Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
I'm like the last person to give advice on this point, 13 years living with BF and we still haven't exactly committed to each other. I think the thing to do is talk about it. If commitment is what you want from someone and that person seems like the someone, I'd say talk to them about it. If they get scared off, then it wasn't the right relationship.
FWIW,
XOXO
Z
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Well he did commit to be your bf AND commit to living together so you have those 2 but you're right I suppose after a certain period of time I should communicate my desires and be ready to end if they aren't on same page. I guess that's my problem I'm expecting the guys to say it cause I want it to be their idea but I feel if I wait for them to bring it up I'll be waiting till hell freezes over.
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
If you are too scared or not so comfortable to ask that question, go on a "double date" and have your girlfriend to ask for you. It worked for me. All you need to do is wait until you get home and ask him: did you really mean what you said?
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
This is manipulative, but I made my guy jealous by dating other guys while we were dating ..he got pretty pissy and then i was like "ok, sooo we're exclusive, that's what you want then?". I know it's better to not play games and be straight up, but every time I've done that and either stated that monogamy is what I want or asked "where is this going etc"..it hasn't worked well for me lol. It's like once you start chasing something, especially a man, the first instinct is to run but when you're running their instinct is to chase. It's been better for me when I've acted super independent and busy with my life and let them want to tie ME down.
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
As much as I would like to group all guys into one singular category- they are not all the same. What might work for one man might not be effective for another. I know a few men that are really into monogamy, a few serial monogamists and a bunch of players/ womanizer who just want to go out an nail every woman who crosses their path. I agree with the advice above- esp. about the chasing and running. Dating is so hard these days, people never want to say what they feel because they think it will drive the other person away. Grown ass people play such childish games to have the "upper-hand" in romantic relationships.
I def. agree that most of the men I know (and I would say 70% of my good friends are males) DO want a woman who is independent and self-sufficient and not needy or "high-maintenance" (Gasp!). We have come to a point as a society where usually both people have to work outside of the home and I have heard men not want to date women because they had a low income; in one case a low credit score!
That being said of all the relationships I have had (long and short term) with the exception of 2 I was the one to pursue the guy or seek him out. I can't really give you advice for how I got them to commit to me- it just happened. If you are seeing someone and want to take it to the next level I think you should be direct. If they bail to you it probably means they didn't feel the same way and you would have been wasting your time continuing to hang out with them if they don't want the same thing as you and it is better to find out now.
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Interesting. The game playing is the one drawback to dating and it sucks. How did he know her credit score? Did he ask her and she volunteered that info or you can research your dates credit score? I knew you could check their background for criminal and civil records but I didn't know you could check the other.
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
I don't know, it probably came up in conversation? They were dating but kind of casual and that was one of the reasons he cut it off.
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Girl, have you not read ho tactics? Please re-read that shit. 8 weeks? A man knows after the FIRST date whether you're wifey potential or just a piece of ass.
A man that is worth your time wouldn't respond to some silly high school game. If he wants you, he'll make it known early on. Men don't make decisions the same way women do.
Ask yourself these questions: Why do you want a commitment with this particular guy? Why hasn't he already made a commitment? What is his relationship like with his mother? What is his favorite cereal? What is his relationship with his father? What is he like when he's angry? What are his pet peeves? Does he have siblings, what are they like? What are his political views? What is his favorite color? What is his 5/10 year plan? What is his financial situation? If you can't answer any of these questions and you still want him to commit, save yourself the heartache and get a puppy.
The old adage "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" rings true. It's why men latch on to certain women for years and years and years without a commitment. Why the hell should he? He's already getting the milk. Some guys will be the first to tell you that they were in a ten year relationship with a girl they had sex with on a second date but did he marry her? Nope. Sometimes they do marry that girl, but these days forget it. You can't give up all the goods before you even know the guy and expect a commitment. He also doesn't know you. He doesn't know if he wants to be with you for more than a few hours yet - but I bet you he's already made you his go-to sex supply store in his mind. That is how men operate whether they want to admit it or not.
Remember we are now living in the age of twerk videos and instant gratification, you want to bring some class to the table and if he doesn't like that then he's not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
So how do you get a man to commit? Personality. Engage him with a stimulating conversation and show off that bomb ass personality.
Last night I went on a date with a very sexy, successful dude (red hair, green eyes, yummy...). Before we went on a date, he was like I'm not really looking for a relationship bla bla bla. I was like uh I'm not looking for a relationship either nor am I interested in hooking up with you then he goes "ok so where are we having dinner" and of course I come up with the single most expensive restaurant in the city w/ Saturday evening availability. Long story short, after dinner he starts texting me "you're fucking amazing", "you blew my mind", "when can I see you again", "What are we? Do you really want to be just friends?"
