-
being outed?
so it was just now brought to my attention that i've been outed as someone employed in sex work to one of the biggest toolbags in my area's local internet scene. i'm really hurt that someone would just throw me under the bus like that, but even more hurt that this was brought to his attention allegedly by strippers at this club i auditioned at whom i thought were really sweet.
i only was informed of this a couple minutes ago, and since i'm trying to keep my job a bit on the down low, i don't really have much of a support system to turn to. has this ever happened to anyone else? what should i do?
-
Re: being outed?
Well he's a toolbag. Why give him that power over your feelings and life? Shrug it off and own it or deny and make him look like a liar.
-
Re: being outed?
Im super open about my job (unless its a threat to my safety) so it hasnt really been a problem. Back in college it did come out, I wasnt open about it to everyone, but i also made 0 effort to hide it... i got some shit from my classmates (I studied math at a very male dominated school), but my research advisor did not give a fuck, and people who did, fuck them, it was a nice litmus test. Also, since I owned the job, it was pretty hard to hold it over my head.
I know not everyone has the option to own the job and be a loud and proud stripper for family/work/general privacy reasons. If it does get out, is it something that could really fuck up your life or future? Maybe it would give you more support if a very close friend or two knew what you did? Only trustworthy people who have a long habit of keeping your secrets (and vice versa haha).
I would just ignore him. Or if you need to deny it, maybe a very uninterested and dismissive "no im not, why are you so interested in what i do with my time anyway." I would not show him you are hurt, he is probably trying to feel like he has some power over you, nice people do not give a shit about gossip.
Be careful of girls at work unless you have been there a while. They can be catty. That being said, a lot of my best friends are from the industry, but it took us a while to warm up to eachother and they are girls on the same page of life as I am. It is nice to have stripper friends...the best support system you can have for the job.
-
Re: being outed?
he can't jack off with one hand and point with the other. what was he doing at the club anyway?
if there's no hard evidence,in front of everyone that he tattles to, look straight in his eyes and be like "you go to a strip club and you thought they were talking about me? you sick fuck"
-
Re: being outed?
So sorry. We are taught in debate one of the best tactics in try to convince your audience is by by bring the first one to bring it up and making small confession, or you can deny then deny, deny, deny!
Im not sure if sex work means cramming or prostituition. If it's legal then you might say yeah, that's what I do on the side what's it to you? If it's illegal well then deny, deny, deny.
-
Re: being outed?
My mom outed me to my family because she's a crazy disgusting bitch. What I learned from these situations -
* Deny or act completely confused. Honestly the only way to prove things is catching people in the act...or video/photo surveillance. There's a great saying among career hoods - "It's not what you know... It's what you can PROVE"
* Act as if the person who outed you is lying for personal gain.
* Act completely indifferent if someone actually gets if your face. You can't be shamed for anything you don't feel bad about doing....lol....
-
Re: being outed?
^^^^thats exactly how I feel.
Like if you wanna catch me twerking in the club you gonna have to pay to get in then the dancers will hustle you hard for dances which most likely you'll agree to and at that point (well actually as soon as you step foot through those club doors) you're just as "guilty" as me lol!!!!
It's dark in the club here so most cameras won't be worth a damn without the flash and by the time I see a flash I will have security snatching your camera and kicking you out.
This is why I work fairly sober and during light to medium crowded shifts - I can watch the floor like a hawk and I can see them before they see me.
-
Re: being outed?
What do you mean outed ? Like .... put your real full name up on a forum ?
( if that's the case, they will actually take it down - just message admin as it's a threat to your safety )
Or do you mean coming into your day job or something ? If that's the case .... this is harassment and the person has no proof surely anyway unless you posted ads with your face or something like that.
I am closeted but I don't put forth extreme effort to hide. If anyone asked me , I would just usually say something like " Well, if I did that, I'd be super discreet and wouldn't chat much about it " and just move on. You don't owe explanations about how you spend your time or how you pick up extra cash to ANYONE !
It sounds like you don't want to admit it was you, so just don't and start working further from home for privacy if needed.
-
Re: being outed?
Are you talking about thedirty.com
-
Re: being outed?
I've seen some disturblingly good Photoshopped pics in my lifetime. I'm sure you can claim that if someone is circulating pictures etc.
-
Re: being outed?
I was outed once at my vanilla job (waitressing) by a guy I used to date. It really shook me up, but it also showed me who my real friends were. To me, it was kind of a relief to have the secret out of the way with those people I was close to.
If people decide to be assholes, I agree with acting indifferent and deciding whether you will own it or deny it.
You'll get through this, and in a month the gossip will be dead. Don't let it get to you.
-
Re: being outed?
I'm really lucky in that I've always been able to be out about my SW to people, I live 'alone' in a big city with liberal young friends etc. If you think you're safe to be out, it might be less of a headache But if it's just a guy chatting shit about stripping with a look to ruining your life, deny deny deny. How would he even know? Presumably by going into a club, so he's more 'guilty' than some poor innocent he's accusing haha :P
-
Re: being outed?
I agree with some of the other girls. your best bet is just to own it. that way no one can hold it over your head. & you take the power back.