Re: Self Esteem & Camming
Im sorry girly. It seems to me that you know what you need to do. And that is to quit. I think once you start beating yourself up and becoming depressed as a result, then yes quit. I get burned out more and more than ever and I had to start doing other things. I can't say that I get down on my looks, but family obligations and never seeming to have enough to take care of them all weighs me down. I would definitely like to start working out again. I need to be more active. And when I move around more my thoughts are more focused. Clearer thoughts equal greater success. This I know. Maybe that's what you need. Something less sedentary? I definitely understand what you mean by feeling a change coming over you. But the thing is you can't go backwards, you know what I mean? Maybe you will get back down to 130 but theres no guarantee that you'll be happy.
I'm glad you started this thread. Because recently I realized something that we rarely say around here. And that is, its okay to quit. Not being a camgirl isn't gonna kill you. If it's not working, then quit. It doesn't mean you are a failure if you go off to do other things. We're here to support each other I know. We give advice on how and what to do. We give advice that says keep going and don't give up. But really its okay to stop. Especially if it's making you sad. You can always come back to it at any time.
Re: Self Esteem & Camming
No judgement from me. I think it's very brave of you to share. I do feel how you feel about yourself has been there all along.
Camming could certainly trigger it.
What helps me feel beautiful is knowing that I am so much more than my looks and I certainly don't need anyone to tell me I'm beautiful to feel good about myself.
We all have days where we don't feel good but you can't live by what you feel because feelings can be very deceptive. Live by what you KNOW.
Re: Self Esteem & Camming
I've been lurking and pouring over thread upon thread for weeks now, been camming off and on for upwards of 4 years now, but with many months between activity. I am now trying to do it more regularly. Anyway, this topic hit home with me so I finally decided to post.
I'd like to make it longer and more detailed, but I am procrastinating already, so, I would like to offer two TED talks that REALLY resonated with me on a very deep and personal level. I have struggled all of my life with intense self esteem issues, insecurity, and feelings of worthlessness. I mean to the point where, when someone tailgates me when I'm driving a perfectly acceptable speed, I feel like I'm wrong and I should get out of their way as fast as possible because I'm holding them up and being rude to them. To the point where I used to have anxiety attacks over feeling like I was wasting everyone's time in the grocery line if I took longer than 0.5 seconds to put my credit card back in my wallet after paying. To the point where I would always choose to keep my mouth shut in relationships instead of saying "No, actually, get the hell out of here, I don't have to put up with this anymore."
This one, on Vulnerability and our sense of worthiness and the ability to live as the "whole-hearted" do: - Brené Brown:
The power of vulnerability. Basically, she found through extensive research, and listening to people's stories and experiences, that the only thing separating people who described themselves as living "whole-heartedly" vs those living feeling they were worth less than others, was just that they believed that they were worthy of life and love. Not economic status, not physical attractiveness or weight, not education or age. It hit me right in the heart. The only thing standing in my way was myself. No other person is worth more or less than you. No other person no matter how rich or altruistic or accomplished or popular, no one ever is worth more than you are. You determine how much you are worth. And you are "enough". Always.
..The other talk is this one, on "practicing emotional first aid", where he talks about how we as a society practice physical first aid, but we tend to neglect emotional first aid, and we absolutely shouldn't. In this one, I really liked a part where he tells a story about a woman who had been single and lonely for a long time. She finally meets a man on a dating site, and they arrange a first date at a restaurant. She is super excited, she spends a lot of effort and attention to her appearance, she looks great, and wears her favorite outfit. They meet, and he is handsome, interesting, smart. But ten minutes into the date, he abruptly says "Sorry, but I'm not interested anymore." He leaves. She is stunned, hurt, shocked. She can only sit and, in shock, takes out her phone and calls her close friend. After hearing of the situation, the friend says "Well what did you expect? An accomplished and wealthy man like that, why would he want to continue talking to you. You don't have anything interesting to say, you are fat and getting old, you have nothing to offer."
Shocking, right? Why would your best friend say that to you? Now imagine that she actually didn't call a friend. She called herself. You wouldn't expect your close friend to say those kinds of things to you, yet we say them to ourselves all of the time. We should treat ourself like we would treat a very close friend instead. We should silence the voice of negativity and try not to look on situations in harsh lights. We are far too hard on ourselves and it hurts us.
I should stop - I'm procrastinating! - but I will revisit and edit this later probably. I hope it helps somebody. The talks really have given me a lot of personal strength. I don't really have any friends to draw emotional support from, and I am in a terrible place right now in my life, but you never know what will happen tomorrow, and your own personal outlook can drastically change how you feel and how you act and react.
Best wishes to you, OP.
Re: Self Esteem & Camming
A person's self esteem changes time to time, i think. We experience how is if we feel like shit, and how goes if we re okay. A bit like a roller coaster.
A few years back I worried a lot about my "self esteem" now i just try to accept if I feel good, or if i feel bad. Hmm.
But it s important, to never compare urself to anyone else. I ve learned that, when i started the gym. It s just make no sense.
