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How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
I was doing a 20 min Skype show today for this guy and for the first 10-15 minutes he was talking about how his friends mom introduced him to sex at age 9 by having him help her get off. It kind of freaked me out, but he enjoyed it and obviously thought nothing about it. I figure if he lieks it, it's his kink, whatever. I don't care.
But then for the last 5 minutes of the show he started talking about how he wished he was in the same situation, only as a dad and wanted to fuck a 9 year old neighbor kid and make the kid give him blowjobs. Even though it was all hypothetical it made me so extremely uncomfortable I could barely get through the show, then he asked for more time and I quickly hung up on him.
I really don't know how to handle this. On one hand he pays really well, on the other hand it made me so uncomfortable that I ended up crying afterwards.
Thoughts and advice would be really greatly appreciated.
Thanks guys.
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
Don't do ANYTHING that makes you feel uncomfortable! The money isnt worth sacrificing your emotional well-being and he can always find another cam model willing to do this for him (Send him my way, lol!) but seriously -- If you keep going with kinks that drain you emotionally like that and make you feel that badly, you'll end up associating camming as a whole with that negativity and it can and will transfer into other parts of your life. YOU are your boss, YOU set your boundaries and you dont have to do anything you don't want to. You don't even have to tell him -- just block him and cut that negativity out of your mind and move forward.
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
Thank you for that. I dunno, like there's a part of me that's completely repulsed by it. But then I think "well it's better that he's living out his fantasies with me than an actual 9 year old boy" And... I dunno. I always feel bad just blocking people without telling them why.
Maybe I'll talk to him about it and see if he can get off WITHOUT me telling him what I'd do to a kid. Because that was really the part that set me off the most I think.
Thank you though, I really appreciate the advice. If worst comes to worst I'll just block him with a forwarding address to you. :P
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
Fantasy or not never do anything you are uncomfortable with.
I only do fantasies that are legal and age of consent.
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
I would be scared that it would be beyond hypothetical for him. Not always, but sometimes people who are abused are more likely to become abusers themselves. I've questioned too, if being able to fantasize about it would give someone an outlet so they didn't really do it, or if it would just add fuel to the fire. If you wanna talk to me about your past, thats one thing, if you want to talk to me about what you'd like to do, uh... that's another, but probably no... but if you want to talk about what I would do to a kid... not happening. I used to try to be polite about certain things like this, (1. For money 2. Because I don't want to make someone else feel bad about themselves) but honestly now, I don't think I would be because this is a fantasy that is hurtful to another person. Then again it's supposed to JUST be a fantasy and we cant hold ourselves responsible for any of our customers. So. Meh. Do what makes you feel good, not what makes you feel bad.
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
What site were you using as a payment processor? Because if he started in on pedophilia/age play/assault fantasies and had not cleared it with you first, you have the right to end the show, notify the site, and ban him. Very few indy site administrators I know would allow a charge back on that sort of thing.
Never do something you're uncomfortable with. There are always other customers. Never allow someone to spring something on you and be guilted into continuing. He knew what he was doing was unfair to you and just steamrolled you with it if he did, indeed, start in without asking before he paid. You shouldn't feel guilty giving him the ax.
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
This dude on skype? From TN- perhaps? I'm going through the same experience over here at the same time. He is trying to slowly lure me into age play
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
First consult with an attorney to make sure you are not breaking any laws & can be arrested. Don't go by anything we write here, cause it won't do you any good in a court of law.
After all EVERY cam site has it against their TOS for a reason and they definitely had an attourney when writing them out. NO money is worth listening to such stuff even if make believe.
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
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Originally Posted by
yesmissrose
He's doing it because it makes you uncomfortable. He likes making you uncomfortable. That's his kink too.
You can decide whether that's acceptable for you, but you should charge more for his shows if they make you cry afterward.
Also: if anyone has any evidence that talking about wanting to rape children on Skype makes someone less likely to rape children in real life, please share your citations because I am very interested to read the scientific studies proving that theory.
Show me studies where it doesn't? Why should she or I find the studies to disprove you when you didn't provide us with ones for your statement.
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
no amount of $ is worth entertaining the idea of CHILD RAPE , ABUSE or ANYTHING SEXUAL!
NO AMOUNT!
I assume u dont have kids? hence U dont really and fully understand the gravity of this?!!!?
I assume models who are moms agree with me! God, I hope so.
Im outraged. Fuck his money!!! Fuck his 20 min shit!
Please!!! Never do this again!
thats my thought.
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
yesmissrose
He's doing it because it makes you uncomfortable. He likes making you uncomfortable. That's his kink too.
You can decide whether that's acceptable for you, but you should charge more for his shows if they make you cry afterward.
