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Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
Hello all,
It's been a while since I've posted on here. So why not go ahead and make it a long one.
A little background on us:
My husband (27) and I (25) have been married for a few months now. We've been together for 10 years. We're both musicians/artist's....living the free spirit life of pay check to pay check and no college degrees. Isn't it great?! Haha. About 2 years ago camming was a topic that was brought up in a conversation. It was something I looked into but never really considered doing it thinking he wouldn't be OK with it. I did use the term "free spirit" ...but my husband does have a slight conservative streak to him when it comes to certain things. So when he gave me the "OK" I was surprised. My camming career started out on stream-mate and then 2 weeks later I was on MFC. Camming felt pretty natural to me. I've always been really good when it comes to talking to people. No social awkwardness...etc...I attribute that to a few years of waiting tables and customer service jobs.
I wasn't making "bank" at first but who does? I just kept telling myself if I make more than my old $9-$10 an hour job thats an accomplishment. I never did anything hardcore in public chat...ever. At one point I considered myself a "nearly nude" model. Half of the time I felt like I wasn't putting much effort into it. I didn't do videos or photo sets, I was terrible at snapchat and I wasn't super active on my twitter...etc...I think I did 2 raffles in the 9 months I cammed....but still I was making a decent amount of money. After a few months I was making $300 a night (4 hours) and I had a very nice guy drop a couple of G's (for literally nothing) a few nights every month which bumped up my cam score giving me a good amount of traffic. By the end of it I was making $350-$450 a shift with the occasional 1k shifts a few times a month. It was great. I could pay my bills, rent, and go shopping if I wanted without worrying. I did become a little spoiled by it.
Eventually we ended up with a roommate that was a good friend of ours. I tried to work with the living situation and keep camming but it just wasn't going to work. I had to stop camming because of that. Since then I've been working at a animal shelter, which I love...but the work is very demanding not only physically but emotionally....and the pay isn't that good. I'm starting to get burnt out and all I can think of is how I want to cam again...I brought it up recently and my husband didn't seem too thrilled about it. The main thing with him was the issue of people finding out. The "you're going to end up on porn hub" type of remarks. I get where he's coming from though. I personally don't want people to know I was a cam girl and it's a shame that it seems to be a taboo thing still.
I feel like if I could convince him the fact that I can conceal my identity he would be open to it. I plan on transforming myself into a unrecognizable person on cam. I'm talking a wig (a really nice one) some major contouring and makeup, teeth covers for my imperfect smile (yes I've actually looked into this) and even a fake tattoo I can slap on every time I cam. It might sound crazy but honestly I would feel way more comfortable doing hardcore stuff knowing I would be unrecognizable. I know that if I started camming again and put 100% into it I could make some serious money and we could start paying a mortgage instead of paying rent to someone else. I just look at it as an opportunity for us to have a better life.
Has anyone had this issue come up with their spouse? How did you deal with it?
Also, have any of you gone to those extremes of concealing your identity on cam?
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
Please don't be so delusioned into thinking that if you disguise yourself, you are unrecognizeable. If someone knows you, they'll know it's YOU. If you're afraid of being found out then don't do it. You are broadcasting yourself on the World Wide Web so there is no secret.
Why would you want a roommate when you can make so much more without one? This topic tends to come up a lot lately 'my husband won't let me, I'll see if my boyfriend will let me...'. I hate the word 'let' because that implies that you are being controlled and someone has to dictate what you can and can't do. That's not partnership. That's ownership!
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
a wig in a totally different style and length comparing to your natural hair might have the biggest impact in disguising.
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
Free spirited but still have to ask for permission from your S/o is not a free spirit.
You know how many wigs I wear A LOT you know how many people still know it's me ALL OF THEM
Basically you will cam - go for months even years never being recognized by someone then in a few months in you are going to come back here asking how you can make more money from camming then you will ask about making clips, phone sex, maybe even a website.
You will want to keep expanding because you reached a plateau from camming then you will end up burning out from all the adult content you have to create to keep up with your lifestyle.
Then you come around saying your burned out took a break want to know if you can come back in the game when NOTHING HAS FUCKING CHANGED.
Then you will ask about things you can work from home and make money. then boounce around the other work threads then look at other work at home opportunities.
RINSE AND REPEAT.
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
There are PLENTY of other online jobs/work from home jobs you can do well and make money at!!!! Spend your time and money instead of on wigs and making videos, creating things you can sell or buy shipping products etc.Buy a domain and Start a blog or something.
If you really want to cam and conceal your identity the best thing is show minimal skin and not show your face and either stream without audio or type and don't talk. You won't make as much $ this way. You will end up on pornhub no matter what: it's a likely scenario. But you can usually get videos and things taken down. People recognizing you depends on how many people you actually know. Do you have a facebook, twitter, instagram account with 1000 friends? If so you're probably fucked.
