Guilt for Being Too Lazy Too Work
Anyone ever feel extreme guilt for turning down clients. In this industry, it easy to work all the time. I'm not so much burnt out but sometimes just too damn lazy to take an appointment which makes me feel extreme guilt after the fact, especially cause I'm low volume and could always use the money.
Anyone have experience with this...?
Re: Guilt for Being Too Lazy Too Work
Yea all the time..
But, it stresses me the fuck out so..
Also I have some pstd & other shit
I think that's just the way the biz is, for me anyway.
Re: Guilt for Being Too Lazy Too Work
Absolutely. For the past 6 months, I've missed a lot of work due to anxiety, PTSD, and pure laziness. There are days when I really need to stay at home and have that "mental health day" but I feel guilty about missing work regardless. I guess I feel like I'm only going to be able to work in the sex industry for so long, and if I'm not putting these years to use then I am wasting my time. It's a shitty mentality, I know.
Re: Guilt for Being Too Lazy Too Work
One of the hardest parts about this work, for me, has always been the huge amount of free time that comes with it. Some women do amazing things with their free time. I never did. Having that much time to hole up in my place resulted in a cagey mentality for when it came time to work. I'd live a hermit life 90% of the time, and then go into extreme hustler/social mode for the other 10%. Extremely jarring. Having more going on in my life was always helpful. School, volunteering, internships, part-time vanilla job, etc.
Re: Guilt for Being Too Lazy Too Work
all the damn time. especially when I schedule someone in & then cancel last minute. but I think giving in for your need to be lazy is essential in this business. clients can sense when you've forced yourself to follow through. pushing yourself leads, to quicker burnout & unsatisfied clients. all around bad for yourself & bad for business.
Re: Guilt for Being Too Lazy Too Work
I feel that all the time. But sometime soon you definitely need to indulge that need. That's why I love his line of work. We all need a break from time to time, no matter which profession your in. Most other professional don't have this "luxury".... I hesitate to call it a luxury because I really do think it's essential to be able to take breaks whenever you want.
On the other hand, is it possible that you're getting bored with the work? I find that is a huge thing that plays into me being lazy.
Re: Guilt for Being Too Lazy Too Work
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Shannon.
On the other hand, is it possible that you're getting bored with the work? I find that is a huge thing that plays into me being lazy.
I wouldn't say bored.. just disinterested at the moment to work.
I agree. Its important to take time for yourself, which I have the schedule to do so when its time to work, I want to be on my grind. No excuses.
Re: Guilt for Being Too Lazy Too Work
Work on saving money. Once you have money saved and all debt/bills paid, you will have very little guilt about taking time off for yourself.
Re: Guilt for Being Too Lazy Too Work
^ That. I try to meet my goals & bills really early in the month, so then I can work for fun/savings money and not feel guilty about not going in.
That's the problem with this industry. It's full of traps in both directions. On one hand, there's the semi-arrogant trap where we get lazy and don't want to work more than a couple shifts a week because we don't HAVE to... I know I've scoffed at the idea of even a 4 day workweek. On the other hand, you feel guilty about not going in because it sounds so ridiculous when logic strikes... My inner monologue is always like "Really, all you gotta do is go in and half ass it for 4-5 hours and you'll still make a couple hundred. Wtf else do you have to do today? You could really use that to throw at debt/savings/large ticket item".
Alas!
Re: Guilt for Being Too Lazy Too Work
Quote:
Originally Posted by
LAChloe
Work on saving money. Once you have money saved and all debt/bills paid, you will have very little guilt about taking time off for yourself.
I do and have. Saving money is no problem. But I never want to get too comfortable. I feel you're only as good as your last session
Re: Guilt for Being Too Lazy Too Work
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Selina M
That's the problem with this industry. It's full of traps in both directions. On one hand, there's the semi-arrogant trap where we get lazy and don't want to work more than a couple shifts a week because we don't HAVE to... I know I've scoffed at the idea of even a 4 day workweek. On the other hand, you feel guilty about not going in because it sounds so ridiculous when logic strikes... My inner monologue is always like "Really, all you gotta do is go in and half ass it for 4-5 hours and you'll still make a couple hundred. Wtf else do you have to do today? You could really use that to throw at debt/savings/large ticket item".
Alas!
Ugh!
I guess its kind of the same logic as not wanting to work out. You dread doing it but never regret it after its done.