Also: if anyone has any evidence that talking about wanting to rape children on Skype makes someone less likely to rape children in real life, please share your citations because I am very interested to read the scientific studies proving that theory.
Do you have studies proving that talking about it & fantasies of raping kids doesn't lead to them acting out in real life? That this is a service that prevents it?
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
I give guys like that one chance to cut it out and if they don't, I end the show and block them. Thankfully, most of 'em get the hint.
Not being comfortable engaging in a client's particular fantasy doesn't mean you are passing judgment on them- it's important to set personal boundaries for yourself to your clients right off the bat, or else you can end up like awkward/awful situations like the one you just described.
Cam customers are like buses- there will be another one along in a short while. Don't do anything that ever compromises your dignity, morals, and self-respect, because those are absolutely priceless and integral to this job since there are many people looking to prey on or take advantage of us, harass us, etc. NO MONEY is worth that!
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
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Originally Posted by
Sam38g
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Do you have studies proving that talking about it & fantasies of raping kids doesn't lead to them acting out in real life? That this is a service that prevents it?
She obviously doesn't have studies for either side of the equation thus her asking for them.
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
Okay, you do not have to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Just block him and be done with it. If you do not cater to age play and extreme taboo fantasies. then stop doing it :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Elegantvixen
I was doing a 20 min Skype show today for this guy and for the first 10-15 minutes he was talking about how his friends mom introduced him to sex at age 9 by having him help her get off. It kind of freaked me out, but he enjoyed it and obviously thought nothing about it. I figure if he lieks it, it's his kink, whatever. I don't care.
But then for the last 5 minutes of the show he started talking about how he wished he was in the same situation, only as a dad and wanted to fuck a 9 year old neighbor kid and make the kid give him blowjobs. Even though it was all hypothetical it made me so extremely uncomfortable I could barely get through the show, then he asked for more time and I quickly hung up on him.
I really don't know how to handle this. On one hand he pays really well, on the other hand it made me so uncomfortable that I ended up crying afterwards.
Thoughts and advice would be really greatly appreciated.
Thanks guys.
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
You say 'NO'. Knowing when to say NO is just as important as saying yes online and offline in all settings, all situations. Women are so conditioned to say yes. Fuck that! It doesn't matter how well he pays if your well being is jeopardized.
You are first human being not a sexual being so whatever makes you uncomfortable is valid and legit for YOU. Set boundaries so people don't behave badly.
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
yesmissrose
He's doing it because it makes you uncomfortable. He likes making you uncomfortable. That's his kink too.
You can decide whether that's acceptable for you, but you should charge more for his shows if they make you cry afterward.
Also: if anyone has any evidence that talking about wanting to rape children on Skype makes someone less likely to rape children in real life, please share your citations because I am very interested to read the scientific studies proving that theory.
There has been talk on some interesting theories about something called the "contented pedophile"
'Furthermore, they argue that it also is under-inclusive in the case of individuals who do not act upon it and are not distressed by it.[65] The latter point has also been made by several other researchers who have remarked that a so-called "contented pedophile"—an individual who fantasizes about having sex with a child and masturbates to these fantasies, but does not commit child sexual abuse, and who does not feel subjectively distressed afterward'
Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedophilia
Theories are of course, just theories. It will be near impossible to find a peer-reviewed study that will definitely say either way because of the obvious ethical problems involved in doing such a scientific study.
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
"But then I think 'well it's better that he's living out his fantasies with me than an actual 9 year old boy'"
"I've questioned too, if being able to fantasize about it would give someone an outlet so they didn't really do it, or if it would just add fuel to the fire."
I said I've questioned it in response to her sounding like she's wondered the same. But I've also wondered the same about customers watching us instead of going out and cheating, too.
But a search on google seems to say (in relation to child pornography, which is not the same, but in his mind could serve the same purpose), that yes, it does more harm than it does to serve as any sort of deterrent.
"Research related to child pornography is conflicting. It’s difficult to definitively say whether or not child pornography offenders go on to commit hands-on sexual violence crimes against children. However, we do know that for some offenders, child pornography is a serious risk factor for going on to perpetrate additional sex offenses against minors."
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Elegantvixen
I was doing a 20 min Skype show today for this guy and for the first 10-15 minutes he was talking about how his friends mom introduced him to sex at age 9 by having him help her get off. It kind of freaked me out, but he enjoyed it and obviously thought nothing about it. I figure if he lieks it, it's his kink, whatever. I don't care.
But then for the last 5 minutes of the show he started talking about how he wished he was in the same situation, only as a dad and wanted to fuck a 9 year old neighbor kid and make the kid give him blowjobs. Even though it was all hypothetical it made me so extremely uncomfortable I could barely get through the show, then he asked for more time and I quickly hung up on him.