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
Thanks for the advice Adriana. Luckily when it comes to social media I keep a pretty low profile. No more facebook, not very active on instagram. I feel like it's bad for your brain honestly.
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
WHOA!
let's back up.
I don't need his permission, I don't need to anyone "let" me do something. I'm just trying to respect my s/o's feelings and opinions and I want us to both be on the same page as each other. I guess 'let' hasn't been the right word. It's really not It's not that complicated.
To answer someones question we ended up taking a roommate to do a favor for our friend who was a little down on his luck.
Can anyone just give me advice who has dealt with a spouse not being on the same page as them when it comes to spreading pussy online for money? I can't be the only one who has dealt with some objection.
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
If you're worried about being on tube-sites, being outed, being recognized... DO NOT CAM. DO NOT DO ADULT. DO NOT live under the delusion that a disguise is going to keep you from being posted all over the internet where the chances of someone knowing you can see. Period. There is no way around this. If you are camming, both you and your husband will need to grasp the concept and FULLY understand that this is not a forgiving industry by any stretch of the imagination, and even with the best disguise in the world- you run a risk of exposure and being outed.
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Bluegemini
Can anyone just give me advice who has dealt with a spouse not being on the same page as them when it comes to spreading pussy online for money? I can't be the only one who has dealt with some objection.
Ok..well we own a business outside the cam side job and sexually and financially as a couple we get it. Im 50, he's 62, so we are on a 'same page' of another understanding; The necessities of retirement money and things of that nature. Other reasons- we've been together a long time and although I'll never admit it to him openly, well...I'm an alpha female, and although it's based on a mutual healthy respect, it's always mostly.... based on trust.
Do you have that? Now add what Ivy said, cause that's just the beginning. The challenge is real. If not, best not to do it.
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1 Attachment(s)
Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
Attachment 45537
I...just...want..to ..say....
Oh, never mind. It probably won't be what you want to hear, so I'll keep my mouth closed about the issue.:x::tapedshut
Best of luck.
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
That gif... cracked me up!!:D AHH...too funny. STOP TALKING!! Hush now..
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
Good point Ivy. Does your friends and family know about your camming? How did you deal it if so? Just curious.
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
@glamourmilf it's not that. I understand the realities. I just don't take kindly to the whole 'omg he's controlling you' comments (not verbatim) but I think you get my point.
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
Do you have that? Now add what Ivy said, cause that's just the beginning. The challenge is real. If not, best not to do it.
@Emma I think it's great that you both have an outside business together. Retirement and things like that are something that I do think about, even at my age! I can say for certain that there's mutual respect and trust between us. I think his objections might stem from his insecurities. Who knows.
As far as me being the alpha of the relationship id say it goes both ways. I have my independence, he has his...etc...Like I said in my original post we've been together for 10 years. No serious breakups, no blow out fights. I do consider myself really lucky. I just can't say 'hey fuck your feelings I'm doing this'.....I just wish he could understand I'm just coming from a financial standpoint.
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
You have a spouse who has a VERY REAL AND SENSIBLE objection to you camming. Because you will end up on pornhub, on torrent sites, on a popup ad done by an affiliate without your permission. Ask me about the very best time my cousin texted me "do you do porn? because I am 99.99% sure I saw you because of that mole on your shoulder"! The photo he saw didn't have my face in it, just my body, but he spotted something I never even thought was slightly identifying and was like "wait...what????"
You want us to tell you how to manipulate him. He has said he doesn't want you to do it. Some girls here immediately see that as controlling, in this case I don't, because his concern is totally real. I mean hell, I told my family so my brother would be able to avoid ever seeing my vagina. He is afraid someone you know will see you. Which is going to happen. A guy from my high school saw me too, AND DID A SHOW WITH ME.
Lots of girls claim you can do no face, no sound, a wig and you look different. You can't count on that. Your husband is being realistic, and TBH you are not. Camming is a hard fucking hustle, and if you were doing well without nudity, all the power to you, but to make a livable wage you need to use everything at your disposal. If you're too busy trying to not be recognized, you're not going to have your game on.
He's afraid you will get found out and that will affect your relationships with other people. You need to decide if you are willing to lose those relationships in exchange for money. That's the choice we all have made here. And when you make that choice, you need to make sure your husband is on the same page, or your relationship with HIM could start circling the drain. He may not want to lose those other people, and since you are trying to choose that for him, you have to respect that.
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
i had problems with mu hubby and to convince him to cam again, he was ok more or less, with teh fact that i wouldnd get naked and so i decided to go domme all the way. but yet, he still doesnt like it and keeps saying that as soon as he gets a big paycheck he want me to stop. i said this is not his decision to make and i will stop when i want and if i want to. he didnt say anything after that, but i know he hates me to cam and splitting "his/our" time with guys on cam.
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Bluegemini
Do you have that? Now add what Ivy said, cause that's just the beginning. The challenge is real. If not, best not to do it.
