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My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
I'm sure I'm not the only person who has thought this... But my boyfriend is so annoying! I met him when I was dancing (stripping) and he was okay with that, we have been together for two years and suddenly it's not okay. I live in the UK and strip clubs are pretty tame, no touching, no more than one foot off the ground at all times and certainly no extras. He still let's me do the stripping but frequently reminds me that he doesn't agree with it, but I make a lot more online, I'm talking very decent money! He just won't agree to me being online, despite being into femdom and domination (I don't get naked or ever use any toys) which I have explained would be the case. But it's like talking to a very judgemental wall!!!! Considering we have a long distance relationship it's pretty easy for me to hide and I can't give up the income. I also like the attention I get, I also can't express my kinky side with him, so it also provides me with an outlet. But what I'm really asking is for honest advice, should I end it? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? If so, what did you do?! I'm really confused :( I'm a law student and have a good career / degree but the extra money and lifestyle this work creates is too good for me to just drop! Please any help appreciated!!
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
That right there is on the path of being an controlling relationship.
You really have to decide if you want to put up with his non sense of no not approving of what you do and then gives you two face answers about it.
There are plenty of men out there.
He is being controlling because you are in along distance relationship I wouldn't put up with it.
Never give up your income for no man.
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
I was going to say the same as Minnie. He's controlling in a long distance relationship. A man who is insecure will tell you no. Your not married to him. This is just a bad sign girl. Been into controlling relationships, next is abusive. Never let a man tell you what you can and can't do, its your life!!! Be strong!
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
You're both right! I though I was being completely out of order for even asking, he is so demeaning about all this kind of work... Constantly reminds me that 99% of men wouldn't put up with this, which I don't think is true?!? I just think we're young once and if we can capitalise on our looks and personality and people are willing to pay for that, why the hell not! I guess I need to reevaluate my situation! Just a tough one, thank you both! Xxx
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
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Originally Posted by
Missmaddi
You're both right! I though I was being completely out of order for even asking, he is so demeaning about all this kind of work... Constantly reminds me that 99% of men wouldn't put up with this, which I don't think is true?!? I just think we're young once and if we can capitalise on our looks and personality and people are willing to pay for that, why the hell not! I guess I need to reevaluate my situation! Just a tough one, thank you both! Xxx
If only men had this option of earning like we do, they would be hustling like crazy bitches. Many men would even fuck for money if they could.
I can see next things coming like don't dress sexy when go out, no make up, etc, etc. and in the end they either get abusive, either dump you.
Don't go there.
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
I think he has every right to not want to be with someone who does sex work. However, if he has a problem with it (and he knows about it) he needs to man up and leave you, not stick around and try to guilt and control you. Personally, I think you should end it, as in my opinion camming behind his back is cheating and that's not really OK. It's taking something that's honest and ethical and turning it into something dirty. I wouldn't feel comfortable with that and it would eat at me. However, god knows that most of our customers are cheating as well, so it's not like it's unusual. I would take a hard look at what the relationship really offers you and how this is going to pan out in the future... is it worth dealing with this, knowing that it's making you both unhappy? What's the endgame? Are you going to cam behind his back forever? He met you while you were dancing and was OK with it, but now he's changed his mind... is he going to change his mind again about what's OK for you to do in the relationship?
Like I said, I wouldn't want to sign up for that. But you're the only one who can decide what's right for you.
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
You are both wrong. He shouldnt tell you what to do since you were already a stripper when you met him. You shouldnt do it behind his back knowing how he feels. If you want to continue to do this line of work, than end it with him. Its wrong to let him think you are in another line of work and letting him think things are ok.
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
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Originally Posted by
PrincessfromHell
If only men had this option of earning like we do, they would be hustling like crazy bitches. Many men would even fuck for money if they could.
I can see next things coming like don't dress sexy when go out, no make up, etc, etc. and in the end they either get abusive, either dump you.
Don't go there.
There are a lot of male cam performers, Flirt4Free has a great selection of male performers. Not sure if they would fuck for money like escorts, I know I wouldnt and I could easily if I wanted to. Big difference between camming and real life fucking for money.
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
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Originally Posted by
JaneBurgess
There are a lot of male cam performers, Flirt4Free has a great selection of male performers. Not sure if they would fuck for money like escorts, I know I wouldnt and I could easily if I wanted to. Big difference between camming and real life fucking for money.
I am aware of that, that was not my point. Men like to slutshame, therefore slut is a woman with the morals of a man.
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
theres also male escorts so technically men do fuck for money - just saying
but yes i agree dump his ass. its long distance anyway girl what are you doing letting him tell u how to run ur life ? u aint married to him he aint paying ur bills ur doing that on ur own and then some from the sound of it . ITS UR LIFE AND YOU ONLY HAVE ONE DO WHAT YOU WANT WITH IT AND BE HAPPY .
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
Maybe being open with him about it works? I'm into femdom too, don't get naked etc. and my boyfriend is completely fine with it. I also don't mind it if he sees a picture/video of me and often ask what he thinks about a new photoset/website.
On the other hand: he met you while you were a stripper. Does he honestly think you'll quit sexwork simply because you're in a relationship now? LOL
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
You are a grown woman and your boyfriend has to dictate what you can and can't do?! You need to set better boundaries.
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
Get rid of the boyfreind. If its real LOVE both people are honest, and supportive of eachother. If you don't have that "best freind" kind of love you are settling for something less than you deserve.
