a crazy vengeful mofo he could still do some irreversible damage to your reputation before you manage to prosecute. Even if he doesn't, you know he'll totally be spying on you every now and then! Eurgh. New account all the way.
Re: Boyfriend Problem Advice
What you're doing isn't illegal. Unless your place of employment has a morality clause in it that they can fire you for this sort of thing, the only person who looks like an asshole is him.
I would also make a new account/get a name change (depending on the site you work). Geoblock isn't a foolproof solution and dudes can get around them. Don't give him your new name, obviously. I would also suggest that your new account/updated account with new name not have your face or any identifying body parts in your profile pic. That way, if he does put it together and find you again, him sending the account link to a boss/coworker is just going to result in him looking like he's making claims he can't prove. You can deny being a model, certainly, but I think it might be best to take the 'go for the throat' approach on this one, especially considering he likely has texts between the two of you discussing your job.
Worse comes to worse and he outs you, well, you do have legal recourse based on revenge porn laws as Katy mentioned but that isn't the only option you have.
Sexual harassment and retaliation are illegal in the work place. You should remind him of that. If he goes to your boss trying to get you fired, it's most likely wrongful termination if successful (and you can sue your employer and ex). If he goes to your boss trying to get you fired and isn't successful, he has at the very least created a 'hostile work environment' for you by spreading rumors/gossip of a sexual nature. Remind your owner (and I swear to god, record this conversation) that it constitutes harassment of a sexual nature and, as it is a situation another employee is creating you demand that they take disciplinary actions against him. That doesn't just mean 'we'll talk to him about it,' but an actual written and documented disciplinary proceeding. Demand that they write up your complaint and give you a copy. If they refuse, tell them you're going to your state equivalent of L&I because you refuse to see this man trying to ruin your career get away with it and remind them that you have legal recourse. At this point, you have a paper trail, so if the boss doesn't do shit about it all you have to do is go to L&I/your union/your state equivalent representative for discrimination and cry foul. You've got all the proof you need. Your boss is on the hook if they don't stop this dude telling coworkers and so on. Matter of fact, if you have a sympathetic boss, then your ex may get fired for this shit. Again, remind him of all these things if he makes any such threats.
These things all sound simple in theory, but if it comes to it remember: do not compromise, do not be meek, do not allow them to walk all over you. They very well may try.
So, in summary: step one is to make your online presence less obvious/easily tracked and step two is to hold that sucker's balls over a (legal) fire pit if he tries to play hardball. Men, it turns out, are remarkably prone to make threats that never pan out when faced with a woman who just isn't having their shit.
Also, good on you for not sticking around with this man's idiocy.
Re: Boyfriend Problem Advice
Quote:
Originally Posted by
hyori
Also, let us girls know what his contact info is in Verified and we'll all go apeshit with spamming it on Craigslist and make him look like he's giving away free goats...*winking at Audri*.
The weirdest people always show up when you are offering free farm animals. ^ω^
Re: Boyfriend Problem Advice
Fuck him, call his bluff. You need to accept you'll one day be found out camming anyway so just see this as that day coming early. I sincerely doubt he will do any such thing though. Dont be ruled by fear of someone holding something over you, EVER!
Re: Boyfriend Problem Advice
I've moved sites twice and had guys follow me both times, you can even PM some of them your new info or just announce when your last day on this account is (great for tips) and then they'll ask where you're going under what name on their own.
Best of luck, male jealousy is lethal.
My long distance boyfriend comes in my chatroom a few times a week and my regulars don't know he's my bf so we both find it super fun = ] supportive, secure partners are out there!
Re: Boyfriend Problem Advice
Do What you have to do. Fuck Him hes already trying to control what you do and how you make money so you can fulfill your needs like bills, food, and etc. I'm sure he wouldn't help you with that.
Can you contact your camming company and try and get your name changed? Im not sure if it changes if someone has you listed as their favorites or not.
Break up with him be Happy don't settle with someone trying to run your life. <3
Re: Boyfriend Problem Advice
Sorry you are going through that. For him to even make that ultimatum to you is very controlling. Dont let him do that to you or he will control every aspect of your life, trust me i know ive been through it for a very long time and once you let them it will continue and get worse. Never let a man control you, they will never change. I hope that when you do break it off that he wont do those damaging things to you and ruin your job, thats awful to have to worry about it, but i would take these ladies advice and protect yourself just incase, he may become nasty once you do break it off. Do what you think is best for yourself, not what he wants and you will be much happier. Best of luck with it , hope everything turns out ok.