Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
I may have done a show with that guy, too, or someone pretty similar. He didn't discuss doing anything to kids, but wanted to talk about his mother sexually abusing him as a child. If a guy has fantasies of that nature regarding himself, I'm open minded about that. What got to me was that he wanted to add me into the fantasy, with him still as a child. I wasn't sure what to do with that, and I steered it to the point where I was an observing third party, but not a participant, until he was grown up.
Shortly thereafter I had a different guy that wanted a taboo fetish that I'm usually totally fine doing, but somewhere in there he brought up kids in a very specific way, discussing (very young) ages, and giving details about his daughter.
I should have been better about stopping it, because it's been a couple months, and I still occasionally cringe about those shows. For me, my boundaries are a little fuzzy right now, as I'm realizing that I'm not opposed to some of the things I had refused to do earlier in my camming career. For example, once I thought about it, an incest roleplay between two consenting adults doesn't really bother me because no one is getting violated in that scenario. I had also been opposed to non-consent scenarios, but if the guy is asking to be the non-consenting party, I can't really blame him, as I've been known to have a nice "rape fantasy" now and then.
I suppose sometimes you only find your boundaries when someone crosses them. I think at that point you can discourage it and shut down the show if the dude won't comply. Guys that have taboo fetishes are perfectly aware of it, and they know that they should ask about it beforehand, since most people are uncomfortable with it. A taboo fetishist that springs it on you without warning is almost certainly aware that he's being unethical. If you're like me, and your discomfort hits you harder after it's already done, don't beat yourself up, call it a learning experience, and avoid it in the future.
Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
imelly21
no amount of $ is worth entertaining the idea of CHILD RAPE , ABUSE or ANYTHING SEXUAL!
NO AMOUNT!
I assume u dont have kids? hence U dont really and fully understand the gravity of this?!!!?
I assume models who are moms agree with me! God, I hope so.
Im outraged. Fuck his money!!! Fuck his 20 min shit!
Please!!! Never do this again!
thats my thought.
This shit sickens me too. My cousin's little girl was just raped by my cousin's ex-boyfriend...the man who she has a baby girl with...the man whose name she has tattooed on her body. I don't need to hear about shit like this when I'm on cam.
Whether a cam site member is actually fantasizing about children or only saying that shit to intentionally make cam girls uncomfortable...either way, I think it's disgusting, and I'd take a screen shot of the sick conversation and sent it to the Model Support people or whoever, just to give them a heads up. Then I'd ban the sick bastard. I don't give a fuck about how much money I'd be missing out on by losing him as a customer. There are other things in life more important than money...
Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
I agree 100% with your thoughts on this, as a parent myself, I think children need to be protected even from these sick fuckers thoughts about abusing children.
They're beautiful, innocent and naive, and should stay that way, there's no place for children in our ADULT industry, even if it is only fantasy.
Just the thought has made me sick to my stomach. Wether these role-play fetishes enhance the chances of a pedo acting upon in real life or not, isn't something we should be willing to take a chance on, and for what money!?!
I hope that arseholes cock falls off!!
Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
TheBrownFox
This shit sickens me too. My cousin's little girl was just raped by my cousin's ex-boyfriend...the man who she has a baby girl with...the man whose name she has tattooed on her body. I don't need to hear about shit like this when I'm on cam.
Whether a cam site member is actually fantasizing about children or only saying that shit to intentionally make cam girls uncomfortable...either way, I think it's disgusting, and I'd take a screen shot of the sick conversation and sent it to the Model Support people or whoever, just to give them a heads up. Then I'd ban the sick bastard. I don't give a fuck about how much money I'd be missing out on by losing him as a customer. There are other things in life more important than money...
God bless your cousin and her baby girl, I hope they're getting the support they need x
Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
It's fucking scary how manipulative these guys can be...starts off ok but then subtly switches and you're in something else...then comes the awful realisation that these guys are so adept that they could be real life abusers. Doesn't happen often thank God but when it does it leaves you feeling sick to the stomach.
Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
The only thing I didn't see in this thread, among all of this great advice, is that the few sites I'm familiar with don't allow even roleplaying an under age sexual partner, either the model or the client. There is a legal precedent when it comes to having sex with minors in role-play on webcam sites that allow the dissemination of live performances of sex via any media in the U.S. The 5 things that these sites say in their terms of use are: No minors, fisting, urination, defecation, and bestiality.
My 2 cents: I don't allow my visitors to take God's name in vain. If someone comes on and says Gd, I say "If you're going to pray in my room, pray right." This one guy wanted me to have "blasphemy sex" with him, I said "No, I depend on God and Jesus too much, go away." I've been rescuing animals all of my life, and when these sickos come in my room and ask me if I suck my dog's dick, I silence them. When a little boy of the age of 22 wants to play mom/son sex and he's going to be 14, I tell him no. When those boys come on and say did your son ever catch you masturbating, I say "I don't involve my family in sex with me." I'm not going to fucking make money inventing a fantasy about having sex with my own kid. We do hear some sick shit in this business, and there's another path those sickos can walk down, because I ain't sharing my sidewalk with them
Those are just my personal boundaries, but my point is, in any walk of life, you better set your boundaries as to what is and is not right for your personal mental and physical health, not just in the sex-worker industry.
Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
I dont remember almost anything about my early days camming 8 almost 9 years ago but I do remember every single time I let a guy live out one of these sick fantasies. I had no self esteem back then and no idea I could say no. I just thought if they were paying then that was okay. Like JAC said the emotional damage caught up to me quickly and I found myself unplugging my cam (like, oops my internet dropped off!) and then just blocking the person. It was a few years before I became strong enough to send these sickos to fuck off.
Still its good to know now that Im not alone with my mistakes. That this is something we have all struggled with. I love that everyone took this post so very seriously because being new in this industry isnt easy!
Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
I'd tell the sick fuck that I just recorded every moment of the show and after I posted it on YouTube ID be calling the fucking feds the next moment. Don't let a fucking dick like this give you one moment of grief or anxoety. Grow up and grow some balls. This is a hard industry. You shouldn't have even had to post this question in the first place. Working in the sex industry takes thick skin, a quick brain and guts. You have to be the girl no one wants to fuck with. Even the virtual kind. Then, and only them, will you be a success in this biz.
Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
freyasnecklace
This dude on skype? From TN- perhaps? I'm going through the same experience over here at the same time. He is trying to slowly lure me into age play
YES! I won't name names, but He's from TN and completely steamrolled me with it. Like "I have a kink that I'll have to explain to you in person" and then just dove right into the fantasy, no explanation.
Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
justanothercamgirl
One of the most painful things I had to learn when I started out in this industry is that no matter what type of show you are giving....if it is causing you mental stress you need to respect your personal boundaries and limits. You are actually causing trauma to yourself by not doing so and no money in the world is worth messing yourself up mentally for.
It doesn't matter what the thing is that is triggering you and whether or not other girls are able to perform those shows without mental distress....you need to protect and take care of yourself mentally.
One of my brilliant camgirl friends explained it to me this way when I was struggling the way that you are doing now. "Even actors and actresses in movies have talked about causing psychological damage to themselves taking on roles that crossed their personal limits. As camgirls we all end up essentially being method actresses and need to be very careful with what roles we agree to take on."
That's very good advice, thank you so much for that. I talked to him a couple of hours later and told him that he either needed to cut that out or I'd be cutting him out of my contacts. He apparently got the message, because the next show was fine. But I really like that advice your friend gave. Thank you again.
Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
OK, thank you so much to everyone who replied. I know I should have probably just told him to stop right then and there but honestly it blind-sided me so much that I was pretty much in shock. Like, when we were talking before the show he didn't make any reference to it at all other than he had a fantasy he would have to describe on cam. And when we got on cam he started with the fantasy right off the bat.
I talked to him after the show and told him that I wasn't comfortable with that kind of roleplay, and that if he brought it up again we wouldn't be having another show. The second show went better, but still bordering on disgusting and I'm just... Tired of his shit. So I just blocked him, and I wanted to say thank you to you guys for giving me the support I needed. It really helped.
Being new I'm constantly worried about running customers off, but I know that there will be times that I need to. So I just have to keep that in mind. Thanks again ladies!
Re: How Do You Deal With A Client Whose Kinks Make You Really Uncomfortable?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Elegantvixen
OK, thank you so much to everyone who replied. I know I should have probably just told him to stop right then and there but honestly it blind-sided me so much that I was pretty much in shock. Like, when we were talking before the show he didn't make any reference to it at all other than he had a fantasy he would have to describe on cam. And when we got on cam he started with the fantasy right off the bat.
I talked to him after the show and told him that I wasn't comfortable with that kind of roleplay, and that if he brought it up again we wouldn't be having another show. The second show went better, but still bordering on disgusting and I'm just... Tired of his shit. So I just blocked him, and I wanted to say thank you to you guys for giving me the support I needed. It really helped.
Being new I'm constantly worried about running customers off, but I know that there will be times that I need to. So I just have to keep that in mind. Thanks again ladies!
Please don't place any blame on yourself at all for not 'knowing better'. I think Magical_Hoohah really put it best when she said:
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Magical_Hoohah
I suppose sometimes you only find your boundaries when someone crosses them.
Even after camming for years I'd still occasionally trip over something I didn't even know was a 'deal-breaker' for me until after I had crossed it. All you can really do is make a mental note of your new found personal boundary and be gentle with yourself while you are dealing with the emotional wounds that you accidentally inflicted on yourself.
You always want to be extra kind to yourself because you end up dealing with so much selfishness and cruelty from other people while you are on the job. <3