I really don't know how to handle this. On one hand he pays really well, on the other hand it made me so uncomfortable that I ended up crying afterwards.
Thoughts and advice would be really greatly appreciated.
Thanks guys.
One of the most painful things I had to learn when I started out in this industry is that no matter what type of show you are giving....if it is causing you mental stress you need to respect your personal boundaries and limits. You are actually causing trauma to yourself by not doing so and no money in the world is worth messing yourself up mentally for.
It doesn't matter what the thing is that is triggering you and whether or not other girls are able to perform those shows without mental distress....you need to protect and take care of yourself mentally.
One of my brilliant camgirl friends explained it to me this way when I was struggling the way that you are doing now. "Even actors and actresses in movies have talked about causing psychological damage to themselves taking on roles that crossed their personal limits. As camgirls we all end up essentially being method actresses and need to be very careful with what roles we agree to take on."
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ArynAdams
But a search on google seems to say (in relation to child pornography, which is not the same, but in his mind could serve the same purpose), that yes, it does more harm than it does to serve as any sort of deterrent.
"Research related to child pornography is conflicting. It’s difficult to definitively say whether or not child pornography offenders go on to commit hands-on sexual violence crimes against children. However, we do know that for some offenders, child pornography is a serious risk factor for going on to perpetrate additional sex offenses against minors."
The real mind-bender in this is that this is the answer that science has arrived at when it comes to whether all types pornography are influential on people who act out any sort of 'violent/non-consensual' impulses (such as rape and misogyny). This category includes the types of 'non-fetish' pornography services that we as camgirls normally provide.
All research on pornography will always end up with the 'chicken and the egg problem'.
It is the same problem that science has with looking for a 'criminal gene' in human beings. (In very simplistic terms whether or not people are just 'born bad'.)
What it all boils down to is that we can't really turn to science at this time for an answer on this problem. All we have is our own personal opinions.
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
Justanothercamgirl you make some very valid points.
There are plenty of clients out there who don't uspet or make you cry, work or any job doesn't need to be that emotionally costly. Block and move onto someone who is fun & financially worth it. If you question it now, tomorrow, next year then not worth the worry.
No matter if it happen to him or he wants to do it to another, talking about abusing others is wrong even in fantasy. We shouldn't want to hurt anyone unless they are trying to harm us. Not even in fantasy can I personally condone the wantoness of harming others or themselves. Cant even do forced bi-or be gay fantasies. Sex is a free will thing for me.
Sam
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Sam38g
Justanothercamgirl you make some very valid points.
There are plenty of clients out there who don't uspet or make you cry, work or any job doesn't need to be that emotionally costly. Block and move onto someone who is fun & financially worth it. If you question it now, tomorrow, next year then not worth the worry.
No matter if it happen to him or he wants to do it to another, talking about abusing others is wrong even in fantasy. We shouldn't want to hurt anyone unless they are trying to harm us. Not even in fantasy can I personally condone the wantoness of harming others or themselves. Cant even do forced bi-or be gay fantasies. Sex is a free will thing for me.
Sam
So do you. :)
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
I just say I don't do that. Raceplay makes me incredibly uncomfortable. And while most guys will ask if I do it ahead of time, some guys will try to start a scene in exclusive. "Please don't make references to my race/No I won't call you that." And they say okay. I'm already naked doing whatever they asked for before so it's usually not a big deal. If they got pushy, I'd end the show. The money isn't worth me being emotional and potentially ruining my next show.
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
i had that exact same guy...he too waited until the last 5 min ... I quickly told him nothing under 18 ...and he kept going by that time his show ended n I blocked ..,but I think this guy readded me and now does a dif fetish with me ...still taboo just not underage age references
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
Echo the ladies above - absolutely do NOT entertain guys or topics you're not comfortable with. It is more than it is worth to your soul to do that (you WILL feel cheap, exploited, and crappy afterwards!). I am open to nearly everything but still I will not hesitate to cut a guy off if he makes me feel uncomfortable at any point. Do not be scared to guide the conversation back to where you want it to be. If you're happy letting him rabbit on but just don't want to be part of it yourself, then take your face off cam, don't speak, mute him, and just jiggle points and make ooh ahh noises once in a while to show you're interested, that way the money still adds up but you don't have to see or hear what sick stuff he's on about. If you're not up to that (you don't have to be, it's just what i do cause i like milking them), then tell him straight you're not happy to talk about that x
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Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
I know every other post says the same thing, but it bears repeating: Don't do things you aren't comfortable with. Trauma, sexual trauma, emotional scarring, ect are all not worth the $$. It doesn't just impact your job in the future, but your ability to interact with other human beings, your happiness, and general wellbeing.
Always prioritize your [mental, emotional, and phsyical] health and safety over money.