Got. him.
He's already in the bag and doesn't know it yet. Now it up to ME to decide what I want to do with him.
Again please re-read ho-tactics and solving single.
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Yeah I read both. I thought ho tactics was more for non emotional type dating similar to sugaring. Solving single seemed more geared toward traditional dating but I wasn't feeling how he wrote the book like he kept ragging on the woman like "this is what's wrong with you" kind of style. Not to say we couldn't all use some personal development but geez the style just came off a bit harsh towards the reader like tough love which is not a style i respond to and it didn't have that many actionable tips. Idk. Maybe I'll read it again and see if anything different stands out this time.
I actually like Pussy Power better as its more uplifting and empowering. But I'm down to read/review any books, movies, etc y'all suggest.
yeah the 8 weeks -- I was thinking he KNOWS within the first date but it's rare to ask a woman to be her bf on first date so I was referring to the length of time you should date/wait before moving on if he doesn't ask. Like for example if you go out on dates once a week then somewhere between first 3 dates to 8 weeks he should make his intentions for being committed to you known?
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miss.a.p1600
Yeah I read both. I thought ho tactics was more for non emotional type dating similar to sugaring. Solving single seemed more geared toward traditional dating but I wasn't feeling how he wrote the book like he kept ragging on the woman like "this is what's wrong with you" kind of style. Not to say we couldn't all use some personal development but geez the style just came off a bit harsh towards the reader like tough love which is not a style i respond to and it didn't have that many actionable tips. Idk. Maybe I'll read it again and see if anything different stands out this time.
I actually like Pussy Power better as its more uplifting and empowering. But I'm down to read/review any books, movies, etc y'all suggest.
yeah the 8 weeks -- I was thinking he KNOWS within the first date but it's rare to ask a woman to be her bf on first date so I was referring to the length of time you should date/wait before moving on if he doesn't ask. Like for example if you go out on dates once a week then somewhere between first 3 dates to 8 weeks he should make his intentions for being committed to you known?
His "tone" isn't everyone's cup of tea for sure but I love it. I've learned so much from reading all three of his books - Ho tactics, Solving Single and Awaken the spartan within
I don't agree with everything he says so I take a little bit here and there and make it my own. I'll have to check out pussy power.
As for the guy you're seeing, no says will you be my girlfriend after the first date but after that first date he knows whether you were wifey potential or one of his toys. It's a feeling not a time frame. Everyone knows when a guy is playing games with them. You can throw hints and see how he responds to them. If you've been dating for awhile (i say 3 months minimum) and he's not responding the way you want, it's up to you to decide if you're going to chase him around or move on.
It could very well be that you're moving too fast for THIS guy. I'm sorry but this is 2016, no one need more than 3 months to make their decision. It could be that he just isn't the one....in that case, on to the next.
What is your relationship with him like? Is he clearly interested or does he blow you off? Have you met his friends? Sister? Brothers? Do you talk about personal family stuff? What makes you think you've reached the point where a commitment is the obvious choice or is it something you want for only to feel secure in the relationship?
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
This is from the same guy.
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
That's only a portion, not the full thing..^
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
fbsmgirl
"You ignored his third consecutive fuck boy tendency" rotfl
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
I hate people that pretend to give you something, to then bait n' switch you to buy!
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
If you are regularly seeing a guy for over a month and the situation continues, by relationship law, that is your boyfriend. Period. you might not have the conversation " what are we ? do you wanna be my bf? but regardless, that is your man. Especially if you guys do bf/gf stuff together. If he's coming over night after night bringing dinner, giving you the dick... if you guys do things together, go shopping, parties , if he brings you around his friends all the time, that is your bf . period. IDC what anyone says and especially if he brings you around his fam. you're his gf.
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
We had a rabbit like you
This is manipulative, but I made my guy jealous by dating other guys while we were dating ..he got pretty pissy and then i was like "ok, sooo we're exclusive, that's what you want then?". I know it's better to not play games and be straight up, but every time I've done that and either stated that monogamy is what I want or asked "where is this going etc"..it hasn't worked well for me lol. It's like once you start chasing something, especially a man, the first instinct is to run but when you're running their instinct is to chase. It's been better for me when I've acted super independent and busy with my life and let them want to tie ME down.
petty, but spot on and a great way to get a guy to commit. make it seem like it's their idea.
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Violethollywood
If you are regularly seeing a guy for over a month and the situation continues, by relationship law, that is your boyfriend. Period. you might not have the conversation " what are we ? do you wanna be my bf? but regardless, that is your man. Especially if you guys do bf/gf stuff together. If he's coming over night after night bringing dinner, giving you the dick... if you guys do things together, go shopping, parties , if he brings you around his friends all the time, that is your bf . period. IDC what anyone says and especially if he brings you around his fam. you're his gf.