@Emma I think it's great that you both have an outside business together. Retirement and things like that are something that I do think about, even at my age! I can say for certain that there's mutual respect and trust between us. I think his objections might stem from his insecurities. Who knows.
As far as me being the alpha of the relationship id say it goes both ways. I have my independence, he has his...etc...Like I said in my original post we've been together for 10 years. No serious breakups, no blow out fights. I do consider myself really lucky. I just can't say 'hey fuck your feelings I'm doing this'.....I just wish he could understand I'm just coming from a financial standpoint.
Insecurity is a bitch..therefore my point...interferes with trust. Good luck to you kid. Whatever you decide to do, stay strong, out or in of this business we call sex work. ;)
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
What happened to respect for your spouse? If you know he doesnt want you to do it again and he gave you very specific reasons as to why, why even post on here. I think it sucks when people want to find ways to force a spouse or boyfriend to get on board with camming. Its wrong to want to force him to be ok with you being on cam, he has every right to not be ok with it. There are other kinds of ways to make money like phone sex or texting sites where you can use content of another model you buy. Plus camming isnt the same as it was years ago, its changed a whole lot.
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
Camming with another male in the place will lead to lots of awkwardness.
You can't change your voice, personality, your furniture, clothing & such. Not hour upon hour that it takes to make money at this job. Odds are about 99% cam shows will end up on free tube sites. Odds are about 99% someone you know will find out. 100% of the time your shows will be recorded by the cam sites or affiliates & used for marketing.
Social media is an essential part of this industry, it is called Social media marketing. I find it to be a very helpful business necessity, you think it rots people's brains. Well, just about every company in the world considers it to be a useful tool.
Yes, all of my family & friends know & no issues. I'm a full grown adult that didn't need their approval to do any job. Love my job, everyone just about jerks off to porn, fail to understand shame with a legal job. Nor do I recommend a job or career to anyone who attaches shame or say things like "being found out". People like you help perpetuate the stigma I resent the most.
There are many jobs that spouses may not be happy if the other person pursued them. No can convince your husband of anything. Not in our job description.
Can anyone just give me advice who has dealt with a spouse not being on the same page as them when it comes to spreading pussy online for money? Sound VERY judging & negative.
One can't ask for advise than then get all defensive when they don't get the answers they wanted. Amazingly enough this issue does come up often, but seems you put zero effort into the search button or doing research on this site.
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
I personallt don't care of other people knowing i cam . I just don't want to tell my family because of the fact that i don't wanna go trough the drama and pain of makin them be ok with it. Hell, i don't care about my family other than my mom&dad. We all have some persons that we simply avoid mentioning that we cam. The wig will only give you the advantage of beeing able to deny that the person behind the cam it's you. They can still recognise you. Have a talk with him, expose him the options and be honest. Find soltuions together. Be both happy with your choices.
I don;t get it tough, he was ok before with you camming. Your old shows can still appear on the internet. I have an old video of mine from my begining of camming that keeps popping out no matter how much i dmca its ass. It's frustrating. The risk is real.
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
Keep this in mind, once I had a customer who told me that if a cam girl is trying to hide their face and has wigs, it makes it more of a game to get them out there on tube sites. Couldn't block/report him fast enough.
After an honest conversation with your S.O., you've pretty much done all that you can. Talk about why you want to go back, how it would be good as well as how it would be bad(lay out the pro's and con's), and how he is uncomfortable with it. I wouldn't disregard his feelings, respect his opinion but in the end don't forget you're a grown ass woman.
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
sam38g
yes, all of my family & friends know & no issues. I'm a full grown adult that didn't need their approval to do any job. Love my job, everyone just about jerks off to porn, fail to understand shame with a legal job. Nor do i recommend a job or career to anyone who attaches shame or say things like "being found out". People like you help perpetuate the stigma i resent the most. .
yes. This.
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
well yes I'm sorry to say this.... but why are you letting yourself be the lower end of the triangle, if you like doing cams for a living and nobody is offering to pay the money you're losing there, or at least finding a job that you like as much and gives you the means, why does it even matter what he thinks of your way of working? I mean he can be either ok or not with, and be willing to work out why it makes him uncomfortable or if it's something he can be ok with. If he decides he cannot be ok with after exploring why and how you can set healthy limits, then make a decision on hard facts. But in any case I would be pissed off at any guy who thinks has a say on what I decide to do for work, specially when he's not offering to cover those payments personally and by principle.
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Re: Convincing my husband to let me cam...again. Seek advice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
IvyAdams
yes. This.
Not to derail this thread or anything, but how? How do You tell friends, and not have them want to talk about it constantly?
Do You just tell them to change the subject?
Cause I fail so hard at this.
I've had so much judgement from people I've told, AND that's all they want to talk about.
The people that don't know, are the best. I can have deep, and real conversations with them.
All the others treat me like some diseased animal.