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Need advice about bf please
My bf knew that I cammed before he ever moved in and was fine with it. But the last month or two he gets really mad if he hears me moan or hears the other guy when I do a skype show? Seems like its getting worse tho. He also watches me on cam while I am working too. Ive never really had an issue with him watching me but yesterday he saw me messing with my phone and then asked me who I was talking to on my phone. I wasnt talking to anyone, just messing with my phone.
I can always tell when he's heard me though cause he will slam the door in the back of the house really loud and turn the tv music up really loud. He also thinks I should turn my volume down and not be loud when I moan but like I told him, I dont think that I should have to. I've got to make sure I can here the customer too and give them a good show. He's told me that it hurts his feelings cause I moan louder when I am doing shows than I do with him. Him getting mad about my moaning started several months ago tho when he found a video online that someone posted of me using my hitachi. Like I told him, I moan a lot louder when I use my hitachi. Anybody else been thru this with their bf? Any advice on how to get him to quit acting the way he is? I've tried talking and talking to him but just seems its not helping:(
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Re: Need advice about bf please
The sure fired way to make your boyfriend stop is to kick his jealous, controlling ass out. Dont take his calls, dont return his texts. He has proven he is controlling and from this point it will only become abusive.
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Re: Need advice about bf please
The solution to your problem is so certain it has its own acronym. DTMFA: dump the motherfucker already.
Glibness aside, you can't change the way a man behaves unless both of you work on changing the behaviour. You've done your work by talking to him. He isn't doing his work. He needs to go.
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Re: Need advice about bf please
I've been married coming up 8 years. How long have you been with your boyfriend? Does he understand what acting is? This type of attitude would totally shock me if it came from my husband. I think there's a huge difference between men and boys. You have a cam persona. You are giving your customer the experience he is coming to you for...pun intended ;p
My husband tells me he doesn't want to know what's going on while I'm working and he leaves it at that. As long as I'm making my daily goals and am contributing to paying down our debts, paying our current bills, and putting towards future savings/investments, we don't discuss my work. When I start going through lulls, he will give me advice on what to wear, different things that might work to get guys spending again. He works too and I don't give advice on his earnings unless he is going through income lulls as well.
You guys should be a team, not combatants against each other. This is your work and his passive aggressive attitude is affecting it. If it is truly just the noise level, get a bluetooth earpiece and use that while you cam. If you do that and there are still issues, then there's something deeper going on...man-child jealousy problems, I suspect.
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Re: Need advice about bf please
Tell him that you would be more than happy to moan loader & fake orgasms for him if it makes him stop throwing fits like a two year old. Sorry that you forgot to ACT like you are loving it instead of loving it while having sex with him.
Does he prefer fake orgasms over real ones?
Do you like living with & cater to an adult who throws tantrums like a child?
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Re: Need advice about bf please
If you orgasm better and thus moan louder with the Hitachi, I would recommend using it during real sex with your boyfriend aswell. Im able to use mine during sex and its great. I wouldn't even be interested in having sex, if I couldn't use my Hitachi in conjunction with penetration.
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Re: Need advice about bf please
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ggminx
I've been married coming up 8 years. How long have you been with your boyfriend? Does he understand what acting is? This type of attitude would totally shock me if it came from my husband. I think there's a huge difference between men and boys. You have a cam persona. You are giving your customer the experience he is coming to you for...pun intended ;p
My husband tells me he doesn't want to know what's going on while I'm working and he leaves it at that. As long as I'm making my daily goals and am contributing to paying down our debts, paying our current bills, and putting towards future savings/investments, we don't discuss my work. When I start going through lulls, he will give me advice on what to wear, different things that might work to get guys spending again. He works too and I don't give advice on his earnings unless he is going through income lulls as well.
You guys should be a team, not combatants against each other. This is your work and his passive aggressive attitude is affecting it. If it is truly just the noise level, get a bluetooth earpiece and use that while you cam. If you do that and there are still issues, then there's something deeper going on...man-child jealousy problems, I suspect.