Re: Self Esteem & Camming
I am sorry for the way u feel Ellie, i send u warm hugs & sweet kisses there, pls know IT IS OK to quit if u feel u dont wanna cam anymore, u are young and have the opportunity to build a different career for urself, i assume u healthy, i hope u are, u can go out and do a job or work at home just not cam related work, depending on what u want & what ur situation is there, i know u are a mommy there? it's important to organize things so family can manage the change (regarding the kid, husband, etc)
I have no problem with my self esteem, i mean i know my weight doubled since i started camming 15 years ago & of course i am not looking the same but i know this is unavoidable, in my case i gained most extra weight after 30 yo when my tyro gland started to act up, i also been thru difficulties in life as a single mom raising my kid on my own, was not and its not easy but i do understand the changes my body went thru are not something bad, it's normal to change after u give birth, some loose the extra weight after a while some not, some start to get bigger in time, everyone is different, some are more fortunate and stay fit and some gain weight.
The point is, and i talk about myself now, i dont feel less attractive than when i was slim, i personally feel sexy & hot, the problem in my case is, i dont understand why for some people me being bigger now is an issue, lol and i talk about camming and real life situations, on cam some people have the need to tell me i am fat lol, well okay, u tell me the obvious, i know what i see when i look in the mirror, right? Is this a crime or what?
This i dont get, if u dont like large girls just dont come in my room or leave when u see me right?
Then IRL, most people who knew me slim now have the need to comment i gained weight, some are very surprised and try to make me feel not good about it but guess what? I talk them back and make them feel bad for picking on me lol, i do this most times and i see them feeling uncomfy by my answers cause they dont expect me to show confidence and be okay with myself.
Let me guess ur self esteem issue comes from maybe hearing often lately u gained weight? On and Off cam?
If it was to look in the mirror at urself not taking into consideration any negative opinion ever said to u, do u find urself attractive? You might just be influenced by others comments therefore the self esteem issue?
Anyway, no matter what decision u take regarding camming just know it is okay to quit if u not happy and also know it is okay to not be perfect (regarding looks, hustle, weight, age, whatever), know we evolve, body changes, we getting older with every year passing by, we change, it would be absurd to expect to be the one i was 15 years ago right? or even 5 years ago. time goes on so do we, every chapter of our life adds up to our 'life book'.
I know it's difficult to not doubt urself on cam for example when u see others are doing better and are looking better, this is indeed a visual business, mainstream girls will attract more members than the niche girls but this should not fuck up with ur self esteem, just know the facts, it's mathematics, i know i attracted more members when i was younger and slim but this does not mean i am not attracting the right guys now a days, if some are assholes or i dont interest them there are still guys that find me beautiful and attractive, i am not making less money because of my looks but because of how cam industry changed eventually and maybe because i am less willing to do much on cam or because i have health issues and cant cam that much.
Lastly, i never think negative about myself, never wanted to loose weight for these guys on cam, if i wanted to do something with my looks or body shape i do it for myself, i do very little for them on cam, i put make up on but i dont work very hard on it, tried lashes & colored contacts -> was too difficult to apply so i gave up on it, i dont even tan or do my manicure (just sometimes), i still make money when there is business for me, i am not perfect nor looking perfect but i make them pay.
One guy told me recently " I am not into big girls normally but u won my heart with how confident u are looking and with ur personality", i reckon he was expecting me not to be confident cause i am a big girl. NO way dude, u'll know i am worth ur money trust me! He tipped nicely, guess he was the GS member type cause he did not come pvt but gave nice tips in free chat.
Wrote a novel here, i hope it helps u some xx, good luck there!
Re: Self Esteem & Camming
Camming has actually done the world of good for my self esteem. I am not very 'normal' in most people's eyes lol, and for most of my life have struggled with trying to fit in. Since I began camming I've grown in self confidence SO much. I've actually grown more into my weirdness off cam and come to embrace it, I don't get so lonely anymore, I don't panic when I'm alone in a room and everyone else is paired up/ talking to someone, I don't worry about putting makeup on now before I go out. I don't need camming to make me feel like this of course, but it really helps knowing that there are SO many guys out there who think i am beautiful, and sweet, and sexy, and funny, and interesting, and are willing to pay for my company online whether sexual or not (as is often the case) :) Even more than that I think is the sense of security that comes from having your own money, and being in complete control of it!
Re: Self Esteem & Camming
Life is too short to worry about self esteem. Being too focused on what others think of you leads to all kinds of negatives.
Let all of that shit go. That's it. It's a burden and obstacle to realizing what you really deserve out of life if you keep focusing on the crap that keeps you on a lower vibration. I know I sound all spiritual and new agey, but it's because stuff like positive thinking, LOA, meditation, NLP, hypnosis works to raise your vibration and attract more abundance and everything just falls into place. Just receive it, intend it and make your life what you want it to be.
In the end, just loving yourself, faults and all, will pretty much solve all issues.
Here is a great thread and I also recommend watching Anita Moorjani on YouTube and listening to her audio book, "Dying to be me".