I can see how him bringing her around family means gf but yeah throwing the dick and bringing friends around doesn't mean a damn thing. That logic is exactly how chicks get played.
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
whirlerz
I hate people that pretend to give you something, to then bait n' switch you to buy!
It's the worst feeling in the fucking world. People like that should be stoned to death. Ok a little extreme but still :/
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Violethollywood
If you are regularly seeing a guy for over a month and the situation continues, by relationship law, that is your boyfriend. Period. you might not have the conversation " what are we ? do you wanna be my bf? but regardless, that is your man. Especially if you guys do bf/gf stuff together. If he's coming over night after night bringing dinner, giving you the dick... if you guys do things together, go shopping, parties , if he brings you around his friends all the time, that is your bf . period. IDC what anyone says and especially if he brings you around his fam. you're his gf.
Thats how I felt in my younger days. And I do think guys like if they don't verbally (and written lol) declare it themselves will lead naive women into a state of limbo/confusion where they are getting the woman to provide girlfriend benefits - because she believes she is girlfriend - but in reality there is no relationship commitment on his part. Basically like they can get the milk for free so why buy the cow sort of thing. Like mentioned above it would be easy to get used in this situation. I think its immature on the self aware mans part to lead a woman on in this fashion but also women have to take action and become aware of how to let men know they won't be treated that way.
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Don't use dating sites unless you're not in a major city because men use them to hook up.
Meet guys you have lots in common with and try your hardest to find those things asap so he thinks of you more than sexually.
Only date guys who say they want a relationship, but even then they could be lying.
Let him do most of the contacting and pursuing otherwise he isn't interested or will lose all interest quickly and waste your time.
Bringing you around friends and family means little but not bringing you around them is more sketch.
If you don't have the "what are we" talk then he is for sure fucking, dating, talking to, or trying to do those things with other girls.
Personality and your career matter A LOT. If you already have gotten the date then your looks are fine. Personality, being happy, common interests, and having any kind of vanilla career that makes you look stable are key. It doesn't really matter what your career is as long as it's not adult industry related or odds are he will automatically associate you with being a cheating sex addict who is materialistic and emotionally unstable because that is the stereotype. So I would not mention adult or he will put you in the fuckbuddy category unless he's a much older man desperately trying to relive his youth.
Be careful about dating multiple men at once. I think you should do it, but assess the guy before you tell him you're dating multiple guys. If he's a super nice, shy, or sensitive guy, you can almost be sure he will deem you a future cheater who needs too much attention and then will move on. I have had that happen. If he's a super masculine guy then it may work to your advantage and push him into competition mode to take you off the market, but this does not work with every type of guy. The sensitive, non-competitive ones will run.
I would avoid rich guys unless he is pursuing you really hard and seems sincere. They seem to be timewasters with a sugar baby fantasy and see collect women like Pokémon.
I would specifically go only for guys you have stuff in common with, or guys that aggressively pursue you and are for sure sincere (no fuckboy qualities or questionable behavior/comments).
If you want a relationship, avoid NYC and LA or you will have to go through too many timewasters to find a guy.
Again, being in a happy mood and having common interests are really the key to getting him to like you.
Age doesn't really matter with dating. I've found that I do betttr with younger guys who are relationship minded and when I was specifically seeking out older guys, they were all timewasters. Don't make the mistake of thinking that because he is older that he is more likely to commit because it's just not true. Obviously don't specifically seek out men college aged but otherwise just be open to all age ranges within like 8 years (either way) of your age. I also wouldn't really date someone significantly older (10+ years) unless you're looking for a sugar baby thing because it often doesn't work since you're in 2 different life experience places and men also have shorter lifespans than women so you'll be spending good years taking care of him.
Don't get mad at him or be annoying or he will hate you and associate the feelings you had toward him, toward you instead. I think the term is called trait transfererence or something, I forget. It also works the same for how you talk about others in front of him. How you talk about others, he will associate those traits with you instead or as well as that person you're talking about. It's better to just be positive.
Men want women with goals and plans. And who are financially stable or at least not financially reckless. Men are terrified of gold diggers. Often the types of men who pursue women who want a man to financially take care of them in a non-sugarbaby type of relationship are often controlling or abusive so avoid avoid avoid. Be independent and non-reckless.
The guy has to want a relationship. Yes, again, guys can lie and say they want one as a pussy hustle so watch out, but he HAS to want a relationship in the first place or he will never have one with you.