I've only been with him for 6 months and honestly I shouldnt have let him move in so soon but he lived 2 hours away and I was tired of just seeing him on the weekends. Plus when I met him, he had a job but he quit his job when he moved in cause his mom couldn't watch them anymore. He has lived with me for almost 3 months and still no job! I forgot to mention his age, he is 28 and I am 45. I'm wondering if a lot of the issues are from him being immature?
Another thing, he gets mad if he doesnt get sex every night but I get up every morning at 5am and usually work till 6pm Mon- Sat, so I try to be in the bed atleast by 11 which is only 6 hours of sleep. Last night he got sex around 9pm and he tells me that he wants to go again before bed. I told him that I was sore and he tells me that I should at least give him a blow job....wtf? I went to sleep anyways and he is pissed off when he gets up as usual. Just stupid stuff everyday.
I've told him a million times that its just acting as well.
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Re: Need advice about bf please
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Sam38g
Tell him that you would be more than happy to moan loader & fake orgasms for him if it makes him stop throwing fits like a two year old. Sorry that you forgot to ACT like you are loving it instead of loving it while having sex with him.
Does he prefer fake orgasms over real ones?
Do you like living with & cater to an adult who throws tantrums like a child?
I've told him this as well sam and no the temper tantrums are getting old quick!
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Re: Need advice about bf please
Yep. We've seen a lot of these posts before, & well, the answer's the same: BYE! Personally, I don't see him changing anytime soon, if ever. & he quit his job?
BIG.RED.FLAG.
Sam38G said it best: Do you like living with & catering to an adult who throws tantrums like a child?
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Re: Need advice about bf please
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Girly_Girl
I've only been with him for 6 months and honestly I shouldnt have let him move in so soon but he lived 2 hours away and I was tired of just seeing him on the weekends. Plus when I met him, he had a job but he quit his job when he moved in cause his mom couldn't watch them anymore. He has lived with me for almost 3 months and still no job! I forgot to mention his age (he is 28) and I am 45. I'm wondering if a lot of the issues are from him being immature?
Another thing, he gets mad if he doesnt get sex every night but I get up every morning at 5am and usually work till 6pm Mon- Sat, so I try to be in the bed atleast by 11 which is only 6 hours of sleep. Last night he got sex around 9pm and he tells me that he wants to go again before bed. I told him that I was sore and he tells me that I should at least give him a blow job....wtf? I went to sleep anyways and he is pissed off when he gets up as usual. Just stupid stuff everyday.
I've told him a million times that its just acting as well.
At 28 he should be behaving as an adult. My fellow is 17 years younger than me, been with him over 10 years (yes I'm old lol) and has never ever behaved this way. I'd have to end things if he persisted in acting like that.
Also, why in the world isn't he working? Is he at least taking care of all the housework while you support him and the household?
If you want a pet, get a cat or dog. Would be more fun than keeping a man-child pet around.
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Re: Need advice about bf please
Girly Girl lets be clear here. He doesnt really care that you moan louder when your on cam. Your not actually hurting his feelings by this. He is just trying to appeal to you sensitive female caring side because you were strong enough to call him out on his jealous BS in the first place.
He is jealous, he cannot handle it because he wants to own you and you to be all his. This is only because deep down he feels like he is just a loser but if he can manage to control your behavior that helps to make him feel like a big boy again. Psychology 101 here.
He's 20 and your 45 (high five to you girl) but in all seriousness get another boy toy. They are a dime a dozen!
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Re: Need advice about bf please
To be in a relationship like this can very damaging. He needs to understands its just a job...like any other job. He needs to grow up a little and accept that if he loves you, he needs to love all of you. The whole requiring sex every night is too much. You have control of your own body. If you are not in the mood, you shouldn't feel obligated to have sex if you dont want to.
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Re: Need advice about bf please
Like a child, the minute you tolerate a fit is the minute they start controlling you. He is still there & still using those tactics to work you. Instead of handling it like an adult you come running here complaining like a kid too. Got no pity for you what-so-ever.
You picked him.
At no time, any person going to fuck with my money or my ability to earn a living. Especially someone who is in my house. Nor would I ever do anything that would keep them from their job or doing it right when at work. Grew up when the mantra of "You don't call or distrurb people while they are at work". Can't imagine being with another person who would put my income & the quality of my life in any kind of jeopardy.