Re: Self Esteem & Camming
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, babe. I often feel the same and have gained about 25 lbs recently and it has definitely affected my money - probably not because of my weight, but because of my attitude towards myself about it, so I completely understand where you're coming from. I agree that if you truly want to quit, then please do. Don't beat yourself up over it, but I personally feel like this is a rut and you CAN come out of this not only stronger, but richer too.
If I was you, I'd take a lot of the advice here, the links, the videos, the books, and really spend some time with you, just appreciating all the things you are. We spend so much time trying to please others, ESPECIALLY while camming, that we often forget that we need to take care of ourselves, both mentally and physically, as well. If you are truly feeling down about your weight, try implementing a quick exercise routine, maybe starting out 1 or 2 times a week, just to get into that flow. Exercise also releases endorphins in the brain and will help to boost your mood, too. If you can get back to feeling good about yourself, that shift in your self esteem could really boost your earnings, too. I don't want you to think I'm trying to pressure you into staying on cam vs. quitting, but just know that we all believe you and you should, too, cuz deep down, I know you can do anything you put your mind to.
If you do decide to quit camming, I still would recommend looking into the info above... Boosting your self-esteem will bring you success, not only in camming, but in many other parts of your life too. I know it's way harder to do than to type on a forum, but I really wish you the best of luck and I'm gonna go pinch myself for not taking my own advice, haha.
Take care!! <3
Re: Self Esteem & Camming
Have you tried intermittent fasting? That's what I am doing!.. I have more energy, I wake up earlier.. I am making MORE money and I have a sun shiny kinda attitude.. in the mean time I am dropping a lil weight slowly but surely .. That really could give you a huge boost! and everything will fall into place for ya... start off slowly say.. go 10 to 12 hours without eating just drinking water, tea, coffee.. etc etc.. it works! Like eat dinner and then don't eat anything for 10-12 hours.. 8 hours is spent sleeping so you only got 2-4 more hours to go!..
Quote:
Originally Posted by
EllieGold
So I wanted to start this topic because I felt this is a vital issue I need to talk about. With a lucrative choice of a career, your self esteem is important when it comes to selling ourselves. This is a big one in which I've seen a huge change in the way I view myself. Some days I think I'm on top of the world and other day I can't get myself out of bed. I'm struggling to be consistent with this income because of how I view myself. Has camming done this to me? Not exactly sure. Years before I started camming I viewed myself without a care in the world. I was considered chubby and yet, I still felt confident. I didn't doubt myself one bit. I worked really hard and always found work. I felt happy and content with my life. It was not until I hit mid 20's I really noticed a change. After struggling to keep freelance work going, I decided to start camming in the winter of 2012/2013. It was far more money than I did before and I could work less hours. I'd say I could log on and make a measly $50-100 bucks in a couple hours or less as a newbie. Maybe I got lucky, who knows.
Camming has changed the way I view myself. Some days are wonderful and lately some days are just getting worse. I constantly compare myself to others and I really shouldn't. I started even thinking to myself "If I got smaller, maybe my income would increase". Please don't judge me on this. I just can't rock my extra weight. I want to feel confident with it. I really want to be 130 again. I wouldn't say camming did this to me, but after watching so many succeed and myself fail, it seems to be stuck here. I'm in a huge rut and want to get out. My only option is to quit camming this fall. I am not really sure if quitting will help me as I'm juggling this myself. I wanted to reach out to you ladies what helps you feel beautiful. I mean, I really want to feel confident. Some days I still do! What books did you read to help you? What helped you personally? I understand this is an issue I need to resolve by myself, but I thought I'd reach out for support.
I can tell my income has plummeted since I started feeling worse and I can't seem to shake this. I'm better than this.
(Sorry about the poor grammar, It's 8am and I have not had my first round of coffee)
Re: Self Esteem & Camming
Hello EllieGold. I can empathise you cause I am facing the same problem, I am an overweight woman. A few months ago I waighed 120 kilos (I don't know how to convert it in pounds) but it's too many. Now my weigh is 90 kilos.
I know that every person is different and what works for me it might not work for you, but I am going to tell you what helped me to reduce my weight, in hope it helps you too.
At first, I began to exercise. At the begining (the first few weeks), I walked every day for about 20 minutes. Later I added more time and now I am walking at least one hour every day. (Ofcourse you can replace the type of exercise with the one that suits to you). I know at the begining it might be hard to force your self to do that, but after a while it becomes a routine and it is addictive. Also, as Franky has already mentioned, exercise releases endorphins and this fact will help you feel better, even before you lose all the weigh you need to lose.
Secondly, I tried to divide the quantity of my daily food. What I am trying to say is that if I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, what I am doing is to share one plate of food in lunch and dinner. I am also trying to have two snaks, late in the morning and early in the evening, so as to be less hungree between my main meals.
If you, like me, drink too many coffees or tea with sugar, what I did is to replace the white with brown sugar. It doesn't have less calories, but I have the feeling that the second one is more sweet so I use less of it.
I hope that these are going to help you somehow and I wish you to do the best for your self.
I apologize for my poor grammar and vocabulary, but english is not my native language.