Re: Guilt for Being Too Lazy Too Work
Definitely. Especially with school and now another job, there have been many times where I've turned down or canceled a late night or early morning appointment... even if realistically, it's not like I had anything else to do the next morning/rest of the day. I was just too mentally exhausted more than anything. And then I get mad at myself because I'm like "Really? You couldn't just suck it up for an hour for a few hundred bucks?" and then start mentally calculating how much money I've blown off and what my bank account would look like if I just had taken the appointments...
But I try to tell myself that one of the only real perks of escorting is that I'm in charge of my schedule. If I'm forcing myself to work when I really need sleep or a break from people, that's not much different than being on a schedule I can't change... so, I shouldn't feel guilty for taking advantage of one of the best things about the job. I always know when it's time to kick my butt back into gear.
Re: Guilt for Being Too Lazy Too Work
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Aurora_Sunset
But I try to tell myself that one of the only real perks of escorting is that I'm in charge of my schedule. If I'm forcing myself to work when I really need sleep or a break from people, that's not much different than being on a schedule I can't change... so, I shouldn't feel guilty for taking advantage of one of the best things about the job. I always know when it's time to kick my butt back into gear.
excellent point! Glad I asked this question.. its really putting things in perspective
Re: Guilt for Being Too Lazy Too Work
Also be aware of the long-term effects of guilt tripping yourself. If you cancel an appointment or decide not to work, let yourself **enjoy** the time you've taken for yourself. If you spend that time beating yourself up for canceling, then you probably should've just gone through with it. Learn to tell the difference between worth-it canceling and suck-it-up-and-do-it moments. If it's worth it, then cancel, and enjoy the free time. If you feel like you'll just regret canceling or guilt-trip yourself, then don't cancel. It takes practice!
Re: Guilt for Being Too Lazy Too Work
This is how burn out starts
First you put it off tomorrow, then tomorrow, then months goes by and you have to drag yourself to work.
So if this work you still want to do or your don't really enjoy it like it you use this is the time to maybe figure out what other things you can do .
Re: Guilt for Being Too Lazy Too Work
Quote:
Originally Posted by
minniesoporno
This is how burn out starts
First you put it off tomorrow, then tomorrow, then months goes by and you have to drag yourself to work.
So if this work you still want to do or your don't really enjoy it like it you use this is the time to maybe figure out what other things you can do .
This is exactly what I always say and why I don't understand how sexworkers can bash vanilla girls with comments like "omg I'd never work a vanilla job because I need to take off days whenever I feel like it!" That makes no sense because, if this was really a career you were happy with, you wouldn't take a lot of days off because you'd want to make money and wouldn't have burnout making you want to take a lot of days off.
Re: Guilt for Being Too Lazy Too Work
At first I feel guilt, but that's the beauty of this industry! I can tell anybody no at anytime for whatever reason, and I can always make up for it when I'm feeling sexier or more energetic. Enjoy the privilege and freedom and , when you're feeling better, get R done.
Re: Guilt for Being Too Lazy Too Work
I used to cancel a lot when I first started indy. I felt super guilty mostly because of how often I was doing it. I cancelled on one of my regs three times in a row and he stopped seeing me for a few months! He came back though haha.
I don't cancel nearly as much anymore so I don't feel guilty when I do. I started learning my time-work boundaries and how much work is too much. I've gotten better at just turning down work right from the beginning and it's much better. I take days off, sometimes three or four in a row if I need a break. Then I feel recharged and ready to go when it's time to work.
Re: Guilt for Being Too Lazy Too Work
I think we all experience it. Even in the vanilla world- although we refer to it as playing hooky.
For me, I do much better when I do two things:
1. Give myself a "work schedule" meaning, I have a block of time that I will see clients and if I get an appointment outside of that time frame I'll take it only if I feel like it. But giving myself a sort of schedule helps put me into work mode, versus getting a same day appointment and then having to get ready and then not feel like it.
2. I have my large financial goals broken down into smaller portions. I've turned down a $300 appointment because that day I didn't want to get dressed up for anything less than $500. SMH!
A lot of it is mental and sometimes the thought of going to an appointment makes us drag our feet, but once we get there it's like what was I dreading? Getting up to go to a 9-5 can be like that as well, but once you get some coffee in you and walk into the office, it's not that bad. Don't be so hard on yourself though, we all need a break from time to time. And people who get to make their own schedules in the civie world struggle with the same thing!