I don't play games, nor do I let others play them either.
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Re: Need advice about bf please
Quote:
Originally Posted by
laurielegs
If you want a pet, get a cat or dog. Would be more fun than keeping a man-child pet around.
Heheheheeee
My advice is to make him read the following article:
http://www.gq.com/story/what-if-your...re-a-porn-star
It's from the male viewpoint and how they managed to make mutually satisfying agreements with their pornstar wives so that they could stay together in a respectful way.
It's all about communication, I don't want to reiterate that you need to get rid of the guy because I'm sure there are reasons you want him to stick around. If you truly believe he is worth keeping then you need to seriously sit down and make some kind of agreement with him. Otherwise, kick him to the curb.
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Re: Need advice about bf please
You are not with a man, but with a child. Send him back home to Momma, she isn't done raising him and it ain't your job to do it for her.
I have a zero policy on slamming doors & throwing fits. The first one is the last one, don't care who the fuck it is. I've asked visitors to leave when they threw a fit at parties.
People treat you the way you let them.
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Re: Need advice about bf please
Definitely sounds like immaturity to me. I don't handle immaturity well at all. I don't think anyone should have to. Sex every night? seriously? That wasn't even realistic when I was 18! And a temper tantrum because he doesn't get it? Quitting the job is a huge red flag to me as well. Especially so early on in the relationship. He should be doing something, anything, to help with housing expenses even if there was some sort of agreement you guys had come up with before he moved.
The hubs and I moved to Medellin about 10 months ago. He doesn't have a "normal hourly" job he goes to. He never has. He has always worked for himself. When we moved, I told him to take a break and figure out what he wanted to do. Take a few months to do it and then I'll invest to help him get where he wants to go because whatever path he chooses ultimately is for the sake of our future. He took about 3 months and was going stir crazy. He didn't know if he wanted to go back into real estate or what.
He's bringing in an income with his choice of work now. He catered to my every whim when he was on his mini-forced-by-me sabbatical. He told me one day that he felt like going to a construction site and just asking them if he could swing a hammer and work for whatever pesos they pay because he felt like he wasn't getting anywhere. He was itching to get back to work. He felt useless...he told me this on several occasions.
It seems to me that your situation is VERY different from mine. I wouldn't tolerate a 20-something moving into my home, not working, expecting me to quiet down during work, getting jealous over my customers, expecting pussy or a blow job every night, and then throwing passive-aggressive temper tantrums every time he doesn't get his way.
Is he trying to condition you to appease him of all his desires? When you do appease all his desires and then he wants more, then what? Do you appease them to avoid temper tantrums? It seems like a line in the sand that keeps getting wiped out and redrawn from his end with you continually jumping backwards to stay behind it.
I'm 35 and my husband in 37. We have 8 years behind our belts. He is a man. I wouldn't have married him otherwise. What would've happened if my husband pulled stunts like this 6 months into our relationship? I would've looked at the bigger picture. Every person I have ever dated and reached a certain point, I would ask myself the traditional wedding vow questions and I would answer them for both sides. Are you willing to be with him for better or for worse? It seems that only 6 months in, you're already at the worse part. Would he stay with you for worse? Are you willing to be with him for richer or poorer? Especially if you're the one footing the bill this early on. Would he be with you for "poorer"? How about sickness and health? Do you trust him to take care of you properly in sickness? Can you handle this until the day you die?
I have met plenty of "youngins" that are mature. I don't think it has anything to do with your boyfriend's age. What is his excuse for not finding work yet? Seems like he is living life high on the hog...you being the hog. I don't mean to offend you, just giving an example using a commonly accepted idiom. In your original post, I wanted to give the boyfriend the benefit of the doubt...but all I face myself with now, after learning more, is doubt. I'd highly suggest you asking yourself these questions. It'll probably be a much easier pill to swallow once you've made a decision based upon the answers you get.
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Re: Need advice about bf please
Tell him to get a job and then he won't be around to hear you moan ;) Seriously though when my husband wouldn't work or go to school I dumped him. He got his shit together and we're back together now, but I don't regret it...and if he didn't get his shit together we wouldn't be together now. No one should put up with that. If he wants you to quit then he needs to be prepared to pay all your bills and take care of you. It sounds like he's not bringing anything to the relationship at all.