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
This guy sounds like an anvil you put on a dead body before you throw it into the ocean. He is holding you down from succeeding in all areas of your life. Why are you letting him keep you from flourishing in your career, sex, love, life, finances and happiness? You deserved man who is worthy of your power and not one who will stifle and suffocate you into something he can bring down to his level. Lose him. You will attract far better men into your life who will reflect the same adventurous spirit. Imagine a life with your equal who enhances you and makes you an even better person.
I'm sure this guy has some qualities you find hard to let go but, once you release the fear of being alone, you can only continue to ascend.
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
I don't like this "My boyfriend won't let me" talk. :( I just had a flashback of when my ill-tempered dad "wouldn't let" my mom drive me to work in HER car (despite the fact that she wanted to give me a ride and had already offered to). After my dad and I would fight about something, he'd raise my rent an additional $50-$100 just to be a dick...and then tell my mom not to take me to work anymore and have me catch the bus. And of course my mom was a good little wife and did whatever he told her to.
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
She lost me at "My boyfriend won't let me cam."/:O
Nothing to add because it won't be well received, so I'll leave it at that.
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
See the thing is, I don't think this is cheating!! Fair enough if I was fucking people and doing this for free... But it's BDSM the men get no choice, they just accept me as I am and pay for the benefit! I have been in an abusive relationship and my dad is also very very controlling. I'm an intern in my law firm in a low position and this work gives me the outlet and confidence I need! I was so insecure before I got into this industry, and it's given my self esteem such a boost, to know that I have the power and that people will literally pay 1000s just to see me!! He's gonna make it very hard for me if I try to leave him, but I will have another honest chat and see if anything changes! Thanks girls for all your help and advice! Your amazing ❤️❤️
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
You've only been dating for 2 years.
He met you in the club, yet is a judgmental douche nozzle who thinks sex work is disgusting, even if you're fully clothed.
He doesn't live near you.
He has no legal ties to you, nor is your father, but is giving out 'permission'? Um, no. This isn't a husband you married before cam. He's a replaceable, long distanced bf.
What's your reasoning for holding onto this guy again? He has nothing to offer you but drama, an uncertain future, and occasional dick. How is that a life? Drop the loser and do what makes you happy. This is YOUR life. He's just a part of it. You decide who stays and who goes.
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
I fail to understand why you as a grown up are asking for someone else's permission to work at a legal job? or any job? Not like he can stop you...
Men come & go, but having a career & steady income is for YOU!!!!
Grow up & STOP explaining his side of the story. Grow up & stop asking a man for permission to do ANYTHING! You are Giving away your power.
Once my Dad tried to tell my Mom what to do when I was little, the look he got from her & his mother stopped it from ever happening again. I don't ask men for permission, I tell them what I'm going to do. Don't care if they agree or don't agree with it. They are a sounding board & maybe figure out a better way to go about it, but never asked them for permission. If one even tried to control or shame me, I run away. So it does shock me when anyone tries to stay with someone who is trying to control them.
Think about long term goals. What do you want, a home? financial security? a car? nice vacations? Depending upon a man for those things is a mistake. He may never marry you. Even if you do marry, divorce can happen. Working is for YOU!!! for your future. What makes him happy is short term shit, cause if it isn't this he will be trying to fuck with your head in another way.
He will make it hard for you if you leave him? Run don't walk... that is NOT how healthy relationships work
You are putting a career at a law firm into jeopardy so you need to weigh out what will benefit you financially & emotionally in the long run.
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
Time to ditch the dead weight. Actually, he sounds worse than dead weight.
So he doesn't like your line of work but does he like your money?
You really have to ask: "What am I getting out of this?" Sometimes, the 'positive' qualities of a
In my 30 years of relationships, I've never once regretted having ended one where the guy was possessive.
Your sense of well-being and financial success are more important than any man. Seriously, there are plenty of men out there.
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
He just threatened me about numerous things... now I really know what I need to do... I'm running for the hills, here's to the single life Feel so free already, thanks all for your help. What a delusion I was in. Am I bad to get rid of this loser by text?! Haha
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
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Originally Posted by
Missmaddi
He just threatened me about numerous things... now I really know what I need to do... I'm running for the hills, here's to the single life �� Feel so free already, thanks all for your help. What a delusion I was in. Am I bad to get rid of this loser by text?! Haha
Considering you are working on becoming a lawyer & work in a law office, not to bright on his part.
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
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Originally Posted by
Missmaddi
He just threatened me about numerous things... now I really know what I need to do... I'm running for the hills, here's to the single life �� Feel so free already, thanks all for your help. What a delusion I was in. Am I bad to get rid of this loser by text?! Haha
Absolute dealbreaker. If he threatened you then you don't owe him shit, being dumped over text is more than he deserves.
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
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Originally Posted by
PrincessfromHell
I am aware of that, that was not my point. Men like to slutshame, therefore slut is a woman with the morals of a man.
Personally Ive found the biggest slut shamers to be other women, not men.
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Re: My boyfriend won't let me cam? Am I bad for doing it behind his back?
Men if you want to call them that usually slutshame when they know you do sex work then wanna fuck you because they assume you're easy and got rejected then all of a sudden you're a hoe with no moral very quickly, LOL!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
PrincessfromHell
I am aware of that, that was not my point. Men like to slutshame, therefore slut is a woman with the morals of a man.