Hopefully you'll have his fetishes. I'm sure if you made it to date 2 or 3 then you for sure do. We all have fetishes and preferences. You just have to have like 2 of his in order to be good. Men can fetishize hair colors, breast or ass size, skin tone, careers (artists, nurses, teachers, etc etc), height, etc etc. There's no universal fetishes either. For example, I routinely get pursued by men who fetishize dark hair and blue eyes. You'll know his fetishes because he will compliment you on them. They aren't bad to have, we all have preferences and types.
Don't try too hard. He won't like it and will ghost.
If he is wishy washy, drop him. If he is uncertain about commitment after 2-3 months, drop him. If he is acting in ways that are not ideal and you've nicely talked to him about it, drop him.
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Violethollywood
If you are regularly seeing a guy for over a month and the situation continues, by relationship law, that is your boyfriend. Period. you might not have the conversation " what are we ? do you wanna be my bf? but regardless, that is your man. Especially if you guys do bf/gf stuff together. If he's coming over night after night bringing dinner, giving you the dick... if you guys do things together, go shopping, parties , if he brings you around his friends all the time, that is your bf . period. IDC what anyone says and especially if he brings you around his fam. you're his gf.
Odds are, hes fucking other girls though. Or trying to. IMO, the define the relationship talk is necessary, but only after 2-3 months unless he brings it up first or hints at it. Too soon and you'll scare him off because he will think you don't like him (because you don't know him well enough yet) and are just looking for someone to fill the void of boyfriend.
I really like this dating coach named Elliot Scott. He has a youtube channel and you can download his free e-book that basically summarizes all of his YouTube videos. He's really good though.
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
These are all great tips!
Ive seen Elliot Scott and his advice is pretty good. There is also Matthew Hussey and a few other men/dating coaches that have some good insight.
I was hoping men would chime in too but if they don't respond soon I may have to ask to move the thread so they're not just lurking.
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Gia2608
As much as I would like to group all guys into one singular category- they are not all the same. What might work for one man might not be effective for another. I know a few men that are really into monogamy, a few serial monogamists and a bunch of players/ womanizer who just want to go out an nail every woman who crosses their path. I agree with the advice above- esp. about the chasing and running. Dating is so hard these days, people never want to say what they feel because they think it will drive the other person away. Grown ass people play such childish games to have the "upper-hand" in romantic relationships.
I def. agree that most of the men I know (and I would say 70% of my good friends are males) DO want a woman who is independent and self-sufficient and not needy or "high-maintenance" (Gasp!). We have come to a point as a society where usually both people have to work outside of the home and I have heard men not want to date women because they had a low income; in one case a low credit score!
That being said of all the relationships I have had (long and short term) with the exception of 2 I was the one to pursue the guy or seek him out. I can't really give you advice for how I got them to commit to me- it just happened. If you are seeing someone and want to take it to the next level I think you should be direct. If they bail to you it probably means they didn't feel the same way and you would have been wasting your time continuing to hang out with them if they don't want the same thing as you and it is better to find out now.
It's true, all guys are different. If you want a relationship, the goal is to find one that is a relationship minded type. And that is rare. Or they get coupled up at a young age and don't stray. It's hard TBH. It's not easy.
It's true, men who have their shit together will care about your job and income. I think job matters more ham income, but a lot of guys will refuse to commit to a woman unless she has a moderate to high vanilla income just because they are thinking that if they are settling down with one woman, they deserve to have a comfortable lifestyle together with two comfortable incomes. I know a lot of men in this category, but it's not important to every man. It just depends what's on his list of what's important to him.
We have to remember that men have no incentive to commit to one woman anymore, so the standards that most men have are really really high and go far beyond looks and fetishes. You're talking about sharing your life with someone, so yeah career and income are going to matter a lot to him. As well as personality and your emotional temperament (try to be happy as much as possible) or else they'll ghost because there's no reason to stay. And remember, men with their shit together have a lot of other options and they know this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
miss.a.p1600
Those are great tips!
Ive seen Elliot Scott and his advice is pretty good. There is also Matthew Hussey and a few other men/dating coaches that have some good insight.
I was hoping men would chime in too but if they don't respond soon I may have to ask to move the thread so they're not just lurking.
I've seen some dating coach around the internet named Evan Katz or something and his advice looked good but I never purchased his book. I'd read it if it were free though. I'm familiar with Matthew Hussey but his videos kind of annoyed me because he wastes a lot of time when he talks instead of just spilling the facts and info IMO lol.
Yeah I hope guys chime in too but you have to remember that a lot of guys on this site prefer a sugar baby type of arrangement so I'm not sure their advice would be relevant in this case.
Re: Getting A Guy To Commit
very manipulative, but works every time. kind of goes along with the whole "not making yourself too available thing". guys often want something that they think is highly sought after. they'll usually be more eager to close the deal if they think you're not just sitting around waiting for them to ask.