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Re: Need advice about bf please
You could try typing instead of talking, but I find that really conflicts with customers because most require some sound. It appears as if he is butt hurt hearing other men get off to his girl, describing the things they'd like to do to her. This is something he can either accept or can't however, slamming doors and acting hot headed does nothing for the relationship or the hinges.. If he isn't at least contributing towards chores and taking care of the things that need to be done, while you are at work then I'd consider leaving.
Suggestions
1) Either discuss his temper and keep doing whatever you feel is required to sell.
2) Reason with him and lower the volume..
3) Stop so that he has the comfort of knowing that you are the only one sexually he pleases. (Controlling) <- sarcasm
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Re: Need advice about bf please
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BambiCutie
You could try typing instead of talking, but I find that really conflicts with customers because most require some sound. It appears as if he is butt hurt hearing other men get off to his girl, describing the things they'd like to do to her. This is something he can either accept or can't however, slamming doors and acting hot headed does nothing for the relationship or the hinges..
Suggestions
1) Either discuss his temper and keep doing whatever you feel is required to sell.
2) Reason with him and lower the volume..
3) Stop so that he has the comfort of knowing that you are the only one sexually he pleases. (Controlling)
Yes, sacrifice work and since she pays all the bills. Let it all drag her down into debt & being homeless.
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Re: Need advice about bf please
"1) Either discuss his temper and keep doing whatever you feel is required to sell." There is only so much she can do and if he refuses to accept her work, then the only thing left is what others suggested.
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Re: Need advice about bf please
He broke, he has no job. Clearly he can't afford to live with you.
If you don't work and there is no money for bills? then what? Because he loves you magically they all get paid.. so you do this for him in the name of love & in return get to live with fits & being his 24/7 sex slave. He wants sex and doesn't care if you enjoy it ONLY if you moan load enough to apeas his ego.
How is this love? Cut your losses now, actions speak louder than words. You talk to him but nothing changes. Cause neither of you put any action into making those changes.
Have clear rules.. half the bills is this amount if you can't pay them, then you can't live here.
While I work, you can't be in the house. You need to be out making money.
Relationships are NOT about performing sex whenever the other person wants it 24/7. That is not love, it is not even good sex. Why are you jumping through hoops to make another person happy that cares nothing about your happiness or well being? What to have a man in the house? Why would you love another that doesn't love you? Why don't you love yourself to have enough self respect not to tolerate a bully & free loader?
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Re: Need advice about bf please
The best way to stop him from acting this way is to not allow it. This is your home, he is living in YOUR home so set clear boundaries for the behavior you're willing to accept. People treat you the way you allow them. He's been acting this way because he knows he can get away with it.
He's obviously selfish, childish and immature because he CHOSE to be. The question is, what do you choose?
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Re: Need advice about bf please
^^^ How u sort out ur own situation with BF Bambi? just curious, u been in a similar situation not long time ago, right?
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Re: Need advice about bf please
Very similar situation that required a lot of contemplation and taking in other's suggestions at the time shit hit the fan, those were the things I thought about. There was only so much compromise in what could be done to fix the problem and its difficult when it involves someone you care about. The thing that bothered me was why allow someone else to control your body when the whole point is to embrace it? When boiling down to the issue allowing feelings into work only caused me to suffer, which became impossible to maintain. I chose to do what felt comfortable and making the decision to turn up the volume, pose, do shows with the door open and whatever else my business required. My response to him was "Put on some headphones or play video games.." after that there didn't seem to be an issue anymore and the only agreement was that he didn't want to hear about sessions. Working with no space and having someone breathe down your neck about everything you do with customers is frustrating, causing you to trip on what is and isn't allowed.
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Re: Need advice about bf please
Threads like these make me sad. Girl, dump his ass immediately. He live under YOUR roof, you owe him nothing, its a small relationship. If you're scared that you won't find someone else, don't be. The world is full of different people and not all of them will treat you with those levels of disrespect. He literally has no right to be doing what he is doing, which is essentially sponging off you and then expecting you to change what you do to provide for him. Fuck that. Plain and simple.